


La Douleur Exquise

by mashed_potato_with_cheese



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 (TV) RPF, The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bellamy's Guard Jacket, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Fox Is A Sweetheart, Grounders (The 100) - Freeform, Not Canon Compliant, Slow Burn, Soft Bellamy Blake
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:20:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 52
Words: 158,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27877489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mashed_potato_with_cheese/pseuds/mashed_potato_with_cheese
Summary: Camellia Lane was locked up for stealing medicine. Her review was coming up fast, and she was going to float. It was a fact she had come to terms with, but there is no "coming to terms" with her new situation. She's on Earth, attempting to keep a group of 100 teenage criminals alive, and facing off against people who have lived there for years and aren't happy to see her. To make matters worse, Bellamy Blake is fighting with her on every decision. Survival is hard, and it's only getting harder.My posting schedule is erratic to say the least, but there should be updates at least twice a week if not more.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Original Female Character(s), Bellamy Blake/Reader, Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Octavia Blake/Lincoln
Comments: 77
Kudos: 31





	1. Season 1, Episode 1: Pilot

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Sub Rosa](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24063775) by [slytherinbarnes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/slytherinbarnes/pseuds/slytherinbarnes). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: death, blood, a really weird deer
> 
> word count: 2930

“Prisoner 592, face the wall.” I comply quickly, hands up, back to the door. I’ve been shock batoned enough times that I learned my lesson. A pair of footsteps enters my cell. Two guards. That’s unusual. One of them grabs my arm roughly, yanking it down behind my back. I hear a click behind me. When I turn to look, my head is swiftly pushed back against the wall. Something stabs into my wrist.

“What was that?” I ask, slightly panicked. They’re silent, simply pushing me towards the door. “I’m 17, it’s not my time, why are you doing this?” 

“Keep moving, 592,” one says gruffly.

“No, no, please, it’s not my time.” I begin to fight, kicking and scratching as best I can. Something pricks my neck. My eyelids droop, my senses dull. My last conscious thought is a desperate truth. 

I’m going to float. 

The world is screaming. My eyes flick open, taking in my surroundings. I’m in what appears to be a large metal capsule, surrounded by other teenagers. A red belt holds me to my seat, which is lucky because everything is shaking. I’d probably be on the floor by now if I hadn’t been strapped in. 

“Where the hell am I?” I mumble to myself.

“A pod headed to Earth,” says a voice next to me. It’s a girl with long brown hair and pale skin. She looks about 15 or 16.

“Earth? No, that’s impossible, Earth isn’t safe.” She opens her mouth to respond but is interrupted by a screen crackling to life. The Chancellor appears.

“Prisoners of The Ark, hear me now. You've been given a second chance, and as your Chancellor, it is my hope that you see this as not just a chance for you, but a chance for all of us, indeed for mankind itself. We have no idea what is waiting for you down there. If the odds of survival were better, we would've sent others. Frankly, we're sending you because your crimes have made you expendable. Those crimes will be forgiven, your records wiped clean. The drop site has been chosen carefully. Before the last war, Mount Weather was a military base built within a mountain. It was to be stocked with enough non-perishables to sustain three hundred people for up to two years. Mount Weather is life. You must locate those supplies immediately. Your one responsibility is stay alive.” A loud noise sounds above us as soon as the screen clicks off. At least two levels, and apparently I’m on the bottom one.

“What’s your name?” the girl from earlier asks.

“Camellia. Yours?”

“I’m Fox.” She gives me a small, nervous smile. Another loud thud comes from above. What are they doing up there? 

“So they sent a bunch of teenage delinquents to a planet that hasn’t been inhabited in years with no supervision.” I try to process the words as they come from my mouth, but they make no sense.

“I guess? I don’t know, Jaha didn’t give us much information.” Fox looks terrified, and I immediately feel bad.

“Hey, it’s going to be fine. They wouldn’t have sent us if it wasn’t safe.” I soften my voice as much as I can. She still looks scared, and I can’t blame her. Distraction time.

“How old are you, Fox?” 

“16. I was locked up for punching the guard that floated my mother.” Her voice hardens. 

“I’m 17,” I tell her. “Locked up for stealing medicine. I was going to be floated next month.” Fox’s eyes widen.

“Who did you steal it for?” 

“My dad. He knew I stole it and he still took it, so he got floated. Mom killed herself a few weeks afterwards.”

“I’m so sorry,” Fox says quietly.

“It’s alright. They’re better off away from that godforsaken ship.” I smile at her. Suddenly, the dropship shakes wildly, rattling my brain around in my skull. Fox screams, and I grasp for her hand, gripping it tightly. The ship slams into what I assume is the ground, throwing my head into the back of my chair. After taking a moment to recover, I unbuckle my belt quickly and scramble out of my seat, looking around for any information I missed before. There’s a door behind me, but other than that it looks like a big metal room with no fancy additions. Fox fumbles with her belt and stands up next to me. 

Something clicks and creaks above us, and then a pretty blonde girl climbs through a hatch and drops to the ground. A few more people climb down, some of them carrying bodies.

“Are they… dead?” Fox says, horrified. I glance at their bloodied heads, noting the lack of a rise and fall in their chests.

“I think so,” I whisper back. She takes my hand again, looking like she might throw up.

“We can't just open the doors,” the blonde girl says. 

“Hey, just back it up guys.” A tall boy in a guard uniform stands at the door. Maybe we do have some supervision, but he looks awfully young to be a guard. 

“Stop. The air could be toxic.” For a small girl, the blonde has a lot to say. 

“If the air is toxic, we're all dead, anyway.” He’s got a point, unfortunately. 

“Open the door,” I say loudly. It draws attention to me, but I steel myself and move towards the door, tailed by Fox. The guard looks down at me, probably wondering why a girl a head shorter than him is giving him orders, and I hold his gaze defiantly. 

“Bellamy?” The guard breaks eye contact first, looking over me towards the source of the voice. Apparently he recognizes someone, because his face breaks into a smile and he moves past me, sweeping a girl into his arms with a laugh.

“My God, look how big you are.” He laughs again, looking down at her. She seems to notice something wrong.

“What the hell are you wearing, a guard's uniform?”

“I borrowed it to get on the drop ship. Someone has got to keep an eye on you.”

“Where’s your wristband?” the blonde girl demands. 

“Do you mind? I haven't seen my brother in a year.” The girl who hugged the guard turns around, looking annoyed. I glance at Fox. No one has a brother. 

“Octavia Blake, the girl under the floor,” Fox whispers almost reverently. My eyes widen in surprise, but Octavia looks ready to fight.

“Octavia, Octavia, no. Let's give them something else to remember you by.” 

“Yeah, like what?” Octavia snaps. Bellamy grins.

“Like being the first person on the ground in 100 years.” He pulls the lever.

The light is blinding. Cool air rushes into the ship, filling my lungs. When the door opens fully, I can see hundreds of trees and plants. It’s beautiful, and apparently not toxic at this point. Octavia takes a step out, her feet touching the ground. 

“We’re back, bitches!” she cheers. I whoop triumphantly and run out of the ship, Fox running with me. We’re on Earth. Green and brown surrounds me, dotted with rainbows of little flowers sprouting. I yell, scream, make as much noise as possible just to hear it disappear into the space around me. No machine hum, just cool air through leaves and animals joining into our noise. Fox flings her arms around me, knocking us both to the ground, where we catch our breath in between bouts of laughter.

“It’s everything I dreamed,” Fox says breathlessly. I nod in agreement. She looks over at me and breaks into laughter again, standing up and hauling me to my feet. The dropship stands out like a sore thumb, a bulk of metal in the land of green. The blonde girl from earlier stands by it, looking at a paper with a boy I don’t recognize. I tug on Fox’s hand and go over to them.

“What are you looking at?” I ask. The girl looks up at me.

“A map.” She point across the trees. “You see that mountain over there? That’s Mt. Weather. There’s a radiation soaked forest between us and our next meal. They dropped us on the wrong damn mountain.” I stare at the map, and find that I can’t disagree with her assessment. Another boy comes up to us. This one I recognize. Wells Jaha, the Chancellor’s son. Privileged asshole.

“We got problems. The communications system is dead. I went to the roof. A dozen panels are missing. Heat fried the wires.” 

“Is there any good news?” I mutter. 

“We’re on the ground, that’s the good news.” I turn to see Bellamy, the guard from earlier.

“We need to find Mount Weather. You heard my father's message. That has to be our first priority.” Wells glares at Bellamy. I hate to admit it, but I agree with him. 

“Screw your father. What, you think you're in charge here, you and your little Princess?” Octavia sneers at us. I roll my eyes and grab the map when no one’s looking, slipping back into the ship to find any supplies. Fox follows me. A few packs, some water canteens, first-aid kits. I pack a bag quickly before tossing it to Fox and packing a few more, for myself and whoever else wants to come with us. 

“What are you doing?” Fox asks.

“We’re going to Mt. Weather.” 

When we get back outside, they have solved absolutely no problems. John Murphy and Wells are arguing while the other cheer them on. I roll my eyes.

“Hey!” I shout, getting their attention. “We’re going to Mt. Weather. Whoever wants to come can come.” I throw the rest of the packs on the ground into a pile.

“Oh, you’re giving orders now?” Bellamy says.

“I didn’t give any orders. I made a statement, followed by an offer.” I stare up at him, trying to act unintimidated, but I know one hit from him would take me out. He smirks.  
“Alright then. Who’s going with the princess?” The blonde and the map boy raise their hands, as well as Jasper Jordan and Monty Green. They’re from Farm Station, same as me. I grin at them. Octavia grabs a pack.

“I’m going too,” she says. Bellamy grabs her arm. I guess they’re having a sibling talk, but I wouldn’t know.

“Alright, the rest of you get your packs.” I shoulder mine and head towards the mountain. 

Fox and I stay ahead of the group. I’ve learned that the blonde girl’s name is Clarke, that the boy she was with is named Finn, and that Octavia is the epitome of an angsty teen. I would be too if my brother acted like my dad after I spent most of my life hidden under a floor. 

“Do you think we’ll be able to get enough food back to the camp?” Fox asks nervously. 

“I hope so.” To be honest, I am no where near as confident as I’m pretending to be, but someone’s got to be in charge, and I’m not at all happy about Bellamy deciding to take that responsibility. I turn to look behind me and see the rest of the group lagging behind.

“Can you guys try to keep up?”

“Come on, Camellia,” says Finn, jogging to keep up. I roll my eyes at his use of my full name. “How do you block all this out?”

“There’s no animals. Why, you ask? Maybe because the radiation wiped them out and we’re next. Come on.” He looks surprised at my scalding tone, and I get the feeling he’s not used to women resisting his “charms.”

“Camellia?” Fox says timidly.

“Cam is fine,” I say, trying to smile at her.

“Cam, do you see that?” She points ahead. I follow her finger and immediately pull her off to the side, gesturing to the others to be quiet. 

“A deer,” Clarke says quietly. “It’s gorgeous.”

“No animals, huh?” Finn says, nudging my shoulder. The deer looks up at his voice. I recoil. It has two heads, gruesomely split in half. 

“Let’s go,” I say quietly but firmly. For the first and probably last time, no one argues with me. 

Fox keeps close to me even more than usual, and I’m not about to argue. I could use a friend. 

We keep walking. It’s nowhere near dark yet, so I’m optimistic. The others are still lagging behind, but I catch snatches of conversation here and there. One particular statement makes me stop in my tracks. 

“The Ark is dying. At the current population level, there's roughly three months left of life support, maybe four now that we're gone.” I spin around.

“What?” It’s the only thing I can think to say.

“My father was the engineer who discovered the flaw. He thought the people had a right to know. The Council disagreed. My mother disagreed. They were afraid it would cause a panic. We were gonna go public anyway, when Wells…” she trails off. The truth hits you like a stone. Wells turned in her father. That’s why she looks at him with so much hate, and why his eyes are full of regret. 

An unfamiliar noise draws my attention. It sounds like… water, but much more than I’m used to. A river? I pull the map from my bag, scanning it. There shouldn’t be a river here.

“Oh damn. I love Earth.” I follow Jasper’s line of sight and see Octavia taking her pants off. Because of course she is. 

“Octavia, what the hell are you doing?”

“Going for a swim, obviously.” She turns and dives. I gasp. 

“We can’t swim!” Monty yells. 

“No, but we can stand.” She pops up and smiles. Fox looks simultaneously scared and excited.

“Absolutely not, no one’s going swimming. Octavia, get out of the water.” I feel like a teacher trying to control an unruly classroom. Octavia pouts. Yeah, definitely children. Something moves in the water, something large. 

“Octavia, get out of the water now!” I yell. She looks around and sees whatever the thing is and screams, floundering to get to shore. Jasper rushed forwards in an attempt to grab her, but the thing is faster. It gets her leg. The water around her turns red. 

“If we distract it, it might let her go. Help me.” Clarke grabs onto a large rock and heaves. Jasper, Monty, and Finn join her, while Fox and I reach for Octavia. The rock splashes into the water, the thing lets go, and we haul her onto the shore. Her leg bears several bite marks, but the bleeding isn’t terrible. I dig around in my pack and yank out some bandages, wrapping them tightly around her leg. They don’t bleed through and I sigh in relief.

“You’ll be fine,” I say. “Next time I say no swimming, try listening.” I smile at her and try to come off as joking, and she laughs a little bit. Jasper helps her up and we’re on our way again.

It gets dark quickly. I make the decision to stop for the night, and surprisingly no one argues. It’s probably the exhaustion. Everyone settles in, or tries as best they can to settle in when we’re all sleeping on the ground. Fox lays next to me and I take her hand. It feels like I’ve known her for years, despite having met her this morning. 

“Cam?” she says timidly.

“Yeah?”

“Do you think we’ll survive down here?” She looks like she might cry.

“Of course we will. We’ll find food, and the Ark will be down soon. It’ll be fine, okay?”

“Okay,” she says softly. “Goodnight, Cam.”

“Goodnight, Fox.”

The next morning, I’m awoken by sunlight shining. Sunlight. Not fluorescents, real sunlight. Fox lays next to me, still peacefully asleep. It strikes me that she’s just a child. We’re all children. 

Stupid, stupid children. There’s another river to cross, and Finn’s brilliant solution is to swing across on a vine. Brilliant, I know. At least he volunteers to go first. 

“You wanted to go first. Now quit stalling,” Clarke calls up to him.

“Just hang on till the apogee, and you'll be fine,” Jasper reassures him. 

“The apogee like the Indians, right?” Finn says. 

“Apogee, not apache, idiot,” I say. 

“He knows,” Clarke tells me, rolling her eyes with a grin. “Today, Finn.”

“Aye, aye, captain. See you on the other side.”

“Wait.” Jasper puts a hand on Finn’s shoulder.

“What?”

“Let me. I can do it.” Jasper looks down at Octavia, and it all makes sense. Of course he’s got a crush on her, she’s stunning. 

“Knew there was a badass in there somewhere.” Finn grins and hands off the vine.

“See you on the other side.” Jasper grins and jumps, launching himself off the ledge and flying across the river before slamming into the ground. I wince on his behalf. That didn’t look comfortable. He staggers to his feet, though, and cheers loudly. 

“We are apogee!” I whoop along with him, Fox joins in, and then Jasper, and Monty, and Finn. 

And then we’re cheering, and making noise. 

We are existing.

We are on Earth.

Jasper’s shirt is stained red. He is on the ground. I didn’t see the spear, I didn’t see him fall. Finn is grabbing my hand and pulling me away. I can’t breathe. I can’t yell, or scream, or move. All I feel is Finn’s hand on mine, and an overwhelming sense of dread.

Because two-headed deer and water monsters are one thing. But we are not alone here, and that is another thing entirely.


	2. Season 1, Episode 2: Earth Skills

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: blood, violence, fire
> 
> word count: 1770

We run almost all the way back to the camp, pushing through the foliage. My breath heaves in my chest, my lungs burning, but I don’t slow down. Fox stumbles and I catch her without stopping, dragging her along with me. The image of Jasper with that spear in his chest is burned in my memory. It just keeps replaying. Jasper falling, the blood spreading across his shirt. I blinked and he was gone. Someone took him. Even if he survived that, they have him now, whoever they are. 

When we get back to camp, Wells and Murphy are fighting. Again. Murphy has a knife, for some reason. Clarke charges forward and puts herself between them.

“Wells! Let him go!” She pushes Murphy back, who immediately tries to charge again. 

“Enough, Murphy.” Bellamy comes down from a ridge where he was watching. “Where's the food?”

“We didn't make it to Mount Weather,” Finn explains. 

“We were attacked,” Clarke adds seriously. 

“Attacked? By what?” Wells looks at Clarke with concern, obviously scanning for injuries. 

“Not what. Who. It turns out, when the last man from the ground died on the Ark, he wasn't the last Grounder.” Everyone looks at Finn like he’s crazy, and I can’t blame them. 

“It's true,” I say. “Everything we thought we knew about the ground is wrong. There are people here, survivors. The good news is, that means we can survive. Radiation won't kill us.”

“Yeah, the bad news is the Grounders will.” I glare at Finn. Not helpful. 

“Where's the kid with the goggles?” Wells asks. 

“Jasper was hit. They took him.” 

“Where is your wristband?” I ask, grabbing Wells wrist. It’s sore and slightly swollen. 

“Ask him.” Wells looks at Bellamy with disdain. 

“How many?” I demand. 

“Twenty-four and counting,” Murphy tells us proudly. 

“You idiots. Life support on the Ark is failing. That's why they brought us down here. They need to know the ground is survivable again, and we need their help against whoever is out there. If you take off your wristbands, you're not just killing them. You're killing us!” Clarke yells. Bellamy seems to realize that he’s losing the popular opinion. 

“We're stronger than you think,” he says, stepping in front of her. “Don't listen to her. She's one of the privileged. If they come down, she'll have it good. How many of you can say the same? We can take care of ourselves. That wristband on your arm? It makes you a prisoner. We are not prisoners anymore! They say they'll forgive your crimes. I say you're not criminals! You're fighters, survivors! The Grounders should worry about us!” The crowd breaks into cheers. Bellamy grabs my wrist and shoves me towards Murphy, who wrestles my hands behind my back and starts prying off my wristband.

“No! Let me go, Murphy, I swear to God.” I look up at Bellamy, silently pleading with him to give the order to release me. A look I don’t recognize flickers across his eyes, but he stays silent. 

My wristband falls to the ground. The crowd cheers. Bellamy has won them back over. 

An expedition is organized to go after Jasper. Clarke takes the lead this time, and I’m more than happy to let her. I’m not done leading, but I could use a break from being Bellamy’s target. 

“Fox, I want you to stay at the camp this time,” I tell her quietly.

“No, I want to come. I want to help.” 

“Please listen, okay? You were from Factory station, right? We need you. You’re crafty, you can make the things we need. And I need you to be safe.” I can’t explain it, but I feel protective over Fox. She’s not much younger than me, but I need to shield her from the horrors we find here. 

“Ok,” she says, resigned. I hug her tightly. “Be safe, Cam.”

“I will.”

I head out of the dropship, my pack replenished. Clarke and Finn are waiting, along with Wells, Murphy, and Bellamy. Great. My three least favorite people. 

“You okay?” Clarke whisper before we leave.

“Just saying goodbye to Fox.”

“You’ll see her again.” I nod and we’re on our way. The path we took before is barely recognizable, but I do notice some familiarity here and there to let us know we’re on the right track. Bellamy and Murphy hang back, probably plotting their evil little schemes. Clarke talks to Finn, both of them completely ignoring Wells, who obviously wants to be a part of the conversation. I’m pretty sure he’s head over heels for her, but she could care less about him, especially with Spacewalker Finn in the picture. 

“We should split up,” Clarke says finally after about an hour of wandering mindlessly through the woods. “I’m with Finn. You guys pair off and look for any sign of people. Try not to get speared.” She and Finn go off to the left. 

“I’ll go with the princess,” Bellamy says quickly. I stare at him. Why the hell wouldn’t he go with Murphy?

“Fine,” I mutter. “You two try not to kill each other.” Wells and Murphy glare at each other with mutual hate. I start off again, not waiting to see if Bellamy is following, keeping my eyes on the ground. Maybe I’ll be lucky enough to spot some footprints or a blood trail. Bellamy’s footsteps are soft on the dirt, but I can still hear him enough to know he’s pretty close to me.

“Hey, slow it down, Princess. Don’t overexert yourself.” I can hear the smirk.

“My name isn’t Princess, for one thing. For another, I think I can handle myself, thank you.” 

“Oh, I’m sure you can. How’s your wrist feeling?” There’s genuine concern in his voice. 

“It’s fine, no thanks to you. That was real nice of you, handing me off to Murphy like that. You make fun of Wells for being the Chancellor of Earth, but you’re the one taking away people’s choice.” I spit the words out, still not looking at him. He grabs my wrist and spins me to look at him. His face is very, very close to mine, close enough that I can feel his breath. My cheeks burn as he studies my face. I wonder what he’s looking for.

“You really hate me, don’t you?” Why does he sound sad? It’s his own fault.

“What tipped you off?” I glare at him, refusing to break eye contact. Then the stillness between us is broken by a loud groan. Jasper. I turn and run, sprinting towards the source of the noise. Clarke and Finn appear out of the woods somewhere, joining us. 

We reach a large clearing at the same time as Wells and Murphy. There, tied to a tree, is Jasper. His wound is bandaged, but he look absolutely terrible. Most likely, he lost a lot of blood, and no one’s going to look fantastic with a hole in their chest.

“We have to get him down.” I take a step forward and immediately fall. Someone dug a trap, and I’m falling right into it. The bottom is lined with spikes, waiting to impale me. And then someone grabs my wrist. Looking up frantically, I see Bellamy holding tightly to my hand. The only thing between me and death. Time freezes for a moment, and we are all that exists. Bellamy and I, his curly hair stuck to his forehead with sweat, his freckles standing out on his skin, his calloused hand gripping my wrist. 

At some point, I’m pulled up, but my eyes are still stuck on Bellamy, and his are on me. That is, until something moves in the grass near us and my head whips around. The “something” pounces. It’s a leopard, maybe, a radioactive mutation of one. Bellamy pulls his gun from his waistband and fires quickly, throwing the creature backwards. Another one takes his place and trains its gaze on me. In one swift motion, Bellamy sweeps me behind his back and fires again. The shot rings in my ears. He turns around and looks me up and down.

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Um, thanks.” My blush from earlier has returned tenfold, and his smirk doesn’t help matters.

“Well, we can’t lose the princess.” He goes to the tree to help get Jasper down, giving me a moment of reprieve to catch my breath. Not that he took my breath away, it was the danger. Obviously. 

I have a parachute in your pack that I lay the leopard on to bring back to camp. Food is food, after all. Clarke pulls out a parachute of her own and fashions a stretcher for Jasper. Murphy and Finn carry it easily, and Bellamy helps me with the leopard. We’re mostly silent on the way back, wincing every now and then at Jasper’s groans. 

When I see the camp in the distance, relief fills me. My feet hurt, I’m exhausted, and we’ve got a large amount of food that’s just waiting to be cooked. Monty rushes out as soon as he sees us, coming up to check on Jasper.

“Is he…” The panic is evident in his tone.

“He's alive. I need boiled water and strips of cloth for bandage.” Clarke’s mom was the Ark’s main doctor, so I guess she inherited some skills. Jasper is taken into the dropship, and fires are started to begin cooking. 

Dark falls quickly. Stars take over the sky, pinpoints of light. They look different from Earth. On the Ark, they were a constant. They were the sun. But now, they hide from us in the daytime, waiting for the moment to jump back out. 

“Hungry?” says a voice, startling me from my thoughts, Bellamy offers a stick of meat, cooked over one of the fires around camp. I take it gratefully. My stomach is completely empty.

“Thanks.” He smiles a bit, and it strikes me how handsome he is. He most likely had no problem getting girls on the Ark, but I’ve never seen him before. I catch myself staring and drop my eyes to the ground.

“I, um, I wanted to say thank you. Monty said you were the one that helped Octavia when she was in the water.” So that’s why he’s being so nice. He thinks he owes me. 

“It was nothing.”

“It wasn’t nothing. You might have saved her life. So, thank you.” He looks deadly serious.

“You’re welcome,” I say awkwardly. He nods and walks away, leaving me slightly more confused than I was before. 

What the hell is this boy doing to me?


	3. Season 1, Episode 3: Earth Kills

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: death, blood, minor depictions of assault, poison fog? is that a warning i need?
> 
> word count: 2918

I don’t see Bellamy for the rest of the night. I assume he’s off doing Bellamy things, like sleeping with three girls at once or talking to Murphy about violence. Whatever. My main interest is finding Fox and getting some sleep.

Fox is in the dropship, sadly looking at Jasper while Clarke attempts to clean him. When she sees me, she flings her arms around me. I have to smile. It’s good to know I have someone who will care if I go missing. A lot of the kids down here don’t have that. 

“God, Cam, I was so worried! I made some stuff out of scrap while you were gone, want to see?” I nod enthusiastically, and she leads me to a small pile on the floor. Knives, cups, water-carrying devices. She’s got quite the stock going on. After digging through the stuff for a moment, she grabs a knife and offers it to me.

“I made this for you. It’s scrap metal, but I found a way to put a wooden handle on it so it’s easier to use.” Her excitement is palpable. I examine the knife. It’s quite good. I was right, she’s pretty crafty. 

“Thank you, Fox. It’s perfect.” To emphasize, I slip it into my belt loop. I do very much intend to keep this on me at all times. Fox beams at me.

“Come on, let’s get some sleep.” I grab her hand and find an empty place on the dropship floor, settling in and wadding up a parachute for a pillow. Fox drifts off quickly, but sleep evades me. Jasper’s moans are getting into my head. After about half an hour of staring at the ceiling, I sigh and get up. Maybe a walk will help. When I step outside the dropship, the cool air hits me like a bus. I take a deep breath, trying to relax, until I hear screaming. Looking around wildly, I run off in search of the one who screamed.

It’s a little girl, probably about 13 years old. I sit down next to her and put an arm around her shoulder. Probably a nightmare.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. What happened?” I soften my voice, trying to sound calming.

““It’s… my parents. They were floated and they… and I see it in my dreams and I just…” She stumbles over her words, her breaths coming in heaves, tears streaming down her face.

“Okay, you’re alright. I understand. I see my parents in my dreams too. Do you want to talk?” She nods a little bit. “How did you end up here?”

“Well… we were taking my parents’ things to the redistribution center and… I kind of lost it. They said I assaulted a guard.” She pauses. “What did you do?”

“I stole some medicine for my dad. He took it even though it was stolen, so they floated him.”

“Is your mom alive?” she says timidly.

“She killed herself a little while after.” A lump forms in my throat, but I swallow it down and smile at the girl. “What’s your name?”

“Charlotte.”

“Nice to meet you, Charlotte. I’m Camellia. You’re safe here, okay? It may seem scary, but you’re in a fortified camp. Everything is going to be okay. The ground, it’s our second chance. You’ve been pardoned, remember? A new start, slate wiped clean, like the Chancellor said. When the Ark comes down, life will be normal again. Safe now, even more safe then. So try to get some rest, okay?”

“Okay.” She smiles weakly and lays down, resting her head in my lap. I stroke her hair until she falls asleep, then drift off myself a few minutes later. 

Screams from the dropship wake me up the next morning. I jump, but try to calm down when I see Charlotte still soundly asleep in my lap. Taking charge can wait, this kid needs sleep. More groans and screams come from the dropship. I maneuver my hands to cover Charlotte’s ears. Against my better angels, I hope Jasper dies soon. 

Charlotte stirs after a little while, and I smile at her when her eyes flicker open.

“Hey, kid. How’d you sleep?”

“Better,” she says with a small smile, sitting up straight.

“I’m gonna go check on things in the dropship. See you later, okay?” I can’t monitor Charlotte constantly, and she probably doesn’t want me to. 

Clarke, Wells, and Finn are headed out to find some sort of herbal medicine, according to Monty, so I do my best to keep Jasper comfortable until they return. Cool cloths on his forehead, wiping away his sweat, keeping him hydrated. Monty looks grateful when Jasper’s groans soften a bit. He falls asleep finally and I stand up.

“Bellamy’s taking a hunting party out, and I want to be on it. Can you handle Jasper?” I ask Monty. He nods. I smile reassuringly and head outside, hand gripping my knife. Bellamy and his boys are just about to leave.

“I’m coming with you,” I tell him. Don’t phrase it like a question.

“No, princess, you’re not.” He’s dismissive, and it’s annoying as hell.

“Yes, I am. You can’t stop me unless you tie me to a tree.” He flinches at that for some reason. “I’ve got a knife, Bellamy. I can help.”

“Don’t slow us down.” As close to approval as I’m going to get. We head out. 

Mbege spots a boar pretty quickly, and you split into pairs to surround it. Somehow, I find myself paired with Murphy. At least he’s quiet today. We move quickly, flanking the boar without it noticing. My knife is pointed down but gripped perfectly to throw or slash at a moment’s notice. Something flashes through the air. The boar falls to the ground, and axe in its neck. Bellamy looks proud. 

“Let’s get it back to camp,” he calls. A few of the boys tie it up in a parachute and start hauling it home. Murphy smirks at me.

“Pretty little thing, aren’t you?” he says, obviously thinking he’s all that. 

“Leave me alone, Murphy,” I spit. When I turn to leave, he grabs my shoulder and pulls me back to him, backing me into a tree. 

“Fiery, too. It’s okay, I like em’ tough.” He traces a finger up my neck. 

“I said leave me alone.” I’m trying to sound fierce and commanding, but my voice wavers.

“Oh, don’t be like that. You know you want me.” The finger on my neck goes farther down and I try to kick him, but he catches my leg and pushes me farther against the tree. Bark scrapes my back. His hand comes back up to grip my throat, tilting my head to look up at him.

“Go to hell, Murphy.” He laughs.

“I’ll see you there.” The hand that was pinning my leg goes to my waistband and begins to tug. I shut my eyes, squeezing them tightly closed in hopes of blocking this out. 

So I don’t see the punch, and I don’t see him fall. The only way I know I’m free is the sudden lack of a hand on my throat. My eyes fly open. Bellamy is pinning Murphy to the ground, a fist raised.

“You touch her again, I’ll end you. Got it?” Pure anger. Murphy nods pathetically and scrambles to his feet when Bellamy releases him.

“Get your ass back to camp and start hauling lumber. Make yourself useful for once.” With one last look at me, Murphy turns his back and leaves. I slump against the tree, fear still coursing through my veins.

“Are you alright?” The anger is gone, replaced by something more tender.

“I’m fine,” I lie. 

“I’m serious. If he comes near you, I’ll kill him myself.” He looks deadly serious.

“Why do you care?” It’s not accusatory. I’m legitimately curious. Bellamy looks bewildered.

“One, I don’t think anyone should be forced to do anything against their will. Two, Murphy is an asshole and he had it coming. Three, I want you to be safe.” He states the last one easily. It’s a fact. Somehow, though, it leaves me with more questions.

“I seem to owe you a lot these days,” I tell him. He gives me a half-smile.

“I’m sure you’ll find a way to make it up to me.” Just like that, dickhead Bellamy is back. It doesn’t keep me from walking closer to him than usual, though. 

We’re pretty far from camp, but I’m beginning to recognize my surroundings when the fog comes. And it comes quickly. Bellamy and I have caught up to the others, so when we break into a run I’m surrounded by the hunting party. 

“Come on! There are caves this way.” I trip on an uneven patch of ground. Bellamy grabs my waist and pulls me clean off my feet, hauling me along with him to a cave. When Atom falls behind, he isn’t so lucky. 

“Bellamy! Bellamy!” His voice is scratchy from inhaling the fog. We don’t stop.

We fall into the cave, coughing loudly. Mbege, Murphy, and all the others aren’t with us. I pray they made it to one of the caves. Well, maybe not Murphy. A noise from the cave draws my attention.

“Charlotte?” The little girl is cowering in fear. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, what with that guy who was dying, I just… I couldn’t listen anymore.” 

“Charlotte, you can’t be out here alone. There’s Grounders.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want any more nightmares, okay?” Her answer shoots a pang of pain through my heart.

“What are you scared of? You know what? It doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is what you do about it.” Bellamy scoots closer to her and hands her a knife. Great plan, Bellamy. Give the unstable tween a weapon.

“But… I’m asleep.”

“Fears are fears. Slay your demons when you’re awake, they won’t be there to get you when you sleep.”

“Yeah, but… how?”

“You can’t afford to be weak. Down here, weakness is death, fear is death.” Once again, Bellamy, that’s a literal child. I keep silent, though, watching how he interacts with her. “Now, when you feel afraid, you say, ‘screw you. I’m not afraid.’”

“Screw you. I’m not afraid.” She grips the knife tightly. Bellamy smiles.

“Slay your demons, kid. Then you’ll be able to sleep.” She nods.

“Come here, try to get some sleep,” I say, patting my leg. She lays down like she did last night and falls asleep much more quickly. I guess she had a long day of deliberately putting herself in danger. Bellamy regards me, his eyes scanning me like he’s trying to look into my soul.

“She trusts you,” he says finally.

“I guess so. I helped her last night when she had a nightmare.”

“Fox trusts you too. You protect people, it’s how you’re wired.” 

“You don’t know anything about me, Bellamy. We met less than a week ago.” Has it really been less than a week on the ground?

“I know that you helped Octavia. I know that you didn’t hesitate to go looking for Jasper. I know that you helped Charlotte instead of getting the sleep you obviously need. I know that Fox will only listen to you, even though, as you previously stated, you barely know her. I know you’re a natural leader, and that you went hunting with us because you want to take care of the kids out there. You’re more similar to me than you think, Camellia.” My name rolls off his tongue naturally, and for once I don’t mind my full name. Not that I’m going to let him know that.

“My name is Cam. And I’m just doing what I think is right. You’re doing what it takes to stay in power.” It comes out harsher than I intended, and he looks genuinely hurt.

“You’re right, I do want to stay in power. But it’s not because I’m the selfish asshole that you think I am. It’s because I don’t want any of the kids out there to take responsibility for the ones that inevitably die.”

“Yeah, that’s why you’ve slept with nearly every girl in the camp, pry people’s wristbands off against their will, and let your goons run around acting like kings. Because you’re a selfless hero.” He starts to speak, but I cut him off. “Bellamy, I don’t want to hear it. You won’t convince me of anything with words, I want to see actions. Like you said, I need sleep. Can you let me get some?” He considers me for a moment but then wordlessly nods. I wonder for a moment if I’ve been unnecessarily mean to him. I mean, he did save my life several times. 

“Bellamy?” I say quietly. “I really believe you’re a good person, okay? I promise I do. But I can’t stand by and not challenge you when you’re doing something I disagree with.” I gesture at Charlotte, asleep on my lap. “Because of her. Because of Fox. We’re all just kids, Bellamy, and I’m going to do what I need to do to protect them. I want to work with you, I really do, because you inspire them. But if I need to oppose you, I won’t hesitate to do it.” He looks at me with an expression I can’t put my finger on before nodding again and moving over to me.

“Get some sleep,” he says blankly, patting his shoulder. Against my better judgement, I lean my head on him and pass out within moments. 

When I wake up, Bellamy’s head is leaning on mine and Charlotte is still laying on my lap. I shift slightly to look up at Bellamy. The cave is dim, but I can see even the faintest freckles on his face, the curve of his jaw, the slight hook of his nose. As if on cue, he stirs and his eyes flicker open. Deep brown irises catch me staring at him.

“Let’s get back to camp,” he says in gravelly voice, a combination of the fog he inhaled and what I assume is his natural morning voice. I rouse Charlotte gently, smiling at her when she comes to.

“Hey, kiddo. No nightmares?”

“Not tonight,” she says with a smile. Bellamy gives me an “I told you so” look. I roll my eyes and stand up, my knees popping. 

“I’m gonna go find the rest of the hunting party. You see if you can find the boar.” I nod and he heads out of the cave.

“He cares about you,” Charlotte notes. “I can tell. He wants to protect you.” I stare at her, trying to evaluate whether or not she knows what she’s talking about. Then I remember that I don’t care.

Charlotte runs off again in about 30 seconds, but at least she’s got a knife now. Maybe she’ll find the boar before I do. I trudge through the forest, trying my best to backtrack. It’s hard, since I couldn’t really see what was happening in the fog. 

Someone screams. It’s high-pitched. Charlotte.

I take off running in the direction of the scream and find Charlotte kneeling on the ground.

“Hey, what happened? Are you okay?” She doesn’t answer. When I get closer, I see why. Atom, covered in red blisters, his eyes fogged over. He’s barely breathing. Bellamy and the others reach the clearing just after I do.

“Son of a bitch. Atom.” Bellamy rushes over.

“Get her out of here,” I yell, pulling Charlotte up. Mbege nods and takes her hand, pulling her along with him. I turn back to Atom, kneeling down. I don’t know how to help. 

“Kill me. Kill me. Kill... me.” His voice is raspy and strained but I understand him clear as day. Bellamy looks at me pleadingly. I guess he thinks I know how to fix this. I don’t think anyone can fix this. 

“I… can’t… breathe.” I shake my head at Bellamy. The message is clear: there’s no saving this boy. Bellamy pulls a knife from his pocket and nearly drops it, he’s shaking so bad. Taking a deep breath, I pick it up.

“Okay, Atom, I’m gonna help you. It’s going to be just fine, alright?” Gently, trying not to touch any of his blisters, I stroke his hair like my mother used to do when I was sick. A little song comes to mind, and I sing it softly:

_ Blackbird singing in the dead of night _

_ Take these broken wings and learn to fly _

_ All your life _

_ You were only waiting for this moment to arise _

_ Blackbird singing in the dead of night _

_ Take these sunken eyes and learn to see _

_ All your life _

_ You were only waiting for this moment to be free _

_ Blackbird fly _

_ Blackbird fly _

Atom relaxes slightly under my hand, and I know it’s time. I move the knife, holding it low over his chest so he can’t see, and carefully slide it into his neck. It’ll cut a major artery, the most painless death I can provide for him. 

I can see the life leaves his cloudy eyes. And I hate myself for taking it from him. 

At some point, I go to back to camp with Bellamy. At some point, Clarke tells me that Jasper woke up and that he’ll live. At some point, I get to bed.

At some point, Bellamy lays next to me and I sleep better than I have since I got to this stupid planet. 


	4. Season 1, Episode 4: Murphy's Law

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: hanging, blood, violence, suicide
> 
> word count: 3195

We find his body outside the camp walls. Blood stains his teeth and cakes on his lips, he was choking when he died. I don’t know who found him. Everyone rushed out at once when he heard the yells. The whole camp, stumbling over their feet to find a new dead kid.

Wells Jaha’s grave joins Atom’s. 

The day continues as normal. We don’t have time to mourn. Death is a given.

Bellamy has set most of the camp to building up our walls. I join the ranks of delinquents hauling and stacking lumber. Murphy’s eyes burn a hole in the back of my head.   
I don’t talk to Bellamy, and he makes no attempt to talk to me. Falling asleep with him is not really an event I want to discuss, now or ever. I’ve got my hands full with Charlotte, who I’d swear was trying to make building as difficult as possible. The girl can tie knots in the rope everywhere they’re not supposed to be, but never in the right place. I try to focus only on the work, drowning out everything except what my hands are doing until Clarke passes me and I notice something wrong.

“Where’s your wristband?” I demand. 

“Monty needed a working one to make a radio.”

“Clarke, your mom is on the council. She thinks you’re dead.” I stare at her. She actually has a mother, and she just goes and does this? 

“That’s temporary. They’ll be down soon.” With that, she turns her back on me and walks away. I blink, shocked by this new development. Clarke Griffin, Miss “Taking Off Your Wristbands is Suicide,” took off her damn wristband. Shaking my head, I go back to my work until something else grabs my attention. No one can just do what they’re supposed to around here, there’s always a problem. I sigh and go to investigate.

Unfortunately for me, the problem is Murphy and he has his dick out.

“Murphy, what the hell are you doing?” I ask, studiously looking only at his stupid face.

“Mbege here wanted a water break, so I’m giving him one. Problem, Princess?” 

“I do have a problem, actually. You literally cannot keep it in your pants, but I can’t say I’m surprised. You showed me irrefutably that you haven’t been getting any.” The workers around us burst into laughter. Murphy looks positively murderous. 

“Is there an issue here?” Bellamy says, coming up behind me.

“Tell your minion to put his dick away and work,” I spit, not taking my eyes off Murphy until I turn and go back to my work. Nope, not looking at Bellamy. Not today. I’m too tired for this shit. And apparently I’m only going to get more tired, because not 10 minutes Bellamy comes up to me.

“I need you in my tent. Now.” He walks off, leaving me very confused. Did he mean…? No. Absolutely not. But I should probably check, right? 

Right?

Bellamy’s tent is opposite the dropship so he has a clear view of camp. When I duck inside, I see Clarke, Octavia, and Jasper along with Bellamy. Ok, so he didn’t mean  _ that _ . So what’s happening?

“This knife was made of metal from the dropship,” Clarke is saying.

“Okay?” I say, confused. 

“Jasper and I found it. Along with some fingers.” Octavia looks grim. 

“So the Grounders didn’t kill Wells. It was one of us.” The gravity of this statement hits me as it comes out of my mouth. 

“We need to keep this quiet,” Bellamy insists. 

“Get out of my way, Bellamy.” Clarke tries to shove past him. 

“Clarke, be smart about this. Look at what we’ve achieved… the wall, the patrols. Like it or not, thinking the Grounders killed Wells is good for us.”

“He’s right, Clarke.” I hate to admit it. “Besides, our control gets less and less every day. This could cause chaos. We don’t know who did this.” Bellamy glances at me, eyes wide. I’m just as surprised that I agree with him, but here we are.

“Oh, really?” She points to something scratched in the knife. “J.M. John Murphy. The people have a right to know.” And she’s out of the tent before I can do anything. Bellamy looks at me like I can do something about her, but there’s no controlling Clarke. The sooner he realizes that, the better. 

When I get out of the tent, Clarke is yelling at Murphy. I roll my eyes. What does she think is going to happen? It’s not like we can float him. 

“Come on. This is ridiculous. I don’t have to answer to you. I don’t have to answer to anyone.” Murphy’s crossed a line and he knows it.

“Come again?” Bellamy says from behind me.

“Bellamy, look, I’m telling you, man. I didn’t do this.”

“They found his fingers on the ground with your knife,” I tell him. He’s not getting out of this now that Clarke’s started it. 

“Is this the kind of society that we want? You say there should be no rules. Does that mean that we can kill each other without… without punishment?” Clarke looks over the crowd of delinquents, trying to rally the troops.

“I already told you. I didn’t kill anyone.”

“I say we float him!” calls Connor, one of Bellamy’s lackeys. There’s some mutters of assent and I feel fear start to build. If Bellamy doesn’t get this under control, it’s going to be mob rule. 

“That’s not what I’m saying,” Clarke says desperately. 

“Why not? He deserves to float. It’s justice.”

“Revenge isn’t justice,” I tell him angrily. 

“It’s justice. Float him!” Connor lunges forward and grabs Murphy, throwing him to the ground. I jump back, startled, as the crowd surrounds him and kicks him. He’s screaming until someone gags him and he becomes muffled.

“No, let him go!” Clarke is screaming, begging them to stop, but she’s lost control. Bellamy is the only one who can stop this. I turn to look at him pleadingly. He’s watching, conflicting emotions crossing his face.

“Bellamy.” He looks down at me. “Stop this. You have the control, you can stop this. Clarke might listen to you after this, but only is you stop it. You wanna build a society to rule? Mob law can’t be the solution.” I’m reaching him. He’s listening. 

“Bellamy! You should do it.” Connor starts up a chant of Bellamy’s name. They’ve strung Murphy up, his hands bound, balancing on a crate. His face is bloody and his breathing is labored. Some broken ribs, most likely. He looks terrible. When I look back to Bellamy, I can tell I’ve lost him. The call of his name, everyone looking to him, he can’t resist it. 

“I saw you in the woods with Atom. I know you’re not a killer. Bellamy, don’t do this. Don’t… Don’t. Bellamy. You can’t do this,” Clarke begs, screaming at him. I push her back.

“You started this, Clarke. He’s finishing it.” Why am I protecting him? This boy is about to kill someone and I’m defending him, but I can’t find it in myself to stop.

“You can’t be okay with this, Cam,” she shouts.

“This is on you,” I tell her simply before shoving past her to join Bellamy. He looks at me, almost like he’s asking for my permission. I nod, so small I’m sure only he can see it. 

He kicks the crate.

Murphy falls, thrashing and screaming.

The crowd cheers. 

Bellamy’s shaking. Anger, fear, pure adrenaline, I don’t know why. 

Finn charges into the camp from somewhere, taking in the situation. He looks shocked. I can’t blame him.

“Cut him down!” Finn yells. No one pays attention. He starts to rush Charlotte out of the camp, taking her away from this. Good. 

“Stop! Okay? Murphy didn’t kill Wells! I did!" I spin to look. Charlotte’s face is streaked with tears. 

“Oh my God.” I grab an axe out of someone’s hand and slam it into the tree where Murphy’s strung up, severing the rope. He falls, gasping. I rush to him, take his gag out, untie his hands, check for injuries. Gashes all over his body, skin scraped off his neck and wrists from where he struggled, a broken nose. 

“Get him to the dropship,” I yell. No one moves. “Now!” Everyone breaks into motion, two people coming to Murphy and lifting him up, balancing him between their bodies and going to the dropship. 

“Bellamy, take Charlotte to your tent.” He nods and takes the little girl’s hand, casting an odd glance back at me as he escorts her. There’s so many thoughts and emotions shooting around in my head. I take a deep breath and push them all down. Not right now. I’ve got a falsely accused murderer with anger problems and a homicidal teenage girl, I don’t have time for guilt. With one more deep intake of cool air, I walk towards the dropship to ask Murphy some questions. 

One very unhelpful half hour later, I have been yelled at, spit on, and told no information by Murphy, who is now pacing outside Bellamy’s tent demanding that we give him Charlotte. Clarke and Finn have also joined us, all of us looking at our teenage murderer and trying to figure out what to do.

“Why, Charlotte?” Bellamy asks sadly. 

“I was just trying to slay my demons, like you told me.” Oh my God. Wells was a substitute for the Chancellor, the man who floated her parents. 

“Charlotte, that is not what he meant!” I cry. Bellamy looks awful, sad and angry and scared at the same time. 

“Hey, send out the princess, I wanna show her something,” Murphy calls from outside, followed by a scream. A girl’s scream. I look at Bellamy, who nods, before rushing out of the tent. 

Murphy has a knife to Fox’s throat.

“Let her go, Murphy,” I say through gritted teeth.

“Why don’t you give me what I want, and I’ll give you what you want.” He smirks. Bellamy comes out of the tent and stands next to me.

“Come on, Murphy, she didn’t do anything,” he says evenly. Murphy chuckles.

“No, but her best friend the princess did. She stood by and let you all hang me. So she’s going to pay if I don’t get justice.” He presses the knife a little farther into Fox’s neck. I reach into Bellamy’s waistband and grab the gun before anyone notices what I’m doing, pointing it directly at Murphy’s head.

“Put the gun down before your hurt yourself. Your aim isn’t good enough to miss your precious friend here.” 

“Wanna find out?” I say, cocking the gun. 

“Murphy, it’s over.” Bellamy goes up to him and pries his hand away from Fox’s neck, twisting his wrist so he drops the knife. Fox rushes to me and I hug her tightly. Murphy nods, seemingly admitting defeat, and Bellamy turns back to me. 

And then he falls.

Murphy stands over him, holding a log. 

“Bellamy!” I yell, running to him. Murphy charges into the tent, but I know Charlotte left a while ago with Finn and Clarke. 

“Charlotte! Charlotte, I know you can hear me! And when I find you, you are gonna pay!” He runs off into the woods and I have to pray Finn knows the terrain as well as he says he does. Right now there’s more important things to think about, like Bellamy and his possible head injury laying on the ground. 

“Hey, Bellamy,” I say softly, shaking him a bit. “You okay?” He groans, shifting slightly, and his eyes flutter open.

“Wha’ happen?” he asks.

“Murphy happened. Can you sit up?” I get an arm under him and pull him upright. Ok, upright is a strong word, he’s leaning pretty heavily on me, which does not fluster me at all, because even though he smells amazing and feels really warm and I can feel the definition of his back muscles… what was I saying? Oh right, he’s leaning on me and I’m trying to get him to stand up.

“Alright, we’re gonna stand up, okay?” He grunts and stumbles and I haul him to his feet as best I can, but eventually finds his footing. 

“Okay,” he says, shaking his head hard. “Okay, I’m good. Where’s Murphy?”

“Ran off into the woods after Charlotte. We should probably find him before he finds her.” He looks at me and it occurs to me that I still have an arm around his back and a hand on his chest to steady him, and also that his face is very close to mine.

“Hey, are we going after him?” Octavia asks, interrupting me from my thoughts.

“We are, you’re not,” Bellamy tells her, pulling away from me slightly and going to her.

“But I want to help!” she protests.

“Camellia and I are going, you’re not. That’s final.” She pouts and he rolls his eyes.

“My sister, my responsibility,” he tells her before pulling her in for a brief hug.

We set off in the general direction that Murphy went, hoping to stumble across some footprints. I’m beginning to know these woods like the back of my hand, easily stepping over holes and branches. Bellamy is behind me so I can’t see him most of the time, but I know he’s there. It’s not that he’s loud or anything, I just  _ know _ . He’s just sort of an omnipresent force in my life at this point. Somehow he’s always there. I can feel my thoughts about him changing, but at this point I refuse to acknowledge them. I simply don’t have the time or the energy to think about boys when death is an imminent threat constantly. 

It gets dark quickly. We haven’t found a single sign of Murphy and his crew, and we’re not going to find it tonight. Still, we keep going until stars begin to appear in the blackness.

“We should stop here,” Bellamy says quietly. It’s the first thing he’s said since we left.

“Alright,” I reply, letting my pack slide off my shoulder. “I’ll get some wood for a fire.” When I start to walk away, though, he grabs my hand, but hesitates when I turn around. 

“Be safe,” he says after a moment of silence. I nod, a bit confused, and he releases my hand. 

It’s calm and quiet in the woods as I gather sticks and logs. Peaceful, even. I’m still on the lookout, but I feel almost relaxed for the first time in a while. 

Then I hear the scream.

Dropping everything, I run back to the “camp” where I left Bellamy. I find him quicker than I expected when I run directly into him. He puts an arm around my waist to keep me from falling and hands my my pack.

“I was coming to find you,” he explains, breathing heavily. I nod. Then someone screams again.

“Murphy has her.” Bellamy grimaces. We take off running at the same time in the direction of the screams.

Murphy is hauling Charlotte towards a cliff when we find him. Bellamy rushes in front of him, wrenching Charlotte from his arms and blocking his path.

“Charlotte! Damn it. Bellamy! You cannot fight all of us. Give her up.”

“Maybe not, but I guarantee I’ll take a few of you with me.” Bellamy has his gun out and he looks positively murderous. I’m tempted to let him do whatever he has in mind, but Murphy’s right. He won’t win this by himself.

“Bellamy! Stop! This has gone too far. Just calm down. We’ll talk about this.” I put my hands up in a placating gesture, standing between them. 

“I’m sick of listening to you talk,” Murphy growls and grabs me before I can do anything. He’s holding me exactly like he held Fox earlier, knife to my throat. I guess he only has one move.

“Let her go." Bellamy glares at Murphy, and if looks could kill, Murphy wouldn’t have a soul left to get to hell. 

“No, I don’t think I will. This is killing you, isn’t it? I’ve got my hands on the princess and you can’t do anything.” The hand that isn’t holding the knife strays further down. Bellamy growl (yes, actually growls) and takes a step forward.

“Oh, did I touch a nerve? You can’t protect her now, Bellamy.” He reaches up and yanks my hair back, pulling my head into his shoulder and baring my neck to the knife. The blade scrapes dangerously close to my jugular. 

“Get Charlotte out of here,” I say, my voice strained. I plead with him silently, my eyes begging. Bellamy takes another step forward. Murphy gives my hair another sharp tug.

“Take another step and I slit her throat,” he hisses.

“And then I won’t have a reason not to shoot you.”

“But you also won’t have your princess.” He traces the tip of the blade along with skin, toying with Bellamy. 

“Murphy, this is not happening,” Charlotte cries. All eyes turn to her. “I can’t let any of you get hurt anymore. Not because of me. Not after what I did.”

She jumps. 

“NO!” I scream, still unable to move with the knife on my throat. “No, no, no.” The yell turns into a sob. Bellamy turns to look at Murphy again, and even I’m scared of the look in his eye. Murphy drops the knife and lets me go. Breath comes in great heaves as I fall forward, right into Bellamy’s arms.

“Are you okay? Camellia, are you okay?” I nod through gasps and he releases me, letting me sit down. Clarke and Finn appear out of the darkness just as Bellamy tackles Murphy, punching over and over and over. Blood spatters the ground. 

“Bellamy, stop! You’ll kill him!” Clarke says, pulling on Bellamy. 

“Get off me! He deserves to die.”

“No! We don’t decide who lives and dies. Not down here.”

“So help me God, if you say the people have a right to decide…”

“No, I was wrong before, okay? You were right. Sometimes it’s dangerous to tell people the truth. But if we’re gonna survive down here, we can’t just live by whatever the hell we want. We need rules.” I stand up, having caught my breath, and go over to her. 

“And who makes those rules, huh? You?” I demand. 

“For now, we make the rules. Okay? The three of us.” 

“So, what, then? We just take him back and pretend like it never happened?” He glares at Murphy’s bloody face. 

“We banish him,” I say coldly. Bellamy looks at me for a moment, considering. 

“Get up,” he tells Murphy, hauling him up and pushing him towards the cliff’s edge. “If I ever catch you near camp, we’ll be back here. Understand? As for the four of you, you can come back and follow me, or go off with him to die. Your choice.” Murphy’s boys are coming back with us and we all know it. The last thing I feel before passing out is someone’s arms picking me up, and my head leaning on that someone’s chest. 


	5. Season 1, Episode 5: Twilight's Last Gleaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of shooting, arguing? is that a warning?
> 
> word count: 1818

When I wake up the next morning, I’m informed by Monty that he somehow fried all the wristbands, so the Ark thinks we’re all dead. On top of that, Charlotte killed herself, the camp is barely under control, and Murphy’s off in the woods somewhere.

I hate Earth.

I make my way out of the dropship, temporarily blinded by the sunlight. It’s dark outside. I missed dinner. Grumbling, I make my way across the camp and grab some rations, eating some berries and nuts that haven’t killed anyone yet. 

“Camellia? How are you feeling?” Bellamy’s next to me. Because of course he is.

“Fine, thanks,” I say shortly.

“Listen, I-” He pauses, unsure how to finish. “I’m sorry. About all of that. I brought you out there with me and I didn’t keep you safe. I’m sorry.” 

“Bellamy, that wasn’t your fault. Murphy is a psychopath, okay? You didn’t do anything wrong. I chose to be out there, I chose to go after Charlotte. I’m not your responsibility, so don’t feel bad.” The last part sounds harsher than I meant it to. He looks like he might respond, but then something catches my eye.

“What was that?” 

A pod, soaring across the sky. The Ark is coming down. I look up at Bellamy, expecting him to be happy, but his expression is blank.

“Bellamy, it’s a pod. They’re coming down!” I tell him excitedly.

“That pod’s too small to hold people. It’s probably supplies.”

“Ok, then supplies. Nutrition packs. Medical supplies. There'd be a radio." I don’t see how he’s not celebrating with me. “Bellamy, we’re not alone anymore.” He looks down at me, almost regretful.

“We were never alone,” he says quietly. I don’t have time to wonder what he means.

“I’m going to get an expedition together. We need to go get those supplies.” I turn to go and he grabs my arm.

"No one's going anywhere. Not while it's dark it isn't safe. We'll head out at first light.”

"Everyone for a hundred miles saw this thing come down. What if the grounders get to it first?” How is he so calm about this?

“We’re waiting until first light.” He walks back to his tent. I watch him leave, annoyed. He was tolerable for about five seconds, and even that was progress. 

Dick.

After dinner, if I can call it that, I decide to go get some sleep. I’m tired of the dropship though. Metal walls, echoing voices, the confinement of it all drives me crazy. The best sleep I’ve gotten was in the woods, curled up below a tree, so maybe I’ll try that again. As quietly as possible, I slip just outside the camp and settle into a crook in the roots of a large tree. Sleep begins to take me over once again. My eyelids droop.

A crack of a stick sends me flying to my feet with my knife gripped tightly.

Bellamy is creeping out of the camp alone.

“What the hell is he doing?” I mutter to myself. I suppose I’ll go find out.

Bellamy isn’t loud, by any means, but he’s incredibly easy to track. I know his patterns, the way he stops to look around every ten steps, the times he’ll glance behind him for danger. Whether I like to admit it or not, I’ve been paying attention to Bellamy Blake. 

A stick cracks under my foot.

Dammit.

“Camellia? What are you doing?” He doesn’t sound mad, just confused. 

“I saw you leave,” I say dumbly.

“I told everyone to stay at camp. It’s not safe.”

“If it’s not safe then you shouldn’t be out here alone,” I counter. He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. 

“Listen, Camellia, I need to get rid of that radio. Please trust me.”

“What? Bellamy, if you destroy the radio then the Ark still thinks we’re dead!”

“I know that! Don’t you think I know that? Listen, if the Ark finds out we're alive, they'll come down. And when they do...I'm dead." Hold on, what?

“You’re a guard, Bellamy. If anything, we should be scared. We’re the criminals.” I don’t understand his fear.

"I shot him. I shot Jaha." It hits me like a ton of bricks.

"What?"

"I found out they were sending Octavia to Earth. I couldn't let her go alone. Someone came to me with a deal. Do this, kill him, and they'd get me on the dropship. And I did it. Have you noticed Octavia isn’t speaking to me? Yeah, that’s because I told her.” Before I can really catch myself, I’m walking closer to him and taking his hand in both mine. To my surprise, he pulls me close to him and wraps his free arm around my waist. 

“Bellamy,” I whisper, tilting my head up ever so slightly to look him in the eyes. He leans down a bit, scanning my face for any sign of dissent. I know he won’t find any.

"Hey! Where is it?" I break eye contact and turn to look. Clarke, Finn, and someone I don’t recognize are running towards us. I go to move away a bit, but Bellamy’s grip on my waist doesn’t waver. 

“Clarke, he didn’t do anything,” I tell her.

“Bullshit. Where's the radio?" Finn gets in Bellamy’s face, trying to intimidate him I guess. Like that’ll work. 

"Bellamy Blake? They're looking everywhere for you." says new girl.

"Looking for him, why?" Clarke asks. 

"He shot Chancellor Jaha." The new girl looks smug as hell and I already don’t like her. Clarke’s jaw drops as Bellamy pushes past her and walks away, his hand still holding mine. 

"Hey! Shooter! Where's my radio?" New girl moves in front of us. 

"Get out of my way."

"Where is it?"

"I should've killed you when I had the chance." When he had the chance?

“Bellamy, what are you talking about? You didn’t do anything yet.” He looks down at me regretfully and it all clicks. He destroyed the radio before I caught him. I yank my hand away and step back from him. 

“Oh God,” I whisper. “You did it. You killed the Chancellor and you ruined the last chance we had at surviving down here!” 

"Jaha deserved to die. You all know that."

"Yeah, he's not my favorite person either, but he isn't dead,” Raven informs us. 

"What?"

"You're a lousy shot." Bellamy stumbles back a bit. Jaha’s alive. 

"Bellamy, don't you see what this means? You're not a murderer. You always did what you had to do to protect your sister. That's who you are. And you can do it again by protecting three hundred of your people. Where's the radio?" Clarke insists. 

"It's too late." Three words take away all the hope we had. 

I don’t talk to Bellamy, don’t even look at him, the entire time we search for the radio. He takes us to the pod and shows us the river where he dumped it. We wade through the water, looking for the tell-tale glint of metal in the shallow water. Finn finds it eventually.

"Can you fix it?" Clarke says desperately. 

"Maybe, but it'll take half the day just to dry out the components to see what's broken," the new girl, Raven, sighs. 

"Like I said, it's too late.”

We go back to the camp in silence. Raven’s hanging on Finn and I get the idea that they’re an item of some sort. Clarke walks ahead of them, pointedly not paying them any attention. Ouch. Your Earth boyfriend has a space girlfriend? That’s gotta hurt.

I go directly to the tree where I was sleeping when we get back, unloading my pack when I arrive. This will be my place, I’ve decided. I hate sleeping in the dropship, I don’t want a tent. I’ll stay here. I lay out a parachute and wrap one of the corners over a pile of soft moss I found to make a pillow of sorts. It’s not luxurious, but honestly it’s not that bad. There’s some rations and water in my pack as well, so I indulge in a meal. It’s nice out here. 

Once again, something has to ruin it. 

“Camellia, I need to talk to you.”

“No, you don’t. Leave me alone, Bellamy.”

“Please. I want to make this up.” I stand up and look him fully in the face. 

"Do you have any idea what you did? Do you even care?" I spit the words at him, conveying all the anger and hurt I feel. 

"I’m sorry, Camellia, I-"

“No. You don’t get to call me that.” 

“Cam,” he says sadly. “I’m sorry. I messed up, okay? I messed up and I’m sorry.” I don’t remember making the decision to get closer to him, but after a moment I’m very much in his face. 

"Three hundred people are gonna die today because of you! Three hundred people, Bellamy. You can’t make that up with an apology. You know, for a minute, I really did think you were a good person.” I laugh a little at my own stupidity. “For just a little bit, I thought I was wrong about you, that maybe you were just a little misguided. But no, you’re a selfish, arrogant, cowardly, dishonest ass who only cares about staying in power.” He flinches when I say cowardly and I know I’ve touched a nerve. The funny thing is, I want to do it again just to see how he reacts. 

“You’re a coward, Bellamy Blake.” His anger snaps. My back hits the tree behind me, his forearm pressed against my sternum. He’s leaning on a hand above my head, towering over me. I feel trapped and somehow safe at the same time.

“What are you gonna do, Blake?” I taunt. 

“Back off, princess,” he says huskily. I tilt my head up and lean closer to him, almost brushing my nose against his.

“Make me.” I truly do think he might kill me before a loud explosion sounds from the camp. Red flares shoot into the sky. Raven got a signal up, I guess. Bellamy backs up to get a better view, unpinning me from the tree. 

It’s beautiful. Red patterns the sky like the brush strokes on the canvases they have in the Ark library. Our last desperate attempt to save three hundred lives. 

“Can you wish on this kind of shooting star?" I ask quietly to no one in particular. 

"I wouldn't even know what to wish for. What about you?" Bellamy looks over at me, his anger from before gone.

And I guess mine is gone too.

Because looking at Bellamy, lit up by the red light, all I see is a boy who wanted to save his sister. Not a criminal, not a murderer. A boy. I go over to him and take his hand like I did earlier.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. 

“So am I.” 


	6. Season 1, Episode 6: His Sister's Keeper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: death, blood, graphic depictions of violence
> 
> word count: 2733

I wake up the next morning curled up under my tree with someone shaking my shoulder. Stiff, I stretch and look up to see a worried Bellamy kneeling next to me. I sit up quickly.

“What’s wrong?” I ask quickly.

“I've checked the camp. Octavia's not here.” There’s barely controlled panic in his every movement.

“Ok. I'll help you find her. Let's check again. You go to the dropship. I'll check the rest of the tents.” 

“Would you…” he hesitates. “Would you stay with me instead of splitting up? I don’t want to lose you too.” 

“Bellamy, you haven’t lost Octavia. We’ll find her.” I take his hand and squeeze it reassuringly.

“Still. Please stay with me, Camellia.” He hesitates when he uses my full name again. I don’t mind.

“Of course,” I nod. He helps me to my feet, making sure I’m steady before handing me my pack. I swear I can’t keep up with him. Yesterday he was pinning me against a tree and today he’s packing up my bag for me and holding my hand. 

20 minutes, 15 tents, a dropship, and a campground later we haven’t seen a trace of Octavia. Bellamy’s fear is nearly palpable. I don’t blame him. Octavia spent most of her life under a floor and the rest in lockup. Her self-preservation skills kind of suck.

“I’m sure she just wandered off and got lost. We’ll get together a group to go find her,” I tell Bellamy. He nods absently, eyes still scanning the camp. I tug his hand to get him to look at me.

“Hey,” I say. “She’s fine. We’ll find her.” I hope I’m right.

Bellamy grabs some rations and we put together a few packs. Fox watches nervously. It feels like I spend more time out of the camp than in it at this point. I’ve barely spoken to her these past few days. 

“Hey, everybody, gather around and grab a weapon. My sister's been out there alone for 12 hours. Arm up. We're not coming back without her.” I hand out packs to the people who step forward, making sure they all have a weapon.

“We need a tracker,” I mutter. “Finn. Get out here.” Nothing. If he’s in his tent, he doesn’t answer.

“Finn, we're leaving,” Bellamy calls, louder than me. 

“All right. I'm coming.” He walks out and immediately goes to talk to Clarke, who has been steadfastly annoying him. I roll my eyes. Finn the Cheater feels bad for his side chick. 

“What’s that?” Bellamy says, nudging my shoulder. I look up and squint. Something bright streaks across the sky, then another. More and more flashes of light. A meteor shower.

“They didn't work. They didn't see the flares,” Raven breathes. 

“A meteor shower tells you that?” I ask.

“It's not a meteor shower, it's a funeral. Hundreds of bodies being returned to the earth from the ark. This is what it looks like from the other side.” My heart sinks. Three hundred people dead. I look up at Bellamy. His face is stony. 

“This is all because of you!” Raven yells. 

“I helped you find the radio.”

“Yeah, after you jacked it from my pod and trashed it!” She comes up to him and shoves his shoulder.

“Back off, Raven,” he snarls.

“Guys!” I snap. “Octavia is out there. Finn, are you coming or what?”

“Yeah, I’m coming,” he says tiredly. 

“Then let’s go.” I look up at Bellamy. He nods and we head off together, leading the group. 

Finn finds tracks pretty quickly. They lead down an unfamiliar path, but we aren’t very far from camp. It shouldn’t be remarkably more dangerous, but I warn everyone to be on their guard anyway. 

Night falls. We don’t stop.

“Look! Over here!” Mbege calls us over. Something hangs in a bush below us in a deep ravine. 

“Is that Octavia’s?” I ask Bellamy quietly. 

“I don’t know yet.” He grabs rope from one of the people around us and ties it to a tree.

“What are you doing?” someone calls. 

“We need the rope to get back up.” With that, he climbs downward, one hand holding onto the rope, another gripping a flashlight. I gasp a little bit when he loses his footing, but he regains it quickly and makes it down. 

“It's hers. I'm going all the way down.” That settles it. I’m going too.

The climb down the ravine is slippery. The rope burns my hands. Jasper follows behind me. I’m not surprised, he’d follow Octavia anywhere. When I get to the bottom, I find Bellamy kneeling down.

“What’d you find?” He shows me his hand. Fresh blood marks his fingers. Finn follows us down and finds some tracks.

“The prints are deeper going that way. He was carrying her.” I look at Bellamy.

“She’s alive,” I remark softly. “If they took her, then she’s alive. Like when they took Jasper.” 

We follow the tracks. Finn finds them easily, even in the dark. I walk next to Bellamy, unsure of how to help him. He won’t relax until we find Octavia, I know, but seeing him so tense and worried tugs on my heartstrings inexplicably. Finn stops suddenly.

“I don't speak grounder... but I'm pretty sure this means keep out.” Rotting bodies are impaled on sticks lining the path. Someone behind me vomits. I share their sentiment but manage to retain the contents of my stomach. 

“Let's get out of here.” An unknown voice behind us, followed by murmurs of assent. We’re losing them.

“Go back if you want. My sister, my responsibility.” 

“I’m with you, Bellamy. Always.” He looks down at me and nods. I think I see a hint of a smile. 

“I'd walk into hell to find her,” Jasper adds. 

“I think we just did.”

“Wow, real cheerful, Finn,” I joke, trying to lighten the mood as we walk down a path lined with corpses. 

It doesn’t work. 

We keep walking until the next day, not stopping to sleep. People are exhausted. I’m sure Bellamy is too, but he’s not stopping. He doesn’t speak either, just trudges onward in the lush forest we’ve found ourselves in. 

“I got nothing. We lost the trail,” Finn sighs. 

“Keep looking,” Bellamy orders. 

“Wandering around aimlessly isn't the way to find your sister. We should backtrack…”

“I'm not going back.”

“Hey, where's John?” asks a girl named Roma. I look around. John Mbege was one of the few people that didn’t go back when we saw the skeletons. He helped care for Charlotte too. I trust him. 

“I just saw him a second ago,” I mutter. 

“Pair up and spread out. He couldn't have gotten that far.” He nods at me and I follow him off to the side. We don’t get far.

A thump sounds on my left. Bellamy’s arm pushes me backwards as he inserts himself in front of me, looking up in the trees.

“What was that?” I ask anxiously.

“John,” Bellamy replies grimly. I look past him.

Mbege’s body lies on the ground. His throat is slit, blood trickling down his neck. I gasp. He’s dead. 

“They’re using the trees,” I realize,

“We shouldn’t have crossed the boundary,” says a boy named Diggs.

“Can we go back now?” asks Roma. I glance around me and see a form in the forest. Bellamy looks down at me when I tap his shoulder.

“There. Right there,” I say, pointing. Bellamy tenses up even more and pushes me farther behind him, away from the Grounder.

“Another one,” Diggs hisses, pointing in the opposite direction. I look around, seeing two, three, four more Grounders surrounding us. 

“We should run.” 

And run we do. I can keep pace with Bellamy, despite his longer legs. A few others fall behind, but as long as I can hear a few sets of footsteps I don’t look back. Every so often we see a Grounder in front of us and sharply change direction. I have no idea which way the camp is, but right now I’m concerned with not getting my throat slit.

“What are we gonna do? They keep heading us off!” Jasper yells from behind me. 

“Just keep running,” Finn calls through ragged breaths. 

“I can't run much longer!”

“I'm not stopping for him!” Diggs hollers. 

“I'm sick of running anyway,” Bellamy says, slowing down and looking around. “They know where she is.” I try to catch my breath, still scanning the area for Grounders. Bellamy brushes a piece of hair off my forehead.

“You alright?” he murmurs under his breath. I nod a bit, still gasping for air.

“Diggs, where are you?” Roma cries. She’s right, I don’t see her anywhere. Roma takes off running again. 

“Wait! Roma, there could be more!” I yell. She doesn’t stop. We run after her. Running seems to be a necessity on Earth. 

We find Diggs before we find Roma. He’s speared on a metal rod, blood trickling down his chin. I stumble back into Bellamy. It was a trap.

“Diggs,” I stammer. I didn’t know him well, but I know he was brave. He was out here for Octavia because he was brave and he was good. I close his eyes gently.

“In peace may you leave the shore, in love may you find the next. Safe passage on our travels, until our final journey to the ground. May we meet again, Ethan Diggs.” I regret not saying the blessing over Mbege, and I won’t forget it again. Bellamy nods.

“May we meet again.” I hear a scream in the distance. 

“They were leading us here. It's the only direction we could run in,” Jasper gulps.

“Where'd they go?” Finn says, looking around. 

“After Roma,” I realize. 

We’re running again.

Roma’s body is pinned to a tree by way of a spear through her chest. Bellamy finds her first. Blood stains her face. I close her eyes too, repeating the blessing I gave Diggs. Bellamy looks shocked.

“She only came because of me,” he whispers.

“She came because she was brave and she wanted to help, Bellamy. We remember her, we appreciate her sacrifice, and we find Octavia. If we don’t, she died for nothing,” I tell him firmly, trying to draw him back to the present.

“They can kill us whenever they want,” Finn muses.

“Then they should get it over with! Come on! We know you're out there!” Jasper taunts. 

“Jasper, shut up!” I whisper-yell at him.

“Bellamy,” Finn warns. Grounder appear out of the woods. They’re surrounding us. I grip my knife, forming a circle with the others. Bellamy stands on my right, Jasper on my left. 

If we’re going down, we’re going down fighting. 

A horn sounds in the distance. A battle cry? The Grounders disappear, running away from us. Okay, maybe not a battle cry.

“What’s that horn?” I ask no one in particular.

“Acid fog,” Finn reveals, pulling a tent out of his pack.

“We should run, right?” Jasper asks.

“No time,” I tell him, pulling out my own tent. “Get in or die.”

We wait under the tents. I don’t know how much time passes. Bellamy and Jasper are under my tent, the rest of the group is under Finn’s. 

“How long are we supposed to wait?” Jasper whispers.

“I guess we’ll find out.”

“No, we won’t,” Bellamy says. He sticks his hand outside before I can stop him. 

“Bellamy, what the hell are you doing?” I scold.

“There’s no fog.” He pulls the tent flap back. The air is completely normal.

“It’s safe to come out,” I call to the other tent. Finn pokes his head out.

“Maybe it was a false alarm.” Jasper looks around curiously.   
“They’re coming back,” he mutters. I see one Grounder running away from us.

“I think he’s alone,” I observe.

“He doesn't see us. I'm going after him.” Bellamy gets up and slowly starts to follow the Grounder. 

“And what? Kill him?” Finn says incredulously. 

“No. Catch him. Make him tell me where Octavia is. Then kill him.”

“Bellamy, how do we know he's not leading us to another trap?” He ignores me.

“We don't,” Finn replies grimly. 

The Grounder goes to a cave that leads below the ground. I look nervously at Bellamy. This seems like a wonderful place to trap people. He doesn’t pause, just heads straight down the tunnel. 

“Bellamy, wait,” I say, grabbing his shoulder. “We don’t even know she’s down there.” I regret the words as soon as they leave my mouth.

“We have to try.” There’s a hint of desperation in his voice. 

“Okay. Okay, I’m coming with you. Finn, you’re with us too. Monroe and Jasper, watch the door.” I look at Bellamy and nod. “Let’s save Octavia.”

The tunnel is damp and slippery. There’s no light except for Bellamy’s torch. I can’t see past a few feet ahead of me. Suddenly, there’s a noise not far ahead of us. 

“Someone’s down there,” Bellamy says excitedly. He moves faster, his feet sliding a bit as he descends.

“Bellamy, careful,” I caution. 

“Bellamy?” says a familiar voice. 

“Octavia!” Bellamy cries. When I get to the bottom, Bellamy’s hugging Octavia. She’s bloody and bruised but very much alive. He fumbles with a key and gets her unlocked, pulling her to her feet and giving her a real hug.

“It’s okay. You’re okay,” he mutters in relief. When he releases her, I pull her into a hug too.

“God, Octavia, we were so worried. Let’s get you back to camp, alright?” She smiles.

“That’d be great.” She stumbles over to hug Jasper as well.

“We should go before he wakes up,” I gesture to the unconscious Grounder on the ground. 

“He's not gonna wake up.” Bellamy grabs a spear from the corner. 

“Bellamy, stop. He didn't hurt me. Let's just go,” Octavia pleads. 

“They started this,” he replies harshly. “Finn, move.” Finn is hunched over the body, looking at something in his pocket. 

“Foghorn,” he mumbles. 

The Grounder leaps up. Finn falls back, a knife in his chest. 

“Finn!” Octavia screams. Bellamy lunges at the Grounder with the spear, jabbing at his chest. I can’t see very well in the dark cave, so I don’t see the Grounder disarm Bellamy. I don’t even notice Bellamy’s at a disadvantage until he’s on the ground with a spear at his throat.

“Stop! That's my brother!” Octavia yells. I grab a piece of wood from the corner and slam it into the Grounders head before knocking the spear aside and kneeling next to Bellamy.

“Are you okay?” I gasp out. He nods, heaving for air. We all collectively catch our breaths for just a moment before going right back into action.

The walk back to the camp is more of a run. Bellamy and Jasper are dragging Finn between them, and I’m holding Octavia up. One of her legs is hurt, and she can barely walk. I almost sob in relief when I see the walls of the camp.

“Clarke! Where's Clarke? Get Clarke now,” Bellamy bellows as we push through the gate. 

“Hey, I'm here. What's up? Finn. Finn?” She runs up to him and checks his pulse. 

“Oh, my god,” Raven gulps. 

“He's alive,” Clarke breathes in relief.

“Cam wouldn't let me take the knife out,” Jasper tells her. 

“No, that was a good call. Get him in the dropship now. Go!”

“Clarke, can you save him?” Raven pleads. 

“No. Not me. I need my mother. I need to talk to her.”

“There's still no radio.”

“Raven, fix it! Go!”

“Hey, you ok?” Clarke scans Octavia quickly.

“Yeah, just go,” she tells her. Clarke nods and runs into the dropship. I follow her at first. When I look back, I see Bellamy talking to Octavia. No, not talking they’re arguing. I should go inside, I should mind my own business. But Bellamy looks upset. I’ll wait at a distance and see if he’s okay. 

Octavia starts to leave and Bellamy grabs her arm, pulling her back into camp. She yanks her arm away and storms past me.

“Hey, Bellamy, are you-”

“Get inside,” he says blankly.

“But Bell-”

“Go!” he yells. I flinch a bit at his tone and his face softens, but he doesn’t say anything. Hurt, I do what he says, turning my back on him and walking into the ship. The last sound I hear is a foreign one: thunder. 


	7. Season 1, Episode 7: Contents Under Pressure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: torture, blood, violence, poison
> 
> word count: 1995

The storm only worsens. Raven is trying desperately to patch through to the Ark, and delinquents are huddled in groups all around the dropship. Finn lays on a makeshift cot, the knife still buried in his chest. I don’t see Bellamy.

“This is Raven Reyes. Calling Ark Station.” Her desperation builds. “Come in Ark Station. This is Raven Reyes. Calling Ark Station. Please come in.”

I go over to check on Finn. Clarke’s looking at the wound, pressing a cloth on it to stop the blood as much as possible. Her hands are shaking. I don’t care much for Finn, I think he’s an arrogant cheater, but he helped save Octavia and I think Clarke loves him, so I at least want him to live. Gently, I take the cloth from her hands.

“Go help Raven. They’ll want to talk to you first.” She nods and walks off, leaving me with Finn. He’s pale as a sheet, but at least he’s unconscious. 

“This is a restricted station. Who is this? Please identify yourself.” I look up so fast my neck cracks. A staticky voice on the radio. Raven did it. 

“This is Raven Reyes. I'm from Mecha Station. I'm transmitting from the ground. The hundred are alive. Please, you need to get Doctor Abby Griffin. Doctor Abby Griffin. Now.” 

“Raven? Are you there?” A female voice this time. 

“Mom? It’s me,” Clarke says into the radio. It appears we’ve made contact with Doctor Griffin. I look down at Finn’s unconscious body.

“You’d better not die,” I whisper fiercely.

The radio conversation goes on for what seems like a while when we have a dying boy on our hands, but I guess the Council is curious as to why Finn was stabbed by a stranger on an unsurvivable planet. Octavia went out to get water and some on Monty’s moonshine and I’m attempting to find a substitute for a needle when I hear Doctor Griffin again.

“I'm going to talk you through it, step by step. Clarke... just... find-”

“What? Raven what's wrong?” Clarke says, panicked. 

“It's not the radio, it's the storm.”

“We need to hurry!” I yell.

Octavia runs back inside, soaked, with two canisters. I can smell them from here.

“Moonshine,” Clarke grimaces.

“I’m pretty sure no germ could survive it,” Octavia says. She’s not joking. That stuff could be used as pesticide.

“Storm's getting worse. Cam, close the doors.”

“We still have people out there,” I protest. “Monty and Jasper still aren't back yet. Neither is Bellamy.”

“It's okay, they'll find somewhere to ride it out.” I nod but still don’t close the doors. A couple more minutes won’t hurt. 

“Here’s your needle.” I hand it to Clarke.

“Great, I still need something to close the wound.”

“There's some wire on the second level,” Octavia offers. “I used it for the tents.”

“Let's see it,” Clarke nods. 

“Stay away from the blue wires that run through the ceiling. I rigged it to the solar cells in the roof,” Raven calls. “That means they're hot! You got that?”

“Yeah, I got it,” Octavia replies, climbing up the ladder through the hatch.

“Hey! They're back!” someone yells. Bellamy walks in, Jasper and Monty following. They’re propping someone up between them. The grounder.

“The hell are you doing?” Octavia demands, coming back down the ladder.

“It's time to get some answers.”

“Oh you mean revenge?”

“I mean 'intel'.” He turns to Jasper and Monty. “Get him upstairs.”

“Bellamy,” I say softly, getting his attention. A crackle on the radio and Abby Griffin’s voice quickly take his eyes off me. He stares, his expression going from confused to worried.

“Bellamy, this isn’t who we are,” I plead. He looks back at me, expression blank and stony.

“It is now.” He follows the boys up the stairs. I turn to Clarke, who shares my expression. 

“Save Finn. I’m gonna go talk to Bellamy,” I tell her firmly. Not waiting for an answer, I climb up though the hatch.

Bellamy, Miller, and a boy I don’t recognize have tied the grounder up, his arms and legs tied to opposite walls so he’s in a sort of starfish position. Miller is wrestling Octavia back to the ladder. Good. She shouldn’t see this, she thinks the grounder cares about her. Maybe he does. Bellamy notices me first.

“Get out of here, princess. You don’t need to watch this.”

“I’m not here to watch your sick power play, I’m here to convince you to let him go. His people will care! How long until they found out where we're keeping him? And what happens when they do, when they come looking for him?” Bellamy grabs a book from the grounder’s bag and shows it to me. A set of X’s, ten crossed out. The number of people we’ve lost.

“In case you missed it, his people are already killing us. How many more of our people need to die before you realize we're fighting a war?” I start to respond, to tell him that we aren’t soldiers, but someone bangs on the hatch. It’s Clarke, followed by Octavia. Perfect. Clarke charges up to the grounder and holds up his knife.

“What’s on this?” she demands. 

“What are you talking about?” Bellamy asks. 

“He poisoned the blade! All this time he knew Finn was going to die no matter what we did!” She brandishes the knife again. “What is it? Is there an antidote?”

“Clarke, he doesn't understand you.” Octavia looks like she might cry.

“Vials,” Bellamy says suddenly, running over to the bag and pulling out a case of little glass bottles. “It’s gotta be here.” I take the box from him.

“Clarke, go back downstairs and check on Finn. I’ll bring you the antidote when we have it.” I turn to the grounder. “Which one is it?” He’s silent.

“I'll get him to talk.” Bellamy goes up to him, but Octavia grabs his arm and pulls him backwards.

“Bellamy, no!

“He wants Finn to die, why can't you see that?” Bellamy looks at me. “Do you want him to live or not?” He’s asking my permission to do this. 

“Cam, you even said it yourself, this is not who we are! He was protecting me, he saved my life!” Octavia begs. I’m torn for just a moment, but then I think of Mbege and Diggs and Roma.

“Do it.” 

Bellamy grabs a knife from his pocket and for a second I think he’s going to stab the grounder, but no, he goes and cuts off a strip of seatbelt before beginning to slice off the tattered shirt. Tribal tattoos paint the grounder’s chest. They’re interesting, and under different circumstance I’d ask what they meant. But these are not good circumstances.

“You’re going to show us the antidote or you'll wish you had,” Bellamy says grimly. I hold up the box of vials again, tapping each one to see if he’ll indicate a correct one. He looks at me and doesn’t move, doesn’t speak. With a nod of resignation, I step back and let Bellamy take my place.

“Bellamy, no. Please,” Octavia pleads through tears. 

The crack of metal against ribs is sickeningly loud. I flinch when the blow lands. The grounder grunts in pain and pulls against his restraints.

The next hit slams into his cheek, throwing his head to the side and adding to the blood already staining his face. I rush forward and plant a hand on Bellamy’s chest, pushing him backwards before dropping to my knees in front of the grounder.

“Just tell us. Which one’s the antidote?” 

Silence. Bellamy puts a hand on my shoulder.

“Camellia,” he says hoarsely. It’s all he has to say. I slowly get to my feet and step back. 

The seatbelt flies through the air again. Metal against flesh, blood spattering the floor.

The grounder doesn’t speak, doesn’t indicate he even knows why he’s here. Octavia is crying, begging Bellamy to stop.

Eventually, he does. 

“Which one? Which one is it? If you tell us they'll stop! Please, tell us which is the antidote and they'll stop this!” I plead, holding up each of the vials in turn. The grounder just looks at me. Bellamy throws the seatbelt across the room.

“If that doesn't work, maybe this will.” He picks up a makeshift knife that Fox made. “Last chance.” The grounder lifts his head defiantly and looks me in the face from across the room.

I close my eyes, but I still hear the knife go through his hand. I still hear his grunts of pain. I still hear Octavia’s pained gasp.

“What’s taking so long?” Raven and Clarke climb up the hatch. “He stopped breathing.”

“What?” I ask, panicked. Clarke will shatter like glass if we lose him.

“He started again but next time he might not.” Still good news to me.

“He won’t tell us anything,” I mutter, glaring at the grounder.

“Wanna bet?” Raven rips open a panel in the wall and grabs two wires.

“What are you doing?” Bellamy asks. I’m wondering the same thing. 

“Showing him something new.”

The lights flicker out for a moment when she shocks him. His yells are much louder with this than with anything else we’ve done to him. The scent of burning flesh fills the room. 

“Which one is it? Come on!” Tears streak down Raven’s face. I’ve been worried about what Finn’s death could do to Clarke, but maybe I should have realizes that however much Clarke loves Finn, Raven has been loving him for 18 years. 

She shocks him again.

“He's all I have!” she screams. 

“No more!” Octavia’s voice is much stronger than I’ve ever heard from her before. 

“He's letting Finn die!” I grab Raven and yank her backwards, pulling the wires from her hands. She struggled against me for a few seconds before collapsing to her knees, sobbing. I hold her against me, letting her cry into my shoulder. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Octavia cut her forearm with the poisoned blade. Deep red blood drips onto the floor.

“Octavia, no!” Bellamy yells, probably startled.

“He won’t let me die.” She falls to the ground in front of the grounder and taps at one of the vials. “This one?” With a pained look on his face, the grounder gestures with his head at one of the vials.

“Yeah? This one?” Octavia says desperately, holding it up. He nods. I sigh in relief as the vial is handed to Clarke. Raven gets up shakily and goes back down the hatch. When Bellamy goes to help Octavia up, she yanks away from him.

“Don’t touch me!” she snaps, still looking gratefully up at the grounder. Bellamy’s shoulders droop. He’s losing Octavia and he knows it. I’m still kneeling in the corner where I was holding Raven. My hands are shaking. Bellamy looks at me and starts to come over but I quickly get up and climb down the hatch. 

Clarke’s giving Finn the antidote when I get down there. I smile weakly and open the dropship door. The storm has passed, thankfully. I need to get out of this ship.

I’m only alone outside for a few minutes. Delinquents file out of the ship and begin picking up the wreckage from the storms. The camp is slowly reassembled. Our home.

“Camellia,” Bellamy says next to me. I didn’t notice him at first. “Please look at me.” I do, after a moment, look up at him. Dark circles weigh heavy under his eyes. He looks exhausted.

“We just tortured someone,” I state numbly. “We beat him, we stabbed him, we electrocuted him. We say the grounders are savages, but look at us.”

“Who we are and who we need to be to survive are two very different things,” he says simply. 

“What the hell are we going to do with him?” I ask, my voice cracking.

“Not easy being in charge, is it?”


	8. Season 1, Episode 8: Day Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: blood, death, drugs (jobi nuts)
> 
> word count: 3678

A few days later, I haven’t seen the grounder once. We’ve been too busy preparing for winter. It’s already getting colder, and we don’t even have decent tents.

“Hey, Cam,” Clarke calls from the radio tent. “Council meeting.” I set down the meat I was skinning and head over. Bellamy doesn’t talk to the council, for obvious reasons, so Clarke and I handle Ark relations. 

“Tell me about the grounder,” Jaha says. “Can he provide any insight on how to survive winter?”

“We haven’t gotten any information from him. I don’t think he speaks English,” I admit.

“We're doing everything we can to prepare here. We’re gathering nuts and berries, curing meats, digging for roots, but the truth is, we’ll freeze before we starve,” Clarke tells them.

“There’s good news on that front,” Kane cuts in. “According to civil defense plans from before the war, there’s an old emergency aid depot not far from the landing site. Here are the coordinates.”

“In addition to supplies, it could provide shelter for the hundred and for the citizens coming down from the Ark,” Jaha adds. I glance at Clarke. 

“And what makes you think it’s intact?” 

“It was designed to withstand nuclear warfare,” Kane explains.

“All right. It’s worth a shot.”

“Chancellor, I have to object,” says a woman. The previous Chancellor? “Project Exodus is under way. The kids should sit tight in their camp until the first dropship launches.”

“Even if everything goes without a hitch, the hundred would die from exposure before relief arrives. I’d like a moment with Clarke alone, please, and I know there’s a line of parents waiting to talk to their kids.” Jaha looks at me kindly.

“I’ll take someone out to check out the bunker.” Clarke nods and I slip outside the tent. 

A trip outside sound great. I haven’t left the camp since we went searching for Octavia and it’s driving me crazy. I actually find myself humming as I pack my bag, checking and rechecking rations, weapons, and med supplies. The nuts that Jasper and Monty found are absolutely disgusting, so I avoid those and go heavy on berries, roots, and cured meat. 

“Where you headed, princess?” Bellamy says from behind me.

“First, stop sneaking up on me. Second, I’m investigating a bunker that the Ark found.”

“I’ll go with you,” he says quickly.

“No, you won’t. You need to stay here-”

“And you need to not wander off alone.” I glare at him for cutting me off and he smirks because he knows he’s right.

“Fine. Pack a bag, we’re leaving in ten minutes.” He can come, but I don’t have to like it. I’ve lost my taste for looking at him since he tortured the grounder, which I know isn’t fair, but nevertheless. Besides, I need to say goodbye to Fox.

She’s in the dropship, fiddling with some scrap metal. When I tap her on the shoulder, she looks up and grins widely.

“Cam! I’ve barely seen you the past few day. Wanna help make stuff?” She gestures towards the pile of metal and other things she’s gathered.

“I wish, but duty calls. I’m scouting out some possible supplies with Bellamy. I came to say goodbye.” Her face falls briefly but soon her expression turns sly.

“You sure have been spending a lot of time with Bellamy lately,” she teases. 

“That’s my cue to leave.” I hug her tightly.

“Stay safe,” she says brightly. “Don’t be afraid to get close to Bellamy-” I plug my ears and walk out the door, turning to stick my tongue out at her at the last minute. She giggles. 

Bellamy’s packing rations when I get outside. It seems like a lot for a day trip, but I don’t question it. God knows with him. He turns around with a smirk.

“Enjoying the view?” he snickers. I roll my eyes.

“Come on, the bunker’s only a few miles away. We should try to get back before dark.” I brush past him and out the gate. He shoots a look behind him, probably at Octavia, and follows me.

Our map is pretty bad, but I managed to mark the approximate coordinates so we have a general direction to go off of. It gets swampy fast, probably from the hurricane, and I nearly fall on my ass repeatedly. Bellamy’s amused chuckling behind me does not help me stay calm and collected. I want to punch him and hug him at the same time. Whenever I glance back at him, he  looks me in the eye and smiles softly, in the I’ve only ever seen him smile at Octavia.

And me, I guess.

“Let’s stop for a second,” I say when we reach a place where I could sit down without getting covered in mud. 

“You’re the boss,” Bellamy says lightly. He sets his pack down and pulls out a pouch of nuts, settling down and leaning against a tree trunk. I wrinkle my nose.

“Those things are disgusting.” I sit down across from him. He smiles and tosses one into his mouth.

“Better than starving.”

“Barely,” I reply. I take a pause, wondering if I should say what’s on my mind. Screw it. “Bellamy, the first dropship is going to land soon.” His smile falters.

“Yeah, so?” he says tightly.

“You can’t avoid Jaha forever.” 

“I can try, can’t I?” God, he’s stubborn.

“If you don’t get yourself pardoned, he might..” I hesitate. I don’t want to think about Bellamy being executed. “Maybe he’ll be lenient,” I try instead.

“I shot the man, Camellia. He's not just gonna forgive and forget. Let's just split up, cover more ground. Stay within shouting distance.” He stuffs the nuts back into his bag and stands up, not waiting for me. The bunker should be right over the ridge, we probably should start looking again, but I’m disheartened by his cold reaction.

My mind is momentarily taken off of Bellamy when I get over the ridge. Ruins, half-submerged in a swamp, cover the area. I recognize one of the buildings as the White House, or at least I think that’s what it is. There were only pictures on the Ark, but I can see pillars and the cornered roof of the entrance. 

Bellamy is hacking away at something with an axe on a ledge, so I carefully make my way all the way down the ridge and begin looking around. An underground bunker would have to be at the lowest point, but not have the danger of being flooded. So the sides of the ridge. I put out a hand and run it along the ridge, hoping for the feel of metal instead of grass. My hand catches on something almost immediately. A metal handle. Quickly, I rip through some of the brush covering it.

“Bellamy, over here. I found a door,” I yell up the ridge. He appears a few moments later and jumps down next to me. A few yanks to the handle tell me this is going to be slightly more difficult than I had anticipated.

“I think it’s rusted shut.” 

“Watch your foot,” he says in response. Confused, I move my foot away from him. He slams the axe down into the latch, startling me, and pushes open the door. Stairs decorated with cobwebs lead down into darkness. Warily, I pull out a couple flashlights.

“Ladies first,” Bellamy says dryly, gesturing grandly into the pit.

“What a gentleman,” I grumble. He chuckles behind me and I step into the bunker. 

The rest of it proves to be similar to the first staircase: dark, gloomy, covered in cobwebs, and generally unlivable. That last one is proven especially true by a skeleton laying on the stairs. 

“Oh, God,” I whisper, slightly horrified.

“Hell of a place to die,” Bellamy comments. 

Slightly discouraged, I continue down the dark staircase. My feet splash in a thin layer of water when I hit the ground. Fabulous.

“So much for living down here. This place is disgusting.”

“Anything left down here is ruined,” Bellamy agrees. He’s probably right, but looking around can’t hurt. There’s large crates all around the room, most of which are open and empty, but a few look sealed. I flip open one and see several large blankets.

“Hey, I found blankets,” I call excitedly.

“Excited about a few blankets?” comes his snarky reply.

“Better than nothing.”

“How about a canteen or a med kit or a decent fricking tent?” He yells in frustration and kicks over a barrel of water. I roll my eyes and keep looking through the boxes. Drama queen.

“Oh my God,” Bellamy says softly.

“What?” I turn to see him holding a gun.

God help us.

Ten minutes later and Bellamy has drawn a large X on one of the blankets with dirt and hung it up as a target. He’s grinning wildly, still gripping his new toy tightly, like I might steal it if he puts it down. I watch him, slightly amused by his excitement, holding a gun of my own that he handed me. 

“This changes everything. No more running from spears. Ready to be a badass, Camellia?” he exclaims eagerly. I can’t help but smile a little bit.

“Right. I’m sure that bringing guns to a camp of teenage criminals is a great plan.”

“We're lucky the rifles were packed in grease. The fact that they survived means we're not sitting ducks anymore. You need to learn how to do this,” he steamrolls over me. I guess he’s right. We do need guns. I’d love to kick some Grounder ass with these.

“How’s my form?” I ask lightly, shouldering the gun. 

“Yeah, just a little higher now, that end.” His hand comes to my shoulder and re-positions me slightly. “Yeah. Uh, that's good.” I look up at him. He’s close to me. Like, really close to me. Suddenly, he shakes his head slightly and back away.

“Watch and learn, princess.” He fires. Nothing happens. With a grin, I watch him try and fail again.

“Wow, this is a great lesson.”

“My bullets are duds,” he says with a glare that lasts about two seconds before he smiles again. “Try yours.”

I lift the gun and point it the way he did, my head slightly lowered to look through the scope. My finger presses the trigger.

Holy shit.

That was awesome.

“Damn, you’re a good shot,” Bellamy says from behind me. He actually sounds impressed. I look at the target and realize why: I was just a few inches off from the center.

“We shouldn't waste the ammunition,” I say regretfully, lowering the gun. 

“Come on, princess, live a little.”

“We need to talk about how we're going to keep guns around camp, where we keep them, and who has access,” I insist. He ignores me and fires again, this time actually managing to get a round off. 

“Bellamy,” I say, raising my voice a bit. 

“What?” he demands, louder than necessary.

“This is a big deal. We need to talk about it. You left Miller in charge of the grounder. You must trust him. Does he get a gun?”

“You should keep him close. The others listen to him.” What’s that supposed to mean?

“I should keep him close? Bellamy, what's going on? You've been acting weird all day.” I see his bag, and it hits me. “All the rations you took. You're gonna run. That's why you agreed to come with me. You were going to load up on supplies and just disappear.”

“I don't have a choice. The Ark will be here soon.” He’s made up his mind. 

“So you're just gonna leave Octavia?” The truth is, the only person I’m worried about him leaving is myself, but I know Octavia will get to him. 

“Octavia hates me. She'll be fine.”

“You don't know-” I start desperately. 

“I shot the chancellor. They're gonna kill me, Camellia. Best-case scenario, they lock me up with the Grounder for the rest of my life, and there's no way in hell I'm giving Jaha the satisfaction.” He’s shouting now.

“Bellamy, I-”

“I need some air,” he cuts me off and leaves. As soon as I hear him leave, I let my gun clatter to the ground. He’s leaving. 

Bellamy is running off, leaving us all.

He’s leaving me.

I can’t lose Bellamy. 

I know I shouldn’t care, I know that I act like I hate him, but dammit, he made me care about him. His stupid smirk got to me, and now I can’t lose him. 

His bag is still down here, he couldn’t have left yet. I can still convince him to stay. I run up the stairs, pulling myself out the door.

“Bellamy!” I yell. Where is he? I look around wildly. Then I see him. He’s kneeling on the ground, looking at nothing. When I get closer, I hear him talking to someone.

“The radio. I didn't know that would happen.” A tear falls down his face.

“Bellamy?” I ask softly. He doesn’t even look at me.

“Stop!” he moans, like he’s in pain.

“Bellamy, who are you talking to?” I beg.

“Please kill me. Kill me! I deserve it. Please. I can't fight anymore.” He falls fully to the ground, almost like someone hit him. 

“Bellamy,” I scream, kneeling next to him and taking his face in my hands. “Please look at me.” I’m crying, confused and hurt. What’s wrong with him?

“Mom?” he says, disbelieving.

“What? No, it’s me, it’s Camellia.” What the hell is happening?  
“I killed you,” he mumbles through tears. He’s shaking. I look at his eyes, confused. They’re bloodshot and his pupils are tiny. There’s nothing wrong, he’s just tripping balls for some reason. I laugh despite myself and wipe away my tears. He’s still looking at me like I might not be real.

“Should've stayed in the bunker, Cam. I tried not to kill you, but here you are, and Shumway said no witnesses.” I look around and see… Dax? Holding a gun?

“Dax? What the hell are you doing?”

“What I have to,” he says grimly.

“Stop being dramatic and tell me what’s happening.”

“Shumway set it up. He gave me the gun to shoot the chancellor,” Bellamy says scratchily. I look back down at him, still half in my arms on the ground. 

“What? Shumway? This makes no-” And then it all clicks. Bellamy botched the assassination, so now he’s a liability.

“Dax, put it down. We can figure this out,” I say, trying to sound calm.

“Nothing personal.” He raises the gun. Bellamy rolls suddenly and pushes me to the ground, grabbing his own gun in one swift motion. Dax fires. The bullets are the same that Bellamy had earlier, the duds. Out of options, Dax lunges and slams into Bellamy, knocking him to the ground. When I run over to help, Dax slams the butt of his rifle into my ribs and throws me to the side. I cough and gasp, wincing at every movement.

I guess at some point, Bellamy got Dax off of him, because the next thing I know Dax has hauled me to my feet and is using me as a human shield.

“Hands where I can see them,” Dax growls. Slowly, Bellamy drops his gun and lifts his hands. 

“Bend down and get the gun. Nice and slow.” I obey, kneeling slowly to grab the gun. 

“Good. Hand it to me.” Like hell. I throw the gun to Bellamy at the same time that I slam my head into Dax’s before diving to the ground. The shot sounds off. Dax’s body falls to the ground. 

“Are you okay?” Bellamy runs over to me and helps me sit up. I groan and lean heavily on a tree trunk. His fingers brush my ribs, sending shooting pains through me.

“I’ll be fine. Are you?” 

“No, I'm not. My mother... If she knew what I've done, who I am she raised me to be better, to be good. All I do is hurt people. I'm a monster.” His voice is full of pain. He saw his mother when he was hallucinating. If I thought my mom could see me right now, I’d probably be thinking the same thing. 

“You saved my life today, Bellamy. You may be a total ass half the time, but we all need you.” I hesitate for a moment. I need him, but maybe I’m not ready for him to know that yet. “None of us would've survived this place if it wasn't for you. You want forgiveness, fine, I'll give it to you. You're forgiven, but you can't run, Bellamy. You have to come back with me.” 

Please, please come back with me.

“Jaha will kill me when he comes down.”

“I won’t let that happen. We’ll get you pardoned like the rest of us.” He looks at me, truly looks me in the face for the first time tonight. Gathering some courage, I reach out and take his hand in mine. After a moment, he nods.

“Okay. Okay, let’s go home.” He stands up and helps me to my feet. 

When we arrive back at camp, toting guns along with us, I catch snatches of a conversation. The Grounder escaped? Definitely Octavia, but that’s not a concern anymore. Bellamy and I push through the crowd. 

“Let the grounders come. We've been afraid of them for far too long, and why? Because of their knives and spears. I don't know about you, but I'm tired of being afraid.” We set the bags on the ground, letting the guns spill out. The kids burst into conversation, a few people even cheering. 

“These are weapons, ok, not toys, and we have to be prepared to give them up to the guard when the dropships come, but until then, they're gonna help keep us safe,” Clarke says, stepping up next to us. I roll my eyes slightly. She didn’t even find them, but honestly I’ll let her make the rules. She’s good at that.

“And there are plenty more where these came from. Tomorrow we start training, and if the grounders come, we're gonna be ready to fight.” Bellamy nods at me. I smile slightly and head to the radio tent.

The headsets are waiting patiently, and there’s a guard stationed to monitor the radio in case of an emergency. Sitting down, I slip on the headphones and take a deep breath.

“I need to see Chancellor Jaha.” The guard nods and says something unintelligible into his radio. A minute later, Jaha appears and sits down.

“Cam, how can I help you?” I insist that he calls me that. No one gets to call me Camellia. 

Except Bellamy. And you know, speak of the devil.

“We need to talk about Bellamy Blake.” Jaha’s peaceful expression falters.

“The would-be assassin. What about him?”

“I’m only asking you to talk to him. He’s ready if you are. And sir, with all due respect, I think you’ll find quite the resistance down here if you don’t at least hear him out.” Jaha chuckles.

“Alright. I’ll speak to the boy.” Without a word, I stand and leave the tent. Bellamy is talking to Octavia at the edge of the camp. For a moment, watching them, I wonder if Octavia knows just how lucky she is to have someone that cares so much about her. Sure, Bellamy can be a total jackass, but he would die for her in an instant if she just said the word.

“Bellamy, it’s time,” I call.

Bellamy nods and comes over, casting one last glance over his shoulder at his sister. I do my best to smile, but my nerves are unimaginable. If he isn’t pardoned, Bellamy will run. I slip on my headset once again.

“Mr. Blake, I've wanted to talk to you for some time now. You’ve committed a serious crime, as I’m sure you’re aware.”

“Yes, sir,” Bellamy says sharply.

“And you would like to be pardoned?”

“Yes, sir.”

“I’m sure you know how ridiculous that sounds to me.” Anger flares up, a familiar burn in my stomach.

“Chancellor, when you sent us down here, you sent us to die. We were expendable, and you bent a law to save air for yourself. Miraculously, most of us are still alive. In large part, that is because of him, because of Bellamy. If he hadn’t been here, you wouldn’t know that Earth is survivable, and there would be more and more cullings until the Ark population goes extinct. Bellamy is one of us, and he deserves to be pardoned of his crimes just like the rest of us.” Bellamy’s staring at me like I just spoke French.

“Camellia, I appreciate your point of view, but it's not that simple-”

“My name is Cam. Well, to you anyway. And actually, it is that simple,” I tell him shortly.

“You want to know who on the Ark wants you dead, don’t you?” Bellamy asks. Jaha is silent, considering the two treasonous teenagers telling him what to do. I glance at Bellamy nervously. Maybe we overstepped.

“Bellamy Blake, you're pardoned for your crimes. Now, tell me who gave you the gun.” I sigh in relief, and I hear Bellamy do the same. Under the table, his hand grabs mine and squeezes.

“Commander Shumway, sir. He gave me the gun and the order to assassinate you in exchange for a place on the dropship. Today, he got a boy named Dax to try to kill me.” I close my eyes, remembering Dax’s lifeless body hitting the ground.

“I see. Thank you for the information. Cam, we’ll be in touch.” He leaves. I pull off my headset and exhale deeply, leaning back in my chair.

“How does it feel to be a free man, Bellamy Blake?” I ask with a grin. Next thing I know, I’m off the ground and in his arms, spinning around. I fling my arms around his neck to keep up, laughing as he spins.

“Thanks for saving my ass, princess.”


	9. Season 1, Episode 9: Unity Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: blood, injuries, explosions
> 
> word count: 2299

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soft!Bellamy alert!!

“My friends, this is a historic Unity Day. Every year, we mark the moment our ancestors of the twelve stations joined to form the Ark, but this is the last time we do so while aboard her. Next year, on the ground.” Jaha looks at us from a screen, smiling as he talks about the holiday.

“Right. After we did all the work. Someone shut him up,” Miller sneers.

“You shut up, Miller. No one's forcing you to watch,” Raven scolds. He’s got a point though. We were Jaha’s guinea pigs. He did no work at all besides pulling a lever that sent us down here.

“Monty strikes again! Call this batch Unity Juice!” Jasper comes around holding a jug. I can smell it from here. “Who's thirsty?” The crowd leaves the screen amd crowds around Jasper as he serves out the moonshine. I roll my eyes but smile anyway. These kids deserve a party.

“Hey, Cam,” Fox says, throwing her arms around my shoulders from behind. 

“Happy Unity Day,” I respond in my best impression of Jaha. She giggles.

“Let’s get a drink.”

We do have a drink. Several, actually. Like, a lot of drinks. Fox is sitting on the lap of someone I don’t know, and I’m playing beer pong with Miller. I’ve had enough of the moonshine that it barely burns when I throw another glass down. 

“Shut up, I’ve got this.” I focus, holding the piece of scrap metal that I’m supposed to be flipping into the cup. Miller laughs.

“Your hands are shaking, Cam, there’s no way you’re making this.” I glare at him and flip the metal. It lands square in the cup.

“Suck it, Miller!” I laugh. He shakes his head with a grin and downs the moonshine, wincing as he does.

“Finn wants to talk,” Clarke says, tapping my shoulder. 

“What happened?” I slur slightly.

“Oh my God, you’re completely slammed.”

“I’m fine.” She looks doubtful.

“If you say so. Let’s take a walk.” I nod and follow her to the edge of camp where Finn is waiting. He looks at me oddly but doesn’t say anything.

“Can someone tell me what’s happening?” I say frustratedly.

“I set up a meeting with the Grounders.” Finn looks between me and Clarke seriously. I blink, confused.

“Hold up, what? How?” I demand.

“I was just with the Grounder that we had in the dropship. His name is Lincoln.”

“He spoke to you?” Clarke asks.

“It's not important.”

“I don’t know, it seems pretty important,” I say incredulously. 

“It’s not. Can you think of a better way to stop the bloodshed?” Finn says impatiently.

“Yeah. With the guns that the guard bring down.”

“You really want a war? Because at this rate, that's what's coming. Look. I know it's a long shot, but this is our world now, and I think we can do better than the first time around. I trust him.” Of course he trusts him. Seems reasonable to trust the guy that stabbed him with a poisoned knife.

“I don't,” I say. “But if we go, we have to bring backup.”

“No way. We're not bringing guns. Those weren't the terms, and if we're gonna do this, we got to give it a fair shot.” I glance at Clarke and she nods slightly.

“We'll meet you at the gate,” I tell him firmly. He smiles at Clarke and walks off. I take a deep breath. Finn the peacemaker. What an idiot.

“So can we agree that there’s no way in hell we’re going without backup?” I ask tiredly. 

“Get Bellamy,” Clarke agrees. “I’ll get some bullets from Raven and meet you back at the gate.” 

Hopefully, Bellamy isn’t as tipsy as I am. I’m not real excited about giving a bunch of moonshine-drunk teenagers rifles, but I’m even less excited about going into Grounder territory without backup. As I walk through the camp, I can see that my prayers for sobriety are going to be unanswered. These kids are hammered. 

Bellamy is standing near one of the fires around camp, looking into the flames. He looks pretty steady on his feet, thankfully.

“Hey, I need to talk to you.” He looks around at me and smiles.

“Hey, princess. Having fun?”

“I was. Unfortunately, I’m serious now.”

“You always are,” he says, shaking his head.

“Finn's set up a meeting with the Grounders. I'm leaving to go talk to them.” His smile fades. 

“Because you think that impaling people on spears is code for ‘let's be friends?’ Have you lost your damn mind?” 

“Yeah, probably. But I think it might be worth a shot. I mean, we do have to live with these people, right?” He doesn’t look persuaded.

“They'll probably gut you, string you up as a warning.” I can feel his apprehension, and yeah, I can definitely sympathize,

“That’s where you come in. Clarke and I need you to be our backup.”

“Does Finn know about this?” he asks. His tone is patronizing, but I know it’s not directed at me. 

“Finn doesn’t need to know. Are you with me?” Please say yes.

“Of course, princess.” His smirk is back.

“Good. And Bellamy? Bring guns.” 

Five minutes later, I’m wandering through the woods with Finn and Clarke. Bellamy, Jasper, and Raven are following us from a distance, and Finn’s too excited to notice anything’s off.

Finn takes us to a bridge. Octavia’s there for some reason, pacing back and forth. Clarke and I exchange a look. Why is she here? 

“Wait, someone’s coming,” I whisper. A form emerges from the trees across the bridge. It’s the Grounder that stabbed Finn. He runs towards us, and Octavia breaks into a run towards him. She throws her arms around his neck. I suppress the urge to look behind me for a glimpse of Bellamy. He is most definitely pissed about this. 

“I guess we know how he got away,” I mutter.

“Look. Oh, my God. Horses!” Clarke breathes. She’s right: three Grounders on horses come out of the woods. Two of them wear masks, but the woman in the middle is wearing war paint. Finn starts to walk forward, but Lincoln holds him back.

“Just them,” he orders. Finn starts to protest.

“It’ll be fine,” Clarke tells him. He nods after a moment and we walk towards the woman. She dismounts her horse and comes to us as well.

“Which one is Clarke and which one is Camellia?” the woman asks in a monotone.

“I’m Clarke.”

“So you are Camellia?” she says, turning to me.

“Nice to meet you.” I don’t dare correct her. Camellia is fine from the lady who looks like she could kill me in 1,000 different ways.

“I’m Anya.” 

“I think we got off to a rough start, but we want to find a way to live together in peace,” Clarke says.

“I understand. You started a war that you don't know how to end.”

“What? No. We didn't start anything. You attacked us for no reason,” I retort, trying to keep my voice calm. 

“No reason? The missiles you launched burned a village to the ground.” Missiles? We didn’t launch an missiles. Clarke realizes before I do.

“The flares? No, that was a signal meant for our families. We had no idea-”

“You're invaders,” Anya cuts her off. “Your ship landed in our territory.”

“We didn't know anyone was here. We thought the ground was uninhabited,” Clarke insists. 

“You knew we were here when you sent an armed raiding party to capture one of us and torture him. These are all acts of war.”

“So is stabbing one of our people,” I say angrily. The woman glares at me, and Clarke gives me a warning look. 

“I see your point. That's why we need to put an end to all of this,” she says calmly. Clarke is a lot better at this than I am.

“Lincoln said there are more of you coming down, warriors,” Anya says, almost curiously. 

“The guard, yes, but also farmers, doctors, engineers. We can help each other but not if we're at war,” Clarke tells her. 

“Can you promise that these new arrivals won't attack us, that they'll respect the terms you and I agree on?” Good question, creepy lady. We have no idea because our government is a bunch of dickheads.

“I promise I will do everything I can to convince them to honor the terms that we set,” Clarke responds diplomatically. 

“Why would I agree to an alliance that your people can break the moment they get here?” Wow, good point. We are losing this debate very badly. 

“If you fire the first shot, those people coming down won't bother negotiating,” I tell her honestly. “Our technology-they will wipe you out.”

“They wouldn't be the first to try.” Oh, she’s good. I look at Clarke, who looks completely desperate.

“They're gonna shoot! Run!” yells someone behind us. I register it before Clarke and pull her down to the ground with me. Anya draws a knife and slashes at me, but suddenly falls backward. I look behind me wildly and see Bellamy with his gun raised. Thank God.

“We’ve got to go!” I yell over the gunfire. Clarke nods and we scramble to our feet, running as fast as we can around the arrows flying towards us. We make it into the tree line and I think we’re safe. 

Pain shoots up my leg. I cry out and fall to the ground. An arrow sticks out my calf. 

“Shit, shit, shit.” I try to get up, to crawl farther into the trees, but my leg seems to have given up. The rest of the group has already run into the woods, believing me to be behind them. I yell after them, but they’re out of sight. My leg is gushing blood around the arrow. I collapse to the ground fully, back hitting the dirt floor of the forest.

“Camellia!” Bellamy runs into view. “Oh God, you’re hit.” He kneels next to me and examines my leg before slinging off his pack and digging around in it. 

“I’m fine, Bellamy, we have to get back to camp,” I say desperately. He ignores me, pulling a strip of fabric out of his bag and wrapping my leg around the arrow. His hands are quick, effectively staunching the blood flow. 

“Bellamy, they might come back. We have to go.” I start to push myself up off the ground and immediately cry out again. It doesn’t stop me from trying again and again though. 

“Camellia,” Bellamy says gently. I try again and nearly bite through my lip trying to hold back a cry of pain. “Camellia, stop. You’re hurting yourself.” Tears fall down my cheeks from the sheer helplessness of it all. Bellamy gets an arm around my back and pulls me against him, letting me lean on him as he picks me up. The movement hurts, but I don’t make a sound. Exhaustion and pain creep over me. I let myself slump on him, head resting on his shoulder. 

For the second time, I pass out in Bellamy’s arms. 

I wake up in the dropship. The arrow is out of my leg and it’s been properly bandaged. Clarke smiles when my eyes flicker open. 

“Hey, there you are. You’re gonna be okay, it wasn’t too deep. Fox made some crutches for you.” She hands me some wooden crutches. “A couple weeks on these and you’ll be back to normal.” 

“Thanks, doc,” I tease. She rolls her eyes.

“I’ll get Bellamy. He’s been worried sick.” With a mischievous smile, she leaves the dropship. I sit up with a groan and step lightly onto the ground, leaning heavily on the crutches. The first step is hell, but then it gets easier and easier as I find my balance. That is, until I nearly get toppled over by a hug.

“You scared me, princess,” Bellamy mumbles into my hair.

“Careful! I’m fragile, remember?” I say with a laugh. He releases me quickly and steps back sheepishly. 

“Sorry. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I promise. “Care to take me on a walk around the camp? I’m sure Dr. Griffin wants me on my feet to get used to the crutches.” 

“Yeah, of course,” Bellamy says brightly. He hands me the crutch that he knocked out of my hands with his hug and look worriedly at me as I get re-balances. I roll my eyes with a grin.

“Don’t look at me like that. It’s just my leg, I’m not going to drop dead.” 

When I get outside, a few people look oddly at me but most of them just ignore me. Injuries are pretty commonplace around here. Bellamy has regained some of his cool now that we’re in public, but every now and then he glances at me worriedly. I tell myself that he’s just a good friend. There’s nothing here except two teenagers bonding over our struggle to survive. 

A loud BOOM nearly scares me off my feet. I look up and see something shooting across the sky. The Exodus ship? They’re early. Bellamy looks half nervou, half relieved, and I’m feeling about the same way.

“Weren’t they supposed to leave in a couple days?” Bellamy muses. Clarke comes over to us and stares up at the ship. I remember just who’s going to be on that ship. 

“Your mom’s early,” I say with a smile. 

“Wait. Too fast. No parachute? Something's wrong.” She’s right. They’re going much too fast. The ship disappears behind some mountains in the distance.

A fiery mushroom cloud appears. 

No one could have survived that.

Clarke realizes that as the same time I do and falls to her knees. 

The Exodus launch was a failure. And we are still completely alone. 


	10. Season 1, Episode 10: I Am Become Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: sickness, blood (specifically vomiting blood), death, bombs, torture mentions
> 
> word count: 3388

Bellamy takes an expedition out to investigate the crash site the next morning. Raven is practically glowing at the prospect of new things to tinker with. I’m packing my bag when Bellamy comes up behind me.

“You do know you’re not coming with us, right princess?” 

“Like hell I’m not.”

“You’re on crutches,” he says dryly.

“And you’re on my nerves. We’ve all got problems.” He smiles a little bit.

“There’s no way I’m getting you to stay here, is there?”

“You learn quickly,” I tell him with a large fake smile. He chuckles and takes my pack.

“Okay, but I’m carrying this. Deal?”

“What a gentleman.” 

Fox is extremely worried about my condition and insists on coming too. Bellamy doesn’t fight her. She’s one of our best shooters, and Grounder retaliation for the bridge is an ever-looming threat. Her gun is my greatest competition for the title of her best friend. 

I smell the crash site before I see it. Smoke, charred metal, and ash mix together to form one of the most unpleasant scents I’ve ever encountered. It’s very similar to the time that Murphy set a fire in Alpha station, which is possible the stupidest crime I’ve ever heard of. He did it for absolutely no reason. 

Tears sting at my eyes from the smoke and the sight of the crash. Blackened skeletons lie scattered in between the chunks of metal that separated upon landing. The ship cleared a large amount of trees, which I’m sure the Grounders will be absolutely thrilled about. I think about all the people who were on this ship, people who will never see the ground, and murmur the prayer I said over Diggs and Roma. My parents often attended Vera Kane’s meetings, and the Traveler’s Blessing is engrained in my brain. I even watered the Last Tree a few times. Not that I really believe in a God, but saying a prayer over some corpses can’t hurt. 

“Clarke shouldn’t be here,” Finn says. He’s right. She’s barely said a word today.

“Her mom was on the ship. She's looking for answers. You want to help her, find me the black box, hard drives, anything that will explain why this ship crashed," Raven tells us. I was terrible in engineering classes, so I don’t think I’ll be much help, but I look around the wreckage anyway.

"Stay sharp. Grounder retaliation for what happened on the bridge is coming, just a matter of when,” Bellamy orders. Fox nods and re-positions her grip on her rifle. 

"Can you blame them?" Finn mutters.

"No. I blame you,” I counter. 

"Maybe if you didn't bring guns--"

"If we didn't bring guns, we all would've been killed,” Raven says, silencing Finn. 

"Why they're coming doesn't matter anymore. It's our job to be ready when they do. We're on our own now.” Bellamy goes over to some of the gunners. I watch him go, wondering where he pulls those speeches from. 

Clarke, higher up in the wreckage, exclaims and covers her nose. Curious, I go to where she’s standing. Reddish liquid drips from a hunk of metal.

“Clarke, stop!” Raven calls, running up to us. 

"Rocket fuel?" Clarke asks. 

"Hydrazine,” Raven says excitedly. “Highly unstable in its non solid form. If this stuff meets fire, we're all pink mist." She dips a rock in the stuff. “Fire in the hole!” When she throws the rock into one of the still burning fires, it explodes very loudly.

“Awesome,” I mumble. Fox barely stifles a giggle next to me. Raven glares at us but eventually breaks into a smile too. 

"We need to clear the area,” she says, still trying not to smile at Fox and I. 

"Okay, then,” Bellamy says loudly. “We move in formation, no straggling, weapons hot. We got to get back before dark."

We don’t, in fact, get back before dark. In the coming winter months, it’s been getting dark sooner and sooner. It puts Bellamy on edge like you would not believe, especially with Octavia sneaking out constantly. No one dares mention it though. It’s the sort of secret that everybody knows about but pretends they don’t. 

When we make it back, the camp seems more chaotic than usual. Teenagers are whispering in clumps, the security posts have been mostly abandoned, and most of the regular fires haven’t been lit. I glance up at Bellamy. He looks pissed.

“What the hell is going on here?” he demands loudly. No one answers at first, they just stare at us.

“You,” I declare, pointing at a kid named Derek. “Details. Now.” He gulps and walks up to us gingerly, like I might punch him.

“We found Murphy outside the walls. He’s in the dropship.” Bellamy glowers and storms up to the dropship. Clarke and I follow quickly. Fox starts to come with us, but I motion for her to stay.

“Just for now,” I tell her. “We don’t know what he’s gonna do.” She nods, looking slightly disappointed. 

Murphy is huddled in the corner. I gasp when I see him. He’s covered in blood. One of his eyes is swollen shut, and I can barely tell it’s him with all the cuts and bruises on his face. 

"He claims he was with the Grounders,” Derek tells us. 

"We caught him trying to sneak back into camp," Connor adds. 

"I wasn't sneaking. I was running from the Grounders." Murphy’s voice is scratchy and weak. I almost feel bad for him. Almost. 

"Anyone see Grounders?" Bellamy asks. Connor shakes his head. "Well, in that case--" Bellamy raises his gun. 

"Hey, what the hell is wrong with you?" Finn shoves the gun down. 

"We were clear what would happen if he came back."

"If he was with the Grounders, then he knows things that can help us."

"Help us? We hanged him. We banished him, and now we're gonna kill him. Get the hell out of my way."

"No. Finn is right." Clarke says. 

"Like hell he is. Clarke, think about Charlotte," Bellamy insists. 

"I am thinking about her, but what happened to Charlotte was as much our fault as his.” She’s right. I kneel down next to Murphy and examine his hand. Bloody fingers with no nails. 

“ He's not lying,” I tell them “His fingernails were torn off. They tortured him."

"You and the Grounders should compare notes," Finn mutters to Bellamy.

“Shut the hell up, Finn,” I spit. 

"What did you tell them about us?" Bellamy demands. 

"Everything." Murphy looks at me regretfully. 

"Once he's better, we find out what he knows, and then he's out of here, okay?" Clarke says in a placating tone. 

"What if he refuses to leave? What do we do with him then?" Bellamy asks. 

"Then we kill him," I reply grimly. 

I stay out of the dropship for the rest of the day, not wanting to see the scumbag currently inhabiting it. Clarke can deal with his medical needs, that’s her thing anyway. After I tell Fox what’s happening, she insists that I sit down with her to get off my feet. Rolling my eyes but obliging, I sit at one of the fires with her and Miller. The evening is quickly approaching. We come up with a sort of game, trying to toss berries into each other’s mouth from around the fire. Fox is the best at it, only dropping one or two of them. 

“Cam, your eyes!” Fox gasps. I reach up and rub my eyes, quickly.

“What? What is it?” I ask frantically. When I bring my hands back down, they’re bloody. Someone across camp cough loudly. Connor chokes and coughs blood up. 

"Clarke! Where's Clarke?" Fox yells. 

"Cam?" Clarke comes over to me. Bloody tears streak her face. 

“I’m fine, check on Connor.” 

"It won't stop," he whispers, coughing up more blood. 

"Clarke! What's happening?" Fox asks worriedly.

"They're the ones who brought Murphy in," Clarke mutters. “Cam, get in the dropship. Now.” 

I do, stumbling slightly. Everything got very unsteady all of the sudden. The ground spins under me. When I get inside, I fall to my knees, coughing. Blood spatters the floor. Looking up, I see Murphy choking on his own blood. Heaving myself up, I make my way to him and roll him to the side. His coughing slows and he breathes deeply. 

"Murphy, hey, look at me. I need you to tell me exactly how you escaped from the Grounders. What happened?" Clarke asks. I don’t know when she came in. 

"I don't know. I woke up, and they forgot to lock my cage,” Murphy recounts. “There was no one there, so I took off."

"They let you go," I realize. 

Bellamy runs in. He sees us on the floor and charges forward. I put up my hand to stop him.

“Stay back,” I command as firmly as I can. 

“Did he do something to you?” Anger practically radiates off him.

“No, I’m fine,” I insist. “Please stay back.”

“You don’t look fine. Murphy, I swear to God, if you touched her-”

“He didn’t, okay? He didn’t do anything.”

“What the hell is this?” 

“Biological warfare,” Clarke declares. “You were waiting for the Grounders to retaliate for the bridge? This is it. Murphy is the weapon."

"Is this your revenge, helping the Grounders kill us?" Bellamy snarls.

"I didn't know about this, okay, I swear."

"Stop lying. When are they coming?"

"Murphy, think, all right?” I plead. “What can you tell us that's useful? Did you hear anything?" Murphy shakes his head.

"They are vicious, cruel," he says in a warning tone. 

"You want to see vicious?" Bellamy takes a step forward. 

"Bellamy, don't. Whatever this thing is, it spreads through contact. You should leave,” I caution.

"Clarke?" Finn enters. 

"Finn, you shouldn't be in here. No one should." Clarke holds up a hand.

"I heard you were sick. Clarke, what is this?"

"I don't know, some kind of hemorrhagic fever. We just need to contain it before-” A retching in the corner cuts her off. Derek heaves and coughs, spitting up startling amount of blood. I get up to help him and almost immediately stumble. Bellamy catches me, a hand on my shoulder. 

"No, don't touch me,” I panic. “You could get sick. Wash your hands. Now."

"What the hell is happening to him?" Finn asks quietly. 

"I don't know," I admit, going to him and trying to roll him to the side. He’s shaking, coughing, and suddenly he stops. I press two fingers against his neck, searching for a pulse. Stillness. 

"He's dead." I get up and step away from him. 

"Here. Alcohol. Hold out your hand," Clarke says, dumping moonshine over Bellamy’s hands. If that stuff can’t kill this virus, nothing can. 

"What do we do?" Finn asks. 

"Quarantine. Round up everyone who had contact with Murphy. Bring them here." Finn nods and heads out of the dropship. I turn to Connor. 

"Who was with you when you found him? Who carried him in? Think." He’s silent for a moment, probably trying to get up the strength to speak. When he does, it’s quiet and hoarse. 

"The first one there was Octavia." Oh God. 

“Bellamy, go get her now.”

Finn brings back a group of bleeding and coughing kids. I try to make them as comfortable as possible, but most of the bedding is outside. Raven, wearing a piece of fabric over her nose and mouth, brings in one of the water pumps we’ve got set up and leaves quickly. We’ve got rations too. It’s the perfect hospital, except we have exactly one doctor and she’s 17 years old. 

Bellamy brings Octavia in, both of them looking quite worried. Clarke inspects her while I try to keep the infected hydrated, comfortable, and alive. A very large of amount of blood has ended up on my clothes, hands, everywhere, and most of it isn’t mine. 

“How are you feeling?” I turn from the boy I’m cleaning blood off of.

“Better than most of the kids in here,” I say honestly. Bellamy smiles, but it fades quickly as I go into a coughing fit, hacking up blood into my sleeve. He goes to help me but I wave him away.

“No, stay back. You shouldn’t be in here.” He nods and starts to leave. “Wait, Bellamy,” I call. “Can you check on Fox? Make sure she’s okay?” 

“Of course,” he says with another small smile. Someone coughing from across the dropship gets my attention. When I look back, Bellamy is gone. That’s good, he needs to stay away from the infected.

Still, though, I wish he could stay.

“Hey, Cam,” Clarke says, sitting next to me.

“Hey. How’s Octavia?”

“About that. I sent her to see Lincoln.” Dammit.

“What? Clarke, if Bellamy finds out-”

“It doesn’t matter. We need a cure, and Lincoln will have one.” I have to agree with her on that front. Someone retches near me. I go to her. It’s a girl I don’t know, probably about 14 or 15. Barely older than Charlotte. 

“Hey, you’re okay,” I whisper softly, rolling her onto her side. She coughs up some blood, and then more and more. When she calms down, I brush some hair out of her face.

“What’s your name?” I ask gently.

“Maggie,” she rasps. 

“You’re going to be okay, Maggie.” She nods slightly and coughs again. And she doesn’t stop. I help her as much as I can, trying to keep her from choking, but I can’t stop the blood bubbling hot out of her mouth. She stills and I breathe a sigh of relief. 

She’s too still. 

“Clarke, help!” I scream. Clarke rushes over and checks for a pulse. She looks up at me and shakes her head. 

“No, can’t you do something?” I beg. “Please, anything.” 

“She’s gone. I’m so sorry, Cam.” I’m crying, sobbing over this girl I didn’t even know. We’ve lost so many of our people. Children. I lift Maggie’s body and cradle her head against my shoulder.

“In peace, may you leave the shore. In love, may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels, until our final journey to the ground. May we meet again.” I whisper the prayer, hoping it might reach some higher power. Clarke echoes the last phrase, “may we meet again,” and gently takes Maggie’s body from me. She’ll be burned, not buried. We can’t risk spreading the virus. I step outside as Maggie’s body is placed on the pile. A crowd looks on.

"All right. Show is over. Get back to your posts." Bellamy turns to me and Clarke. "You got enough food in there, water?"

"Yeah. Some medicine might be nice," I say with a half-smile. Bellamy returns it full-force. 

"I'll see what I can do." He takes a step forward and raises his voice. "Octavia, you okay?" I glance at Clarke. 

"She's not here,” Clarke admits. “I sent her to see Lincoln. Look. If there's a cure, he has it. I didn't tell you because I knew you wouldn't let her go." Bellamy glares at her, then looks to me.

“Did you know about this?”

“Not until after she was already gone,” I say honestly. He nods and looks at Clarke again, anger etched all over his face, 

"If anything happens to her, you and me are gonna have problems." He storms away. 

"Bellamy... Bellamy!" I call after him. He doesn’t respond, just keeps shoving through the crowd. Someone turns around. His eyes are bloody.

“"Get to the dropship. Now!” Bellamy commands. Someone else retches in the crowd and falls to the ground, coughing blood on the people around her in the process. Yells erupt over the crowd. Several people raise guns, pointing them anywhere they hear a cough. Finn’s right in the middle, trying to push guns to point at the ground, but he can’t control everyone. 

Gunshots silence the crowd. Clarke holds a rifle, shooting into the sky. She takes a step forward. 

"This is exactly what the Grounders want. Don't you see that?” she yells.

“You’re playing right into their game. They don't have to kill us if we kill each other first,” I add, going to stand next to her. A boy points a rifle at me.

"They won't have to kill us if we all catch the virus. Get back in the damn dropship!" Bellamy surges forward and grabs the gun, slamming the butt of it into the boy’s neck. He falls back, gasping for air.

"Not to state the obvious, but your quarantine isn't working," Bellamy says. Before Clarke can respond, she stumbles and falls to the side. Finn rushes forward and catches her. 

\"Finn, don't touch her!" Raven calls. Ouch. That’s gotta hurt. 

"Hey, let me go. I'm okay."

"No, you're not."

"Octavia will come back with a cure," Clarke mumbles hopefully. 

"There is no cure.” Octavia pushes through the crowd. “But the Grounders don't use the sickness to kill."

"Really? Tell that to them.” Bellamy gestures to the bodies. “I warned you about seeing that Grounder again."

"Yeah? Well, I have a warning for you, too. The Grounders are coming, and they're attacking at first light." She turns to Finn, away from her brother. "Come on. I'll help you get Clarke into the dropship." With one last helpless look at Bellamy, I follow them inside. 

A cacophony of coughs fills my ears. I go to the nearest retching body and try to help, but my whole body is shaking. The room spins around me. Someone comes up behind me and pulls me to my feet. 

“Come on, you need to lay down.” I’m guided to one of the makeshift hammocks. When I lay back, I can see the person who helped me. Murphy.

“Why are you being so nice?” I ask hoarsely.

“You could have let Bellamy kill me. You didn’t.” 

“I let him hang you.”

“Bygones.” He tips a cup of water gently, letting me take a drink, before turning to walk away.

“Murphy,” I call weakly. “Thank you.” He nods.

I drift off slowly but surely until the world fades around me. 

"Bell? Clear some space. Lay him down." Octavia’s voice wakes me up. I sit up quickly and nearly fall out of my hammock. Bellamy, coughing and retching, is laying on the ground with Octavia kneeling over him. I desperately want to check on him, but right now Octavia needs this more. Laying back down, I fall back into a troubled sleep.

Octavia is gone from Bellamy’s side when I wake next. Slowly, I slip out of the hammock. Not as dizzy. I feel better. 

"Get the hell away from me." Bellamy shoves Murphy away. 

"Bellamy, you're sick, okay? I'm just trying to help. Here." Murphy offers him a cup of water. 

"When I get better, if you're still here-" I cut him off, taking the cup from Murphy and sitting down. 

"Hey, I got this one." I smile reassuringly and Murphy leaves. Bellamy takes a sip. He looks awful. 

"You feeling better?" he asks quietly. 

"Much"

"That's good. You seen Octavia?"

"She’s been up helping people. I think Murphy gave her a break." Bellamy scoffs. 

"Don't tell me you trust him now."

"Definitely not. But maybe he deserves a second chance." I smile and take the cup back from him. 

"It's almost dawn. Better get everyone inside. If we lock the doors, maybe the Grounders will think we're not home." 

"But not everyone’s sick. If we bring them in here, they’ll definitely get that way."

"Sick is better than dead," he shrugs. Right. The Grounder threat. 

"You don't think Finn and Jasper are gonna pull it off?"

"Do you?" He’s got a point. 

"I'll get everyone inside."

People are filing into the dropship when I see the explosion. A mushroom cloud, just like the Exodus explosion. It’s oddly beautiful, grey smoke against a blue sky. I wonder how many people it killed. 

"They did it," Bellamy says almost reverently.

"I am become death, destroyer of worlds,” I mutter. Realizing I sound insane, I turn to Bellamy. “It's Oppenheimer, the man who built the first-"

"I know who Oppenheimer is," he says with a half-grin.

“Right. I forgot you were a history nerd.” His half smirk turns into a full smile. 

“Let’s get everybody out of this ship, princess.”


	11. Season 1, Episode 11: The Calm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: torture, blood, fire
> 
> word count: 2630

I recover from the virus less than a day after the bomb, as do most of the others, Bellamy included. Everyone is on high-alert. Guard has been almost tripled, training has come to a halt to spare ammo, and no one leaves camp alone and without express permission from Clarke, Bellamy, or I. We’re doing as much as possible, but fear of retaliation is a constant.

I’m on my second guard post of the morning, and it’s only about 10:00 AM. Fox’s love of her gun is making more and more sense to me. It stays with me constantly. I even sleep with it, leaving the safety on obviously. 

“First watch is over. Go relieve Monroe on the south wall. Keep your eyes open.” Bellamy comes up next to me. “Anything?”

“It's been two days. Maybe the bomb at the bridge scared them off for good,” I say doubtfully.

“You believe that?” I look up at him, the disbelief in his eyes. He’s right.

“No. They're coming,” I admit. “So what’s our plan for when they do?” Bellamy starts walking back to camp. I follow him, still gripping tightly to my gun. Clarke joins us from her post.

“Jasper thinks he can cook up some more gunpowder if he gets some sulfur, and Raven says she can turn that into landmines. So be careful where you step,” he smirks. 

“You’re hilarious,” I say dryly. 

“What I really need is a thousand more of her tin can bombs I can roll into their village and blow those Grounders to hell.” Clarke glares at him. “That's what they want to do to us,” he protests.

“Can't believe we survived a hundred years just so we could slaughter each other. There has to be another way.”

“So far, there isn’t,” I say firmly. “Any word from the Ark?”

“Radio silence. Finally ran out of air,” Bellamy sighs.

“Maybe my mom was lucky being on the Exodus ship. At least it was quick,” Clarke says softly. “No one is coming down to save us.”

“We'll be fine,” I insist, not really believing my words. Bellamy nods anyway. Yelling from the camp draws my attention. Smoke fills the air. Fire. 

“What now?” Bellamy mutters. We run back into camp to see the meat furnace on fire. Shit. That was all of our food. Murphy helps Octavia out of the flames, both of them coughing. Bellamy and I run over to her. I’m checking for injuries, and he’s probably just really worried.

“Are you okay?” Bellamy says worriedly. She nods through coughs. 

“This is all your fault! We told you it was too much wood!” Murphy yells. He jumps a kid and starts punching him, almost knocking the both of them into the fire. Idiots.

“Hey, stop! Save it for the Grounders!” Bellamy runs between them and pushes them apart. 

“Well, now what the hell are we gonna do?” Octavia asks. “That was all the food.”

The fire is put out eventually, but it’s too late. Our food is ashes and charred skeletons. Unusable, inedible ashes. I sift through it, trying to salvage anything I can. There’s nothing.

“Any idea what happened?” Clarke asks. 

“Murphy says that Jones kept feeding the fire, mostly because Octavia told him it was a bad idea,” Bellamy explains. 

“And we believe Murphy?” I say incredulously. 

“I do.” Coming from Bellamy, that’s monumental. 

“We have some wild onions and nuts in the dropship. It's only enough to last us maybe one or two weeks. What's left here?” Clarke looks around the burned remains. 

“Nothing. It all burned.” I scoop up some ashes to demonstrate. 

“Then we have to hunt,” Clarke declares. “Anyone we can spare goes out.”

“With the whole Grounder army out there?”

“She’s right, Bellamy. We can't defend ourselves if we're starving.” He glares at me, but he knows I’m right. 

A hunting party is put together. People are going out in twos or threes. It’s dangerous, but starving to death is worse. 

“Each group takes someone with a gun, and they're for killing Grounders, not food. We don't have the ammo. Use the spears for hunting. Get what you can. Be back by nightfall. No one stays out after dark,” Bellamy orders. I grab a spear and sling my gun over my back, but he grabs my arm. “You’re not going, princess.”

“Like hell I’m not,” I argue. “I’m one of our best shooters.”

“Exactly. We need you here and not speared by Grounders.”

“So the rest of these kids are expendable? You sound an awful lot like Jaha right now.” I know I’ve gone too far. 

“Is that what you think?” I can’t read his tone.

“You know I didn’t mean that, Bellamy, I-”

“Go hunting. Bring back some food.” He turns and leaves. I resist the urge to call after him, instead taking a deep breath and trying to calm my thoughts. He’ll calm down too.

I hope.

Fox and I go together. She’s a good shot and she’s sneaky, and I'm surprisingly good with a spear. We make a good team. I find some tracks about 15 minutes in, leading down to a place where I know we’ll find a stream. Probably something taking its prey down to the water. Softly, making sure to look out for sticks and leaves that could make noise, we creep downwards. Fox keeps an eye on the trees, watching my back. I walk with my spear raised, ready to throw at any time. 

“Get down!” Fox whisper-yells, pulling my shoulder. I drop down, stomach hitting the ground. 

“Shooters in the trees,” she hisses. “I don’t know how many.” I look around, trying to find cover. The caves are too far behind us.

“How many can you take out?” I mutter, pulling my gun off my back and looking through the scope.

“Not enough,” she replies grimly. 

“Take a few of them out and see if it scares the rest of them off.” She nods and fires. A body falls from the trees and hits the ground. I do the same, knocking Grounders out of their perches. No matter how many I shoot, there always seem to be more. An arrow flies towards me and I barely manage to roll to the side. 

“Run!” I yell. Fox leaps to her feet and takes off behind me, still shooting into the trees. Something slams into the side of my head, knocking me to the ground. 

“Camellia!” Fox screams. A thud sounds and she falls next to me. I look up and see a Grounder standing over me. Blackness takes over.

My eyes are covered when I wake up. I move to uncover them, but my hands are bound. Panic starts to rise in me. I try to push it down, taking a deep breath. Fear won’t help. 

“Fox?” I call. “Are you there?”

“I’m right here,” calls back a timid voice. Relief surges through me.

“Okay, okay, we’re good. If they were going to kill us, they probably would have done it already. We’ll be okay.” Someone roughly uncovers my eyes. I blink at the sudden light. Fox is next to me. We’re tied up, kneeling in a dirty room. The door is to my left. Three guards stand around the room. A Grounder woman, her face painted, stands in front of us.

“You are Sky People,” she says coldly. Not a question. I nod anyway. 

“What do you want from us?” I ask, as strongly as possible.

“Your friends, the doctor and her boy, have been captured as well.” Not an answer to my question, but still information. She must mean Clarke and Finn. 

“What do you want?” I repeat. 

“Answers.” She reaches down and grabs Fox, pulling her to her feet.

“Leave her alone,” I growl.

“Tell me what I want to know. How many of you are there in your camp?” I glare at her, keeping my mouth shut. She pulls out a knife.

“Tell me or I stab the girl.” 

“Don’t tell them, Cam!” Fox yells. The woman yanks Fox’s hair back roughly.

“ _ Shof op! _ Answer the question.” I look sadly at Fox. She shakes her head as best she can. My mouth stays shut. 

The woman sinks the knife in Fox’s shoulder. Fox lets out a strangled scream that echoes around my head.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” I sob. Tears fall and drip onto my hands.

“How many?” the woman demands. I gather myself and spit at her feet.

“I would  _ never _ help you.” The woman sneers at me and yanks the blade out of Fox’s shoulder, making her groan in pain. 

“I will ask one more time. If you do not answer, she will not be as lucky.” The woman positions the knife over Fox’s stomach. 

“Don’t do this, please,” I beg.

“Answer the question!” the woman yells. Fox closes her eyes and shakes her head again.

“I can’t,” I say. It’s barely more than a whisper. 

The woman raises the knife. 

Her eyes widen. She stiffens. I don’t register what happened until her body hits the ground. 

Lincoln charges into the room and slashes one of the guard’s throats. The other two charge him. He grabs my spear from the corner and stabs one through the stomach before grabbing the other one and snapping his neck with a single movement.

“Lincoln?” I mumble in wonder. He kneels in front of me and cuts the ropes binding me, then does the same for Fox. She’s bleeding profusely.

“Oh, God.” I stumble over to her and rip a strip off my shirt, wrapping the wound as tightly as possible. 

“If you get her back to camp, she’ll live,” Lincoln says. I sigh in relief. 

“How did you know we were here?” 

“I heard them talking about the plan. I’m going after Clarke and Finn. Get back to your camp now. I will make the woods as safe as possible.” He gets up and leaves without another word. I say a silent thank you to whoever is pulling the universal strings that just saved me.

“Ok, Fox, we’re going home.” I help her up. She can walk, but she’s weak from blood loss. I hope she’s strong enough to get back to camp, because there is no way I can carry her. She leans heavily on me, but she’s actually moving pretty fast. 

Whatever Lincoln did, it’s working. I’m on the lookout, but I can’t really keep my gun at the ready while hauling Fox through the woods. I left my spear at the Grounder hideout, I remember. At least I grabbed our guns. Fox would probably take losing her gun worse than she took getting stabbed. 

“Cam?” Fox says vaguely.

“Yeah, I’m right here,” I say gently.

“My arm hurts,” she mutters. I laugh a little bit.

“That makes sense. We’re almost home, okay? Just a little longer.” She nods a little bit and her head lolls onto my shoulder. I start to hum, the tune I sang to Atom before he died. A song about blackbirds that my mother used to sing. It’s the only one I know. Fox relaxes slightly on my shoulder. When I look over, there’s a hint of a smile on her face. 

The camp appears, a spot in the distance. It grows steadily bigger and bigger. The beacon of hope. I’m careful to avoid the trip wires. The last thing I need is to get shot because the gunners think I’m a Grounder. 

“Hey! Someone’s back!” a voice calls. The gate opens from the inside and I stumble through, still holding Fox up.

“She’s hit! We need help!” I yell as soon as we’re in camp. A few people run forward and take Fox into the dropship. I start to follow, but someone stops me.

“What the hell happened out there?” Bellamy asks. His tone is more worried than anything else. Surprising myself more than anyone else, I fling my arms around him and bury my face in his shoulder. He hugs me back right away, strong arms fitting perfectly around me.

“Good to see you too, princess,” he says lightly. I release him after a moment. He smiles down at me.

“We were attacked. Four Grounders took us to a hideout and interrogated us. There was a woman, I think she was a leader. She was the one asking the questions. I didn’t answer her and she stabbed Fox in the shoulder. Lincoln saved us.” Bellamy’s eyebrows go up.

“Lincoln?”

“Yeah, he said he was going after Clarke and Finn…” I trail off when I see Raven come out of Bellamy’s tent. She’s pulling her hair back up. Her jacket is askew and she’s sweaty. 

Oh.

Bellamy follows where I’m looking, then looks back at me quickly.

“Camellia, I-”

“Is Clarke back yet?” I cut him off. I don’t want to have this conversation.

“No, no, we haven’t seen her. Listen, please, I didn’t-”

“What progress have you made on defense?” He looks sadly at me. I blink back a tear that had formed and swallow hard.

“We’re building foxholes. Raven’s making more landmines and Jasper’s cooking up more gunpowder.” I almost flinch when he mentions Raven, but I keep it together. He doesn’t owe me anything, it’s stupid to be upset about this. I’m not even upset, just surprised. 

I have no reason to be upset.

“Good. I’m going to check on Fox and then I’ll take a watch.”

“Camellia, you need to rest. You just got away from Grounders.” He puts a hand on my shoulder.

“I’m fine. Fox took all the damage, unfortunately.”

“I’ll go with you to check on her.”

“No, stay here. They need you on the field,” I say, gesturing at all the kids working. It’s true, they do need him, but not as much as I need to be away from him. Defeated, he nods a little.

Fox is laying on a pallet in our infirmary, if it can be called that. It’s more like a slightly cleaner place than the rest of the dropship with some makeshift medical supplies. Clarke isn’t here to doctor her up, but someone properly bandaged her arm. It hasn’t bled through, and she looks a little stronger than she did earlier. 

“Hey,” I say softly, sitting next to her. “You look terrible.” She laughs a little.

“You should see the other guy.” 

“Lincoln said you’ll be fine. As soon as Clarke gets back, though, I’d still like her to look at it.” Fox sits up slightly and winces.

“Clarke isn’t back yet?” she asks, slightly alarmed. I gently push her back down.

“No, not yet. Lincoln will bring her back.” I hope I’m telling the truth.

“Myles was with her,” Fox says sadly. The name rings an alarm in my head. Myles was from Factory Station, like Fox. They weren’t close, but I know he was a piece of home for her.

“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” I say with a smile. “Get some rest, okay?”

“You need rest too,” she protests. 

“I’m going to take a watch duty. I’ll come see you again later, alright?” I smile reassuringly.

“Cam, you’re going to run yourself into the ground. You can’t take every responsibility in the camp.” 

“I’m not. It’s just a watch duty. I’ll be fine, I promise. Get some sleep.” I brush a piece of hair off her face and stand up before she can protest again. She doesn’t look happy, but she nods and lays down fully again. 

I head back outside, gripping my gun tightly. Monroe looks like she might fall asleep at her post, so I tap her shoulder and reliever her, taking her spot scanning the trees. 

The Grounders are coming, and we have to be ready when they do. 


	12. Season 1, Episode 12: We Are Grounders, Pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: hanging, nooses, blood, arguing, death, general bad stuff
> 
> word count: 3326

Night falls on my watch. Oddly, I don’t feel tired. There’s something almost comforting about looking through the forest, the routine of it all. I’m beginning to realize just how well I know these woods. I hope I’ll still be here to see it in the morning. 

“Hey, can you help lay landmines?” Raven says, tapping my shoulder.

“Yeah, sure,” I reply. No reason to be mad, especially not at Raven. Jasper smiles at me when I kneel next to him and starts explaining the process of not getting blown up. I catch on quickly. I’m not the mechanic Raven is, but I did okay in the required Mecha station classes. 

“Better hope those landmines work. All the gunpowder we're wasting, we could be making more grenades,” Bellamy says behind us. I don’t respond, don’t even glance at him. 

“You want to come over here and test one?” Raven shoots back. 

“Cute. I need this entire section mined by morning. Then you finish the south field.” Raven stands up, probably to defend her rescue mission. She hasn’t gotten the okay and she’s already put the whole thing together. Jasper quiets down, and I remember that Monty is out there too.

“You going on the rescue?” I ask.

“Probably not. We’ve got better shooters.”

“Last I checked, none of our other shooters set off the bomb on the bridge,” I say, nudging him. He grins. 

A gunshot goes off and I jump, almost setting off the landmine in my hands. Sterling fumbles with his gun. I think he scared himself as much as anyone else. 

“What the hell is the matter with you? Bellamy demands

“I'm sorry, man. I fell asleep. I've been on watch all day.” Join the club. Bellamy grabs him by the collar and pushes him into a tree. 

“We've all been on watch all day! That bullet was one less dead grounder.”

“Bell, you're scaring people,” Octavia says. 

“They should be scared!” Bellamy turns to us, clearly about to give one of his speeches. This should be good. “The bomb on the bridge bought us some time to prepare, but that time is up! The grounders are out there right now, waiting for us to leave and picking us off one by one when we do! Clarke, Finn, and Monty are gone, probably dead, and if you want to be next, I can't stop you, but no guns are leaving this camp! This camp is the only thing keeping us alive! Get back to work!” He storms off into the dropship. 

Clarke’s not here, so I guess I’m the one who has to talk some sense into Bellamy.

“Be right back,” I mutter to Jasper, getting to my feet.

“Good luck,” he replies with the ghost of a smile.

I find Bellamy looking at his makeshift battle plan table like the ones in the old movies we saw on the Ark. It’s pretty detailed. Let it never be said that Bellamy Blake is disorganized. He looks up when he sees me walk in. There’s no one in here except for Myles. We found him in the woods with two arrow wounds. The odds of him making it until Clarke gets back are slim.

“Can I talk to you?” I ask Bellamy, trying to keep my voice calm and quiet.

“Now you wanna talk?” Great. That’s how it is.

“Bellamy, you seem to be under the delusion that you’re leading an army. Those kids out there,” I point towards the door, “are you the best they can. They need you to-”

“You’re always talking about them and how they need me. I don’t give a damn what they need!”

“Then what do you give a damn about?” I yell. “What do you care about? You are the only hope these kids have of staying alive and you don’t care?”

“Of course I care!”

“Really? Because you’re not acting like it. You’re acting like the Bellamy who only cares about staying in power.” 

“What do you want from me, Camellia? What am I supposed to do? I’m doing the best I can!” 

“So are they! Everyone out there is doing their best! Bellamy, they need you! I tell you that because it’s true!”

“They’re the only ones who need me?” His tone softens just a bit.

“What are you talking about?” I ask, genuinely confused. “Those kids, Octavia, Fox, Jasper, Sterling, all of them need you!”

“Do you need me?” He’s even softer than before.

“What?” I say again. The words don’t register, don’t make sense.

“Do you need me? Because I sure as hell need you, Camellia.” It sinks in finally.

“I-” I stutter, grasping for words I can’t find. He shakes his head and turns away from me. 

“Bellamy,” I say quietly. He doesn’t move. “Bellamy, look at me, please,” I beg. 

“Go help Raven with the mines,” he says impassively.

“I need you.” He looks at me finally. “I do, Bellamy. I need you. Why do you think I wouldn’t let you run? Why do you think I helped you get pardoned? Everyone here needs you, including me. They need a leader, they need a fighter, someone to look to and follow, and I need someone who understands that responsibility and who will go to any length to help keep my people safe.”

“You’re still talking about what they need,” he says, shaking his head.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“I want you to need me the way I need you!” he yells. A tear traces down my cheek as he brushes past me, storming out the door. I do need him, I really do, but I just can’t find the words to tell him. 

And now I’ve lost him. 

“Water...” groans Myles from the corner. I turn to him, tears staining my face. “Please.”

“Yeah, I’ll get you some,” I say softly, quietly slipping out of the dropship. 

The water is on the other side of camp, closer to the guard posts. I wipe the tears off my face and compose myself before heading to the pump. Delinquents mill around, guarding their posts or stoking fires or doing any of the too many tasks that need to be done in not enough time. I’m filling a canteen with shaky hands when my radio goes off.

“You know what'll happen to me if you tell Bellamy.” I grab it, lifting it to my ear. 

“Tell Bellamy what?”

No response. That’s not good. 

“Murphy has a gun. He killed Myles,” calls a rushed voice that sounds like Jasper before getting cut off.

“Murphy, what the hell are you doing?” I demand. No answer again. A creaking comes from the dropship. Dammit. The door. I race across the camp, but I already know I’m going to be too late. The door shuts all the way as I reach it.

“You try to be a hero, Jasper dies!” Murphy yells. 

All the work being done comes to a halt. People stand around outside the dropship, none of them helping at all. Bellamy and I stand in front of the door, but we can’t help either. I haven’t heard any gunshots yet, so hopefully that means Jasper’s alive. I swear to God, when we get in there, I’ll kill Murphy myself. 

“I just heard Murphy has Jasper.” Octavia runs up to us. 

“Yeah,” Bellamy admits. “South foxhole all done?”

“What? Bellamy, my friend's in there with a killer.”

“O, look around. No one's working. If the grounders attack us right now, we're all dead.” Octavia huffs and approaches the dropship.

“Murphy!” she yells. “Murphy, if you even touch Jasper, I swear to God, you're dead!”

“Octavia, we got this,” I insist. 

“Really? Because it doesn't look like you're doing anything about it.” Before I can answer, Raven comes back from around the dropship. 

“You guys were right. There's a loose panel on the back. If I can pop it, we can get in through the floor.” I look pointedly at Octavia.

“Sorry,” she mutters before walking away.

“Take anyone you need and get that door open,” I tell Raven. She nods and walks off, probably to get our meager supply of tools. Bellamy grabs his radio.

“Murphy, I know you can hear me. All our ammo and food is in the middle level. You know that. You're leaving us vulnerable to an attack. I can't let that happen.”

“Yeah, well, in case you haven't noticed, you're not exactly in control right now,” Murphy’s voice crackles. 

“Come on, Murphy. You don't want to hurt Jasper. You want to hurt me. So what do you say? How about you trade him for me?” I look up sharply. 

“No,” I say urgently. Bellamy ignores me. 

“All you have to do is let him go, and I'll take his place.” The silence of the pause is deafening. 

“How?” Murphy asks finally. 

“Simple,” Bellamy responds. “You open the door, I walk in, he walks out.”

“Throw in the princess and you got a deal.” I close my eyes. Of course he wants me too.

“Absolutely not,” Bellamy says. A gunshot goes off and I flinch. 

“I’ll do it!” I yell. “Just don’t hurt Jasper.”

“Camellia, he’ll kill you,” Bellamy pleads.

“If I don’t, he’ll kill Jasper.” I grab the radio. “Open the door, Murphy. I’ll do it.”

The door creaks open. 

“Just you two, unarmed,” Murphy roars. “10 seconds, or I'll put one in Jasper's leg. One…”

“Raven will find a way to get you out,” Octavia reassures me as I hand her my gun. 

“4... 5…” We step up onto the dropship door. 

“We’re here, we’re coming,” I cry. Taking a deep breath, I push through the fabric in front of the entrance. 

Murphy has a gun. He smirks when we walk in, and shoves a bound and gagged Jasper out the door before pulling the lever. Bellamy stands in front of me. I know he won’t be able to protect me, but it’s comforting to be this close to him again. 

“The king and his princess,” Murphy taunts. “How heroic.”

“What the hell do you want, Murphy?” Bellamy spits. 

“You’ll see soon enough.” He steps up to Bellamy, pushing the gun against his chest. Bellamy holds his ground, not breaking eye contact. Suddenly Murphy reaches forward and grabs me, yanking me towards him and backing up quickly, still pointing the gun at Bellamy. 

“I swear to God, if you hurt her-” Bellamy snarls. Murphy chuckles and lifts the gun, tracing the muzzle down my cheek and against my neck. Without warning, he shoves me to my knees. 

“Tie her hands,” he orders. Bellamy doesn’t move, and Murphy jabs the rifle further into my neck.

“Okay, I’ll do it!” Bellamy shouts, grabbing a seatbelt from the pile in the corner. “I’ll do it, don’t hurt her.” He approaches me and drops down in front of me, gingerly taking my hands and pressing them together in front of me.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers as he begins to tie.

“No apologies,” Murphy says sharply. Bellamy finishes tying my hands and stands up. Murphy bends down and yanks the belt tighter, making sure I can’t slip out of them. 

“Get a few more of those seatbelts and buckle them together,” Murphy orders. Bellamy complies, looking worriedly at me the entire time. I try to tell him it’s okay, that I’m fine, but when I start to speak Murphy slams the butt of the rifle into my ribs. I cry out and double over, almost falling fully to the ground. 

“You son of a bitch!” Bellamy growls. 

“She should learn to keep her mouth shut,” Murphy jeers. “Now tie those two.” He gestures with the gun, and I suddenly understand what he’s doing. It seems to click with Bellamy at the same time, and he drop the belts defiantly. Murphy fires at the ceiling before pressing the gun against my leg.

“Do what I say or I’ll put one in her leg,” he threatens. 

“Bellamy? Bellamy! Are you ok?” Octavia cries over the radio.

“You want her to know you're alive? Start tying.”

“Bellamy! Do you copy?” Octavia asks again. Bellamy picks up the belts and starts tying. 

“I'm fine. Just a misfire. Now stop worrying about me and get back to work, all of you. And tell Raven to hurry her ass up.” Murphy puts the radio back in his pocket. 

“All right, that's long enough. Tie those two ends together.” Murphy hauls me to my feet while Bellamy works.

“It’s a shame I’m about to kill you,” he muses. “My brain and your fire? We would have been an unstoppable couple if you had just submitted to me.” He tips my chin up and forces me to look him in the eye. 

“I would  _ never _ submit to you,” I hiss. He scowls and throws me back to the ground before landing a kick to my ribs. I gasp for air, wincing when I move. Bellamy starts to move towards me, but stops when Murphy points the gun at my head.

“All right. Now toss it over.” Murphy gestures at a bar in the ceiling. 

The noose hangs perfectly over my head.

“What do you want me to say? You want me to apologize? I'm sorry,” Bellamy says, still looking at me with concern. 

“You got it all wrong, Bellamy. I don't want you to say anything. I want you to watch your princess die, I want you to feel what I felt, and then... then I want you to die. Now grab that stool and bring it over here.” Murphy drags me to my feet once more and shoves me towards the stool. I stumble, my ribs stinging with every movement. 

“Get on the stool.” I comply, wincing as I step up. “Put the noose over her head.” 

“I’m not going to hang-” 

Murphy fires another shot, barely missing me. I hear the bullet whiz past me. 

“I said, put it over her head.”

“Just do it, Bellamy. It’s okay,” I say frantically. With a desperately sad look, Bellamy slowly slips the noose over my head. 

“You know, I got to hand it to you, Bellamy. You got 'em all fooled. They actually look up to you, almost as much as they look up to Clarke and your princess. Yeah, well, we know the truth, don't we? You're a coward. I learned that the day you kicked out the crate from beneath me.”

“Murphy, think about this,” I say evenly. You think they're just gonna let you walk out of here?”

“Well, I think Clarke is dead... but I know you two are about to die, so who's really gonna lead these people, huh? Me, that's who, and, yeah, maybe I'll have to kill your grounder pounding little sister…” Bellamy growls. 

A muffled cry comes from below us. Raven.

“I'm guessing that's her right now.” He fires into the floor, no doubt hitting Raven. I yell, struggling against the noose. 

“Got anything to say now, princess?” Murphy taunts. 

“Not to you.” I turn to Bellamy. “Everyone out there needs you, but none of them as much as me. They need a leader, but I need  _ you.  _ Not just a fighter, not just anyone who can lead, you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” 

“How touching,” Murphy sneers. “Kick the stool.” Bellamy’s still looking at me with an expression I can’t place, but when Murphy speaks he looks over.

“I’m not going to do that,” Bellamy says calmly. Murphy raises the gun to Bellamy’s head.

“I said, kick the stool.”

“No.” Murphy’s face contorts in rage.

I can’t let him kill Bellamy. 

I knock the stool aside.

The noose tightens on my neck.

I can’t breathe. 

“Camellia!” Bellamy’s voice is muffled by the blood rushing through my ears. 

I can feel myself losing consciousness. Blackness creeps around the edges of my vision. My lungs are empty, struggling for air and finding none. I’m going to die. Bellamy is going to watch me die, Murphy’s going to kill him too, and the Grounders will kill our friends. We failed.

The noose loosens. Someone’s holding my legs, pushing me upwards. I fall to the ground. The rope broke, that must be the only explanation. Murphy will probably just shoot me now. At least it’ll be quick. 

“Breathe! Can you breathe? You’re okay, just breathe.” Soft hands brush a piece of hair out of my face. My vision clears slowly, and I see Bellamy above me. I’m lifted up slightly, held in strong arms. Air fills my lungs again. 

“Bellamy?” I rasp. He smiles and pulls me into a hug, letting my head rest on his shoulder. I wrap my arms around him too.

“You’re okay,” he whispers. It sounds more like a prayer than anything else. 

An explosion rocks the whole ship. I flinch. It came from above us. 

Murphy. 

Bellamy releases me gently.

“I’ll be right back.” He gets up and climbs up the hatch, banging it open and climbing up into it. I already know Murphy will be gone. 

Octavia and Jasper help me over to a cot. I’m really fine, I just have to catch my breath, but I know Bellamy won’t let me do  _ anything _ for a little while. Right now, that’s okay. 

I can’t help but wonder if anything will change after this. 

“All gunners! We got movement outside the south wall!” calls someone over the radio. I sit up and scramble to my feet despite Octavia’s reprimands and head outside. 

“Wait! Hold your fire! Clarke and Finn! Open the gate! Get in!”

Thank God. A few of the guards open up the gates. Clarke and Finn rush in with no noticeable injuries. I run up and hug Clarke hard. 

“What the hell happened?” I ask.

“We need to leave, now,” Finn says before she can answer. “All of us do. There's an army of grounders, unlike anything we've ever seen, coming for us right now. We need to pack what we can and run.”

“Like hell we do,” Bellamy says from behind me. “We knew this was coming.”

“Bell, we're not prepared,” Octavia reasons. 

“And they're not here yet. We still have time to get ready. Besides, where would we go? Where would we be safer than behind these walls?”

“There's an ocean to the east. People there will help us,” Finn says. 

“You saw Lincoln,” Octavia says excitedly. 

“You expect us to trust a grounder?” Bellamy calls, looking around the group of delinquents watching us. “This is our home now. We built this from nothing with our bare hands! Our dead are buried behind that wall in this ground! Our ground! The grounders think they can take that away. They think that because we came from the sky, we don't belong here. But they're yet to realize one very important fact: We are on the ground now, and that means we are grounders!”

“Yeah! Grounders with guns!” someone yells from their post. 

“Damn right! I say let 'em come!”

“Bellamy's right,” Clarke calls. That was unexpected. “If we leave, we may never find a place as safe as this. And God knows, in this world, we could be faced with something even worse tomorrow. But that doesn't change the simple fact that if we stay here, we will die tonight. So pack your things. Just take what you can carry, now.” Yeah, that sounds more like Clarke. 

“Help me.” I turn to see Raven, clutching a bloody stomach. 

“Murphy shot her,” Bellamy realizes. Finn runs over to her and starts bringing her to the dropship. 

“Clarke, leaving here is a mistake,” I say quietly. 

“The decision's been made.

“Crowds make bad decisions,” Bellamy adds. “Just ask Murphy. Leaders do what they think is right.”

“I am.” She walks away. I look up at Bellamy in exasperation, but she’s right. The kids listen to her, and she’s won this one. 

We’re leaving the camp.


	13. Season 1, Episode 13: We Are Grounder, Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: war, fire, explosions, blood, death
> 
> word count: 3175

We get Raven into the dropship. There’s no time to properly patch her up, so Clarke makes do with stopping the bleeding. Unfortunately, this involves pressing a red-hot blade to the wound to seal it off. Yeah, it was about as fun as it sounds. Raven’s screams are terrible.

“That should stop the external bleeding,” Clarke says, putting down the blade. 

“I don't understand. How did Murphy get a gun?” Finn asks. 

“Long story,” I say with the hint of a smile at Bellamy. 

“We got lucky,” Raven grunts. “If Murphy hit the fuel tank instead of me, we'd all be dead.”

“Wait, there's rocket fuel down there?” Clarke asks. “Enough to build a bomb?”

“Enough to build 100 bombs if we had any gunpowder left.”

“Let's get back to the reapers,” Bellamy says, holding up one of Lincoln’s drawings. “Maybe they'll help us. The enemy of my enemy is my friend, right?”

“Not this enemy,” Clarke shakes her head. 

“We saw them. Trust me, it's not an option,” Finn agrees. 

“There's no time for this,” I say urgently. “Can she walk or not?”

“No. We have to carry her,” Clarke tells us. 

“The hell you will. I'm good to go.” Raven tries to sit up and cries out in pain. I push her back down gently. 

“Hey, listen to me. That bullet is still inside you. If by some miracle, there's no internal bleeding, it might hold until we get somewhere safe. But you are not walking there. Is that clear?” Clarke says firmly. Raven nods dejectedly. 

“I'll get the stretcher,” Finn says. 

“Can't run away fast enough, huh? Real brave.” Bellamy scoffs. 

“Dying in a fight you can't win isn't brave, Bellamy, it's stupid.” He walks back up, standing up to Bellamy, looking him in the face. 

“Spoken like every coward who's ever run from a fight.”

“Bellamy,” I say softly. “It’s time to go.”

“If they follow? It's a 120-mile walk to the ocean.” He’s right, but he needs to come with us. 

“Look, we're wasting time,” Finn says. “If he wants to stay, he can stay.” He walks out. 

“No, he can't. We can't do this without you, Bellamy,” Clarke insists. 

“What do you want me to say, Clarke?”

“I want you to say that you're with us. Those kids out there, they listen to you.”

“They're lining up to go. They listen to you more.”

“She gave them an easy choice,” I tell him. “But 5 minutes ago, they were willing to fight and die for you. You inspire them. They need you.” I pause. “I need you.” 

We walk outside, packs slung over our shoulder. Clarke goes to catch up with Finn, leaving me and Bellamy. He looks up at the dropship almost longingly. This is the place that he built, I realize. His work. 

“You did good here, Bellamy.” He looks back at me, a sadness in his eyes. 

“18 dead.”

“82 alive. We save who we can. You did good.” I grab a bucket of water and douse our last fire. 

The walk through the forest is beautiful, as always, but I barely notice. Octavia leads since she’s the one with the map. Bellamy and I take the rear, guns raised. What I wouldn’t give for some of the Grounder’s horses right about now. 

When I said these kids aren’t an army, I think I was wrong. The gunners flank the group, scanning the trees. They’re in a good formation, defensive, just the way Bellamy taught them. Maybe we’re stronger than I thought. 

Something brushes my hand. I look down, half-expecting a radioactive deformed squirrel or something, but it’s Bellamy’s hand. The same hand that brushed hair off my face and held me after Murphy hung me. I take it firmly and immediately feel his eyes on me. Looking up, I see a small smile. I’m not paying attention to anything but him and almost walk into the person in front of me.

“Why are we stopping?” I mutter. Bellamy drops my hand and lifts his gun, looking through the scope.

“I don’t see anything.”

“Grounders!” Jasper bellows from the front. All at once, the crowd retreats backwards, sprinting to the camp. After a second of shock, I see Drew’s body laying on the ground, a throwing star lodged in his head.

I run.

We make it through the gate with no more casualties. Drew’s body is dropped unceremoniously on the ground. Raven is hauled back into the dropship. I jump up and look over the wall. Stillness. No Grounders, no army coming to wipe us out.

“Why aren't they attacking?” Bellamy asks no one in particular. Clarke answers anyway.

“Because we're doing exactly what they wanted us to do.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Lincoln said the scouts would be the first to arrive.”

“If it's just scouts, we can fight our way out. That's what Lincoln would do,” Octavia says. Bellamy jumps down from the wall. 

“We're done doing what that grounder would do. We tried it and now Drew is dead. You want to be next?”

“That grounder saved our lives,” Finn argues. “I agree with Octavia. For all we know, there's one scout out there.”

“One scout with insanely good aim,” I counter. 

“Cam, we can still do this,” Octavia insists. 

“Looking to you, princess,” Bellamy says, looking up at me. “What's it gonna be? Run and get picked off out in the open, or stand and fight back?” I look over at Clarke, who shakes her head. 

“Clarke. If we're still here when Tristan gets here…” Finn trails off. 

“Lincoln said ‘scouts.’ More than one. He said, ‘get home before the scouts arrive.’ Finn, they're already here,” Clarke says desperately.

“Looks like we've got a fight.” I nod at Bellamy. He jumps into action. He’s been planning this out for weeks. I trust him. 

“Ok, then. This is what we've been preparing for. Kill them before they kill us. Gunners, to your posts. Use the tunnels to get in and out. From now on, the gate stays closed.” Octavia starts to head out. He grabs her arm. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're not a gunner.”

“No, I'm not. Like you said... I'm a grounder.” She draws Lincoln’s sword and runs after Miller. 

Finn, Bellamy, Clarke and I head into the dropship to finalize plans. Raven sits in a chair while the rest of us stand over the battle table. 

“So, how the hell do we do this?” Clarke asks. 

“We've got 25 rifles with 20 rounds each, give or take. Roughly 500 rounds of ammo. While you two were gone, we made some improvements. Thanks to Raven, the gully is mined.”

“Partially mined,” Raven interjects. “Thanks to Murphy.” 

“Still, it's the main route in. If the grounders use it, we'll know. She also built grenades.” He opens a box and shows them to us. 

“It's not many,” Clarke winces. 

“Again, thank you, Murphy.”

“We'll make them count,” I say. “If the grounders make it through the front gate, guns and grenades should force them back.”

“And then?” Clarke asks. 

“Then we close the door and pray.” Raven looks grim. 

“And pray what? That the ship keeps them out? Because it won't,” Clarke says. 

“Then let's not let them get through the gate,” I assert. Bellamy nods and grabs his radio. 

“All foxholes, listen up. Keep your eyes and ears open. Inflict casualties, as many as possible. You can hold them off long enough to make them turn back. That's the plan.”

“That's always your plan, just like the bomb at the bridge,” Finn says. I roll my eyes while he and Bellamy bicker, formulating a plan. 

“Wait, Raven, you said there's fuel in those rockets, right? Enough to build 100 bombs?”

“I also said we've got no gunpowder left.”

“I don't want to build a bomb,” I say with a hint of hope. “I want to blast off.”

“Draw them in close. Fire the rockets. A ring of fire.” Raven sits up just a bit straighter. 

“Barbecued grounders. I like it.” Bellamy smirks at me. 

“Will it work?” Finn asks. Raven nods. 

“You give me enough time, I'll cook them real good.”

“Alright. You two,” I point at Clarke and Finn, “help Raven with whatever she needs. Bellamy and I will handle the gate.” 

Bellamy and I walk outside. Night fell a little while ago, and I can barely see beyond the walls. Gunners stand alert at their posts. The tunnels are empty, everyone already in their foxholes. I look up at Bellamy.

“I’ll head to the north foxhole, you take the south.”

“You’re crazy if you think I’m going to let you go off without me.”

“Bellamy, I-”

“No. You’re staying with me.” I’m taken aback by his tone, and he softens a bit. “Please?” He looks so desperate, so sad, that I have to relent.

“Okay,” I say with a small smile. “Let’s go.”

We slip through the tunnel quickly. The north foxhole will probably be the one under heaviest fire since the south is mined, so we head there. Miller and Monroe look relieved when we take our positions.

“Where's Octavia?” Bellamy asks quietly.

“She left 5 minutes ago. Didn't say where to. She thinks she's a damn samurai,” Miller scoffs. Bellamy smiles microscopically before turning serious again. 

“You see anything?” I ask.

“No. What the hell are they waiting for?” Monroe says. 

“The longer they wait, the better. This is about buying time for Raven.” The radios crackle to life, startling me.

“I see them. They're moving! I count two, 3, no, wait, there's more. I don't know, man. There's too many of them.”

“Who was that?” I ask, panicky.

“Sterling, I think.” Bellamy grabs his radio. “South foxhole. South foxhole, report now.”

“Yeah, yeah. We're ok. They didn't attack. It's like... it's like shooting at ghosts.”

“There! I see them!” Monroe yells. She and Miller fire into the woods at targets we can’t see.

“Stop! Stop. Hold your fire! Hold your fire!” Bellamy yells. “Reload. Now.”

“Those were our last clips,” Miller says. I glare at him, exasperated. Idiots. 

“We should... we should fall back,” Monroe gulps. 

“No,” I say sharply. 

“No,” Bellamy agrees. “If this position falls, they'll walk right to the front door.” The radio sounds again. 

“I don't see anyone. They're too fast.”

“I hit... I hit them. I think I hit them.”

An interlude of explosions. I look wildly at Bellamy, a smile on my face. The mines.

“They're everywhere! Harper, get down! We need backup! Raven, our mines actually worked!” Jasper’s staticky voice.

“Jasper, we need you in the dropship right now.” Is that Clarke?

“Negative. We can't give up the west woods,” Bellamy responds. 

“The west woods are mined, Bellamy. The grounders just figured that out. Jasper, get in here.” I sigh, but she’s right. If Raven needs help, Jasper’s the one who could do it.

“All gunners, listen up. The grounders are not attacking. They're making us waste bullets. Don't shoot when they're running laterally.” He’s right. Monroe and Miller are already out. We’re running out of ammo and not a single one of them is hit. 

“Jasper's right,” I order into the radio. “Don't fire until you're sure it's attack. Repeat, do not fire until you are sure.”

There’s no movement for a moment. Maybe we scared them away with our bullets. Maybe we have more time. 

Wishful thinking.

“Here they come!” Miller yells. 

We fire. 

Monroe drops her gun and runs. Coward. 

The press of my finger on the trigger is a comforting constant. I don’t let up, shooting bullets into the never-ending army of Grounders. 

One of them leaps over the wall and slams into Bellamy, knocking him to the ground. 

“Bellamy!” Miller and I yell in unison. I keep firing as Miller runs to help. I hear the sickening crack of bones when Miller is thrown backwards. The Grounder slams Bellamy into a tree before flinging him down, choking him. If I turn to help, we’ll lose the woods. 

God, please let him be okay. 

Metal sliding against flesh. I risk a glance back and see Octavia with her sword raised, standing over the dead Grounder. 

“Admit it, you want one,” she jokes. I grin and go back to slaughtering Grounders. 

“You're hit!” Bellamy cries. “Camellia, Miller, fall back, now.” I comply quickly, running to him and helping him haul Octavia behind the wall. Yells over the radio continue.

“I don't see anyone.”

“They've broken through! There's hundreds of them! They're heading for the gate! Game over, man!”

Octavia’s leg is bleeding around the arrow, but it’s not bad. My main concern is her inability to walk. We can’t get her through the tunnels like this. Bellamy looks at me desperately. 

“I don’t know what to do,” I mumble frantically. 

Whooping and yells sound from over the walls. It doesn’t sound like the Grounder war cry.

“What the hell is that?” Octavia asks. 

“I don't know, but they're distracted. Let's move.” Bellamy goes to pick her up. 

“We'll never make it. Leave me. I'll find another way.” 

“We’re not going anywhere without you,” I insist firmly. 

“Octavia.” I look up and see-

“Lincoln?” 

“You did this?” I ask. He nods. 

“With Finn.” He examines Octavia’s wound. “It's deep. I can help you, but you have to come with me now.” Octavia looks uncertainly at us. This is up to Bellamy. 

“Go. Let him help.”

“No way. I have to see this through.”

“You can't walk and we can't get you back to the dropship,” I counter. 

“She's right,” Lincoln says. “This fight is over for you.”

“O, O, listen to me. I told you my life ended the day you were born. The truth is... it didn't start until then. Go with him. I need you to live. Besides... I got this.” Bellamy smiles and pulls her into a tight hug. 

“I love you, big brother.”

“May we meet again.”

“May we meet again.” Lincoln picks her up easily and carries her away. 

Bellamy and I race through the tunnels. Explosions, from grenades and landmines, shake the ground beneath us. When we reach the camp, bodies litter the ground, both ours and theirs. I step outside the tunnel and almost immediately get thrown to the ground by an explosion. Bellamy hauls me to my feet.

“Are you okay?” His voice is distant, much farther away than whatever is ringing in my ears. I’m disoriented and dizzy.

“Run!” yells a voice. I look around to see Clarke, ducked down, beckoning us forward. We do, sprinting as fast as we can towards the dropship. Something slams into me, knocking me down yet again. Bellamy yells and jumps in front of me, firing at the Grounder. The gun clicks. Empty. The Grounder punches him, over and over again. Bellamy stays on his feet for now, but he can’t last much longer. 

Finn runs out into the field, Clarke screaming after him, and tackles the Grounder. Bellamy grabs me off the ground and steadies me on my feet before running with me to the dropship. We made it. He brushes a piece of hair out of my face when we get inside.

“I’ll be right back, princess.” He runs back out.

“No! Bellamy, no!” I scream, trying to run after him. Fox grabs me and pins my arms, not letting me fight against her.

“Cam, you have to stay,” she says softly.

“Let go of me, I swear to God-” I’m yelling, sobbing. She won’t let me go. Clarke walks in, her face streaked with tears, and pulls the lever. 

The door begins to creak close, and Bellamy is on the other side. 

“NO!” I fight harder against Fox, desperately trying to pry myself free, but I can’t. 

A Grounder woman made it into the dropship. She draws her swords and faces us off, looking at each of us in turn, sizing us up. She looks familiar.

“Anya?” Clarke says in awe. The woman from the bridge. 

The dropship shakes. The Grounders made it, and they’re angry. I can hear the swords beating on the door, the people who climbed higher in an attempt to get inside. 

“Jasper, now!” Clarke yells. He flips the switch.

Nothing happens. Anya smirks. 

“You can’t win,” I tell her dully. All emotion is gone from my voice.

She attacks anyway. Miller slams his gun into the back of her head. 

People begin kicking her, a crowd just like those with Murphy.

Good. I hope she suffers. Clarke screams for everyone to stop while Jasper messes with some wires. What’s the use? We’re dead anyway. Fox releases me gently and I slump to the floor, all the anger and fear and sadness pushed down. All the noise around me, all the clambering outside, it all fades. Even when Jasper figures out the ring of fire and we blast a few feet off the ground, I barely react. We survive another day, only to face another threat tomorrow. Hooray for us. 

Clarke mandates that we stay in the dropship for the night. It’s cramped and there’s a lot of arguing about who’s sleeping where, but I don’t really intend to sleep. I don’t deserve it, and if I tried it probably wouldn’t come. My night will be spent leaning against a wall, trying to figure out why Bellamy went back outside. He was safe, Octavia was with Lincoln, there was nothing to keep him out there, but he went anyway. 

And now he’s dead.

When we open the dropship door in the morning, a strong scent of smoke hits me, followed by burned flesh and ash. Skeletons litter the ground, their mouths open in silent screams. Any one of them could be Bellamy’s. 

Something flies over the wall and explodes in red smoke. What the hell is happening now? I start to cough as the fog fills my lungs. It burns, stinging my throat on its way down. I fall to my knees. My eyelids droop. Some kind of sleeping toxin I guess. 

God, I hate Earth.

White light, white walls, white ceiling, white everything. So bright it hurts my eyes. It’s really cold in here. Where is here? Where am I? I sit up and notice that I’m in a bed. A real bed, not a cot on the floor of the dropship. My arms hurts when I move it. I look down and see a needle stuck in the crook of my elbow. It’s taped in. I pull it out, wincing slightly. 

I stand up, looking around the room. A sink, a couch, a toilet, a nightstand, even my clothes which aren’t actually mine, everything is white except for a painting. Upon closer inspection, I see that it’s  _ Lady With An Ermine _ . Weird. The door, right across from the bed, has a small circular window. I look through it and see another identical door right across a hallway. It looks empty, or at least there’s no one in the window.

Where the hell am I?


	14. Season 2, Episode 1: The 48

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: not really any for this chapter?
> 
> word count: 2510

I spend another day in the white room. At least, I think it was a day. There’s no clock, but the lights dim for a while then com back on, and I assume that was night time. I’m sitting on the floor staring at the painting when someone open my door. I jump to my feet and look around for a weapon, finding the needle from earlier and the IV stand. I grab both, brandishing them. The “someone” who opened my door is wearing a blue suit, their face and body shielded completely from me.

“Who are you?” I demand.

“My name is Maya,” the blue-suit person says. 

“Where am I? Where are my friends?” I lower the needle slightly, but still keep my grip tight. Maya pulls off her headpiece and smiles at me reassuringly. She’s young, probably about my age, with wavy black hair and pale skin. 

“You’re in Mount Weather. Your friends are fine, I was just about to discharge you from quarantine so you could go see them.”

“Quarantine? Why am I here?” None of this makes any sense. 

“I’ll take you to the main hall. There’s someone would like to meet you, Cam.” I blink, taken aback. 

“How the hell do you know my name?” 

“Your friends told me. Come on, once you talk to President Wallace, you can get changed and get something to eat.” She approaches me and gently takes the needle and stand from me. 

Maya guides me up and down several hallways. I try to remember the way we went, but every hall is identical. A few people look at me curiously when we pass, but most of them ignore me. I guess disheveled, confused, terrified girls in white clothes are normal here. Maya finally stops in front of a glass doorway, guarded by two men. They nod at me in greeting and open the doors. An old man in a suit sits at a wood desk. He looks up and smiles when we walk in.

“Thank you, Maya. You may go about your day.” When she leaves, I feel suddenly more disoriented, despite barely knowing her. The man turns to me.

“Camellia,” he says kindly. “Your friends have said you prefer Cam?”

“Yes,” I say simply.

“Cam, then. Do you know where you are?”

“That girl, Maya, said Mount Weather?”

“She was correct. Your people also said you were their leader, along with a girl named Clarke. I’m the leader here. Looks like we have something in common, kiddo. My name is President Dante Wallace.”

“How many of us did you capture?” I need as much information as possible, and I get the feeling this man can give it to me.

“Forty-eight. But you're not prisoners. We saved you.” Like hell you did. 

“So we can leave if we want?”

“Yes, but I don’t know why you would. The patrol brought in everyone they could find.  We saw your ship come down as well. There were multiple crash sites over a hundred square miles. If there were survivors, we will bring them in, too. You have my word.” Too bad your word isn’t worth shit to me, old man.

“I want to see my people. Now.” He smiles at me patronizingly, like I haven’t killed more people than I’ve seen yet in this mountain. 

“Let’s get you into some fresh clothes and take you to them then.” Two guards wheel in a large crate. When Wallace opens it, I find clothes, shoes, jewelry. He smiles at me again and leaves, the guards going with him. I’m alone in the room. 

As quickly as possible, I grab a clean shirt and pants. The fabric is soft against my skin. Dark blue shirt, black pants, grey jacket, blue shoes. The other ones were all heels. I’m dressed as unassumingly as possible. The perfect outfit to run. Carefully, I grab one of the stilettos and break off the heel, tucking it into my sleeve. Just in case. 

When I walk out into the hall, a hum of machine greets me. Just like the ones on the Ark. Sounds like home, but louder. 

“Sorry about the noise. Hydroelectric power from Philpott Dam. Fresh water from our own underground reservoir. Fresh food from our hydroponic farm,” Dante says proudly as we walk down a hall.

“You know you could be on the ground right? Your guards have guns. The Grounders aren’t that much of a threat.”

“It's not survivable for us,” he tells me sadly.

“Why not? The radiation is low enough to allow life, even though the animals are kind of weird.” He chuckles a bit.

“Natural selection works. The Grounders who couldn't survive in the radiation didn't. Those who could pass on their DNA. For better or for worse, we never went through that process. You did, though. Any guesses how?”

“Solar radiation,” I realize, fitting the pieces together. Dante looks proud.

“Very good. Your DNA ran through the same gauntlet as the Grounders. Only because radiation levels in space are even higher, your ability to metabolize that radiation is even stronger. Truth be told, our scientists were blown away by the efficiency of your systems. If not for that, your friends would still be upstairs in quarantine.” He gestures to an elevator. I step on, escorted by a guard. 

“Cam,” Dante says, stopping the door from closing. “Please give me the heel.” Dammit. I slip it out of my sleeve and hand it to him.

The ride in the elevator is silent, the guard not even looking at me. I’m glad. I don’t want to talk to him. My thoughts are occupied with what I will find here, and how I will get out. We stop suddenly, and the automated voice in the speakers informs me that we’re on level 5. When I step out, I see a group of people milling around, seemingly waiting for something. 

“Jasper?” He looks up and his face breaks into a smile. 

“Cam!” I’m almost bowled over in a hug, and then again when Monty runs up to me.

“Is Bellamy here?” I ask. I already know the answer, but maybe, just maybe, I’m wrong. Jasper’s face tells me that’s wishful thinking.

A woman comes up to me and hands me a blue folder full of papers. I look through it quickly. My own personal guide to Mount Weather. Lucky me.

“Your packet contains everything you need to know about Mount Weather, which I promise is not as confusing as the map on page one makes it up to look. You came from level three, which houses our medical facility.” I look around while she speaks, taking in my surroundings. Someone behind me catches my attention.

“Clarke?” Jasper realizes at the same time I do and runs to hug her as well. As a group, the forty-eight go to her. Well, forty-seven. I’m not thrilled to see the girl who pulled the lever that killed Bellamy. She comes up to me and smiles anyway. When she hugs me, I stand stiff.

“Cam? What’s wrong?” she asks, scanning my face. Realization hits her. “I had to, I-”

“Save it.” I turn away from her and head into the dining hall, where dinner is being served. When I get there, I see someone I’m truly happy to see.

“Fox!” I run to her and gather her into a hug. She hugs me back tightly, burying her face in my shoulder. 

“I didn’t know if you’d made it, I was so worried.” She hugs me again.

“We need to get out of here,” I whisper. “Act like I said something funny.” She laugh without skipping a beat and leads me to a table.

“Come on, let’s eat.” When we sit down, she leans in. “The map doesn’t have any exits. They don’t want us to leave.”

“Yeah, I got that.” I look up at the head table. Wallace is staring at me. Clarke comes and sits down next to me. Great. Two people I don’t trust.

“I need you to tell me everything you've seen. Every room, every hallway, every way out,” she whispers. 

“I’ve seen the places you have,” Fox says dejectedly. “They’re very controlling about our access.”

“I guess we need a keycard then.” Clarke has a plan, and I guess I’m going to have to go along with it. “I’m gonna pay Maya a visit. Follow me after a couple minutes.” She gets up and walks away, towards a table with Jasper and Maya. I glace at Fox.

“We’re trusting her?” I ask. Fox looks confused.

“Why wouldn’t we?”

“She killed Bellamy.” The words hurt to say.

“She was trying to save us,” Fox says gently.

“It wasn’t her choice,” I say sharply. 

“I’m sorry about Bellamy,” she says softly. “But we need to go.” She stands up and takes my hand. “Let’s go to the dorms.” Her voice is loud enough for the people around us to hear.

We slip out the hallway that Clarke did. It’s deserted except for the echo of a pair of footsteps that must be Clarke’s. I wish I still had the heel. A pathetic weapon, but better than nothing. Alarms go off, startling me. The same automated voice from earlier tells me that three girls going off the wall is apparently a Code Five alert. 

I turn a corner and see Clarke in front of a locked door, just about to scan a key card. Fox smiles at her. I don’t, instead jogging to catch up to her and keeping my face impassive. I want to scream, to tell her exactly how much I hate her for killing Bellamy, but there’s no time for that right now. 

The door opens and reveals two staircases, one up, one down. I’m puzzled at first, not entirely sure which to take. Boot steps from behind me let me know I don’t have much time to choose. I slam the door and rip out the wires, hopefully deactivating the keypad. Making my decision, I sprint up the stairs. If we’re underground, up is the only way to get out of here. Maybe we’ll find an emergency exit or something. 

Unfortunately, the staircase leads us to another concrete room. More fortunately, there’s a giant door. Clarke runs to pull the lever that seems to open it. Wow, Clarke pulling a lever that makes a huge decision. Never seen that before. This one seems to be jammed anyway. Desperately, she moves towards the door and spins the huge wheel on it. It clicks. 

She goes back to the lever just as Jasper and Maya run into the room.

“Clarke, no! If you pull that lever, these people will die. Even a little radiation can kill them,” Jasper says. Maya takes a more violent approach, grabbing a gun and pointing it at Clarke.

“Don't make me shoot you.” I roll my eyes and grab the gun, easily pulling it out of her hands and pointing it back at her. Her eyes widen. 

“Wait. Cam, wait. Don't do this,” Jasper begs. 

“Pull the damn lever!” I shout. Jasper looks sadly at Clarke. Last chance.

“I don't believe them,” she says softly.

“Why would they lie? Listen to me. We are safe here because of you. We're safe.”

“Not all of us,” I spit. 

“I'm the one that fired the rockets. Should I not have done that? Clarke, when you pulled that lever, you saved lives. Don't throw that away by pulling this one.” 

Guards run into the room, pointing guns at us. I throw at glare at Clarke. It’s too late now. She drops her hand from the lever. Three guards restrain us, one for each of us. Fox has been silent for the whole interaction. While we’re being hauled to the President’s office, I look over at her. She’s looking at Clarke admiringly. Great. Another person looking up to Clarke.

The guards shove us through the glass door. Wallace is painting. He doesn’t even turn around at first.

“Lose the handcuffs.” He turns finally. “There’s a blank canvas if you like,” he says kindly to Clarke. Oh, right. The artist. She shakes her head.

“I used to paint the ground, too.”

“It's not just the ground. It's a memory.”

“You’ve been on the ground?” I ask incredulously.

“Yes. Fifty-six years ago. For five minutes. I was seven when the first of what we call the outsiders appeared. Before that, we thought we were all there was. Imagine our surprise.” I snort. 

“Yeah, no idea how that feels.” Clarke glares at me. 

“My father, this was his office at the time, believed it meant that the Earth was survivable again, and so, he opened the doors. Within a week, fifty-four people were dead from the exposure. My mother and sister among them. Loss, pain, regret. Time eases these things, Clarke, but the only time it's ever truly gone is when I'm painting.”

“You didn't bring us here to talk about painting. Did you?” Clarke says. 

“I'm afraid I have bad news. Our patrols have swept the area and found no evidence of survivors, either at your camp or from the Ark.” My heart sinks. 

“How can they be sure?” I demand. 

“They can't,” Wallace says simply. “I've ordered them to keep searching.”

“I need to see for myself.”

“I'm sorry. I can't allow that. I'm doing this for your own good, Clarke. It's not safe out there.” 

“Bullshit. Radiation has no effect on us.”

“It's not the radiation I'm concerned about. You need time to grieve. These men will show you to your room.” He gestures to the guards. 

“And if we try to leave?” Clarke asks. Wallace smiles in that patronizing way. 

“Please don't test me.” 

The guards take us to a large dorm room that’s already filled with our friends. It has beds, but they’re stacked on top of each other in two’s. Fox grins and climbs up, flopping on one of the top ones. I sit below her. It’s comfortable. A real mattress for the first time since I got to Earth. The kids around me are smiling, talking, laughing. They trust this place. 

I don’t. 

We go to dinner that evening in the big hall I’d seen earlier. I sit in between Jasper and Fox. Wallace asks us all to stand and join hands. 

“For the past and the future we serve,” he says. 

“We give thanks.” Everyone speaks as one. 

“Good health, good food, and good company. And the blessing of new friends.”

“We give thanks.” I don’t say it. The less I act like these people, the less likely I am to lose myself in them. 

At the dorms later, Clarke comes and sits on my bunk. She’s holding the map Keenan gave her and… pens?

“Wallace gave me a drawing kit. Carry your map with you at all time, mark whatever you see. We’re getting out of here.” She drops a pen in my lap and goes back to her bunk.

I guess I have to work with Clarke now. 


	15. Season 2, Episode 2: Inclement Weather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: dead body, blood, gore
> 
> word count: 1341

My map becomes what my gun used to be: constantly there and fiercely protected. In between meals, I slip through hallways, marking what I see. I’ve probably explored every part pf the mountain (that I’m allowed to see) at least twice. Whenever someone looks at me oddly, I smile and tell them I’m just getting used to my new home. Works every time. 

I’m back in the dorms when Miller is cleared from quarantine. Maya brings him in. 

“Look who finally got released,” Jasper grins.

“Hey, Miller,” I say with a smile. “How’s your arm?”

“Great. Only took, what, 3 surgeries?” Maya smiles and hands him a bottle of pills.

“Twice a day. Don't forget. You’ll be ok in a few days.” 

Jasper and Maya walk off somewhere else, with Jasper sporting that lovesick puppy face he has whenever he sees Maya. I’m happy for him. He deserves to be happy, I just wish I could trust these people enough to experience it myself. 

An alarm blares loudly. I startle, looking around. Tucking my map into my pocket, I hop off the bed and cut Maya off. Clarke follows me.

“What's going on?” I demand. 

“That signal means the surface patrol is back and someone needs medical attention. I have to go to quarantine.” Maya pushes past me and out the door. I follow her. 

“What are you doing?” Jasper asks uncertainly. 

“Maybe they found survivors,” Clarke says. “If our people are hurt, we have a right to know.”

Clarke and I follow Maya down several hallways that I now recognize. We’re going to some white rooms that I’m not allowed in. Before the door to them, we see Maya and a few others suiting up in the blue outfits. 

“What are we dealing with?” Maya asks. 

“They were attacked,” a man says grimly. “One dead. He's in room two. The other took off his gloves and mask to treat him. He’s still in decon, but he'll need treatment as soon as he's processed through.”

“Who attacked them?” Clarke asks.

“What are they doing here?” I roll my eyes. He’s not going to answer. Before he can stop me, I grab his key card and start to the door. “Hey, stop! It's not safe!”

“It is for us.” I run into one of the rooms and see a dead body covered by plastic. A wound shows through. Carefully, I examine it. Bullet wound. 

“They’re lying to us. That’s a bullet wound. Grounders don't use guns.”

“Maybe the Grounders got the guns from us?” Clarke says. 

“I don't think so. I think our people are alive out there.” A woman comes in, trailed by two men carrying a third between them. He’s covered in sores and blisters. Radiation.

“Get them out of here!” the woman orders. Clarke and I are pushed out, herded back to our room. 

“We need to talk to Wallace,” I mutter to Clarke. She grabs my hand before I can walk to my bunk.

“I want to talk to you first.”

“No,” I say simply.

“Cam. I’m sorry about Bellamy.” 

“That doesn’t exactly make up for killing him in the first place, does it?” 

“I had to-”

“No. You chose who lives and dies. You took the power. You didn’t have to do shit.” I pull my arm away from her and storm off. 

I’ll talk to Wallace at breakfast, and then I’m getting out of this damn mountain. I think there’s a way to get out near the hydroponic dam. The water has to get in and out somehow, right? Maybe I can go with it. I pull out my map and look at what I’ve marked. It’s probably unreadable to anyone else, but I can clearly remember every one of these markings. Fox has stopped talking about escape, and every time I bring it up she changes the subject. I guess Jasper turned her. It doesn’t matter. After I get out, I’m bringing an army to get them all out. 

At breakfast, I locate Wallace right away. Clarke comes with me. I don’t stop her. She’s the only person besides me who knows that we can’t trust these people, so I guess I need her.

“We need to talk.” Wallace looks up from the buffet and smiles. 

“Sure. Let's talk over breakfast.”

“Who shot that soldier?” The people across from me look at each other nervously. I gather that they didn’t have that information. Wallace’s smile falters and he guides us away from the crowd. 

“The patrol that was looking for your people was attacked by what you call Grounders.”

“We’ve fought Grounders. They don't use guns,” Clarke says. 

“I never mentioned guns. Sergeant Shaw was shot by an arrow.” 

“Bullshit. I saw the wound. I know what a bullet wound looks like.”

“Sometimes, we feel so strongly about our people we see things that aren't there.” He puts a hand on my shoulder and smiles patronizingly again. I want to punch him. 

“We’d like to see the body,” Clarke says diplomatically. 

“Of course. Come with me.”

He takes us to an white room and informs us that Dr. Tsing will bring the body in. A large gray cabinet appears to be the only furniture. I can feel Clarke’s eyes on me, but I steadily avoid eye contact. The woman doctor that I saw earlier wheels a cart in. 

“Sorry to keep you waiting. We had to finish decontamination.” 

“Thank you, Dr. Tsing,” Wallace says with a smile. 

“The man with the burns, how is he?” Clarke asks. 

“He’s improving,” Dr. Tsing informs us. 

“I'd like to talk to him.”

“Only patients are allowed in medical.”

“We can arrange that,” Wallace says. Dr. Tsing looks annoyed but says nothing. She unveils the body. Besides the burns, there’s a grey circle implanted in his chest?

“What is this?” I point at it. 

“It’s a dialysis shunt. We all have them in case of exposure. Would you like to see the exit wound?” Dr. Tsing says. I nod and she turns the body to the side. It looks like a different wound than the one I saw yesterday. 

“Sergeant Langston was forced to push the arrow out in the field,” Dr. Tsing tells me. “We’ve got it right here.” She goes to the grey cabinet and pulls out a biohazard bag with a bloody arrow in it. I glance at Clarke, who looks equally suspicious. 

“Thank you,” she says before pulling me out of the room. 

“That wasn’t what we saw yesterday.”

“I know,” she replies. “We need to talk to the others.”

Our room is loud and full of laughter as usual. I find Jasper and Miller sitting in their bunks. Jasper sits up when he sees us. 

“What did President Wallace say?” he asks. 

“He showed us Shaw's body. It looked like an arrow wound,” Clarke admits. 

“Well, maybe because it is an arrow wound.”

“Or that's what they want us to think. They could have doctored it.”

“Clarke, you sound like a crazy person. Why do you want to screw this up for us?”

“We don't know what this is,” I cut in. 

“This is... safe. This is food, a real bed, clothes, and my personal favorite... not getting speared by Grounders. How long do you think they'll let us stay here if you keep this up?”

“Did someone threaten you?”

“No. It’s common sense. Look. We're guests here, not prisoners. What would you do with a guest who kept calling you a liar and generally acted like an ungrateful ass?”

“Kick the ungrateful ass out,” Miller adds. 

“Right now, biggest threat to us is you two.”

I don’t talk to anyone else for the rest of the day. Until dinner time, I wander around the halls some more, trying to find something to mark that I haven’t already found. When dinner rolls around, I sit in the dining hall, not eating. Jasper talks to Maya and goofs around with a piano. Maybe he’s right. I do have some trust problems. Maybe we’re safe. 

Maybe. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm going to visit some family so there won't be any updates tomorrow. don't give up on me! i shall return!


	16. Season 2, Episode 3: Reapercussions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: heights, blood, violence, blood draining
> 
> word count: 2404

“We need to get into medical,” Clarke says, sitting down on my bunk.

“What are you talking about?” I ask tiredly.

“The man we saw, with the radiation burns? He’s almost fully healed. I want to know what they’re doing.”

“So just go to medical then. It’s not a big deal.”

“Only patients are allowed in medical.” Oh, right. Probably for this very reason.

“Okay, so what do you suggest?” I hate asking for answers from her, but this is her plan and it’s making very little sense right now.

“I’ve got sutures that I can ‘accidentally’ tear. You need an injury.” She stands up and offers me her hand, which I don’t accept and stand up on my own. We walk through a few hallways, Clarke looking carefully around each corner. She stops suddenly and turns around to look at me.

“Sorry.” Before I can ask for what, she punches me in the side of the head. Black spots creep around the edges of my vision. 

“What the hell was that?” I yell, stumbling to my feet.

“You slipped and fell. Go to medical. I’ll be there in a couple hours so it isn't as suspicious.”

“I hate your plans,” I grumble as I walk away. 

I’m easily admitted into medical. Dr. Tsing examines my head and puts a bandage on it before having me change into a yellow robe and guiding me to a bed. I’m supposed to rest for a little while and then see how I feel. Clarke comes about an hour later and has her sutures repaired before she’s taken to a bed of her own. As soon as Tsing leaves, I stand up and look around the room.

“What exactly are we doing?” I ask. She doesn’t answer, instead going to the only other occupied bed in the room. It’s the man with the burns that we saw. He’s completely knocked out.

“Langston,” Clarke says, shaking him. “Langston!” He doesn’t respond. I examine the dialysis shunt. It’s connected to a large tube that runs across the room and goes into a wall. Red liquid runs through it that looks suspiciously like blood. Where is it coming from? I go up to the door on the wall where the tube leads. When I push, though, it doesn’t budge. Clarke comes up and helps me, but it’s no use. 

“Well, this was pointless. Thanks for punching me,” I say, annoyed.

“Maybe not pointless,” Clarke replies. She points at something higher up on the wall. A vent.

“Have I mentioned that I hate your plans?”

10 minutes later, I’ve boosted Clarke up into the vent and then been pulled up myself. It’s cramped (obviously) and dark. There aren’t any twists and turns, it’s all straightforward. 

“I see an exit,” Clarke whispers to me. We elbow-crawl the last few feet. Clarke slams the vent open, quite loudly, and scooches out. I follow her.

“Oh my God.” Two people hang upside down, tubes and wires covering their body. The room is dark, tinted slightly green, and smells terrible. I look closer at the bodies. Blood runs through the tubes. 

They’re draining them. 

A noise from farther in the room distracts me. I squint in the darkness and see…

Rows and rows of cages, crammed with people. They must be Grounders. Slowly, I walk forward, in between a few of the cages. Hands reach out desperately. Clarke kneels in front of one of them.

“Anya?” she whispers. I kneel quickly. The Grounder woman from the bridge, once powerful and terrifying, is now caged in a mountain. 

“I’m gonna get you out of here,” Clarke says. She gets up and looks around before ripping something out of the wall and returning. It’s a short metal pole. She jams it into the padlock and struggles with it. 

“Damn it,” she mutters. I roll my eyes and grab the pole, yawning it downwards. The lock breaks. We start to help Anya out when the door opens. Shit. 

“Get back in,” I say desperately, shoving Anya and Clarke into the cage before crawling in myself. And I thought the vent was cramped. There’s barely room for my body. 

Dr. Tsing comes into the room and open a cabinet on the wall. Probably IV bags of blood. She’s just going to grab it and leave, we’ll be fine. 

Grounder start slamming against their cages. I guess we riled them up. I glance down and see the lock still on the floor in plain sight. We’re so dead.

Hands reach out and try to grab Tsing. She ducks back out of the rows of cages and leaves the room. Guess she’s creeped out by her unwilling blood donors. 

Clarke opens the cage door and helps Anya out, supporting her weight. There’s a door on the other end of the room marked with a sign that says “Protective Suits Required Beyond This Point.” Must lead to the outside if it’s irradiated. I run and pull it open. It leads to a small room with dirty white walls and an odd-looking floor. A window with closed blinds stands across from us.

The door clicks closed. We’re trapped. Alarms and yellow lights go off above us. 

I’m falling. The weird floor was a trap door. We slide down a ramp and into a bin. It sounds like metal when we hit it, but it doesn’t feel metal. 

It’s bodies. Lots and lots of dead bodies. I yelp and clamber out of the bin, slipping on blood and who knows what else. Anya seems trapped, looking into the face of one of the bodies.

“Anya, take my hand!” Clarke yells. After a moment of hesitation, she does, and we fall to the ground outside of the bin. Railroad tracks dig into my bare feet. I feel naked and exposed in just the flimsy hospital robe.

“We’re out,” I whisper in awe. “We made it.” Clarke runs off to the side and kneels. I follow her and see a huge pile of clothes, probably from the bodies we just landed on. Sighing I pick up a few things. Dead people clothes or hospital robe? Not a decision I anticipated ever making. 

“Hey, get dressed,” Clarke calls to Anya. “We won't cover any ground like this.”

“I won't leave my people behind,” the woman says. Brave sentiment, but stupid.

“Anya listen to me, my people are still inside there.” Clarke Griffin the diplomat. “But they have guards. They have weapons. Once we're out, we can find help and come back and get them.”

“There is no ‘we’,” Anya spits. I’m about ready to just leave her when I hear someone coming down the tunnel. 

Not just someone. Reapers. Anya staggers to the wall and struggles to pick up a rock. I roll my eyes and take it from her. 

“You can hardly stand. Come on.” I climb into another one of the carts, one that’s thankfully empty, and try to look as unconscious as possible. It’s hard when my hands are shaking wildly. Scratch that, my whole body is shaking from cold and fear and adrenaline and all the other stuff that makes someone randomly vibrate. 

Something heavy is dumped on me. Oh my God. The Reapers are covering us in dead bodies. I stay still somehow, suppressing the urge to cringe and run away. The cart lurches forward with a loud squeak. They’re moving us. 

The Reaper moving us is silent. I can’t see him, and I’m glad. All the glances I’ve had of them have disgusted and terrified me at the same time. I can, however, see Clarke. She’s pinned under bodies, like me, but weirdly she looks… composed. Calm. The opposite of me. I understand suddenly why people trust her as a leader. Because she keeps it together no matter what and makes the decisions that no one else can. She killed Bellamy to save me, killed Finn to save Raven. She saved who she could. In this moment, covered by bodies, being wheeled somewhere unknown by a Reaper, I forgive her. I hope I live to tell her. 

The cart stops. One of the bodies is lifted off of me. Footsteps begin to fade farther and farther away. I risk sitting up. All the Reapers are huddled around a fire a few yards away. Slowly, I slip out of the cart and offer a hand to Clarke.

“Anya, what are you doing? Let's go,” she whispers. I peek over the edge. Anya is holding the face of a half-alive man, kneeling over him. She looks up at us briefly before going back to her dying friend.

“Yu gonplei ste odon.” She snaps his neck. I have no idea what that means, but I’ll assume it’s a funeral rite. I grab my new clothes from earlier and we run. 

And we keep running. And running. There’s no end. Every time I think we might be almost there, wherever there is, we just find another fork in the road.

“Damn it! This place is a maze!” Clarke exclaims. 

“What are they doing to us?” Anya asks tiredly.

“They use your blood. I saw a soldier come in with radiation burns, hours later he was fine. It's like your blood is healing them somehow. I've never seen anything like it,” Clarke says. 

“We need to keep moving,” I interrupt. 

“Come on, this way!” Clarke takes off again. I start to follow, but Anya runs the opposite way.

“Hey what are you doing? That's the way back to the Reapers,” Clarke calls after her. 

“You go your way, I'll go mine.”

“Anya, we need to stick together.”

“I told you there is no ‘we’.”

“We saved your life,” I say, louder than I meant to.

“You saved because you need me. I know the way back to your people, I know where all the traps are hidden. You'd never make it alone.”

“We don't have time for this.” Clarke starts to run again. Anya does as well, in the other direction. “Our best chance to get out of here alive is together. All we can doing is keep moving and hope-” I tap her on the shoulder, slightly amused despite myself. Clarke notices that Anya is gone. We run after her as one. 

That turns out to be a terrible idea. We see a Reaper in front of us in less than five minutes. I turn back and see another few behind us. In every tunnel, there’s at least two Reapers. We’re weaponless and outnumbered.

“Shit, shit, shit,” I mutter, backing into a wall. 

“No. Please!” Clarke looks like she might cry. 

A high-pitched tone makes me cover my ears and wince in pain. The Reapers do the same but in a much higher degree, falling to their knees and crying out.

“Get back! Get away from them now!” Blue-suited people emerge from the darkness. “You're coming with us.” 

Out of the frying pan, into the fire. 

“I saw everything, I know what you're doing to them,” I tell them as they lead us back to the mountain. We reach a large metal door. My stomach sinks. 

“That's why you're going in the Harvest Chamber with them.” He leans into a radio. “Alpha building two, we've reached the intake, two prisoners in custody.”

“Your mission was to bring back all of them. The outsider can not leave this base. Alpha one is coming out now.” The radio is clearer than ours at camp. I guess camp doesn’t exist now.

Anya leaps out of nowhere, slamming into one of the guards. I turn to the one behind me and rip off his mask. He screams in agony as blisters spread across his face. He’s young, not much older than me. As he falls to the ground, I feel a twinge of pain and guilt. 

I’ve killed people. It didn’t hit me until now, but I’ve ended lives. 

“I found a way out! This way!” Anya runs off. This is no time for guilt. I run after her. Clarke hesitates for a moment, but then I hear her come up next to me. She’s holding a gun. 

“Let's go! We need to catch them alive!” Guards pour out the door behind us. I run faster. 

We stop at an exit eventually. That’s the good news. The bad news is that it’s a dam and it’s hundreds of feet in the air into rushing white water. 

“Wait, there has to be another way!” Clarke says desperately. 

“There isn't!” Anya yells. 

“There's no place left to go,” a guard says behind us. 

Anya jumps. I gasp as she falls, shrinking to a dot and then disappearing. 

“We don't have to do this, you hear me? Doesn't have to end like this.” The guards have guns raised at us. I glance at Clarke, hesitating. 

We have to do this. I take a deep breath and take a step back. There’s no ground beneath my feet, just air. I fall. 

Cold air and water chill me, but I barely feel it. Absolute fear fills me, but it’s dotted here and there with exhilaration. The stomach-dropping, screaming, limbs flailing kind of falling is actually kind of fun.

Hitting the water is not fun. Every bone in my body feels like it shatters before I submerge and the little air I had left in my lungs is useless. I’ve never been swimming before (obviously) and I’m not sure I like it. 

I float back to the top after a few moments. My head breaks the surface and I gasp, inhaling as much air as possible. Anya is watching me from the shore, looking calm. I guess she grew up swimming. Slogging through the water, I climb up onto the sand and cough up some water from my lungs. Clarke joins us a bit later, hauling herself gracelessly onto the shore. When she catches her breath, of course she has a plan.

“I think we should go back to the dropship first. So I can see if my-” Anya slams a rock into her head.

“What the hell are you doing?” I yell, running to Clarke. Before I can block, Anya kicks me in the ribs and then hits me with the rock as well. As she binds our hands, she speaks.

“We're not going back to your dropship. You burned 300 of my warriors, I can't show my face without a prize.”

Well, shit. 


	17. Season 2, Episode 4: Many Happy Returns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: shooting, blood
> 
> word count: 1217

Anya ties us to a rope and pulls us behind her. We’re too far from what I know, I don't recognize anything. Even if Clarke and I could take Anya, and that’s a big if, we couldn’t get home anyway. 

“Anya, we've been walking for hours. Where are we going?” Clarke asks. 

“Quiet.”

“Why not just kill us and get it over with?” I demand. 

“You can tell the commander what the mountain men are doing to us in there.”

“So let's work together. We don't have to be enemies,” Clarke says. 

“And unite with someone as weak as you?” she sneers. “I have what I need.”

“Hey,” Clarke says, stopping short. “We both want the same thing.”

A green laser finds its place on Anya’s forehead. I spin around and see more of them. Mountain men. 

“Dammit, they found us,” I mutter, crouching down.

“Run,” Anya commands.

We do run. Just like earlier in the tunnels, we sprint as fast as we can, moving as one. Anya knows the woods well, leaping over fallen logs I don’t even notice. Clarke and I follow as best we can. Finally, she yanks our rope off to the side and we fall to the ground. I start to protest.

“Quiet. You can't even walk in the woods,” she hisses. 

“If we’re such a burden, then cut us loose,” Clarke counters. 

“Heavy footfalls, broken branches. You even smell like them,” she says, ignoring us. Once again, she pulls us to the ground. We land in front of a puddle. I lean down to cup some in my hands to drink, but Anya slaps it out of my hands. 

“Not to drink.”

“Then why stop? We should be running,” Clarke says. Anya wordlessly picks up a handful of mud and slaps me in the face with it.

What. A. Bitch. 

“You reek. Cover yourself in it.” She begins rubbing it on her sleeves. I stare at her for a moment before doing the same, coating myself in thick mud. 

I’m going to say it again. I hate Earth.

We walk/run for a while longer, Anya dragging us behind her. When one of us stumbles, the other drags them back up and we keep moving. Neither one of us speaks. A dart lodges in the tree next to my head. I yelp and duck down. 

“How are they still following us?” Anya demands, turning to us. “It’s because of you. Time to end this.” She pulls out a knife.

“Anya, we are stepping where you step. We are covered in mud. We're not leaving a trail,” Clarke says desperately. 

“They're following something,” Anya growls. 

“They're not following us. They're tracking us,” I realize.

“Search yourself. If I'm right, it should feel like a small bump just under your skin,” Clarke says. Anya yanks down her sleeve and reveals a bump on her arm. That’s it. 

“Ok, I could remove it, but you need to untie my hands. I just need something sharp and sterile.” Clarke looks around like she might find a scalpel laying in the woods. Anya leans down and bites her arm. 

Jesus Christ. These people are wild. 

She spits out the tracker with blood-stained teeth.

“I will not go back there.”

“Fair enough. Let’s go,” I say.

It feels like we’ve been walking through the woods for years. I can hear the mountain men behind us but whenever I look back, all I see are trees. God, we’re so screwed.

“Anya, you're still bleeding,” Clarke says. “At least let me bandage it before it gets infected.” Anya looks down at her arm. Quick as lightning, Clarke stabs her in the neck with something and she falls to the ground.

“What was that?”

“The dart that almost hit you. Thought we might be in need of a tranquilizer.” She unties my hands quickly before pushing her hands towards me so I can return the favor. I bend down and bind Anya’s hands with the rope that was once on mine.

“Looks like you’re the prisoner now,” I smirk slightly.

Clarke and I throw together a makeshift stretcher to drag Anya along with us. I want to leave her, but Clarke insists that we need her to help with negotiation. As if she’ll help us with anything.

I’m beginning to recognize my surroundings. We’re almost to the dropship. I have a fleeting hope that we’ll walk into the clearing and I’ll see Bellamy standing in the doorway. I’ll run up and hug him and he’ll be real, there in my arms. 

It’s abandoned. What was once my home is now an empty shell of a metal dropship. No Fox, no Raven, and no Bellamy. 

No Bellamy. 

Clarke drops the stretcher and stumbles forward. There’s chalk writing on the side of the dropship. It’s faded, but the first word is clear: Clarke. Someone was alive to leave that message. 

The air is knocked out of my lungs. Anya slams me into the ground. Clarke turns and begins to pull her off me, but Anya flings her backwards and punches me in the face. Splintering pain prickles across my nose. Clarke hits Anya with a log and I’m free to get to my feet. I grab a knife from the ground, probably one that Anya dropped, and leap on top of her.

“Cam, wait!” Clarke says, her voice full of wonder. I pause and look up. Something floats in the sky, a yellow balloon.

“Do you see that? I knew it. He lied. Our people are out there.” 

We bind Anya’s hands again, tighter this time, and head off in the direction of the beacon. Night falls quickly, and honestly, we blend right in with our bloody, muddy clothes. We lost sight of the beacon a long time ago. I don’t know these woods, but it was a straight shot to the beacon. Soon enough, we see lights in the distance.

The station is beautiful. White lights illuminate the metal. It’s stuck in the ground up right, curving into a C shape. There’s a fence surrounding it all. 

“How many are there?” Anya asks, her voice the softest I’ve ever heard. 

“I don't know. A lot, I hope. I'm letting you go. I'm not weak, but I'm not like you. Our only chance against Mount Weather is if we fight together. To beat them, we'll need our technology and your knowledge of this world. I know my people will help. The question is, will yours?” Clarke asks. Anya hesitates for a moment, as though unsure if she can help. 

“The commander was my second. I can get an audience,” she says finally. I smile and extend my arm. Anya takes it firmly before walking away. 

“Please hurry,” Clarke says softly.

A gunshot goes off. Anya falls with a yell. Clarke and I run to her. Clarke puts pressure on the wound. 

“No, no. Hey. It's ok,” Clarke says desperately. 

We’re going to lose her. 

“Ai gonplei ste odon,” Anya chokes out. 

Guards run out and lift me up. I realize I look exactly like a Grounder, so that sucks. 

“Alpha team's got a Grounder down, two in custody,” a guard says into a radio. I try to stand up fully, but someone kicks my legs out from under me. 

Darkness claims me. 


	18. Season 2, Episode 5: Human Trials

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: blood, injury, dead bodies, Finn losing it
> 
> word count: 3003

I wake with an unfamiliar face hovering over me, in an unfamiliar place, with unfamiliar voices all around me. So yeah, I panic a little. I nearly fall off the bed I’m on in my haste to get on my feet.

“Hey, hey, you’re okay. Calm down,” the unfamiliar face says. It’s a man, a boy really, not much older than me. He smiles kindly.

“Who are you?”

“I’m Jackson. I’m a nurse to Abby Griffin.”

“Abby? Clarke’s mom? I thought she was dead,” I say in confusion.

“No, she made it. She’s just over there with Clarke.” He points across the room.

“Wait, where am I?” Probably should have led with that question, but this is a lot to handle.

“Camp Jaha. The remains of the Ark that landed on the ground.” He sounds proud when he says it. 

“You said your name was Jackson?” He nods. “Jackson, are Clarke and I the only ones who made it here?” 

“Ma'am. Movement in the north woods.” A blond woman in a guard’s uniform walks into the tent. Abby goes over to her. I stand up out of the bed while Jackson’s distracted and start getting dressed. My clothes were washed at some point and laid next to my bed. 

“Grounders?” Abby asks. 

“I don't think so.” My heart leaps. I push past the guard and out of the tent I’m in. The camp I saw yesterday looks even more interesting lit up, but I’ll explore it later. 

“Hey.” Raven stands up next to me and pulls me into a hug.

“Raven? You made it!”

  
“What can I say, I’m hard to get rid of,” she says lightly. “I’ve been waiting out here all night. Abby said you needed sleep.” I look down and see something on her leg. A brace. Murphy must have done more damage than I thought. She see where I’m looking and forces a smile.

“Stop staring, I’m fine.”

“Open the gate!” someone yells from across the yard. I look up and see a group of people filing in. One of them looks familiar. Black curly hair, tall, coppery skin. He’s got cuts on his face, but there’s no mistaking him.

“Bellamy?” I whisper, half in disbelief and half in hope. Raven laughs. 

“Go,” she says simply. 

I don’t know where I find it in me to run, but I do. Faster than I ran through those damn tunnels, faster than I thought I was able to run. I need to get to him, need to make sure he’s real.

He catches me in his arms easily and lifts me off the ground. I press my head against his shoulder, one hand tangled in his hair, the other holding tightly to his back. He’s real, he’s here. 

He’s alive. 

I feel like laughing and crying at the same time. I’m not sure when I started caring this much about Bellamy Blake, but it’s too late now. 

“I thought you were dead,” I whisper, my voice strained. Yeah, I’m definitely dipping more towards the crying end of the spectrum.

“I missed you too, princess.” Tears gather in my eyes as I pull away from him and hug Octavia tightly. I honestly didn’t even see her at first, but now that I’m sure I’ve got Bellamy back for the time being, I see her and her Grounder braids and I’m so glad she’s okay. Clarke and Raven catch up and do their hugging as well. 

“How many are with you?” Bellamy asks. 

“None. Where’s Finn?” Clarke looks behind Bellamy like he might be hiding Finn somewhere, and he’ll jump out at any moment. When Bellamy doesn’t speak at first, I see the smile fade from Raven’s face. 

“Looking for you.”

Clarke and I are interviewed for hours on what we saw in Mt. Weather. The council, functioning under Abby Griffin, has several important decisions to make and I’ll be damned if I’m not involved in their making. We wait outside the door until Abby comes out. Clarke and I step forward immediately, Bellamy behind us. 

“We’ve reached a decision,” Abby tells us. 

“And?” I prompt.

“We’re sending a search party after Kane.”

“Ok, what about Finn and Murphy?” Clarke asks. Abby’s face tells us the answer. “What? No. You can't just cut them loose.”

“Sweetheart, we don't have the manpower to send out two separate rescue missions and protect our camp,” she says soothingly.

“Mom. They're in trouble. They’re either going to get themselves killed or they're gonna make things worse with the Grounders, who we need to get our people out of Mount Weather.”

“I know you feel this is unfair-” Abby starts.

“Unfair?” I say incredulously. “This isn’t unfair, this is murder. You sent us to the ground to die first, and now you’re abandoning two of our friends because we’ve completed your mission? We aren’t expendable anymore, Jaha pardoned us. So send out a damn search party!”

“The decision's been made.” 

“You weren’t elected Chancellor, it’s not your decision to make,” I spit.

“I’m sorry,” she says simply in a tone that doesn’t sound sorry at all. 

“You’re sorry?” Bellamy demands. “Finn and Murphy are out there looking for your daughter with guns you gave us, and now she's home, you're just going to abandon them? If you can't spare the guards, we know the terrain, we have a map. We can do it ourselves.” Clarke nods. 

“Absolutely not,” Abby says. She’s really, really getting on my nerves. 

“Mom,” Clarke starts to protest. 

“I just got you back,” Abby practically yells. Jackson runs in before I can respond and tell her that “Chancellors” aren’t supposed to be influenced by family members. 

“Abby. We need you in medical.” He nods to me with a kind smile. 

“You better go, Chancellor,” I say mockingly. Abby glares at me. 

“Byrne? No one leaves this camp.”

“Yes, ma'am,” the blond guard says. With one last look at us, Abby walks away. I resist the urge to flip her off as she goes. 

“We’re gonna need guns,” Clarke says quietly. 

As it turns out, having a mechanic on your side is helpful. Raven doesn’t even question it when I tell her we need four guns and a way through the electric fence. She just nods and tells me to meet her at the edge of camp.

I get the message to Clarke first. She says something about writing a note to her mom and walks off. Then I go to find Bellamy. He’s assembling some packs with rations, med kits, the usual “heading off on a mission that could possible kill us” stuff. 

“We’re supposed to meet Raven at the edge of camp.” He looks up and smiles.

“Got it.” He hands me a pack. “You know, I really did miss you, princess.”

“I missed you too,” I say around the lump in my throat. “I tried to stop her from closing the door, I really did, but Fox-”

“It’s not your fault. It’s not Clarke’s either. All that matters is that we both lived, right?” I nod with tears in my eyes. He pulls me into a hug, one hand nestled in my hair. I allow myself just a moment to breathe, to  _ feel _ , before I compose myself and pull back.

“We should probably get going,” I say with a small smile.

Raven’s already waiting at the fence. She drops a bag on the ground. It spills open to reveal guns, ammo, clips, all of it. 

“I scored you a couple extra clips.” I pick up one of the rifles, reveling in the familiar security it provides. Clarke appears from behind the wall.

“Hey. My mom's in surgery and the team going after Kane just left. We should, too,” Clarke says. Bellamy hands her a pack. 

“Did you find Octavia?”

“No.” Octavia comes from the opposite way. “I found you. I’m not letting you leave here without me.”

“Octavia…” Clarke starts. 

“Finn and Murphy are headed for Lincoln's village. I’ve been there. Have you?” She points to me. “Has she?”

“You done?” Bellamy smirks, handing her the last pack. 

“What’s this?”

“Your pack.” Octavia smiles as she shoulders it. “Lead the way.” We start to climb out of the fence, but Raven stops us. 

“Whoa. Not so fast, Pocahontas.” She taps the fence with her cane. Electricity crackles to life. 

“I thought you said it was handled.”

“It is.” She grabs her radio. “Shut her down, Wick.” After a moment, two bursts of static sound. Raven nods and taps the fence again. It’s dead. “Handled.”

We’re out. Back in the woods, for better or for worse. 

Octavia leads us silently. I have to wonder where Lincoln is and why he isn’t guiding us himself. Maybe he’s at the village, talking Finn and Murphy down. That’d be good. From what Bellamy has told us, Finn is kind of losing it. He loves Clarke and he lost her. I find myself looking at Bellamy, whom I lost as well. I hope we find Finn soon, because despite the fact that I’m not his biggest fan, I know how he feels, more or less. I’m not sure I love Bellamy like he loves Clarke, but who knows? I’ve been surprising myself a lot around Mr. Blake.

I grip my gun tightly. Everything around me could be a threat, and I’m thinking about  _ love.  _ I loved my parents, and where did that get me? An orphan on a planet that wants me dead. Love is nothing but a fight, and a losing one at that. 

A stick cracks somewhere off to my right. My gun is up in an instant, finger on the trigger, peering through the scope. Trees, bushes, greenery, but something behind it. A shadowy form, decidedly not human. Next to me, Bellamy has his weapon at the ready as well. 

A burst of motion. The form flies towards me. I pull hard on the trigger too late. The thing hits me and flings me backwards. A leopard like the ones we found looking for Jasper. Its paws crush into my chest. I jam my gun into its neck, pushing it away from my face. Voices yell around me. Their words are blurry, indistinguishable. Large, gnashing teeth get closer to my face, horrible, hot breath filling my lungs. My arms are weakening. I let out a yell of defiance and give and tremendous shove with the gun, but it only knocks the creature off-balance for a moment. 

The weight leaves my chest. Several gunshots go off next to me, deafening me for a moment. I’m heaving for air. My arms fall to my sides, one of them limply gripping my rifle. 

“Princess? You okay?” a worried voice says. Bellamy’s freckled face comes into view, concern etches in his features. I sit up with a groan.

“I’m fantastic,” I deadpan. Bellamy smiles and helps me to my feet. The creature lays a few feet away, gunshot wounds marking its head and chest. 

“Come on. We can get a few more miles in before nightfall.” Octavia sets off again. I glance up at Bellamy. He’s looking at Octavia with a certain wistfulness, like he misses something that’s right in front of him. 

We make it about two miles before it’s too dark to see the ground in front of us. Reluctantly, Octavia agrees to stop for the night and starts up a fire. Lincoln must have taught her some sort of trick, because she gets it going quicker than I’ve ever seen. I reassure Clarke that she can get some sleep and that I’ll take first watch. 

“Not going to sleep?” Bellamy says, sitting next to me. “You need rest.”

“So do you,” I counter. He chuckles. 

“You know, last time I saw you, you were fighting Fox to get out of the dropship,” he says after a pause. 

“Why did you leave?” I blurt. He ponders for a moment before speaking.

“There were still people outside. If I could help them, I had to try.” 

“But you could have died,” I say softly. “I thought you were dead, Bellamy.” The familiar lump begins to burn in my throat. Bellamy notices, unfortunately, and his calm expression turns concerned again. 

“You thought you could have gotten rid of me just like that? Wishful thinking, princess,” he says with a grin. I laugh, but it comes out oddly strangled. 

“I’m stuck with you, I guess.” He takes my hand gently, and we’re silent for a while. Absently, I trace a finger over the back of his hand. His skin is warm, lighting sparks against my touch. 

“Princess?” His voice is low and raspy. I look up. We’re close, very close together. I find my gaze shifting from his eyes to lips, and his doing the same. Slowly, one of his hands comes up to rest on my back, the other still in my lap. 

He closes the distance slowly but surely. My heart feels like it might beat out of my chest, and for a moment I’m worried that he can hear it. Then his lips meet mine and I forget every worry, every fear, every bad thing about this world. It’s just him and me, lips pressed together. I lean into him and run my free hand through his hair. Our other hands are still joined, and Bellamy leverages that to pull me onto his lap. He’s sweet, soft, gentle. 

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that, princess,” he says quietly when we break apart.

“Yeah? How long?” I tease.

“Since you came after me when I destroyed the radio. You were so mad, and I realized that I cared how you felt about me.” 

“That’s a lot of time to make up,” I say before kissing him again. 

A bit later Bellamy insists that I get some sleep, and I’m too tired to argue. He also insists that I lay my head in his lap so I’m comfy, and I don’t argue with that either. The last sensation before I fall asleep is that of him brushing hair off my forehead. 

I stir when I hear voices. My muscles complain when I sit up, blinking hard in the firelight. Bellamy and Clarke are talking and Octavia’s still asleep on the other side of the fire.

“I'll sleep when we find Finn. You haven't seen him, Clarke. Losing you, the others, the war, it changed him. He executed the Grounder that drew us the map. Pulled the trigger without even blinking and walked away,” Bellamy says. He looks down at his feet while he speaks.

“That doesn't sound like Finn,” Clarke says. 

“No, it doesn't. I saw what he was capable of, and still I let him go with Murphy and 2 automatic rifles.” The guilt in his voice is evident. 

“I’m sure that had to be done, too.”

“When we got back to the dropship and no one was there, we assumed it was the Grounders.”

“Of course you did. You couldn't have known it was the mountain men. No one could have.”

“How long until chocolate cake turns into being hung upside down and drained for their blood?”

“I don't know,” I cut in, “but we don't have much time.” 

“Ok. First we find Finn, then our people in Mount Weather,” Bellamy says firmly. 

“And Lincoln.” I look over. Octavia is staring into the fire. She sits up. “Think we've slept long enough.”

It’s still not fully light yet, but we head out anyway. I’ve barely thought about last night, the kiss, all of it. The gravity of it hits me when we’re walking. I kissed Bellamy Blake. 

I  _ kissed  _ Bellamy Blake. 

A smile creeps across my face. He cares about me as much as I care about him. I look up at him briefly. He notices and smiles before taking my hand. We’re going to have to talk about this at some point, but right now I’m happy to have his hand in mine.

A large statue begins to peek through the trees. It’s in the middle of a large clearing, but it takes up most of the space. I think it’s Abraham Lincoln, but it’s so covered in moss and vines that I can barely see the face. 

“This is it. Which way to the village?” Bellamy asks. Octavia is silent. “O?” I look over to her and see tears in her eyes. Lincoln’s village. She lost him here.

“The reapers came from there,” she point. Her voice breaks. “I couldn't save him, Bell.” Bellamy hugs her tightly, stroking her hair. Clarke and I simultaneously take step back. This isn’t our place.

“I couldn't save him.”

Octavia gathers herself and turns her face steely again before leading us through the woods past the statue. Her ability to just stop showing emotions is creepy but impressive. It worries Bellamy though. She’s not a kid anymore. None of us are.

The gunshots come a few minutes later. Just a short burst. Murphy? Please don’t be Murphy. We break into a run in the direction of the sound. 

As we go, more gunshots sound. This time it’s continuous, a stream of bullets. We run faster. I can see the break in the trees up ahead, we’re almost there. Hopefully we can salvage the situation, whatever the “situation” is. 

“Finn! Finn! Finn, come on! We need to go!” Murphy yells. His gun is pointed at the ground, finger not even on the trigger. Finn’s the shooter. Grounder bodies litter the ground. I run off to the side and circle around to Finn, wrenching his gun out of his hands. He looks dazed. I drop the gun on the muddy ground and kneel over one of the bodies, a woman. Blood stains her clothes. No pulse. 

“Finn, what the hell did you do?” I demand. He doesn’t answer, doesn’t even look at me. His eyes are on Clarke. 

“I found you.” He takes a step towards her. She stumbles back, horrified.

So much for Finn the peacemaker. 


	19. Season 2, Episode 6: Fog of War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: death, blood, electrocution, smut!
> 
> word count: 3740

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're back bitches! sorry about the long break. i was suffering from a severe case of writer's block, but i'm back and better than ever!

Two days later, I haven’t seen Finn once. He and Murphy are being put on trial for the massacre at the village. For Clarke’s sake, I hope they’re cleared. That girl has enough to deal with. I wouldn’t mind if Murphy got locked up though.

Someone got Monty’s still from the dropship, so Bellamy, Clarke and I are drinking bad moonshine and looking over her map. I lost mine somewhere in the tunnels, but hers makes more sense anyway. 

“Ok, tell me again,” Bellamy says for the fourth time. I sigh and point at the map.

“We got to the dam through this tunnel. It's all connected to the mine system, that's our way in.” Clarke nods in agreement.

“Are you sure we can get past the Reapers and the Mountain Men?” Bellamy asks. He’s got a point.

“We have guns and numbers now, remember?” I say. Bellamy seems satisfied with that and leans back from the table a bit. 

“I swear to god if Madame Chancellor doesn't sanction the mission soon I'm going by myself.”

“You think we trust you to go off by yourself? Of course we’re coming with you,” I tease. He smiles and takes my hand under the table. I try to sip my drink nonchalantly, but I feel like my cheeks are bright red. Clarke’s eyes turn suspicious all of the sudden and I panic a little until I notice that she’s looking past me. I turn and see Finn coming towards us. 

“Guess the inquisitions over. How's Finn doing anyway?” Bellamy asks. Clarke studiously avoids eye contact. 

“I haven't talked to him since we got back. I don't know what to say.” She pauses. “He just kept shooting.”

“We're at war, Clarke, we've all done things.” I remember the buckle hitting Lincoln, the ring of fire, the Grounders we’ve killed. He’s right. This is war.

“Hey,” Finn says simply, only looking at Clarke. She doesn’t respond. The silence is deafening.

“Next round on me.” Bellamy gets up.

“I’ll go with you,” I say quickly, following him. I can’t get out of this situation fast enough.

“Do you think she’ll forgive him?” I ask as we refill the cups. 

“I don’t know,” he says. At least he’s honest. “In the meantime, though, we’ve got things to talk about too.” He turns to me with a smirk and takes a sip from his cup. I can’t suppress the stupid grin that comes to my face. 

“I guess we do,” I say slyly. He looks like he’s about to respond with something sarcastic when Murphy shows up.

“There’s my two favorite people,” he says with a stupid smile, like he didn’t hang me and betray us all. The happy expression has faded from Bellamy’s face, replaced by badly concealed hate. Or maybe he’s not trying to conceal it.

“What the hell do you want, Murphy?” I grit through my teeth. Murphy puts his hands up in a surrendering gesture.

“Just saying hi. Calm down, princess.” Bellamy’s on him in a second, grabbing his collar. Murphy’s drink hits the ground.

“You don’t call her that. Just because you talked the Council into pardoning you doesn’t mean we’re friends now. You’re a worthless traitorous coward, nothing more.” He releases Murphy and pushes him backwards before taking my hand and walking away. I follow him quickly. I don’t want to be around Murphy either.

Bellamy guides me around the camp, behind what used to be part of the Ark and is now our living space. Do I know where we’re going? No. Am I still going to follow him? Yep, sure am. He stops at the edge of the fence where we snuck out earlier, hidden from the rest of the camp by a large hunk of metal. I look at him questioningly. He takes a deep breath and sits down on the ground, gesturing for me to join him. When I do, he takes my hand.

“What are we doing here?” I ask. “I’m not complaining, of course.” He smiles.

“Things to talk about, remember? And I want to be far away from Murphy while we talk about them.”

“That’s fair,” I smile. Hesitantly, I lean in to him, still unsure about touching him. When he puts his arm around me, I feel better. “So what do you want to talk about?” I say casually, knowing fully what he wants to talk about.

“This,” he says simply, pressing a kiss to my lips. It stills feels strange to be with him like this, but strange in the best way. I smile against his lips and push closer to him. 

“I like this better than talking,” I breathe when we break away. That seems to jog his memory and he pulls back a little farther.

“Right. Talking.” He takes another deep breath. “I want us to be more than just a kiss in the middle of the night.” 

“I think it’s been several kisses in the middle of the night,” I tease. He rolls his eyes.

“You’re not making this any easier, princess.”

“If you anticipate me making anything easy, you’ve got a long road ahead of you.”

“Does the road include me calling you my girl and no one else getting that privilege?” I pretend to think about it, tapping my chin exaggeratedly. 

“Do I get to name conditions?” 

“Anything,” he says quickly, making my heart leap.

“I still get to kiss you in the middle of the night, right?” He chuckles.

“Anytime, princess.” He pulls me over to straddle him and kisses me again, his tongue sliding into my mouth easily. I run my hands through his hair and tug lightly. His hands find the small of my back and pull me farther into him. I fit against him perfectly, and I wonder why we didn’t do this sooner.

“There you are! My mom authorized-Oh!” I pull away and look up quickly. Clarke’s looking between Bellamy and I, her eyes as wide as dinner plates. She looks down quickly. “Um, my mom authorized a mission to Mt. Weather. We leave at first light. I can, uh, give you the details in the morning.” She retreats quickly. I look back at Bellamy, who’s very badly trying not to laugh. He breaks after a moment and I laugh with him, lightly slapping his shoulder.

“I think we scarred her for life,” I say through giggles.

“She’ll live. Besides, I like people knowing that you’re mine. Let’s go make out in front of the rest of the camp.” He stands up with me still in his lap, just picking me up with him. 

“Absolutely not,” I say, still trying to stifle laughs. He keeps walking. “Don’t you dare!”

“I’m just taking you to your room, like a gentleman,” he says. I guess we are going in the general direction of the Ark station, but he would have to carry me through the entire camp. Quickly, I uncross my legs from around his back and land firmly on the ground.

“Nice try, Blake.” He sighs dramatically.

“Ruined my plans.” I laugh again before realizing something.

“Actually, I don’t think I have a room. I spent my time here in medical.” 

“You could always spend the night in my room,” he says innocently. 

“Smooth.” I roll my eyes. “Fortunately for you, my other option is probably Murphy, and you win that contest by a landslide.” 

Bellamy’s room is the same as all the other rooms on the Ark: simple grey walls, floor, and ceiling. A bed with a few handmade pillows and blankets, and dresser, and a nightstand are the only furniture. The pillows and blankets are from our camp, the things we salvaged and put in the dropship. I guess the delinquents were allowed to keep our own things. Considerate. 

“Is this okay?” Bellamy asks almost shyly. He’s handing me a T-shirt. I smile and take it.

“Thank you,” I say softly. Why am I so awkward all of the sudden? 

As quickly as possible, I turn away from Bellamy, slip off my shirt, and pull on his. It falls halfway down my thighs, so when I kick off my pants, I’m completely covered. Bellamy looks me up and down with a smile before coming over to press a gentle kiss to my lips.

“I like you in my clothes, princess.”

“Good, because this is mine now.” He chuckles and pulls out a shirt and some boxers for himself. I take a sudden interest in his ceiling while he changes. When he turns back around, he puts his hand on my hips and pulls me close to him. 

“You know you never have to be nervous around me, right princess?” I nod, not knowing what to say. “I’m serious. Nothing happens if you don’t want it to.” An image runs through my head of him with Raven like this and I look down, suddenly worried. He tips my chin up to look at him.

“What’s wrong?” he asks softly. I swallow hard.

“Bellamy, how do I know I’m not just another one of your girls?” I say, my voice cracking slightly. Sadness passes across his face.

“All I can do is promise you that you’re not, Camellia. With the girls at the camp, it was just casual. Exercising our freedom. With Raven, she was trying to get over Finn, and we had fought and I was angry-” I can hear the emotions running high in his voice. He stops talking when I cup his face in my hand, gently brushing his cheekbone with my thumb. 

“It’s okay,” I promise him. “It’s okay, I understand.” 

He leans down to kiss me but pauses right before we connect, silently asking for permission. I give the slightest of nods and he closes the distance. There’s no lust, no tongue, nothing but pure and gentle affection. His hands come up to cup my face. He walks backwards towards the bed and sits down, pulling me down with him. We’re sitting just like we were earlier, me straddling his legs with my hands in his hair. His hands leave my face and travel down my torso, pausing on my hips for a moment. When they touch my bare thighs, shivers run up my spine. He smiles, a sweet smile full of adoration that melts my heart, and flips us around, laying me back on the bed. When he kisses me again, it’s needier. His hands slide across my body as his tongue slides into my mouth. The longer we kiss, the more passionate it becomes. I jolt as his hand slides under my shirt, brushing my stomach.

“Is this okay?” he asks, face full of concern. I nod and go to kiss him again but he pulls back. “Words, princess. I need to hear you say you’re alright.”

“I’m more than alright.” 

“You’ll tell me if you’re not?” he insists.

“I’m not one to keep my thoughts to myself,” I tease. He seems satisfied with that and kisses me again shortly before making his way down my jaw to my neck. Any worries I had earlier have disappeared. I sigh happily and tug at the hem of his shirt. He seems to get the message and sits up, pulling his shirt off in one motion. The amount of muscles this man has is ridiculous. I blush when he chuckles at my obvious staring.

“Enjoying the view, princess?” I don’t answer, instead sitting up with him and pushing him down onto the pillows, straddling his waist, and beginning to mark a hickey on his neck. Just like he said, I’d like people to know he’s mine. While I’m busy with that, I feel his fingers on my waistband.

“Okay?” he whispers. I start to nod before I remember he wants words.

“Okay,” I reply. 

He kisses me gently as he slides in, allowing me time to adjust. I wrap my arms around his neck, pressing my chest against his and pushing my face into his neck. 

“God, you’re perfect,” he breathes out. Pleasure shoots in sparks up my body, filling me with warmth. Bellamy presses kisses to my jawline, down my neck, to my collarbone. I tumble over the edge in a mess of gasps and shaking, Bellamy following behind. We both fall onto the bed, still intertwined, all sweat and heavy breathing. He shifts slightly to put one arm under my head, the other around my waist to hold me to him as he kisses the top of my head. After a moment he gets up, much to my dismay, and grabs our clothes from where they were unceremoniously thrown to the floor. I take the shirt from him gratefully and pull it over my head. It smells like him, wood and musk and earth. The room is warm, the bed is comfortable, and when Bellamy lays next to me and wraps his arms around me, I can feel myself drifting off. Just before I do, I hear a content whisper from Bellamy.

“My princess.”

The next morning, I wake up first. My sleeping habits haven’t exactly been sound since I made it to Earth. Bellamy’s still asleep next to me. His room is still dark, but I can see his face next to mine. I smile a little bit and kiss him lightly. He stirs slightly and reaches his arm around me to pull me closer, making me giggle. 

“Good morning,” I say softly. Bellamy smiles sleepily.

“Morning, princess.” He squints at his watch. “6:23,” he informs me. I sigh and flop back down next to him.

“We need to get up, don’t we?” I grumble. Bellamy gets out of the bed with a groan. I watch him move around the room, grabbing clothes, changing, pulling on his jacket. He’s completely ready before I’m even out of bed. I pull on my pants from yesterday but leave his shirt on, tucking it into my waistband loosely. I notice Bellamy’s staring and small smile as I’m tying my shoes. 

“What?” 

“Like I said: I like you in my clothes.” I roll my eyes and stand up. 

“Come on, loverboy, we’ve got a mission.” As soon as I’m out the door, his hand is intertwined my mine. 

Octavia hands us packs when we reach the gate. Some guards hand us guns, which I take happily. Clarke looks at Bellamy and I for a moment before looking away quickly.

“Okay, listen up everyone. Raven found out that Mt. Weather has been jamming our signals. It’s why we haven’t found any other Ark stations, it’s why our walkie-talkies have bad range. We’re going to take the tower down. It’s a simple mission, we’re not even going into the mountain. Everyone got that?” Clarke says. 

Finn leads a group of Octavia, Clarke, Raven, Abby and some guards through the woods. Bellamy and I take up the rear.

“I can't believe they let Finn come,” Octavia says, definitely loudly enough for Finn to hear. 

“Best tracker we've got. Don't forget to look up, the grounders use the trees,” Bellamy calls grimly. “That's how we lost John Mbege.” 

We walk silently for a while. There’s something calming about being in the woods again. The familiarity of it all. The trees, the familiar pace of Bellamy besides me, the routine of checking the trees. Octavia falls in next to me.

“We’re going to find our friends,” she says quietly. “Raven’s mission is a little different than ours. We’re splitting off from the group and going to find a way into Mt. Weather. Follow my lead.” She catches back up to the rest of the group, easily fitting back into their ranks. I look up at Bellamy.

“She certainly has a flair for the dramatic,” I say. Bellamy smiles slightly. “Are we going to follow her?”

“We have to,” he replies. 

Octavia slips off to the side easily not fifteen minutes later without a glance towards Bellamy and I. He looks down at me and nods. I take a deep breath and follow her, disappearing into the woods. There’s a little bit of Grounder in all of us now, I guess.

“You realize how stupid this plan is, right?” I ask Octavia when we’re out of earshot.

“Not my plan. I’m just trying to get Lincoln back.” Bellamy appears out of the woods and joins us.

“What exactly are we looking for?” he asks.

“Ruins of old buildings. Some of them probably had access to Mt. Weather.” 

“Hey! Blake! Let's go right now!” Dammit. Guards. I turn around to see three guards with guns pointed at us. 

“In case you've forgotten, we're not under your command,” Bellamy tells them. 

“Don't make us do this the hard way.” I have to physically control myself so I don’t laugh. We’ve been living “the hard way” our whole lives. 

“Come on Scott, 47 of our people are prisoners in this mountain.”

“That's why we're here.”

“Wrong. You're out here to find other stations of the Ark. We're out here to find our friends.” Bellamy starts to walk again, but I stop him. Thousands of bugs run under our feet, scuttling frantically. 

“What are they doing?” Scott asks. 

“Running,” I realize. I look up and see the fog a millisecond before Bellamy. 

“Acid fog! We need cover now!” he yells. We start to unpack our tents, but Octavia runs in the direction of the bugs. 

“O! O! Get back here!”

“Bell, there's something in here! Maybe there's some ruins,” Octavia calls distantly. I get up and run towards her voice with Bellamy. She’s right, there’s a door.

“Hey! Hey! Over here!” I yell to the guards. Scott and Bellamy yank on the door, eventually prying it open. The other two guards are still setting up their tents. I call to them again, and they finally get the message. 

Only one of them makes it. Scott lunges to go save the other man, but Bellamy pulls him backward and slams the door. I kneel down and catch my breath, heaving for air. 

“You okay?” Bellamy asks softly, helping me back up.

“Fine. You?”

“I’d be better if I knew where we were.” I look around. He’s right. I have no idea what kind of place this is. It’s dark and full of echoes. When I squint, I see cars lining the walls. 

“Where are we?” Scott asks. 

“A garage, I think.”

“More like a tomb,” Octavia mutters. 

“Look, I'm sorry about your man, but we need to find an access door to Mount Weather,” Bellamy says. 

“Hey, not so fast.”

“Sir, that fog will keep us pinned down for another-” He stops when Scott hands him a gun. 

“We'll split up, be back in fifteen. Be safe.” Scott and the other guard jog off.

“Let's go.” We head the other way. 

We don’t speak. The only sounds that break the silence are our footsteps and the scuttle of bugs. It’s eerie. 

A painful yell makes me flinch. Scott.

We run in the direction of the yell. As we move closer, I hear music. It gets louder and louder, drowning out the bugs. What the hell is happening?

“Scott? Are you there?” Bellamy calls. No answer. I take another step forward and trip on something. A gun. Scott’s gun. He wouldn’t leave this willingly. I pick it up cautiously.

“Bell, what's that?” Octavia asks, pointing across the room. He raises the flashlight. Two forms hunch over a third. All of them are covered in blood. 

“Reapers.” They charge at us, but I’ve just been armed with an automatic rifle. A few shots and they’re dead on the ground.

“Take this.” Bellamy hands Octavia the handgun and we move forward cautiously, covering each other. Bellamy leads, with Octavia and I on either side. The flashlight illuminates two more figures. A Reaper kneels over Scott. Oh God. He’s eating him. Bellamy starts to take aim.

“Don't. It's Lincoln,” Octavia whispers, horrified. The Reaper looks at us, and through the blood and war paint smeared on his face, I can see his face. She’s right. He stands up and starts to walk towards us. I can’t shoot him. I can’t kill Lincoln. 

“Lincoln! Lincolns, it's me! It's Octavia!” she cries. If he hears her, he doesn’t let on. He grabs her and throws her to the ground before coming to me and Bellamy. He doesn’t pull the trigger either. Just as I’m steeling myself to do it, a gunshot goes off. Lincoln stumbles and Bellamy slams the butt of the rifle into his head. Octavia stands with her gun raised. She shot him in the leg. I run to her and gently take the gun from her hand.

“We need to get somewhere safe,” Bellamy says. We run away from his body, leaving him there. 

We take cover in a car. Octavia’s in shock, obviously, and Bellamy looks at her with a sadness that hurts my heart.

“He's a reaper. How is it even possible? He just looked right through me. How he's just-?” Suddenly, I see Lincoln’s face in the mirror. 

“Shhh,” Bellamy cautions.

“How?” she says, ignoring him. Lincoln turns around with a grunt, looking at the car we’re sheltered by. I grip Bellamy’s hand. 

“Did he see us?” Octavia whispers.

“I don’t know.” After a few painfully long seconds, Lincoln turns away. We breathe a collective sigh of relief. My grip on Bellamy’s hand loosens. Octavia’s breathing turns heavy again, like she can’t get enough air. I know the feeling. 

“Shh, just listen to me,” Bellamy soothes. “We'll get him back. I promise.” It’s a foolish promise, one that we don’t know is even possible, but I understand why he makes it. 

Bellamy forms a plan quickly. Cautiously, we leave the car. I hate the plan, but Octavia’s the one whose approval matters.

“Sure you're ready for this?” Bellamys asks. Octavia nods. I smile reassuringly at her. 

“Ok, draw him in, I'll do the rest.” 

“Lincoln! Lincoln, can you hear me?” Octavia calls, her gun raised. Lincoln limps out from behind a car, quickly approaching Octavia. When he runs towards her, Bellamy and I spring into action. 

“Hey!” I yell, getting his attention. When he turns, Bellamy hits him with the shock baton. The sound of sizzling flesh makes me shudder. I go to Octavia and take her hand, trying to shield her from Lincoln’s unconscious body falling to the floor. 

“Now what?” she asks weakly. 

“Now we take him home.”


	20. Season 2, Episode 7: Long Into An Abyss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Reaper!Lincoln, drugs, blood, gore, general bad stuff
> 
> word count: 3592

Getting Lincoln’s body to the dropship turns out to be quite the task. He’s like 98% muscle. We make a sort of stretcher from branches, but even then he’s still almost too heavy to carry. Bellamy and I half-drag him through the forest while Octavia keeps guard. We’re close to the dropship, thankfully. When it comes into view, a feeling of eerie familiarity settles over me. It looks exactly the same as it did everytime I returned home to it, except for the ring of charred bodies surrounding it. All of the people we’ve killed laying around what was once our home. 

“We’ve got to get him restrained before he wakes up,” Bellamy says. I snap out of my thoughts. He’s right. I don’t want to shock him again, it was bad enough the first time. The only problem is getting him up the ladder. 

I slowly formulate a plan. Bellamy climbs up the ladder first, opening the hatch and preparing to pull Lincoln up. Octavia and I stay below and get him upright before pushing him up while Bellamy pulls. It’s a sound plan, as long as we’re strong enough. 

A few minutes later, after shoving one of the biggest men I know up a hatch, Lincoln is tied by the same ropes that held him when we first brought him here. Sickening deja vu reminds me of the belt hitting him. Octavia sits in the corner, blankly staring at the floor.

“I’m gonna go get Clarke,” Bellamy tells us. 

“I’ll come with you,” I say quickly. Bellamy shakes his head.

“I’m not leaving Octavia alone with him. The restraints could break.”

“And I’m not letting you go through Grounder territory alone,” I argue. 

“I can shoot the Grounders. We can’t shoot Lincoln.” He’s right. He and I both know that we won’t be able to kill Lincoln, so I’d better be here to help overpower him.

“Okay,” I say finally. “I’ll stay. Be careful.” Bellamy nods and pulls me into a hug, arms wrapped tightly around my waist. When I let him go, he presses a short kiss to my lips and smiles.

“See you soon, princess.” He disappears back down the hatch. I watch him go before sitting down heavily next to Octavia.

“You and Bellamy, huh?” she says. I realize I just kissed her brother in front of her when she didn’t know we were together. Smooth, Cam.

“I should have told you.” She laughs a little bit, taking me by surprise. 

“I’m not mad. Bellamy’s a big boy, he can do what he wants. Besides, he’s happier when he’s with you.” She gets quieter at the end, looking up at Lincoln. She’s happier with him too.

“Tell me about him,” I say, taking her hand. She looks at me, surprised, before her face takes on a dreamy look.

“I let him out when everybody was completely bombed off those nuts. That was when he told me his name. And when he kissed me.” 

“I never apologized,” I realize. “I let Bellamy torture him. Right here in this room.” Guilt fills me. I stood and watched while Bellamy beat him, whipped him.

“You didn’t do anything until Clarke figured out about the poison.”

“Still. I should have stopped him.” Octavia nods.

“You should have. But I know Lincoln forgave you when he saw you on the bridge trying to make peace, and if he can forgive you then I can.” She pauses. “You’re a good leader, Cam. We wouldn’t have survived like we did without you.”

The hatch creaks open. Bellamy’s head pops up and I sigh in relief. He made it. Clarke climbs through after him. She flinches when she sees Lincoln.

“It's okay. He's been restrained,” Bellamy tells her.

“I can't believe we're back here again.”

“Can you help him?” Octavia asks. 

“I don't know. I knew Mount Weather controlled the Reapers. I had no idea they were creating them,” Clarke says, getting a bit closer to him. He growls and lunges at her as best he can. 

“If they can do that to Lincoln, what're they doing to our friends?” I mutter. Lincoln starts to shake violently, pulling me from my thoughts.

“What’s happening?” Octavia demands.

“He's convulsing.”

“So what does it mean?” Clarke doesn’t answer, just shaking her head a bit and continuing her evaluation. 

“What happened to his leg?” she asks.

“I shot him,” Octavia says hollowly. 

“He's lost a lot of blood,” Bellamy says. Clarke squints at something on Lincoln’s neck/ 

“Can you shine the light on his neck?” she asks. I lift the flashlight and aim it where she’s looking. 

“Needle marks.”

“You think he's being drugged?” I ask incredulously. 

“Maybe.”

All hell breaks loose. Lincoln manages to rip his arms free from their chains and lunges at Clarke, who barely manages to back up on time. With her out of the way, he goes for me. The foam in his mouth spatters on me as he flings himself at me, knocking me to the ground. I punch him hard in the face, throwing him slightly off-balance. Bellamy hauls me to my feet. As Lincoln prepares to pounce again, a crackling noise sounds and he falls to the ground. Octavia stand over him, shock baton in hand. Gently, I take it from her. Tears gather in her eyes as Bellamy restrains him again, this time laying on his back.

“We have to stop the bleeding and get the bullet out. Hold his leg down,” Clarke commands. Bellamy and I obey while Octavia kneels over Lincoln’s head, trying to comfort him. When she attempts to give him some water, he snarls and knocks it out of her hand. 

“I’ll get some more,” she says calmly. I watch her go, concerned. Octavia and I have been getting closer, and the way she cares about Lincoln must be killing her. 

“I think we should get the bullet out while she’s gone,” I tell Clarke. She nods shakily and picks up a knife.

“This is going to be bad.”

Lincoln’s scream as the bullet comes out makes me want to curl up in a ball and block it all out. It hurts my ears, splitting my skull in half. Bellamy grips my hand, and I realize I’m shaking. Clarke looks about as bad as I do.

“Your mom would be proud,” I tell her, my voice wavering.

“My mom would know how to save him.”

The hatch creaks open. Octavia comes up slowly, looking at Lincoln sadly, and I’m pretty sure she heard his scream. I start to go to her, but I stop short when someone else follows her up. A Grounder. Bellamy has his gun up in a moment.

“Bellamy, don't! He's Lincoln's friend and their healer,” Octavia tells us. Bellamy’s finger eases off the trigger, but he doesn’t lower his weapon. The Grounder kneels next to Lincoln and pulls out a small vial. Medicine?

“What is that?” Clarke asks. The Grounder doesn’t answer, simply uncapping the vial and tilting it slightly.

“Yu gonplei ste odon,” he mutters. That sends a jolt through me. Where have I heard that? Anya’s voice echoes through my mind. She snapped a man’s neck after she said that. It’s a death ritual. I lunge forward and catch the drop in my palm. The Grounder growls and pulls out a knife. 

“Back off right now!” Bellamy yells, finger on the trigger again. 

“Yu gonplei ste odon,” Clarke mumbles to herself. “I’ve heard that before.”

“It’s what Anya said right before she killed that man in Mt. Weather. He was trying to kill Lincoln,” I accuse, glaring at the Grounder.

“Nyko, is that true?” Octavia asks angrily.

“Death is the only way,” Nyko says solemnly.

“Hold on. There could be another way.” Clarke is examining Lincoln again.

“None that I’ve seen,” Nyko says, throwing his knife on the ground. 

The hatch opens again. What now? Finn pops up, looking nervously at Lincoln.

“We have to go. The camp's leaving.”

“You!” Nyko yells. “Ripa!” He lunges at Finn, slamming him into the wall. His large hands wrap easily around Finn’s neck, cutting off his air. 

“Get off!” Bellamy commands, gun at the ready. 

“You slaughtered my people. Elders. Children. Innocents.”

“Oh my god, you're killing him,” Clarke cries. 

“Blood must have blood!” Nyko yells. Finn’s face is cherry red. He’ll be dead soon. I grab the shock baton we used on Lincoln and fire it up, pushing it into Nyko’s back. He jolts, convulses, and finally falls to the floor. 

“L-Lincoln…” Octavia stammers. “He's not breathing.” Clarke rushes over. 

“His heart's stopped. Move!” She pushes on his chest, trying to force his heart to beat again. I kneel next to Octavia and put an arm around her. Suddenly, Lincoln coughs. He’s breathing again. 

“He was dead...how did you do that?” Nyko asks in awe. 

“You've tried bringing Reapers back before? And they died like this?” 

“What is it?” Bellamy asks. 

“I know how to stop the attack. The Reapers are the biggest threat to the Grounders, and we just found out how to bring Reapers back. Sounds like bargaining material to me.”

“So, what? We just march into the Grounder camp and demand to speak to their commander?” I ask incredulously.

“Do you have another plan?” Unfortunately, she’s right.

Clarke develops a plan. We stall the commander while Abby gets Lincoln stabilized. Once the Grounders see that we’re useful, they stop the attack and we work together to retrieve our people from Mt. Weather. 

I hate this plan. The only time plans go without hiccups is in the planning stage, and there are a lot of hiccups that end in death. 

“He's stable for now. We should go,” Clarke says. I nod and pick up my pack. Bellamy wordlessly pulls me to him, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing me. All the words we aren’t saying are communicated perfectly. 

“See you soon, princess,” he says softly. 

Clarke, Finn, and I move quickly through the woods. Back on familiar land, there’s very few things that will throw us off. Even in the dark, I remember these woods, the trees, the hills, all of it like the back of my hand. Clarke and Finn take the lead while I cover our rear. There’s no way I’m giving Finn a gun again, and Clarke isn’t the best shot, so our safety is up to me. No pressure though. 

When we reach the camp, thankfully unharmed, the Grounder army has already assembled. The quickest way would be to march right through their ranks, but because I don’t have a death wish, we go around. Detection is unavoidable, but maybe a little inconspicuousness could be helpful. 

“Mom!” Clarke calls as we push through the gate. Abby turns, her face contorting into shock. 

“Where have you been? We're leaving.”

“I know how to stop the attack.”

“What're you talking about?” Jaha asks, coming up to join us. 

“We haven't been able to negotiate with the Grounders because we haven't had anything to offer them. The biggest threat they face is from the Reapers. I think we may be able to eliminate that threat for them once and for all.” 

“How?” Abby asks after a moment. 

“Abby. You can't seriously-” Jaha stops short when murmuring erupt behind us. The crowd of evacuees is looking nervously at the tree line. Thousands of torches, stretching farther than I can see, surround the camp. The Grounders have broken through the woods. 

“They're here,” Jaha says grimly. 

Major Byrne and Sergeant Miller escort us inside to talk. Clarke explains Lincoln’s situation, the plan to bargain with the Grounders, all of it. Finn and I are mostly silent. If anyone can convince Abby, it’s going to be Clarke. 

“They're not attacking yet, which means we still have time,” Clarke insists. 

“We have two hours until dawn.”

“Let me talk to the Commander. She was Anya's second. Maybe she'll listen.”

“We don't even know if the Commander is here,” Jaha says. 

“Yes, we do. Nyko told us.” Finn turns to Abby. “You have to at least let her try.”

“Abby, we're wasting time. Give me the authority now.”

“It isn’t your authority,” I shoot back. 

“Hold on,” Abby orders. “Clarke, you said that Lincoln is going through withdrawal. We don't even know what he's withdrawing from. The detox alone could kill him.”

“That's where you come in.”

“And if I can't save him?”

“That's not an option.”

“We are risking everything on a bluff? Abby, we have an out. We have a way to save the lives of our people.” I’m getting real tired of Jaha. 

“Not all of them,” I say coldly. 

“We will come back to save the kids inside Mount Weather!” Jaha yells, jumping to his feet. 

“We all know that's not going to happen!” Finn yells back. 

“Abby,” Jaha begins, taking a deep breath. “This has gone on long enough. If you do not give the order to begin the exodus, you are killing us all.”

“I'm sorry. I can't give that order.”

“Abby.” Jaha leans close to her, whispering. “Give the order.”

“No.”

“I am the elected Chancellor of the Ark. And I am not going to let you risk the lives of more people; do you understand? I'm going to ask you once again: give the order to begin the exodus.” I smirk slightly. The more he commands her, the less likely it is that Abby will do what he wants. 

“No. Are you through yet?” Jaha sigh dramatically and goes over to Majoy Byrne. 

“Sergeant Miller. Major Byrne. I am relieving Doctor Griffin of her command. Place these three into custody, but make sure they are ready to leave with the rest of us within the hour.” 

Byrne and Miller don’t move. 

Right now, Major! Or the blood of everyone in this camp will be on your hands, too.”

“Major Byrne, Sergeant Miller. Put Chancellor Jaha in the stockade,” Abby order.

There is a moment of painful silence. 

“Yes, ma'am,” Byrne says. She goes to obey and Jaha yanks away from her. 

“Everything we did to survive... You're just throwing it all away. Why?”

“Because I have faith, too. In my daughter.” Byrne and Miller guide Jaha out of the room. I sigh in relief. 

“Thank you,” Clarke says. 

“I'll send the guard detail with you.”

“No. They'll see it as a threat.” She looks to me. “Are you coming?” I nod wordlessly. I can’t make her do this alone. 

“Finn will take you to Lincoln,” Clarke tells Abby. 

“If you're wrong, all of us are going to die.” Wow, thanks for the pep talk, Chancellor. 

We prepare to leave. All of my thoughts are about Bellamy, back at the dropship. If this goes awry, he could die and so could I. Quickly, I scrawl a note to him. Better than nothing. 

“Hey,” I say, tapping his shoulder. “Can I ask a favor?”

“Sure.” He looks surprised.

“If anything happens, can you give this to Bellamy?” I ask, handing him the note. 

“Cam, I-” he starts.

“Please,” I say softly. Finn nods slowly after a moment. 

“Okay.”

A group of Grounders waits for Clarke and I outside the gate. We carry nothing, no weapons, no bags. It could be seen as a threat. The masked warriors escort us up a hill to a tent. Another man, unmasked, stands at the entrance. 

“If you so much as look at her the wrong way, I will slit your throat.” Friendly guy. He opens the curtain slightly.

Here goes nothing.

A woman sits on a throne of branches. Her hair is braided elaborately and she wears ceremonial armor. Black paint covers the top half pf her face so it’s hard to guess her age, but she looks young. Another woman stands next to her throne. She looks older, and not pleased at all.

“You’re the ones who burned 300 of my warriors alive,” the woman on the throne says, spinning a knife in her hands. 

“You're the one who sent them there to kill us,” Clarke retorts. The commander pauses, a ghost of a smirk on her face, before placing the knife on her throne. 

“Do you have an answer for me, Clarke of the Sky People?” Yeah, it’s not like I’m here too or anything. 

“We've come to make you an offer.”

“This is not a negotiation.”

“Teik ai frag em op en ge disha odon kom,” the older woman says. The commander silences her with a wave of her hand. 

“I can help you beat the Mountain Men,” Clarke says hurriedly. The pause is deafening. 

“Go on,” the commander says finally. 

“Hundreds of your people are trapped inside Mount Weather, kept in cages. Their blood is used as medicine.”

“How do you know this?”

“We saw them,” I tell her. “Our people are prisoners there, too. Clarke and I escaped.”

“Lies. No one escapes the mountain,” the older woman cuts in again. 

“We did,” I insist. “With Anya. We fought our way out together.”

“Another lie. Anya died in the fire. You killed her.” This not-commander lady is seriously getting on my nerves. Clarke starts to reach into her pocket. What the hell is she doing? Every guard in the room goes to grab their weapons. Slowly, Clarke pulls out one of Anya’s braids. 

“She told you me you were her second. I'm sure she'd want you to have this.” Clarke hesitantly steps forward and hands the hair to the commander. 

“We don't even know it's hers,” the older womans says. 

“Shof op, Indra,” the commander says coolly before turning back to Clarke. “Anya was my mentor before I was called to lead my people. Did she die well?”

“Yes. By my side, trying to get a message to you.”

“What message?”

“The only way to save both our people is if we join together.”

“Those who are about to die will say anything,” Indra sneers. 

“I'm still waiting for an offer,” the commander says. 

“The Mountain Men are turning your people into Reapers. We can turn them back.”

“Impossible.” Indra turns to the commander. “Heda, I beg you, teik ai frag em op.”

“We've done it with Lincoln,” I protest. Indra pulls out a knife and charges us. 

“That traitor is the reason why my village was slaughtered by your people-”

“Em pleni!” the commander yells, getting to her feet. She walks up to Clarke and I. “You say you can turn Reapers back into men.”

“Yes.”

“Then prove it. Show me Lincoln.”

The walk through the woods is silent. Clarke and I lead the way. The commander is flanked by a lot of guards, more than seems necessary, but at least we’re safe if we find anymore radioactive leopards. I dearly wish I had my gun, if only for the familiarity. Even more though, I wish I had Bellamy. I wish I knew he was safe, I wish I was holding his hand right now, I wish for the comfort I feel when I hear his footsteps beside mine and I know he’s with me. All I feel right now is fear. 

The dropship comes into view, and with it the scorched bodies surrounding it. These are Grounder warriors, and we just led their commander into a mass grave. Not our finest moment. 

“This way,” Clarke says shakily, gesturing to the hatch. 

Lincoln’s body lies on the floor. There is no rise and fall of his chest. We failed. Bellamy looks up at me, an unspeakable sadness in his eyes. Octavia is dead to the world, only focused on Lincoln. The commander climbs up through the hatch and takes in the scene. She glares at Clarke before turning to Indra and nodding slightly. I see Bellamy’s hand inch towards his rifle.

“I’ll kill them all,” Indra hisses. 

The room becomes a blur of motion. Bellamy’s on his feet, rifle in hand. Abby grabs a shock baton from the floor and points it at Indra, who has her sword out. We’re at a standstill, everyone weighing their options. 

“Please. You don't have to do this,” Clarke begs. 

“You lied, and you're out of time,” the commander says viciously. 

Abby drops to the floor suddenly and slams the baton into Lincoln’s chest. What the hell? Clarke catches on quicker than I do. 

“Hit him again.” 

Lincoln takes in a deep, gasping breath. I stumble back a bit, shocked. Abby did it. He’s alive. 

“Lincoln?” Octavia whispers. 

“Octavia?” he replies. Reapers don’t recognize anyone. Lincoln is back. I look up at the commander. She sheaths her sword slowly and nods at me and Clarke. 

We did it. 

Bellamy stands up and catches me in his arms, lifting my feet off the ground. I bury my face in the crook of his neck. 

“I knew you could do it, princess,” he breathes. I hug him tighter in response. 

Now that I’m sure that the commander won’t kill Clarke, I let her debate the truce alone. She’s a better diplomat anyway. It certainly has nothing to do with wanting to get back to Camp Jaha without letting Bellamy out of my sight. 

Clarke returns about an hour later. I’ve managed to take a shower, which was luxurious, and I’m in a pretty great mood until her face tells me that I’ve been hopeful too early.

“What happened?” I ask, jogging up to her with Bellamy in tow.

“We can have an alliance against Mt. Weather,” she says softly.

“Great. What’s the catch?”

“They want to kill Finn.”


	21. Season 2, Episode 8: Spacewalker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: blood, death, sad stuff
> 
> word count: 3150

Abby, Finn, Raven, and a large group of onlookers join us. I look over at Clarke. She looks more scared than I’ve ever seen her.

“What happened?” Abby demands.

“They want Finn,” I inform her. 

“What?” Raven says incredulously. “What the hell are you talking about?” 

“That’s their offer.” 

“That’s not an offer.” 

“It’s punishment,” Finn realizes. “For what happened at the village. Blood for blood.” 

“If we refuse?” Abby asks. 

“They attack.” 

“I say we give him up! Get rid of him!” a man yells from the crowd. There are murmurs of assent. 

“Easy, people,” Byrne says. 

“Give him to the Grounders!” 

“Back off!” Raven yells, pushing him back into the crowd. Clarke grabs her arm. 

“Hey, Raven! Raven, listen to me. Nothing is gonna happen to him. I promise, ok?” 

“I'm not dying for him. Spacewalker burned 3 months of oxygen from the Ark. We should've floated him a long time ago. Throw him out!” another man yells.

“Back off!” Raven punches him, hard. 

“Stop, Raven!” Byrne tries to pull her away. Raven turns and punches her too, knocking her off-balance. Guards rush forward and detain Raven. We’re losing control. 

Raven is locked up and Byrne manages to get a handle on the camp. Bellamy and I walk along the fence, making sure it’s lined with guards. I’ve been given my gun back, which I’m very happy about. When all else fails, you can rely on bullets.

“I’m gonna go get Finn inside. You should go talk to Abby,” Bellamy says after we’ve finished our patrol. His voice is uncharacteristically blank.

“Hey,” I ask softly. “You okay?” He’s silent for a moment, probably deciding whether or not to tell the truth.

“I’m worried about Octavia,” he says finally. “Everything we’ve done down here, everything she’s seen…” I take his hand. 

“Octavia is strong. She won’t break easily, especially with a brother like you. Just because you can’t protect her from everything doesn’t mean that you’re not enough for her.” He nods a little bit and squeezes my hand.

“See you later, alright?” 

We head our separate ways, me to medbay, him off to find Finn. I’m not ecstatic to let him out of my sight, but I can’t be around him constantly. We have duties. 

I find Octavia, Clarke, and Abby clustered around Lincoln in medbay. He looks awful, but at least his eyes have returned to their normal shade of brown rather than bloody red. I notice his wrists are bound. 

“Why is he restrained?” I ask Abby. 

“It’s a precaution,” she says simply before turning back to him. “Is there a way to make peace?” 

“Did she leave riders behind?” 

“Two just outside the gate.” 

“They’re waiting for Finn. You don't have much time to decide.” 

“She can't expect us to just hand over one of our own people. Would she do that?” Octavia asks. 

“She wouldn't let the rest of her people die to protect a murderer. If you don't do this, she will kill everyone in this camp.”

“There has to be something else that we can offer,” Clarke says desperately. 

“Finn took 18 lives. The commander's offering to take just one in return. Take the deal.”

“How can you say that? Finn was the first person to come to you to offer peace. He’s your friend.” 

“He massacred my village. Some of the dead were my friends, too.” 

“But that wasn't Finn. You know that's not who he is.” 

“It is now. We’ve all got a monster inside of us, Clarke, and we're all responsible for what it does when we let it out.” I think about torturing him in the dropship. 

“What will they do to him?” I ask quietly. 

“Fire. Because he killed the innocent, it starts with fire.” 

“Starts?” Clarke says, horrified. 

“They’ll take his hands. His tongue, his eyes. And anyone who grieves will have a turn with the knife. At sunrise, the commander will end it with her sword. But I've never known anyone to survive until the sword. He killed 18, he will suffer the pain of 18 deaths. Then we can have peace.”

Great. Medieval torture methods. 

I head back outside and take a post. Bellamy joins me a few minutes later. I guess we’ve deposited Finn inside. I have to wonder if this is the right choice. He killed 18 people. Maybe he deserves to die.

Maybe we all do. 

“Jus drein jus daun! Jus drein jus daun!” A battle cry rises up from outside the camp. I glance at Bellamy.

“They’re trying to scare us,” he says.

“It’s working,” I mutter. 

“Open the gate.” Abby walks out of the dropship, approaching the riders. 

“Where’s the boy?” 

“We’re not giving him up. We’re ready to fight if that's what it comes to.” A horn sounds and the riders turn, galloping away. 

“Watch the woods! Watch for movement!” Bellamy orders. I scan through my scope. A lone figure emerges from the tree line. The commander? No, she wouldn’t be alone. 

“Movement on the tree line!” a guard calls. 

“Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot!” The figure comes into view, hands up. 

Kane?

“Marcus,” Abby greets him. 

“Chancellor,” he says with a smile. 

“I was afraid that I wouldn't see you again.”

“I had those fears myself. It's good to see this place again.”

“Can’t be out in the open,” Bellamy calls. “We need to get somewhere safe.”

“It’s safe for the moment.” He turns back to Abby. “Come on. We need to talk. I managed to buy us a bit of time.” 

Abby, Kane, and Jaha shut themselves in a room. I wait outside with Bellamy and Raven. It’s bullshit that we aren’t in there. We should have a say in the decision making. He’s our friend. Our people. Raven paces back and forth, fiddling with her hands. 

“Hey,” I say, taking her arm. “We’re with you. Nothing is happening to him.”

“Damn right,” Bellamy agrees. Just then, Abby walks out the door. 

“What’s happening?” Raven asks. “You were in there a long time.” 

“There was a lot to talk about,” she says simply. 

“Well, what's going on?” I ask. 

“There was a lot to talk about.” Abby begins to push past us. Bellamy stands in front of her. 

“Hey. We are not turning him over to the Grounders,” he says. 

“Step aside now,” Abby orders, glaring at him. “We’re all trying to find a way out of this.” She walks down the hallway and out of sight. 

“They’re gonna give him up.”

We run off to find Finn. Bellamy looks tense, but it’s nothing compared to Raven. She looks terrible, every muscle a coiled spring. I wonder when she’ll snap.   
Finn and Clarke are walking down one of the identical hallways in the camp when we find them. Clarke looks about the same as Raven. Finn doesn’t know how lucky he is to be loved like he is. 

“Finn. You need to get out of here,” Bellamy says. 

“Where would he go?” Clarke asks. 

“The dropship.”

“No! You know that this is the safest place for him right now.” 

“It isn't if they're turning on him. We can protect him at the dropship until we figure this thing out. Grab your gear and meet at Raven's gate in 5. She’s already working on cutting the power to the fence.”

“Ok, but nobody's coming with me,” Finn insists. I roll my eyes. Of course we’re coming with him. 

“That isn't up for discussion, Finn,” I tell him. 

“We are surrounded by Grounders,” Clarke says lowly. 

“If we split up, we take the low ground, we'll make it through. We’ll meet at the dropship.” 

“There he is,” someone says behind us. “You are gonna get us killed.” I spin around. It’s the man that Raven punched. He charges forward with a club. Bellamy starts to move, but I’m faster. Without blinking, I slam my rifle into the man’s head, knocking him to the ground. 

“Anyone else care to try?” I growl. The group that came with the man looks significantly more nervous. Bellamy looks at me, half surprised and half proud. 

“Bellamy’s right,” Clarke breaks the silence. “We have to go.”

Raven gets the fence down easily. The plan is to split up, fanned out to decrease the risk of being heard. Am I happy about this? No, not at all. But I do understand that this is the best option, so I slip out of the fence and head to the left alone. 

The woods are quiet once I get past the Grounder army. Circling around them will probably be the longest part of the trip, so I’m feeling pretty good when I make it past them undetected. Now to make sure there aren’t any scouts. Eyes on the trees, Cam. Glance up, left, right, back forward. Every few steps I look behind me as well. It’s a routine at this point. I realize as I’m walking that this is the pattern Bellamy uses. Smiling a little to myself, I keep moving. Maybe there’s a bit of Bellamy in all the delinquents, but I can’t help but think I’ve adopted a few more of his habits than everyone else. 

With a loud cry, a Grounder leaps into view and knocks me to the ground. He pins me down easily and raises a knife with both hands. At the last second, I jerk my head to the side and the knife goes into the ground next to me. It probably took off some of my hair with it. The Grounder is surprised for a moment, and I leverage that to free one of my hands. My gun is out of reach, but he doesn’t know that I’ve got a knife in my pocket. Fumbling for it, I finally manage to get my hands on it and swing my arm up, lodging the blade in his neck. His blood drips down on me, sticky, hot, red blood painting my face and shirt. After a moment, he falls to the side, freeing me. I catch my breath and wipe my face with my sleeve. It doesn’t help much. Getting slowly to my feet, I pick up my rifle and tuck the knife into my pocket again.

“Yu gonplei ste odon,” I mutter. It’s stilted and doesn’t sound quite as good as when Anya said it, but it’s their funeral rite. This man deserves that, at least. 

I make it to the dropship without any further complications. I’m really starting to dislike this place. The last few times I’ve been here, I’ve been in more imminent danger than usual. Still, there’s a feeling of home about it. 

“Camellia!” Bellamy sweeps me into a hug as soon as I enter the dropship. “What happened?” he asks worriedly, brushing a thumb across my cheekbone. I realize I’m still covered in blood.

“It’s not mine,” I reassure him. “A scout found me.” Bellamy doesn’t look particularly comforted, but someone else comes in before he can say anything else. Finn comes in, carrying Clarke. I can’t tell if she’s breathing or not.

“What happened?” I ask, rushing over to them.

“A Grounder hit her on the head.” 

“Put her here,” Murphy says, pointing to a parachute on the floor. Why is Murphy here? 

“I need a bandage. A rag. Anything,” Bellamy calls. 

“Got it. Here.” Murphy hands him a strip of the parachute. 

“Hold her head,” I tell him, taking the fabric and pressing it to the wound.

“Clarke, can you hear me? You're gonna be fine. You just need to rest,” Bellamy mumbles to her. Finn walks off somewhere, Raven following him. I get that he’s worried, but he definitely should not be out there alone. 

After we get Clarke as comfortable as possible, Raven and Finn stay with her inside and the rest of us keep watch. I’m thankful that, despite how charred it is, our camp is still in the same condition as we left it. Ready for battle. I crouch behind a large rock, Bellamy next to me, and Murphy kneels in a trench. Ever since the village, I almost trust Murphy. 

Almost.

Movement in the woods. I peer through my scope. A Grounder, two, three, more than I can count because they’re all moving. 

“We’ve got company!” I call. Clarke and Finn emerge from the dropship.

“Get down. Grounders,” Bellamy tells them. Clarke drops down and loads her handgun, Finn next to her with a rifle. 

“We’re surrounded,” I realize, looking around. There’s no escaping this without a fight. 

We head back into the dropship, out of firing range for any arrows. 

“They’re not moving any closer,” Murphy says. Very observant, noose boy. 

“Staying out of range. Probably waiting until it's dark,” Bellamy tells him. 

“If we hit them now, at least we'd take them by surprise.” 

“We don't even know how many of them are out there,” Clarke says desperately. 

“I’m not hearing any better ideas, Clarke.” 

“We’ll give them something,” Raven cuts in. 

“All they want is Finn.” 

“Finn wasn't the only one at the village.” 

“What are you talking about?” Clarke demands. 

“Raven, hold on,” I say, holding up my hands in a placating gesture. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Raven, I came here to protect him. You were the one who wanted me to come. You... That’s why you asked me to come along.”

“Enough Grounders saw him at the village. They’d believe he was the shooter.” 

“Sick bitch,” Murphy mutters. 

“Raven, you don't mean this. You know what they do to people.” 

“They want a murderer, we'll give them one.” Raven raises her rifle, aiming it at Murphy’s chest. “Drop your gun.” 

“Go to hell, Raven.” Murphy steps forward and presses against the barrel. 

“Put it down, Raven,” Clarke says. “Like it or not, he's one of us.” 

“I said drop it.” Raven’s finger tightens microscopically before Finn jumps in between them. 

“Stop! Stop! We're not doing this. They’ve got us surrounded. The only thing we can do is stay and defend this place.” He’s right. 

“I’m with you,” Bellamy says firmly.

“Me too,” I add. 

“Murphy?” Finn asks. 

“Yeah,” he says grudgingly. 

“Go upstairs. Watch the rear. I'll take the lower level. You four, take the front gate. That’s the plan. All right?”

We all agree and I go back to my rock. I decide to name him Frank. He’s a good rock. I peer over Frank, scanning the trees, tracking Grounders. They’re still not moving any closer. Maybe they’re laying a siege. 

“What’s that?” Bellamy says next to me. I look where his scope is pointed. A figure, back to us, hands up. Doesn’t look like a Grounder. He turns around.

“Finn?” I breathe, shocked.

“Finn!” Clarke cries. She gets to her feet, but the Grounder have already taken Finn and disappeared. I run over to her, abandoning my gun, and manage to catch her before she falls to her knees. She’s doubled over in my arms, breathing heavily. I shush her, trying to calm her down, guiding us both slowly to the ground and letting her lean on me while she gathers herself. Bellamy is with Raven, who hasn’t fallen apart like Clarke has. Maybe she still has hope.

I hate to admit it, but my hope for the Spacewalker is gone.

Dark has fallen by the time we get back to camp. Clarke looks emotionless, numb. Much like I did when I thought I lost Bellamy. I keep an arm around her the whole way back, being as much of a support as I can. I know, deep down, that I can’t help. 

We gather around the fence and look over the Grounder army. Torches are lit, spanning all the way back into the woods. A few Grounder gather around a large post.

“What is that?” Raven asks. 

“It’s for Finn,” I tell her. Clarke has moved past numb and now looks resigned. I think she’s come to terms with the fact that she’s lost him. The girl went through all the stages of grief in less than an hour. 

“We’re gonna get him. We’ll get in close and we'll hit them hard,” Bellamy says to no one in particular. 

“Son, there's thousands of them. Even if we could kill hundreds, they'd still wipe out this camp and your friend would still die,” Kane tells him calmly. 

“We have to try.”

“Abby. Abby, we have to do something,” Raven begs. I think she and Clarke switched places. Raven’s grief is just beginning to take hold. 

“No, Raven,” Abby whispers. She won’t help. I look over at Clarke, who looks pointedly back before slipping away from the crowd. Bellamy, Raven, and I follow. 

“Take this.” Clarke hands me her gun. 

“What are you doing?” 

“I’m talking to the commander.”

“What else do you have to say?”

“I don't know,” she says sorrowfully. 

“Clarke,” I plead. She ignores me. 

“Give me your hand,” Raven says. When Clarke complies, Raven slips a small knife into her sleeve. “If she won't let him go, kill her. Things’ll go crazy, and we'll grab you and Finn. Clarke. You have to help him. I owe him my life.”

Clarke leaves, and we go back to the fence to watch.

“This is a bad idea,” I tell Bellamy. He nods wordlessly, but both of us know that Clarke has to do this. I put an arm around Raven. My comfort won’t go a long way, but I feel painfully helpless.

Clarke approaches the tent. After a long couple of minutes, the commander exits. I breathe a sigh of relief. They’ll talk. I only wish I could hear what they’re saying. 

“Come on, Clarke. Do it,” Raven says softly. Clarke begins to walk over to Finn, tied to the post. “What is she doing?”

Clarke breaks into a run and collides with Finn, kissing him. Raven tenses in my arms. We watch as Clarke hugs Finn, saying her goodbyes I guess. She won’t kill the commander. She can’t set him free. Goodbye is all she has left. 

She steps away from Finn. His head droops, like he went unconscious. Even from here, I can see the dark stain on his shirt. 

She ended it. 

The death of Spacewalker.

“NO!” Raven screams, falling to the ground. Bellamy and I catch her. She falls towards him, leaning on his shoulder. Her screams, her sobs, they hurt my head. It reminds me of Lincoln when we were working on his leg, but this is a different kind of pain. Bullet wounds heal. These wounds won’t. 

That night, I lay in bed with Bellamy, pressed up against him. After we got Raven to her room to grieve in private, his arms haven’t left me. Finn’s death has made us acutely aware that the loss of each other is a constant threat. Right here, in his room, we are safe for the night. 

That’s enough for now. 


	22. Season 2, Episode 9: Remember Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: poison, torture, blood, major angst
> 
> word count: 3463

I startle awake when someone knocks on the door. Bellamy is still sleeping peacefully. A small smile crosses my face when I look at him. He’s completely relaxed, his face close enough to mine that I could count his freckles, his curly hair messy on his forehead. As quietly as possible, I slip out of bed and go to the door. Clarke stands outside. 

“We’re going to Tondc for a funeral ritual and to discuss the alliance. Meet me by the gate.” She walks away quickly. It’s going to be a while before she’s okay, I think. Closing the door, I head back over to the bed and sit on the edge. I really, really don’t want to wake Bellamy, but duty calls. He squints hard and groans when I shake his shoulder. 

“Good morning,” I say with a smile when he looks up at me. He stretches, almost hitting me in the process, before slumping back onto the bed like a little kid. 

“Morning, princess,” he replies, voice muffled through the pillow over his face. 

“Come on, Bell, we gotta get up. We’re going to Tondc with the Grounders.” He takes the pillow off of his face and sighs dramatically before sitting up. I roll my eyes with a smile and go to get dressed. The dresser has two drawers, one of which I put my meager supply of clothes in, but I usually wear Bellamy’s shirts anyway. 

I tug on the pants I got from Mt. Weather and one of the government issued shirts that the guard wears. Bellamy watches me before getting up and pulling my hair back. His fingers tug lightly as he combs them through my hair, getting the worst of the knots out. I know that he’ll braid it, leaving a few strands out because he likes the way I brush them out of my face when I’m concentrating. When he’s finished, he’ll tie it off with the hair tie he keeps on his wrist when it’s not in my hair. It’s our routine, a taste of regularity in an irregular world. 

Once he finally gets dressed, we grab our guns and head out. Clarke is waiting for us at the gate, accompanied by Abby, Kane, Octavia, Lincoln, and a very angry Raven. She sits on the cart holding Finn’s body, glaring holes into the back of Clarke’s head. The commander, who I’ve learned is named Lexa, sits on a horse, along with several guards. She nods to Bellamy and I.

“Let’s go,” Clarke calls. 

The walk is quiet. We go on a path rather than through the woods, which is nice. I’m getting tired of stomping through the woods trying to avoid radioactive animals. Still, my grip on my gun is tight. This alliance is delicate. I’m not convinced that it won’t break. 

I notice Clarke staring off into the woods. She looks… fragile. 

“Hey,” I say, jogging to catch up to her. Bellamy comes with me. “How are you doing?” A stupid question. 

“Fine,” she mumbles. 

“You did the right thing,” Bellamy reassures her. 

“Now I get to live with it.” She looks at us inquisitively. “You still think this truce is a bad idea, don't you?”

“I think we're wasting out time on politics while our friends are in trouble.”

“We need their army to get to Mount Weather, and you know it.”

“Their army has been getting their ass kicked by Mount Weather forever. What we need is in inside man. Someone to be our eyes and ears.” I look up sharply. 

“Absolutely not,” I tell him. 

“Forget it, it's too dangerous,” Clarke agrees.

“If you can make it out, I can make it in.”

“I said no.”

“Since I don't take orders from you, I'm gonna need a better reason.”

“Like she said: it’s too dangerous,” I say.

“I can’t lose you too,” Clarke says softly. Hold up. I glance at her. She’s looking at Bellamy with a certain pain in her eyes. The only thing I can’t tell is if it’s the pain of loving him, or the pain of losing Finn. I don’t know which one is worse. 

One of the Grounders tells us that we’re 10 miles from Tondc when we’re setting up camp for the night. I’d say we walked about 20 miles today, so we’ll be in Tondc before lunch. Only another half day of walking. 

I scan the area for a good sleeping place. Ever since the dropship, I’ve developed a taste for sleeping in between the roots of big trees, and I spot a perfect one near the Grounders. I take a deep breath and set my pack down, laying out a camping pillow and a blanket. Bellamy comes over and puts his pillow and blanket next to mine, settling into the crook of the tree.

“You know it’s safer on our side,” he says.

“There can’t be sides or the alliance with collapse.” 

“So you trust them now?”

“Trust is a stong word. I trust them the way I trust Murphy. I don’t think they’ll murder us while we sleep,” I say with a hint of a smile. Bellamy pauses for a moment before laying down, opening his arms for me. I lay my head on his shoulder and sigh happily as he pulls me closer to him and kisses the top of my head. 

Sleeping this close to the Grounders is a risk, but I feel safe with Bellamy. 

The next morning, Bellamy wakes up before I do, which is unusual. When I finally stir, Bellamy is already working the knots out of my hair. He smiles down at me when my eyes open. I sleepily return the smile and sit up with a groan.

“Hold still,” he chastises me jokingly, pulling me back to him.

“My apologies,” I say with a dramatic eye roll. He tugs my hair, making me giggle. My laughter makes him chuckle, which makes me laugh harder, until we’re both cracking up while trying to stifle it. I sober up pretty quickly after I see the commander staring at me. Bellamy doesn’t catch on at first until I elbow him. 

“What was that for- oh,” he realizes. Lexa looks away after a moment, but I still feel the weight of her stare. Bellamy finishes my hair and we pack hastily, throwing our packs together and shouldering rifles. 

Lexa continues to glance at Bellamy and I every now and then on the walk. I pretend not to notice, looking into the woods, on the path, everywhere except for the horses leading us. 

The path changes into woods again, and I know we’re close. I’m glad for the tree cover. It’s approaching noon, so the sun beats down on us heavily. Strands of hair stick to my forehead. I don’t understand how Bellamy is still wearing his jacket, but he never parts with it. Not that I’m complaining. It looks really good on him. 

Slowly, the village comes into view. Last time I was here, I was slightly preoccupied, so I fully take it in for the first time. Many of the buildings are made of wood and scrap metal. There’s a large gate around it that looks like it took more effort than almost all of the other structures. As we approach, someone yells something in the Grounder language that Lincoln calls Tridasleng. 

“Weapons,” order Lexa’s attendant. 

“We need to disarm before we enter,” Lincoln explains, dropping his knife into a bin. Warily, I hand over my rifle and the knife that Fox made. Thinking about Fox makes my heart hurt. I remind myself that we’ll get her back, that these people will help us. Almost everyone has already disarmed, except Raven. She stares down Lexa’s man as he searches her, finding an unreasonable amount of knives. 

We walk into the village, following Lexa. She commands respect. People drop their heads as she walks past. It’s impressive that a woman so young has so much power. 

“Veida! Ripa! Nou ogonzaun!” someone yells from the crowd. “Nou ogonzaun hir! Gon hou we, Skaikru!” The man who spoke jumps forward. Bellamy pushes me behind him quickly. The man who searched Raven grunts something I don’t quite hear, most likely a warning, but the man doesn’t move. Lexa waves her hand and the guard jumps forward, knocking the man to the ground and beating him. I wince and look away. The noise of fist against flesh is enough for me.

“Commander, stop him, please. They'll blame us for this too,” Clarke pleads. Lexa hesitates. 

“Let him live,” she says finally. “The Sky People march with us now! Anyone who tries to stop that will pay with their life.” She begins to walk again like nothing happened. 

“Warm welcome,” Bellamy mutters. 

The crowd gathers around a funeral pyre. Finn’s body lays on the top, the bodies of the murdered below him. Despite not really knowing Finn, he was one of us. There are tears in my eyes as Lexa lights the torch.

“Kru kom Tondc. Raun faya, oso woda klin laudnes-de kom foutaim,” Lexa says.

“People of Tondc. In fire, we cleanse the pain of the past,” Lincoln translates. 

“Clarke.” Lexa offers her the torch. It’s an act of peace, a symbol of the alliance. Clarke takes it shakily and lowers it to the pyre.

“Yu gonplei ste odon,” she says as she lights it. Lexa looks surprised and impressed. 

My hope begins to grow. 

Lexa and her attendants await us in a dining hall. Clarke stands across from her, I’m across from the man who searched Raven and beat up the villager. Bellamy situates himself half next to me, half in front of me.

“Please accept this gift, Commander. We drink this at special occasions. I believe this qualifies.” Kane hands over a bottle of liquor. The man across from me takes it. 

“Thank you, Marcus of the sky people,” Lexa says with a polite smile. 

“You're welcome, Lexa of Trikru. Just don't drink too much of it.” An image of drunk Grounders flashes through my mind. Terrifying. 

“Clarke, Cam, let us drink together.”

“It would be my pleasure.” Goblets are retrieved and filled. 

“Heda, allow me,” the man says. He takes a sip, checking for poison. 

“Today we celebrate out peace, tomorrow we plan our war. To those we've lost, to those we shall soon find.” Lexa raises her glass. I follow her movements before raising the glass to my lips. 

The man chokes and collapses on the table. Warriors jump into action, weapons drawn. Bellamy knocks the cup out of my hand and puts himself in between me and the Grounders. 

“This wasn't us! You have to know this wasn't us!” Clarke yells. 

Lexa and Indra yell in Trigedasleng. The taster is taken from the room and guards come to search us. Bellamy glowers as I’m taken a few feet away from him to be searched.

“Watch your hands,” he growls as the guard pats me down.

“Gustus warned me about you, but I didn't believe him,” Lexa hisses.

“Lexa, please-” Clarke protests. 

“Tell me something Clarke, when you plunged the knife into the heart of the boy you loved did you not wish that it was mine?”

“Heda,” says the guard searching me. He holds a glass vial. 

“That's not mine!” I yell. 

“This was in her coat,” he insists. 

“I'm telling you it's not mine! He put it there when he searched me!”

“No Sky Person leaves this room!” Lexa yells before storming out. The rest of the Grounder follow. Kane comes up to me.

“Cam, tell me the truth. Did you try to poison the commander?”

“No, I didn’t,” I say, gritting my teeth. “The damn guard planted it on me.”

“Alright. I believe you. Now we need to convince the commander.” Kane walks over to Clarke and Abby. I slump to the ground. There’s a lump in my throat, tears stinging my eyes. The alliance will collapse after this. Fox is going to die in that stupid mountain.

“Hey,” Bellamy says, sitting down next to me and wrapping his arms around me. “We all know you didn’t do this, okay?”

“It doesn’t matter. The Grounders think I did. They’re going to kill me.”

“Cam, look at me. I will  _ not _ let that happen.” He scans my face. “Do you believe me?” I nod a little bit, even though I really don’t. We’re unarmed, outnumbered, in strange territory. Bellamy can’t save me from this one. 

The gate swings open and we scramble to our feet. Bellamy keeps his arms around me, angling me away from the Grounders. 

“Teik em we,” Indra yells. Grounder come forward to me, trying to wrench me away from Bellamy. He starts swinging, knocking one of the men to the ground and turning to another one. He’s badly outnumbered, though, and one of the men knocks his legs out from under him and slams him into the ground.

“Bellamy!” I scream as I’m pulled away. He’s still fighting from the ground, struggling.

“She didn't poison anyone!” he yells. 

“I argued for all of you to die, but the Commander is merciful. She wants only one.”

“She's innocent,” Lincoln argues. 

“I don't care! They move, they bleed! The rest of you are free. When she is dead, so is the alliance. You should run.”

I’m wrestled outside and tied to a tree, just like Finn was. Maybe I’ll burn. The Grounder that ties my hands smirks cruelly at me, cinching the ropes hard. They rub roughly on my wrists.

“You will die painfully,” he says in stilted English. I gather myself and spit in his face. He growls and slaps me hard. I taste blood. 

Lexa steps forward and draws her sword. 

“I take no joy in this, Cam. You are a good leader to your people. We could have been friends. But justice will be done.”

“I didn’t do anything. You call that justice?”

I see my people emerge from the dining hall. Bellamy’s face is bruised and bloody. This death would not be so bad if only he didn’t have to watch. When he sees me on the tree, he starts to charge forward but Kane catches him, holding him back. When he almost breaks free again, Lincoln grabs him too. 

“It’s okay,” I call, as loud as I can. “It’s okay. It’s okay.” Over and over again, a mantra. Bellamy stops fighting. He slumps back and stares at me with immeasurable sadness. Lexa raises her sword to my arm.

“I admire your bravery,” she says as she slices deeply. I grit my teeth. I will not give her the satisfaction of crying out. Indra steps forward and lifts my shirt slightly, exposing my ribcage. Her cut hurts 1000 times more. I’m sure she’s hit bone. I glare at her, not breaking eye contact. More villager come forward, a never-ending stream of hands holding knives. Blades cut every part of my body. Arms, legs, stomach. One woman even cuts under my cheekbone. The blood runs down my neck. I don’t hear anything, I don’t see anything, all I feel is pain. 

“I need that bottle, now! Stop!” A voice breaks through. It sounds like Clarke, yelling from far away. 

“Let her pass.” That was the commander, I think. 

“One of your people tried to kill you, Lexa. Not one of mine.”

“You should have run.” Indra, maybe. It sounds like something she would say. 

“I can prove it.” I force my eyes to focus and see Clarke take a swig from the bottle. Well, that was stupid. She doesn’t fall, though. She doesn’t even sway on her feet. 

“Explain.”

“The poison wasn't in the bottle, it was in the cup.”

Gustus, the taster/bodyguard guy says something in Trigedasleng. 

“It was you.” That’s Bellamy’s voice. “He tested the cup, he searched Camellia.”

“Gustus would never harm me.”

“You weren't the target, the alliance was.”

“We didn't do this and you know it,” Clarke says. 

“You've been accused, Gustus. Speak true.”

“This alliance would cost you your life, Heda. I could not let that happen,” Gustus says gruffly. 

“This treachery will cost you yours. Put him on the tree!” Bellamy rushes forward and cuts the ropes binding me quickly. I fall forward as soon as I’m loose, straight into his waiting arms. He scoops me up, bridal style, and carries me away from the tree. Abby follows, med kit in hand. There’s a small building off to the side of the dining hall. Bellamy sits down against a wall and leans me against him, gently brushing my hair back from my face while Abby tends to my cuts. She wraps long strips of fabric down my arms before individually bandaging the other cuts. The one on my cheekbone is last up. I flinch as she touches it. 

“You’re okay,” Bellamy murmurs. Abby stands up.

“I’ll leave you two alone. Someone will come get you when it’s time to talk.” She slips out the door. Bellamy shifts me gently, moving me to the side so that my head rests in the crook of his neck and my legs stretch out. He wraps his jacket around me, tucking it under my chin. 

“I’m so sorry, Camellia. I’m so, so, sorry.” His voice is shaky. 

“It’s not your fault,” I tell him firmly. “Please don’t blame yourself, Bell. You did everything you could.”

“It wasn’t enough to keep you safe,” he says sadly.

“No one is safe down here. I’m safer than most when I’m with you, though.”

“But you’ve still been kidnapped, tortured, shot by an arrow, and hung.” I sit up slightly and cup his face in my hands.

“Listen to me. We are on a planet that wants us dead. There are threats here that we probably haven’t even seen yet. All of us, the people from Alpha station, the 100, all of us are going to be in dangerous situations. But you, Bellamy, you saved me from Murphy on two separate occasions, you saved me from the trap where we found Jasper, the leopards, the arrow wound. You knocked the poison cup out of my hand just today. You have protected me in more ways than you know and I will not let you forget about that. Do you understand me?” I say sternly. He’s silent for a moment, and I punctuate my statement by pressing a kiss to his lips. He smiles finally.

“Alright, princess.” He pulls me back to his chest. “Thank you.”

Clarke comes to get us at some point and tells us that we’re camping here for the night and talking in the morning. Rather reluctantly, I disentangle myself from Bellamy’s arms and get to my feet, walking out of the building to the campfire that’s been set up. Our people sit around it. They all stare as I approach. 

“How did you know it was Gustus?” Lincoln asks once we’ve settled in.

“He'd do anything for her, to protect her.” Bellamy looks at me as he speaks. “It just made sense.” 

“Look at the thanks he got,” Octavia says dryly. 

“Guys! Listen to this!” Raven calls. She holds up the radio.

“47 of us are trapped inside Mount Weather. We don't know how much time we have left, please hurry.” It sounds like Jasper. 

“Talk to him, say something,” Clarke says frantically. Raven shakes her head. 

“It's repeating.”

“We need to do this now. We've got the alliance now is the time to use it,” Bellamy insists. 

“We need an inside man. You were right. Without someone on the inside to lower their defenses, turn off the acid fog, an army's useless. You should go.” 

No. No way. My words stick in my throat.

“I thought you hated that plan. That I would get myself killed.”

“I was being weak, it's worth the risk.” She holds out a piece of paper. “My map of Mount Weather. Find a way to get on that radio and talk to us. Good luck.” She turns and walks away. 

“Bellamy, you are not doing this,” I say desperately. 

“I can get you through the tunnels.” Lincoln stands up.

“No! He’s not going.” I look up at Bellamy. “You’re… you’re not going.”

“I have to. We’re getting our friends back.” 

“Then I’m coming with you.”

“Camellia-”

“No. Either we both go or you don’t.” I cross my arms and look at him as firmly as possible. He looks back, like he’s trying to stare me down. Good luck with that. He sighs.

“You’re not going to stop, are you?” 

“I won’t let you go alone.” 

“Alright,” Lincoln says. “We leave in the morning. I’ll get you to the intake door, after that it’s up to you.”

I’m going back to Mt. Weather. 


	23. Season 2, Episode 10: Survival of the Fittest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: blood, Reapers, drugs, angst
> 
> word count: 1535

I sleep in Bellamy’s arms that night and I can’t help but think that it could be the last time for a while that I get this privilege. Tomorrow we’ll be in the mountain. Tomorrow we could be locked in cages and drained for our blood. Tonight, we are together. We are safe.

The Grounders of Tondc give Bellamy and I a change of clothes. I mournfully shed Bellamy’s shirt, instead wearing a ragged shirt with a large jacket thrown over it, tight pants, and a loose skirt that falls to my knees. A young girl comes up to me timidly and puts my hair up in elaborate Grounder braids. 

“Mochof,” I say with a small smile. I’m pretty sure that means thank you. The girl nods shyly and runs off.

“You ready?” Bellamy asks behind me. I turn and smile shakily.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” His face softens slightly.

“We protect each other. Forever.”

“Forever,” I agree.

We head out right at sunrise. The walk is somber. I recognize these woods, this path, and all I can associate it with is Anya's death. Lincoln stops suddenly and drops to his knees.

“Lincoln?” I look over his shoulder. A deer carcass. He pulls out a knife and cuts it open, smearing the blood on his face. My stomach heaves. I look away, anywhere except for Lincoln. 

“Okay, so we make it to the intake door without any of the real reapers seeing us. What happens then?” Bellamy asks. 

“I kill everyone and you slip inside. Let's go, we got a lot of ground to cover before dark.” Lincoln gets to his feet and starts walking again. 

“What happens after the intake door?” I ask.

“They remove your clothes, blast you with warm water and douse you with something that burns even worse. Then we were sorted. The others were tagged Harvest, I was tagged Cerberus and turned into a reaper.” Sounds lovely. 

“Cerberus, the three-headed dog who guards the underworld,” Bellamy says. I look at him questioningly. “My mom read mythology to us all the time, Octavia loved it.” He looks at Lincoln. “You're good for her, you made her strong.”

“She was already strong.”

“Hey, I need to ask you something. You protected my sister before you even knew her, why?”

“When I was a boy, I saw a ship fall from the sky like Raven's. The man inside was hurt, his body broken, I couldn't get him out.” I shiver. There were always horror stories about suicide by Earth.

“I heard the stories in the Guard. I just didn't know they were true.” Bellamy looks as uncomfortable as I am. 

“I brought him food, water. I couldn't speak the enemies language yet so I couldn't understand him, but I wanted to. So on the third day, I told my father. He made me kill him. The war's been trying to turn me into a monster for as long as I can remember.” He looks at us grimly. “Let's keep moving.”

“Wait, the parking garage where we found you is north, that way,” Bellamy points. 

“There's a mine entrance closer to where the reapers come from. We go into the underworld when we have to, not before.”

We walk a little while longer. I don’t recognize the woods anymore, which somehow unsettles me more than anything else. Bellamy checks his map a lot, and he seems to recognize something.

“We’re close. What if we run into real reapers? Won't they wonder where you've been?”

“All they see is the red,” Lincoln says gruffly. “Once you take it, nothing else matters just how you get more.”

“How much do you remember from when you were on it?”

“Everything.” He picks up a long branch. “Turn around.” I comply. He sets the log on my shoulders and binds my hands to it, like a cattle yoke. Once he’s done, he does the same to Bellamy and ties the ropes together, leading us while effectively preventing escape. Not that we’d try, but it must be Reaper tradition. 

There’s a small tunnel that leads down to the mines. I take a deep breath before stepping down. It smells, blood and sweat. Must be Reapers. I’m shaky on my feet. The log is heavy, my shoulder burn, and the unhealed cuts on my body sting with every movement. Lincoln leads us through the mines easily, not even pausing at turns. He stops suddenly.

“What’s wrong?” I ask. He doesn’t answer, staring at something on the ground. A little glass bottle with a few drops of liquid in it. The red. After a moment, he crushes the glass under his shoe with a crunch. 

“You okay?” Bellamy says quietly.

“As soon as they open the intake doors we attack. Once they close, I'll make it look like you escaped.”

“Then what?” Lincoln goes to answer but turns suddenly. I look behind him and see light in the mines. 

“The raiding party.” He starts to loosen the ropes on my hands, tugging the log off my shoulders.

“What are you doing?” I ask, panicked and confused. 

“We have to go back. It's the only way.”

“Go back? No way!” Bellamy hisses. 

“We have to leave. We can’t fight our way through.” He goes from me to Bellamy and starts to work on the ropes, but Bellamy pulls away. 

“We'll never get a better chance than this,” he practically yells. 

“I thought I could do this but I can't. It's over.”

“It can’t be over! Our people are in this mountain!” I cry. 

“You can join them,” Bellamy says. “Listen to me. When they bring out the red, you grab it and you run like hell. The reapers will go nuts, the grounders will run and the Mountain Men will have to deal with it. No one is looking for Grounders running into the mountain.”

“I said no!” Lincoln growls, throwing the log to the side. 

“I’m so sorry,” Bellamy whispers. Before I can ask for what, he knocks my legs out from under me. I fall to the ground, hard. 

What the hell is happening?

Above me, while I’m still catching my breath, I see Bellamy fighting with Lincoln. And I understand his plan. The Reapers emerge around the corner and see two prisoners trying to escape.

Lincoln says something in Trigedasleng and presses a knife to Bellamy’s throat. One of the Reapers pulls me roughly to my feet. I can see the anger in Bellamy’s face and I try to silently communicate that I’m okay. My hands are bound to a log carried by two other Reapers. One of them approaches me with a blindfold. I make direct eye contact with Lincoln right before my eyes are covered. He nods ever so slightly.

I stumble blindly, tied to the log. The Reapers don’t speak, just grunting and growling occasionally. All of this would be so much easier if I could see Bellamy, if I knew he was here with me. It’s a perversion of Orpheus and Eurydice. If I fight, I could get a glance of him and know that he’s alright, but it would put him in danger. And thus I am put in a terrible state of complete ignorance. 

I almost fall when we stop suddenly, my wrists scraping against the bark of the log. I actually fall when the ropes around my hands are cut. My blindfold is taken off and I blink hard, trying to take in my surroundings, but I don’t have much time to gather my bearings before i’m hauled back onto my feet. I’m relatively calm until they start pulling on my clothes. That’s when I start fighting.

“Don’t touch me!” I yell. They’re not deterred, still ripping at my clothes. “Don’t fucking touch me!” I swing, knocking one of the Reapers off me. Two more force me to my knees and tear off my shirt, my skirt, my pants, leaving me in my underwear. I feel horribly exposed. I’m dragged to a line. Relief courses through me when I’m put next to Bellamy. I want nothing more than to reach out, take his hand, thread my fingers through his. 

Dr. Tsing comes out of the intake door, with her clean, white coat and prim expression. I want to kill her. She comes over to me and at first I think she recognizes me, but no.

“Harvest,” she says, pointing at me before moving to Bellamy. “Harvest.” I look over at Lincoln. The Reapers are getting their red, and I see that look of list I saw in Nygel’s eyes when she saw morphine. 

He’s going to take it. 

I shake my head, pleading silently with him. He falls to his knees, tilting his head to the side. The needle goes in slowly, taking a thousand years. A thousand more pass before the red liquid goes into his neck. It’s an eternity as he falls to the ground, eyes rolled back in his head. Everything is in slow motion. Bellamy stands, fighting against the guards, but he takes a hit to his head and falls. 

The intake door opens again, a guard leads us inside. One word echoes in my mind.

Harvest. 


	24. Season 2, Episode 11: Coup de Grace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: angst, death, pain, needles
> 
> word count: 2656

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLS LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF THIS CHAPTER I LOWKEY HATE IT

Something wraps around my neck. A large metal collar, attached to something that blue-suited people yank me around with. I feel like I’m in a haze. Maybe that’s for the best, because I’m sure that if I were fully present in this experience, it would break me, mind and body. 

Scalding hot water hits my back. It stings the cuts on my body. Someone is screaming. It might be me. 

Yellow powder falls on my skin. It tingles, it doesn’t burn. Then they begin to rub it in. It burns like fire pressed into every part of body, unrelenting.

Freezing cold orange liquid washes off the powder, burning hot to icy cold in a matter of seconds.

A large needles buries in my arm, another in my shoulder, injecting unknown substances. It doesn’t hurt very much, barely a sting. 

A large metal cylinder is jammed down my throat, shooting a pill into my stomach. I retch, gag, almost throw up before a gloved hand covers my mouth and nose, holding it back.

Rough bristles scrape me roughly, taking off the powder and orange liquid as well as several layers of skin. 

Finally, cold water gives me momentary relief before my collar tightens on my throat and pulls me through a door. 

The room is dimly lit with greenish light, sickeningly familiar. The other side of the harvest chamber. A blue-suited man grabs me by the waist and stuffs me into a cage, pushing me into the back corner and deftly unlatching my collar before slamming the door. I jump forward and yank at the cage, sliding my hands through the wire door and fiddling with the lock. 

“Camellia?” says a scratchy voice. 

“Bell?” It’s difficult to see, but he’s in the cage right next to me. It’s him. “Oh God, Bellamy.” I lean up against the side and push my fingers through. He threads his through mine as best he can, joining us together.

“Sky people,” someone hisses. A woman in the cage on the other side of Bellamy growls at us, spitting at Bellamy. 

“I take it no one has told you we're not enemies anymore,” Bellamy growls at her. The woman leans back but still glares at us. 

“How are we gonna get out?” I ask softly. 

“I don’t know,” he admits. “But we will. Do you believe me?”

“Forever.”

Hours pass. Bellamy struggles with his cage while I study the locks. Miller could pick this easily. Unfortunately, I’m not Miller. 

A glint catches my eye from Bellamy’s cage. Blood drips down the door. 

“Stop!” I say firmly, grabbing his wrist through the wires. “You’re hurting yourself.” He pauses, looking at his hand. His nails are ragged and scrapes decorate his palms. Tears prick at my eyes. 

“Here they come,” the woman from earlier says. The door creaks open, not the one Bellamy and I were taken through but the one that must lead into the mountain. Two guards walk in. I push myself against the back of my cage, trying to look as small as possible. Of course, they stop in front of me anyway.

“Yeah, this one’ll do.” One of them pulls a key from his breast pocket and begins to unlock my cage. Maybe I can break away from the, overpower them. Maybe I can get us out. 

Bellamy yells and kicks at his cage. No, no, no. Dammit. He kicks again. The guard drops my lock and looks over at Bell.

“We got us a live one.” The other guard sticks something into Bellamy’s cage. It lights up blue, shocking him. Bellamy grunts, coughs, yells out. I gasp, trying not to sob. They get Bellamy’s cage door open and shock him again before injecting him with something. His head lolls to the side. They take him away. 

I stare with blurry vision as they suspend him by his feet, lifting him in the air. They attach tubes to him, hook him up to monitors, and run his blood up into the ceiling. My fingers are hooked through the wire door, my face pressed up against the cage, desperately trying to keep my eyes on Bellamy. I can’t help him. We said we’d protect each other and I failed. 

I failed.

The door creaks open again. I hope it’s a guard. The way I’m feeling, I could take out a whole legion of them before they took my blood. But no, it’s not a guard. It’s a girl. A very familiar looking girl.

“Maya?” She looks up, trying to find the source of my voice. 

“Cam?” She runs over to me. “What are you doing here?”

“Trying to get my friends. Why are you in here?” 

“Monty and Harper disappeared. I thought they might be in here.” Maya looks over her shoulder. “Is that Bellamy?” 

“Yes,” I swallow hard. “Can you get him down? Can you help him?”

“I think so.” She pulls a pin out of her hair and starts tinkering with the lock on my cage. It clicks open.

“Where’d you learn-” I start to ask, but then I realize. “Being friends with Miller pays off, I guess.” She smiles slightly and offers me a hand, helping me out of the cage. My legs nearly buckle. 

Maya helps me over to Bellamy. I kneel on the ground next to him, swallowing back tears. He gasps suddenly, scaring me, and his eyes open. Maya stands over him with a needle. Adrenaline. 

“Bellamy?” He catches his breath, blinks hard several times. 

“How about getting me down, princess?” he asks after a moment. I let out a strangled laugh and stand up. Suddenly, the door creaks again. Maya pushes me back against a wall, hidden by a cabinet, and rips one of the wires off of Bellamy before situating herself in front of me. 

“Lovejoy, hey,” she says. 

“What are you doing here? You're not cleared for this facility,” a man I can’t see tells her. 

“I know. I'm sorry. I just wanted to see what was so special about him, but he's dead.” What? No, he was alive just a minute ago. Maya reaches behind her and squeezes my hand once. It’s a trick. It’s just a trick, he’s fine. 

“So he is.” Lovejoy goes forward and presses a button. Bellamy’s body is lowered to the ground before Lovejoy goes to unlock the restraints on his ankles. “You're a brave girl coming in here-" He’s cut off with a thud. I push away from the wall and go to back up Bellamy. He’s still untying his other ankle and Lovejoy is scrambling to his feet. He has a gun. I fling myself at him, knocking him to the side. The gun flies towards Bellamy. Lovejoy growls and flings me off him. Maya jumps forward and jams something into his neck, but he rips it out and slashes at Bellamy with it, forcing him back. 

I let out a yell as Lovejoy raises the knife over Bellamy's head. I can’t get there in time, I can’t stop him. His hand doesn’t fall though. The woman, the one who spit on Bellamy, is now holding onto the guard’s hand, saving him. I rush forward and grab the guard’s other hand, slamming his arm against the side of the cage. The bone breaks with a sickening snap. Bellamy wraps his arms around Lovejoy’s throat and squeezes, cutting off his air until he falls to the ground. I take his pulse quickly. Dead.   
“Thank you,” I say sincerely to the woman. She nods slightly. Bellamy puts a hand on my cheek and turns my face to him. His mouth is bloody.

“You alright?” he asks softly. 

“Are you?” He nods.

“Then I’m fine.” I squeeze his hand and turn to Maya. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay,” she says shakily. 

“Help me get him undressed,” Bellamy says. “We need to get rid of the body.” Lovejoy’s uniform miraculously has no blood on it, so we strip it and Bellamy’s pulls it on. I drag Lovejoy’s body into the body dumping place where Anya killed the Grounder. Down the chute he goes. Maya finds some clothes in the hospital, probably from the wardrobe that Dante showed me on my first day. Light blue shirt, jeans, the lowest heels she could find. A jacket to cover the cuts on my arms. 

“You've done enough. You should walk away,” Bellamy tells Maya as I’m pulling on the stupid shoes. 

“You don't know where you're going.”

“I do though,” I say, standing up. 

“No.” She hands me her ID card. “I'm in.”

“Okay,” Bellamy nods. “We need to get to the radio and contact Clarke. We heard Jasper's SOS.”

“I helped them set that up. I know where it is.” She pauses. “Your people are disappearing, two so far: Monty and Harper. I thought they'd be in here, but-”

“I want to see the others,” I interrupt her. 

“The dorm is on the way to the radio.”

“Okay, let’s go,” Bellamy says. 

“Wait. Everyone here knows everyone. Put this on.” She takes off Bellamy’s nametag and hands him Lovejoy’s cap and me a sort of weird baseball cap. “Roll up your sleeves.”

“Tracking chips,” Bellamy realizes. 

“It'll trip alarms once we start moving. We have to take it out.” She grabs a scalpel from a nearby tray and gently takes my arm. The cut barely stings compared to what I’ve been through in the past twenty-four hours. 

“Put this in your cage,” she says, handing me a bloody cylinder and turning to Bellamy. The woman watches me. 

“What’s your name?” I asks softly.

“Echo kom Azgeda,” she tells me. There’s a certain degree of pride in her voice. 

“I'll come back for you, I promise,” I tell her. I fully intend on keeping my promise. Echo saved Bellamy. I owe her so much more than just my life.

Maya leads us through the hallways easily. I remember some of them, but she was right. I couldn’t get us to the dorms. I don’t remember enough. Thankfully, we don’t pass anyone in the halls. 

“There are three hundred and eighty-two people inside this mountain,” Maya tells us. “If any of them realize you're not one of us, you're dead.” She stops at an elevator and scans her key card. “We're on level two. The dorm is on five. There's a camera in the upper right-hand corner. Keep your head down.”

“Hold the elevator.” A man walks in and smiles at us. “Hey, Maya. You know, I missed you in my expressionists class.”

“Yeah. I- I had some work to do.”

“I'll get you the notes,” the man says with a chuckle. I notice Bellamy’s hand on his gun. Maya shakes her head. Two more people get on. Oh, God. 

The elevator finally dings and the doors open. The two people walk out and Maya ushers us forward. We’ve made it.

“Hey, you're bleeding. You okay?” the man says. Shit. Maya looks at me nervously before jumping into action. 

“You were exposed.” She grabs the man’s handkerchief and presses it to Bellamy’s neck. “We need to retrace your steps and find the breach. You better go.”

“What about you?” the man says. 

“This is my job. I'll be fine.”

The elevator door close and Maya steps back from Bellamy. We all breathe a collective sigh of relief. 

The next time we try to get to level 5, we actually make it. Maya leads us through more hallways that look exactly the same. A few people pass us, but they simply nod and keep going. Maya stops suddenly and leans up against the wall, peering around the corner. 

“Okay. Come along. Inside.” A woman’s voice. “Homeroom has now begun. All students should be in their classrooms.” 

“Come on,” Maya says softly, beckoning us forward. The walls are decorated with drawings. Children’s drawings on colored paper. I never saw children when I was here. 

“Mister?” a boy asks. I spin around. A little boy tugs on Bellamy’s hand. “Are you on a ground unit? My dad is training for a ground unit.” He can’t be older than eight. He looks up at Bellamy with such hope. Innocence. 

“It's pretty cool up there. I hope he makes it.” The boy beams at him and walks away. There’s a nametag on his backpack. 

Lovejoy. 

I gasp slightly and cover my mouth. I helped kill this boy’s father. 

“They're just kids,” Bellamy mumbles. “Just kids.” 

“What did you expect to find here?” Maya asks. There’s a hint of anger in her voice. It’s rightly placed. 

She keeps helping us, though. We walk through hallways that I become more and more familiar with. We’re close to the dorms. Close to our friends. 

We just made it to the dorms when the alarms start. The doors slide closed. 

“What the hell is happening?” I hiss. Jasper appears in the window, banging on it desperately. 

“I don't know. It's not a breach but it can't be good,” Maya whispers. I take a risk, looking up at the window. I know that Jasper can see my face when his eyes widen in recognition. 

“Get us to that radio,” Bellamy says lowly. 

Maya takes us down a few levels to a dimly lit warehouse. It’s full of shelves, lined with paintings. Statues, pottery, every form of manmade art takes up the space that the shelves don’t. We go straight to the back, where Maya takes a frame off the wall and reveals a large hole filled with wires. And a radio. A beautiful, beautiful radio.

“Camp Jaha, this is Mount Weather. Can anyone read me?” Bellamy asks. No answer. “Camp Jaha, this is Mount Weather. Can anyone read me?” he says again.

“Bellamy?” a voice crackles. I look up sharply, a small smile daring to spread across my face. 

“Clarke?”

“Are you guys all right?”

“We’re fine.” He looks over at me. “That's it for the good news. We have to talk fast. Something has changed. Jasper, Monty, everyone, they just locked them in the dorm.”

“But they're alive, all of them?”

“I think so, for now. Maya says that they're already using their blood, and things are gonna get ugly in here real fast.”

“Maya is with you?”

“She helped us escape. If not for her, we'd be dead. And, Clarke, there are kids in here. We need a plan that doesn't kill everyone. Please tell me we have one.”

“I hear you, but we can't do anything until you disable the acid fog. Raven is gonna help you.”

“Got it. What else?”

“You have to figure out a way to free the Grounder prisoners. There is a whole army inside that mountain and they don't even realize it.”

“Trojan horse. Good plan.” My smile widens. Bellamy the mythology nerd strikes again. 

“What does Maya think? Is it doable?” I look over at her. She shakes her head slightly. 

“She says it's not a problem,” Bellamy says. “Clarke, if we’re gonna pull this off, I need you to buy some time. It won't be long before they realize we don't belong here, and if that happens-”

“That can't happen. I'll come up with something.”

“Come up with it quick.”

“Copy that.” She pauses. “You guys came through. I knew you would.”

“All we've done so far is not get killed.”

“Keep doing that.” The static on the other end cuts out for a moment and then Raven’s voice crackles over the radio.

“Okay, here’s the deal: you’re going to find the acid fog dispersal system. Once you do, I can help you shut it down. Radio back every three hours for a check-in.”

“Got it,” Bellamy says.

“Is Cam there?” He hands me the radio.

“Hey, Raven.” Stupid opening, I know.

“Cam, you’ve been there before. You have an advantage. Don’t let Bellamy out of your sight. Find the source of the acid fog. And Cam? Be safe.”


	25. Season 2, Episode 12: Rubicon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: bone marrow drilling, tight spaces, angst
> 
> word count: 2032

Maya leaves us to go keep tabs on our friends, keep track of the ones who go missing and see if she can find where they’re taking them. Bellamy and I walk through the halls. I’ve decided that we should go to the lowest levels, where most of the civilians aren’t allowed. That’s where I would keep my acid fog machines. 

“Hey,” someone hisses behind us. I spin around in unison with Bellamy. His hand is on his gun. I sigh when I see Maya. 

“Is something wrong?”

“They’re taking your friends. One every hour. I don’t have the access to follow them.” Maya glances between us, her eyes sad. 

“It’s about time for a check-in anyway,” Bellamy says decidedly. Maya nods and we go back to the art warehouse.

“Ark Station, do you read me? Anybody there?” I call. 

“Bellamy, you're late. Every three hours means every three hours.” I roll my eyes. 

“Are you through?” Bellamy asks. I can almost hear Clarke’s exasperation. 

“Have you found the source of the acid fog?”

“No. That's gonna have to wait.”

“What? No. Nothing is more important than that.”

“Our friends are. They've started taking them from the dorm one at a time every few hours.”

“Taking them where?” Raven interrupts. 

“I don't know. We tried to follow them, but they went to a classified level. Maya borrowed the schematics of the vent system from her boss, and I'm still trying to find a way in.”

“I think I found a path, but it's gonna be tight. Here's the walkies Raven asked for and the earbuds,” Maya says, handing the stuff to me. 

“We're going to make them mobile so they can talk to us from anywhere,” Raven says proudly. 

“Bellamy, you have to find them,” Clarke says. 

“That's the plan.”

“If you don't, all of this is for nothing.”

“We’ll find them,” I say, determined. 

Maya shows us the map of the vent system. Our path is pretty straightforward, only a few twists and turns, but there’s still a large margin for error. We could get stuck, the vents could break, someone could hear us. So many things could go wrong, and every one of them ends up with Bellamy and I dead. Great mindset to go into a mission with. 

Bellamy goes first since he’s got the gun. It’s a tight squeeze, but no tighter than crawling through the tunnel to the harvest chamber with Clarke. That feels like a million years ago. And I’m back in the same place. 

Raven guides us through the vents over the radio. Apparently, Clarke has a good memory, and they have a solid map back at Ark station. Every no and then she’ll falter, but we seem to be headed in the right direction. 

“Okay. So tell us where you're at now,” she says. Bellamy leans to the side as much as he can so I can see.

“We’re at an intersection. 5 possible paths.”

“We think you’re close,” Clarke says. “The lab should be up ahead.”

“Very specific, thank you,” I mutter. Bellamy chuckles. A whirring sound comes from our right.

“I hear something. We’re gonna go right,” I say through the radio. 

Going forward, the little light we had dims even more. The vents are almost pitch black. One thing guides us: the whirring sound. It gets louder and louder until Bellamy stops and I bump into him.

“Camellia, you have to see this,” he whispers. I squeeze past him and peer through the vent we’re stopped at. The rom is visible through the slats. It looks like an operation room. Someone lays on a table, and Dr. Tsing stands over him with… a drill?

“Bone marrow extraction,” I hear Clarke say over the radio. My stomach threatens to empty itself. Our friends are beings drained for their bone marrow. 

“You ready for the last treatment you'll ever need, Lieutenant?" Dr. Tsing asks. 

“You have no idea. I've waited my whole life to breathe fresh air.” A voice I don’t quite recognize. 

"That's Emerson," Clarke informs us. 

"Let's get back to this secret army that she claims to have. She tell you anything that might help us find it?" That was Cage, Dante’s son. The drill starts up again. "Stop drilling, please."

"The window for extraction after death is incredibly short," Tsing says. Death? 

Oh my God. How many are already dead?

"I only need a minute," Cage says snarkily. 

"No, sir. Nothing about the army. She did say she was coming for you and that if we let her people go she'll let our people live."

"It's a little late for that."

"I'm sorry I failed, sir."

"No, it's okay. We'll finish the job tonight. Whitman just radioed in. Apparently, there's a war council meeting happening tonight in one of their villages, and all the leaders are gonna be there."

"Sir, I feel good. Let me take a team out and support Whitman."

"No. He has less chance of being spotted if he's alone."

"Sir, Whitman's good, but he can't take out that many targets alone."

"Which is why we're gonna use a missile. This time, we're not gonna miss."

Oh, shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit. 

We quickly get out of the vents using the route that Maya showed us. It brings us back to the art warehouse where she’s waiting for us. 

“Please say you heard all of that,” I say quietly.

“We heard it,” Clarke says grimly. There’s a pause, probably her and Raven discussing what to do with this information. 

“When I get back,” Clarke says finally. “I want to know our friends are safe and the acid fog is down. Can you handle that?”

“Yeah, we can handle it.” 

“Clarke, wait,” Bellamy cuts in. “Octavia was in Tondc when I left. Is-- is she, um…”

“She's here. She's safe.” Relief washes over his face. 

“Okay. Good. Be safe, too.”

“I will.”

I pace back and forth across the art warehouse, trying to think of a plan. The acid fog seems easy compared to this. Our friends have no weapons, no way to defend themselves, and they’re up against armed guards.

Wait. 

Guards. Bellamy looks like a guard. 

“Bellamy, I’ve got it!” I say excitedly. He looks up from whatever schematics he was poring over. “The guards who take our friends wear goggles and helmets, we can’t see their faces. You can get in.”

“Okay, and once I’m in, what happens? I can’t fight all the guards, even with help.” I hesitate. He’s got a point.

“Give Jasper your gun. Tell them to fight back. Those kids are criminals, so let them commit crimes. It’ll buy us some time.” Bellamy considers for a moment before nodding and standing up, coming over to me. 

“Stay here while I’m gone, okay? I’ll come back and we’ll work on the acid fog together.” I give him a mock salute.

“Yes, sir.” He grins and starts to say something, but a light coming on and some footsteps stop him. 

“Someone’s coming,” he whispers. There’s no time to hide, we can’t run. Quickly, I wrap my arms around Bellamy’s shoulders and pull him down to kiss me. He gets the idea and turns his back to the footsteps, hiding both of us easily. 

“Hey!” the intruder yells. “Get back to your duties, kids.” I can hear the amusement in the man’s voice and I know we’re safe. 

“Be safe,” I whisper as I release Bellamy. 

“You too,” he replies before slipping away. 

The next half hour is agonizing. There’s only one clock in the warehouse, and I spend much of the time that Bellamy is gone staring at it, willing the hands to move faster and bring him back to me. Thousands of scenarios run through my head. Bellamy being caught, tortured for information, drained for his marrow, killed. I shake my head, trying to force those thoughts out, replace them with good ones.

Meeting Fox for the first time, running around freely on Earth. 

Learning how to shoot a gun, the exhilaration of pulling the trigger.

Getting really, really drunk and playing beer pong on Unity Day.

Being in Bellamy’s arms again at Camp Jaha.

Bellamy’s lips on mine next to a campfire, and behind the camp, and in our room. 

The smile on his face when I steal his clothes.

The comfort of having him braid my hair every morning.

In almost every good memory, Bellamy is there. In the background or in the forefront, he is there. And I realize that Bellamy is happiness. I always thought that I would be my own, my own mind, my own body, my own soul, but Bellamy has taken my heart. 

Oddly enough, I don’t mind at all. 

When he finally returns, I’m sitting on the ground looking at schematics. I hear the door open and go to hide, but Bellamy comes into view before I make my escape. 

“Oh, thank God,” I breathe, running towards him. He catches me, just like he always does, and hugs me tightly. 

“Don’t you wanna know what I found out?” he says into my hair.

“Tell me everything.”

Bellamy weaves an exciting story. He made it into the dorm and talked to Jasper, gave him the gun, and even managed to find a new one. Jasper told him that President Wallace, who is now former President Wallace, could help us, so Bellamy went there next. Wallace said he couldn’t do much because he’s being held prisoner, but he told us how to irradiate level five, the one with our friends on it, to buy some time. 

“Wow,” I say simply when he’s done. 

“Yeah,” Bellamy agrees. “I gave Raven the coordinates from Dante, and she’s found us a path. You ready to go?” 

“Born ready,” I tell him. He grins and takes my hand. 

Raven takes us back into the vents, which I’m not super excited about, but she promises we won’t have to be in them for long. Apparently we’re looking for a ladder of some sort. I assume it’s an emergency backup for the elevator, so no one will be using it until Bellamy and I actually cause an emergency. 

The end of the vents brings us to a short tunnel. We climb through that easily. The tunnel takes us to the ladder, which proves to be more difficult. We have to hold on the the tunnel edge for dear life while we swing our feet over onto the ladder. Two words: not fun.

“Okay, tell me what you see,” Raven says in my ear. 

“Close your eyes. Imagine a bottomless pit,” Bellamy says, which make me laugh. I can just picture Raven rolling her eyes.

“Just stick with it. According to Dante's coordinates, you're almost there.”

“What's happening on your end? Did they evacuate Tondc?” Bellamy asks as we climb. 

“Don't know yet, but it's Clarke. She'll get it done. Just concentrate on squeezing your ass through the tunnel and stop worrying about your sister.” His sister? Clarke said Octavia was- oh.

“Octavia's in Tondc? She's there?” Radio silence. “Raven.”

“She's gonna be okay. Clarke fired out of here. She's gonna get there on time.”

“How could you keep this from me?”

“Clarke was trying to protect you.” Bellamy scoffs. “Listen. You still have a job to do. I know you're worried about Octavia, but you have to focus.” I pull out my earbud for a moment.

“Bell, are you okay?” I say softly. 

“Let's just get this done.”

Bellamy is silent the rest of the way up. The tunnel leads into a room full of machines and wires that I don’t understand, but Raven does. She directs us to a certain box of wires and tells us to pull two of the wires and plug a third one in. 

“You got to pull the outside air in to reverse the air filtration system,” her voice crackles.

“Just tell me how we know it’s even working,” Bellamy huffs. Just as he says that, a mechanical voice tells us that there’s been a containment breach. Alarms and yellow lights flash around us. 

“I’d say it’s working,” Raven says. 

“Thank you, Mr. President,” Bellamy mutters. 


	26. Season 2, Episode 13: Resurrection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: angst, death
> 
> word count: 2089

We go back to the art warehouse for the night. Level 5 is irradiated so our friends are safe for now, and neither of us have slept in days. We’ll go back to them after a few hours of rest. Bellamy still hasn’t spoken much, and he hasn’t spoken to me at all. When he sits down and leans against the wall, I sit next to him and take his hands.

“Talk to me. Please.” He looks over at me sadly.

“She lied to me. Clarke said that O was safe and she lied.” I scooch closer to him and pull him against me, letting him lean his head on my shoulder. 

“Octavia is going to be fine. Like Lincoln said, she’s strong. She’s a fighter. And anyway, they wouldn’t drop the bomb until Clarke gets there, so she’ll get everyone out.” 

“What if she doesn’t? What if-”

“And this is why she didn’t tell you. She knew you would just tear yourself up over it, and right now we can’t afford to do that.” He’s silent for a moment and I’m worried that I was too harsh.

“When you were shot on the bridge and you couldn’t walk, I didn’t see you get shot. I just knew there was something wrong. I felt it. I don’t feel that right now. Do you think that means she’s alive?” he asks softly. 

“I do. I think she’s perfectly fine, away from Tondc, waiting to hear from her brother. I also think that her brother needs to get some sleep.” He chuckles slightly.

“Alright princess, come here.” He sits up and pulls me into his lap, leaning his head on mine. “Comfy?”

“Perfect.”

Maya wakes us up the next morning. She shakes my shoulder gently before stepping back like I might hit her. I sit up sleepily and blink several times.

“They took another one of your friends,” Maya tells me grimly.

“What? Who?”

“Fox.” 

No. Absolutely not.

“Bellamy, come on, wake up.” He stirs a little bit and his eyes open. “They have Fox.” And then he’s wide awake, letting me go and helping me up.

“Take us there.” 

Maya snitched a key card from somewhere, so we can get into the lower levels. I’m not sure how we’re going to get Fox back, but I know that we’re going to. I will not lose her. 

When we get out of the elevator, two armed guards with helmets and goggles wait outside. I glance at Bellamy. He nods slightly.

“Go!” he yells. We rush forward, each to one guard. Bellamy’s got a gun, so his work is easy. Mine is slightly harder. I grab hold of the man’s helmet and bash his head into the wall, stunning him for a moment. That moment is all I need to grab his gun, rip off his helmet, and shoot him square in the forehead. There’s little time to revel in my victory though. Someone is screaming from down the hallway. I grab the keycard from Maya and book it, slamming the door open. Fox nearly runs into me. Her face contorts into confusion, the guards’ into anger. They’re dead on the ground before they can take a step.

“Cam?” Fox cries, launching herself into my arms. I hug her tightly, as tight as I can.

“You’re okay, I’m here, you’re okay,” I whisper, stroking her hair with my hand, rubbing her back, comforting her as best I can. She’s shaking in my arms. Tears wet my shoulder. I hear Bellamy and Maya come in. 

“We have to get her somewhere safe,” Maya says quietly. I let go of Fox gently and step back, look at her and hold eye contact.

“Good to go?” She nods and wipes away some tears. Bellamy smiles at her and gives her a quick hug before we leave. 

Maya leads us to the standard living quarters, I assume to her house. No one is walking the halls. After the radiation breach, maybe they’re all holes up at home. I don’t let go of Fox’s hand, keeping her close to me, looking over at her constantly because if I can’t see her, I might lose her again. 

I refuse to lose her again.

We stop at one of the rooms and Maya open the door quietly, slipping in. Of course we’re being sneaky again.

“Dad, you're home,” she says, surprised. That sounds bad. 

“Yeah yeah, the drill bit broke again.” He looks up and sees us. “What are they doing here?”

“They're in trouble. They just need some place safe to stay.” I try to look as pathetic as possible. It doesn’t seem to help.

“They need to go now.”

“Let me explain,” Maya begs.

“I'll let you explain where you got that uniform,” he points at Bellamy. “Maya, you know how dangerous this is, what are you doing?”

“What mom would have done,” Maya says. Her voice wavers a bit. Her father pauses, and for a moment I think we can stay, but then his face hardens again. 

“I need you to leave,” he says firmly, looking past Maya. 

“Sorry, we can't do that,” Bellamy replies. 

“It's ok, he's gonna help us,” Maya insists. 

“Really? I'm not getting that.”

“My parents were part of a movement that was against using outsider blood. My mom refused the treatments and it killed her. She was willing to die for what she believed.”

“Maya, you were 5, I couldn't leave you alone,” her father says. 

“I'm not a little girl anymore.”

“They're willing to kill you to get them. If you get caught-”

“Please, they're killing us.” Fox’s voice surprises me. She’s looking pleadingly at Maya’s father. “We don't have anywhere else to go.” The man hesitates before sighing heavily. 

“Just this once, just for one night,” he says finally. I let go of a breath I didn’t know I was holding. Maya smiles at her father before guiding Fox to her room. 

“Thank you,” Bellamy says as we start to follow. Maya’s father grabs his arm. 

“You know they'll never stop right? If the rumors are true and your bone marrow can get us back to the ground, they'll never stop.” 

Deep down, I know he’s right.

I’m very reluctant to leave Fox here. I’ve just gotten her back, but this is the safest place for her and I need to get my other friends. My people. I have to save them.

The plan is simple: get the guns from the armory and get them to level 5. Once we’re armed, getting out will be easy. 

“Lovejoy's keycard will get you into the armory,” Maya says as we walk. “The guns are locked but the guard has the key. I can lure him away-”

“No, there's no time,” Bellamy interrupts. “Once I get the guns how do I get them to level 5? They're watching every door.”

“Maybe not, the mess hall has a trash chute,” Maya realizes. 

“Trash chute?” Bellamy asks. 

“There's one on every level. Best part: there's no radiation alarms. The hatches leak like crazy so they put in these airlocks just to be safe. You get the guns, I'll get them into the mess hall.”

“You're a natural born revolutionary,” Bellamy smiles. Maya shakes her head.

“My mom was a revolutionary, I'm just trying to do what's right.” 

“Be back here in 30 minutes,” I say firmly. Maya nods and we walk in opposite directions, headed off to do our parts. 

Bellamy and I don’t make it to the elevator before the speakers crackle to life. 

“This is President Wallace, talking to the kids who just killed 10 of my men.”

“Cage,” I grimace.

“I thought we'd try something a little different this time. There are only 20 minutes of oxygen in Maya's suit. I know she's a friend of yours. In 20 minutes, your friend will either suffocate or burn. But you can save her, all you have to do is surrender.” I glance up at Bellamy. Wordlessly, we both turn and run. 

The cafeteria is empty. Bellamy spots the trash chute right away and yanks it open. I peer down through it. A bottomless pit. Fun. Bellamy climbs in first and offers me an arm, pulling me in next to him. It’s a very,  _ very _ tight fit. I blush bright red and Bellamy chuckles. 

“Cozy,” he teases. I roll my eyes at him and press the button that looks like it works the trash chute. My stomach flies into my throat as we drop suddenly. It’s like a mini version of hurling myself off the dam to get out of this stupid mountain. We slam into something, I assume level 5, and it jolts every bone in my body. Bellamy wastes no time slamming the door open. The kids have guns pointed at us, but the muzzles droop when they recognize Bellamy and Cam, your friendly neighborhood trash chute hijackers. Maya looks like she’s about to pass out. She must be almost out of air. 

“Get her in here! Come on” I yell, snapping them out of whatever haze they were in.I push the button as Maya is getting in, so Bellamy and I fall first, giving her more room. She shrieks when we hit the bottom but seems otherwise unharmed. Jasper tumbles down after her and pulls her into a hug. 

“Decontamination complete. All clear,” informs the mechanical female voice. I sigh and let myself relax for a moment. And then immediately snap back to attention when a man walks around the corner. 

“Dad. What are you doing here?” Maya asks. 

“What your mother would have done,” he says firmly. 

“Listen to me,” Bellamy says, pulling Jasper to the side. “Clarke is coming with an army of grounders.”

“What?” Reasonable reaction. 

“We have to keep all of you safe until then,” I tell him, smiling reassuringly. 

“Don't tell me Finn finally got his peace talks.” My heart twinges slightly at the mention fo Finn. I glance up at Bellamy. 

“Something like that. Come on, we’ve got a lot of work to do.” 

Being the smallest in the group we have down here, I’m nominated to crawl back up the trash chute and get the rest of the kids. I’m not very excited about this job, but it has to be done and I’ll be damned if we came all this way to lose our friends anyway. 

The trash chute is slippery metal with very few grips and once again, I curse the stupid heeled shoes. I have to press an arm against each side of the chute and scooch my way up. It’s slow and strenuous, especially going up five floors this way. The chute smells (predictably) like trash, which is not very nice combined with labored breathing. When I finally reach the top, I’m disheveled and sweaty. I probably look ridiculous hauling my ass out of the chute and into the room. 

“It’s your turn,” I tell the kids staring at me. They look at me like I’m crazy. “Am I speaking Grounder? Go down the chute!” Three kids go down at a time. I count them as they go. 3, 6, 9… 42. Including me and Clarke, we had 50. That means this mountain took 8 of us.

As the Grounders say,  _ blood must have blood. _

I slide down the chute for what is hopefully the last time and join the rest of the kids. Bellamy is taking us to the art warehouse, where hopefully Maya and some friends will be waiting. 

“It's all clear,” Bellamy calls. 

“Won't they see us?” Miller asks. 

“Relax, Monty took out the cameras.”

“Yeah well, we're still sitting ducks in a group like this.”

“You're right. That's why we're gonna split up.”

“No, we do this together,” Monty insists. “We survive together.”

“No, Bellamy's right,” Jasper argues. 

“They don't trust Maya anymore. Who's gonna help us now?”

“They are,” I say, pointing. Maya walks up to us, leading a large group of people behind her. She did it. 

“We're gonna hide you,” Maya tells us. “Not everyone here agrees with Cage, not by a long shot.”

“Come with me. We'll divide you along the way,” her father says. The kids start to go off, being pointed one way or the other. 

“Hey, we're coming with you,” Jasper says. 

“No, you're not. They still don't know we’re here and we need to keep it that way,” Bellamy says. 

“So what do we do?” Monty asks. 

“Stay alive, be ready to fight. War is coming.”


	27. Season 2, Episode 14: Bodyguard of Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: near death experiences, explosions
> 
> word count: 1856

Now that our friends are relatively safe, it’s time to work on the acid fog. Maya’s father, who tells us to call him Vincent, shows us some blueprints. There’s an emergency access floor that leads to the acid fog. All we need is a key card, which we conveniently have. 

The access floor is made of solid concrete structures and wire fences. It’s dimly lit, but the doors are easy to see. I gesture towards one of the larger ones. 

“Let’s try that one.” Bellamy pulls out Lovejoy’s key card and swipes it. The machine glows red. Okay, that seems bad. I take the key card and try one of the other doors. Red light.

“Come in,” Raven says over the radio. “You missed your check-in. Did you find the source of the acid fog yet?"

“We’re headed there now. It's taking longer than we thought,” I tell her. 

“I don't know enough to crack it on this end. You gotta give me something.”

“Working on it but something's wrong.”

“What?”

“The key card isn't working,” Bellamy mutters. 

“That's not good.”

“We need to find another way in. I'll call you back,” I say. Before we can do much, though, someone stops us. Two someones, actually. And they have guns. 

“Stay right there! Hands in the air!” one of them yells. There’s a moment of complete silence, both of us weighing our options. I shift on my feet slightly. There’s a staircase right next to us. I look up at Bellamy and nod towards the stairs ever so slightly. He nods back microscopically and we burst into motion. I run up the stairs two at a time, Bellamy keeping pace right behind me. The guards yell something I don’t hear. I definitely hear the gunshots. Still running, I look back quickly to make sure Bellamy isn’t hit. He seems fine. 

We run onto a hallway-platform thing with the guards in hot pursuit. My heart pounds wildly, threatening to leap out of my chest, but the pure adrenaline coursing through me isn’t going to let me stop. I careen around a hallway and go back down a different flight of stairs. One glance up tells me that the guards have split up. Good for us, bad for them. I head down the hallway facing the stairs and hide behind the wall. Bellamy stands next to me.

“You okay?” he mouths. I nod. He smiles slightly right before the guard comes around the corner. The man barely gets his gun up before Bellamy punches him hard, knocking him backwards. Two more punches and he’s down for the count. I fumble around in his pocket and grab his keycard. 

The nearest door opens easily and we slip away. 

Seeing as we have no idea where we’re going, I decide that we should go see Vincent. Maya’s home isn’t far from where we are. I knock firmly on the door and Vincent opens it just a crack. 

“We need help,” I say simply. He opens it wider and lets us inside.

“It's all over the radio. They know about you. Did anyone see you come here?” he demands.

“No, we only went through unmonitored halls,” I insist. A man comes around the corner. He’s wearing a guard uniform. Bellamy and I move as one, raising our guns and pointing them at the stranger. 

“It's okay! Lee's with us,” Vincent says, stepping between us and pushing the guns down.

“Dante was like a father to me,” Lee tells us. “Some of us don't agree with Cage's agenda.” Slowly, I nod and holster my gun. 

“Where's Jasper, Monty, Fox and Maya?” Bellamy asks. 

“They're okay. Thanks to Lee, we moved them to a wing that's already been searched.”

“Isn't that a risk?”

“We had no choice,” Vincent shrugs. “They've gone public with what happened on level five. They're saying you killed ten soldiers. I don't know how much longer we can keep this shell game going. Did you take out the acid fog yet?”

“No,” I admit. “That's why we’re here. I'm gonna need another route.”

“Way ahead of you,” Vincent says, taking us to his table. “You can get there through the retrofit zones. They're off limits. No cameras, no patrols. We used some to move the kids. And that's your other route. You're also gonna need this.” He grabs something and hands it to Bellamy. “An acetylene torch. Go to the northwest corridor through the vents. There’s an emergency staircase there that should lead you to the acid fog machines. After that, I can’t help you.” 

“You’ve helped a lot,” I reassure him. He smiles slightly. 

“Good luck.”

We head into a vent pretty much as soon as we leave Vincent’s house. They’re cramped and uncomfortable, but there aren’t any cameras. That’s basically the only redeeming factor. Bellamy goes first since he has the torch. We crawl through the vents for what seems like hours but is actually probably about 10 minutes before Bellamy stops.

“Here it is,” he says, pulling out the torch and lighting up the vent wall. It gets really hot, really fast. Soon, a layer of sweat joins the general grime I’m already covered in. Finally, the hole is big enough that we can climb through. Bellamy hops out and offers me an arm, which looks out of place in this situation. I take it with a smile and he pulls me out of the vent, setting me gently on my feet. 

“I’m going to seal the door,” he points across the room. “Radio Raven and tell her we’re here.” He jogs off.

“Hey, Raven,” I radio. “We’re in. What’s the plan?”

“Still working on it. Give us something to go on. What do you see?” I look around the room as Bellamy comes back to join me. 

“Um, huge steel vat. Looks like a submarine,” I say. “Some other tanks with chemical formulas and warning labels. Bunch of pipes running into the wall. Monitor.”

“Ooh, go to the monitor,” says a new voice. I glance at the radio, surprised.

“Hello to you, too,” Bellamy mutters. 

“Don't mind Wick. He's not really helping,” Raven says. 

“Hey, Bellamy, Cam. How's my boy Monty doing?” asks Unhelpful Wick. 

“Fine. But I don't know for how long.”

“Great. Pleasantries over. Listen, if that monitor is a control panel, we can use it to kill this thing. Look for a pH scale.” 

“Right,” I say, scanning the monitor. “It has a scale, but the rest... uh. S-3, V-2-O-5, H-2-S-2-O-7.”

“Look, can I just blow this thing?” Bellamy asks. I smile while still looking at the monitor. 

“No,” Raven says urgently. 

“No, they'll know their defenses are down,” Wick agrees. “They'll send a tech to fix it or reroute it or pull out some other weapon we don't even know about.”

“Plus, you'd probably melt your faces off,” Raven adds. 

“Let’s avoid that,” I whisper. “I kind of like your face.” Bellamy smirks. 

“Look, you know I like a good explosion, but we gotta think our way through this one. We can do this. Here we go,” Raven orders. 

“Okay, uh... level indicator,” Bellamy reads. 

“Nope.” Raven was right. Wick is not very helpful. 

“Do you see an actuator anywhere?”

“I have no idea what that is,” Bellamy huffs. 

“Come on, what else?”

“Internal pressure sensor.”

“No.”

“Uh, setpoint and alarm.”

“Let's avoid that one.”

“Maintenance and cleaning.” There’s a pause at the other end. I shift nervously, bouncing on the balls of my feet. 

“Go to that subdirectory,” Wick says finally. “See if there's anything there that says 'passivation'.”

“Okay, I'm on it.” I tap on the screen and a menu shows up. “Got it. Says, uh, 'aqueous sodium hydroxide bath.'”

“That's a base. That'll neutralize the acid. Select that.” I tap it. The machine hum gets louder around us.

“It's doing something,” Bellamy says. 

“You should be able to hear the pump,” Raven tells us. 

“I can hear them.” I look back at the monitor. “Needle's moving. pH is rising."

“It's working.” The needle moves slowly around the pH indicator, inching its way to 7. The monitor beeps and a message appears. 

“Passivation successful!” I cry. Bellamy sweeps me into a hug and plants a kiss on my lips, spinning us around. I laugh into the kiss. He sets me down but kisses me for a few more seconds before going back to business. 

“All right. Send a flare.”

“Roger that,” Raven says. 

I grin widely at Bellamy. He smiles back and takes my hand, pulling me into another hug. This one is softer, not for celebration but for the want of being close to each other. His head drops to plant a kiss on mine and we stand like that for a few moment. Together. Of course it doesn’t last. He tenses up and I pull away to see why.

“Over there,” he says, pointing to one of the tanks. A dial. I walk over to it and inspect it. A pH dial like the one on the monitor, but this one is still on 1. It didn’t work. 

“Raven, we've got a problem.” No answer. “Dammit, where are you? I don't think the acid fog is down. Get word to Clarke. We have to stop the army.” 

“Raven!” I yell. Something’s wrong. I run back to the monitor just in time to see the needle go back to 1. Alarms and yellow lights go off, startling me. Someone slams at the door that Bellamy blocked. I look around, desperately trying to find something we can use. Something catches my eye: a tank that say  _ Highly Flammable. _ I grab the torch from Bellamy and run over to it, jamming the handle so that it’ll light up. I’d say we’ve got about two minutes before this thing blows. 

“The vent! Go!” I yell. Bellamy starts to run but stops when he realizes I’m not behind him.

“Come on!” he calls, grabbing my hand. I shake my head.

“I’ll be right behind you. Go!” 

“I’m not leaving you!” The doors burst open and guards pour in, aiming guns at us. I plead with Bellamy silently, but he stands firm. I guess we’ve stalled enough anyway. I sprint across the room to the vent, flinching when they fire at me, and leap in, sliding a few feet. Bellamy follows me. As one, we turn to face the guards, guns drawn. 

We don’t get the chance to fire. 

The tank blows, sending a fireball down the vent towards us. I haul ass, elbow crawling as fast as I can. The force of the explosion carries me the last few feet and sends both of us flying out the other side and slamming into the ground. Bellamy pulls me against him and shields me from the last of the fire before rolling to the side. I gasp for breath and cough out the smoke I inhaled. Next to me, Bellamy’s in a similar state. For some reason, I start laughing, a real laugh. Bellamy joins in after a second, and we’re laying on the ground, slightly singed, laughing together. 

Earth is okay sometimes. 


	28. Season 2, Episode 15: Blood Must Have Blood, Pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: shooting, blood, death, angst
> 
> word count: 1440

After taking a few moments to recover and allow the fire to die down, Bellamy and I crawl back into the vents to head to the harvest chamber. Awake the sleeping army or whatever. I’m more intent on keeping my promise to Echo.

I roll out of the vent and land on my feet, shuddering when I look around the harvest chamber. I hate this place. Bellamy digs a key out of his pocket and heads to Echo’s cage.

“Get up. It's time to go,” he says, opening the cage. I help her out of it and steady her on her feet. 

“I told you I'd come back for you,” I tell her. She smiles slightly. Bellamy has moved on to the next cage and is trying to get the man inside out.

“Hey, it's ok. We're getting you out.” The man struggles and backs away.

“Slow down. They just bled him,” Echo chides.

“Listen to me. There's an army inside this room, and I need you to help me get them ready to fight. Can you do that?” Echo nods. “Good.” As we work our way down the cages, tossing the key back and forth, those we haven’t let out yet start to get rowdy. They yell, kick against their cages.

“Too much noise,” I mutter. “They’ll hear.” Echo walks to the edge of the platform and yells something in Trigedasleng. It quiets the prisoners down.

“Ok. How do we do this?” Echo comes back and asks. 

“There's an army outside going for the main door,” I say earnestly.

“When they get it open, all hell will break loose,” Bellamy adds. “That is the signal for my friends to come here, and…” The speaker cuts him off. I look up nervously. 

“My fellow citizens, this is your president speaking. I have news to share with you that will change all of our lives forever. For 97 years, Mount Weather has been our home. It's kept us alive, but it has also held us captive. Most of us have made peace with what we've had to do to survive. We've done these things for one reason: so that our people could someday return to the ground. That day is today.”

“He’s going public,” Bellamy mutters. That’s bad. That’s really, really bad.

“We’ve got to go,” I say urgently, tugging on Bellamy’s arm. He nods and hands the key to Echo.

“Where are you going?” she asks desperately. 

“He's trying to get his people to turn on each other. They'll find our friends. We have to bring them here now. We'll send them in groups. You get your people ready to go, but you wait for us to come back, do you understand?” Bellamy tells her firmly. She hesitates before nodding. 

“Thank you,” I tell her softly, grabbing her hand and squeezing it quickly before turning away. Cage’s voice continues over the loudspeaker, doing exactly what we predicted. Turning neighbor on neighbor to drive our friends out of hiding. Quickly, we slide back into the vent. 

I move through the metal maze easily. I’m starting to know these vents like I know the trees around the dropships. Every nick, every edge, every corner. We go to the main corridor, where we’re most likely to find our friends. Muffled voices tell me I’m right. 

“Don't make me do this, Vincent.” Maya’s father. I peer through the vents and see a guard pointing a gun at Vincent. 

“Sorry, Paul.” I kick the vent door open, drawing the guard’s attention, and put a pie-sized hole in his head before he can blink. 

“Good shot,” Bellamy breathes quietly behind me as he climbs out of the vent. 

“Thank you,” Vincent says, smiling at me. He looks strikingly like my father, the same degree of pride in his eyes, and my heart pangs for a moment. 

“Need to get everyone into the harvest chamber. You'll be safer there,” Bellamy is telling the kids. I scan them quickly and find Fox. Thank God. 

“Safe in the harvest chamber?” Jasper asks incredulously.

“Trust me,” I tell him. 

“Are the others there?”

“Not yet.”

“Monty?”

“Monty's with the other group on level 3,” Vincent says. “Don't worry. We moved him after the last sweep. You should go there next.”

“All right,” Bellamy says. “Go on. Vincent will take you. I won't be long.” We turn to leave.

“Hey! I'm coming with you.” Jasper picks up the guard’s gun. 

“Jasper,” I start. 

“I promised I'd protect them. That's exactly what I'm gonna do.” I guess the extra gun could help. 

“Let's go.”

We decide against the vents in favor of speed. Maya is with us, so she can guide us through the unmonitored hallways. I swear this girl knows where every camera is. She and Jasper move very similarly. I guess they picked up each other’s mannerisms. I wonder what I’ve picked up of Bellamy’s.

“We don't have much time. The last 12 are on this level,” Bellamy calls over his shoulder. 

“Including Monty. Which way?” Jasper asks. 

“This way,” Maya points. 

“Attention,” says a mechanical voice. “Class one quarantine protocols are now in effect. All citizens must report to level 5 immediately. Hard seal lockdown in T-minus 30 minutes and counting.”

“What does that mean?” I ask. Maya doesn’t answer. She looks terrified. 

“Listen to me. It's gonna be ok. All right? You're gonna be ok. We're not gonna let anything happen to you, will we?” Jasper looks to me for backup, and I nod. 

“Jasper, in 30 minutes, all backup power gets diverted for species continuity. That means level 5 for life support and security. Radiation will seep in everywhere else. I can't go to level 5 without being shot in the head.” Oh. Oh no. 

“Guys, we need to keep moving,” Bellamy says, oblivious. I shoot him a look that I hope conveys the worry I’m feeling. 

“We'll get you your hazmat suit, extra oxygen, enough to last until the engineers get the power back on,” Jasper reassures her.

“And then what? You think Cage Wallace is gonna let me live here after that?”

“Then we kill him.”

A gunshot cuts off any further conversation. I raise my gun instantly, covering our rear. 

“Monty.” There’s some indistinct shouting around the corner. I push Maya behind me and step forward, flanked by Jasper and Bellamy. 

“Be ready for anything,” Bellamy cautions before stepping around the corner. Nothing. No one is here. I look down and gasp. A woman lies dead on the floor. 

“It's Mrs. Ryan,” Maya says, horrified. 

“She was hiding the last 12.”

“Where'd they take them?” Jasper demands of no one in particular. 

“It's got to be level 5.” Jasper starts to charge forward but Bellamy stands in front of him/ 

“No.”

“Get out of my way.”

“Every person inside this mountain is on level 5, every soldier.” Bellamy turns to Maya. “Tell him.”

“Jasper's right. After the lockdown, it'll be almost impossible to get them out. It's now or never,” Maya says. I look desperately at Bellamy. The decision is his and he knows it. 

“All right,” he says finally. “But how do we even get-”

The door thuds open. I jump in front of Maya and raise my gun. Ever so slowly, a figure appears. 

“Monty!” Jasper says happily, going to him. Monty drops to his knees in front of Mrs. Ryan. 

“What's wrong?” I ask, confused. 

“They know about the Grounders. That's why I hid. I... I didn't do anything to save the others. I let them kill Mrs. Ryan.”

“What do you mean they know about the Grounders?” Bellamy demands. I push him back slightly and go to Monty. He looks scared. Fragile. Yelling won’t help.

“What do you know?” I ask softly. 

“It was on a soldier's walkie. They're going for the harvest chamber,” Monty says shakily. I fall back on my heels. 

“If they take it, we lose everyone,” Bellamy realizes. Next thing I know, Bellamy is pulling me to my feet and running. I stop to grab Monty, who’s still staring at Mrs. Ryan. We beeline straight for the harvest chamber, not bothering with which hallways are monitored. They know we’re here anyway, it doesn’t matter. 

I slam the harvest chamber door open and run in, gun raised. It doesn’t matter. The room is empty. No one remains except for one. Someone lays on the floor. I take a step closer. 

Vincent.

Maya screams and runs to him, her hands dirtied by the pool of blood on the floor. 

I walk past her in a trance, taking in the rows and rows of empty cages.

Our friends are gone. 


	29. Season 2, Episode 16: Blood Must Have Blood, Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: major character death, bodies, mass murder, major angst
> 
> word count: 3047

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't believe we're already at the end of season 2!! i'm so happy that you all have been enjoying cam's story, and i'm very excited to continue it!

“We need to get out of here and figure out what happened,” I mumble to myself. I’ve been pacing back and forth for about 10 minutes. I know we need to get out the intake door, and I know we can do that, but Jasper went off to find a hazmat suit and Maya’s sitting on the floor next to her father with a blank expression.

“Hey,” Bellamy says, grabbing my hand. I don’t look at him at first, still in my head. “Camellia, look at me.” I finally do. There are tears in my eyes. He pulls me into a tight hug, one hand on my back, the other in my hair. 

“We lost them,” I say, my voice muffled by his shirt. 

“We’ll get them back.” He loosens his grip and tilts my chin up. “Say you believe me.”

“Forever.” 

Jasper bursts in with a hazmat suit and some oxygen tanks. Maya finally stands up when she sees him. He’s all she has left. I know the feeling. 

She gets suited up and we head to the intake door. I don’t let go of Bellamy’s hand, halfway leaning on him as we walk. Monty and Jasper follow behind with Maya in between them. 

The door creaks open and we’re back in the Reaper tunnels.

“Bellamy!” cries a familiar voice. Octavia throws herself into Bellamy’s arms. I sigh in relief and hug her when she lets go of Bellamy.

“You look terrible,” she tells me with a smile.

“Bad as it feels, I guess.” She goes to hug Jasper and Monty and I step forward to Clarke. She has an odd expression, like she has a secret. 

“What is it?” I ask. She steps aside and gestures at the body dumping box. I look over the side. 

A girl’s bloody body lays in it.

A very familiar girl, who looks wrong without a smile on her face.

Fox. 

I leap over the side of the box and land next to her. I grab her face, shake her, yell, but she won’t wake up. She’s not waking up. 

She’ll never wake up. 

I’m vaguely aware of the tears running down my face, of the sobs racking my body, of Bellamy pulling me away from her body and wrapping me in his arms. It all feels distant. All that shows in my mind is images of Fox. Fox on the dropship, Fox tinkering with scrap metal, Fox with her gun, Fox asleep on the ground. 

Fox who trusted me, who thought I would keep her safe. 

I didn’t even say goodbye.

Slowly, I come back to the present, where Bellamy is holding me and stroking my hair and telling me that I’m okay, that it’s okay, that everything is okay, and my throat hurts because maybe I screamed but I don’t remember. I force myself to calm down. This war isn’t over, there are still people to save. I take one last deep, shaky breath in Bellamy’s arms before pulling back slightly.

“Ready?” he asks softly, brushing a thumb against my cheek. I nod because I don’t trust my voice. He smiles slightly at me before tucking me under one of his arms and turning to Clarke.

“Where's your army?” he asks. 

“Gone, just like yours. Say you have a plan.”

“Not really. We need to talk to Dante. Maya says he's in quarantine.” A beeping noise cuts him off. It’s coming from Maya’s suit.

“Thirty minutes,” Jasper says. “That can't be right. Uh, shit, um... It's her last tank.”

“We'll find you another one,” Clarke says reassuringly. Maya shakes her head. 

“All the supplemental oxygen is on level five.”

“Then we have to get you to level five.”

“Five isn't safe for any of us.”

“We'll take the trash chute again. It will work.”

“To get in, maybe,” Bellamy interrupts. “Maya's right. Every soldier in this mountain is there. We'll never make it out.”

“We can do this. We'll split up,” Jasper says firmly. 

“Okay. You guys go for Dante,” Octavia points at Bellamy, Clarke, and I. “We'll help Maya.” With one last glance at me, Bellamy nods and we go back into the mountain. 

Dante is the only person in the mountain not on level five. He’s in one of the white rooms that held us when we were first brought here. I feel sick when I walk in and see him, a stark contrast to the white around him. Or maybe it had nothing to do with him and I just feel sick in general.

“Hello, Clarke, Cam,” he says as we enter, like this is just a visit to a friend. 

“Sir, we need your help again,” Bellamy says. 

“It's okay. I took out the camera from the junction box in the hall. We can talk freely,” Monty adds. 

“No one's watching, anyway. Thanks to you, they're all on level five.”

“You're not,” Clarke notes. 

“No. I'm not.”

“Please,” Bellamy says. “We don't have much time. We need a way to get our people out of this mountain without killing everyone.” Wallace stares at us with a face of stone. 

“He's not gonna help us.”

“You cut the power, risking the lives of everyone in this mountain-- my people, even the ones who helped you.”

“We knew they'd be safe on level five.” Clarke steps up to him. “We made sure not to destroy the turbines so you could repair them. We're the good guys here, not you.”

“Tell me, if we released your people and theirs, what would've happened to mine?” Clarke glares at him for a moment longer before turning to Monty. 

“Can you get us into the command center? We need to see what's happening on level five.”

“No problem.” Bellamy steps forward and grabs Wallace, pushing him out the door with one arm while still holding me with the other. 

“Let's go. You're gonna help us, whether you like it or not.”

Bellamy and I take up the rear of our little party, with Wallace in the middle and Clarke and Monty leading. I haven’t said a word since we came back in. I can practically feel the concern coming off Bellamy in waves, but there’s no time to deal with it right now. Grief comes later. Right now there is only forced numbness to hold everything back. 

“I told you, there's no one here,” Wallace says as we turn a corner. 

“Sorry if we don't take your word for it.”

“Why aren't you with your people on level five?” Clarke asks. 

“After what I've done, they can be free. I can't. Deliverance comes at a cost. I bear it so they don't have to.” Cool catchphrase, still murder. Bellamy tenses up next to me. 

“It wasn't Cage. It was your idea to make the deal with the Grounders.” I look up sharply. No. He wouldn’t.

Dante nods.

Anger overtakes me. I lunge at Dante and push him back into the wall, startling him.

“You,” I growl. “You killed her. She was a child!” I punch him as hard as I can before Bellamy grabs me and pulls me back. I don’t fight him. That hit was for Fox’s suffering. He’ll die for her later. 

I’ll kill him myself.

Clarke looks at me, equal parts disturbed and concerned, before turning back to Monty. 

“Open the door,” she tells him. He nods and starts tinkering with the card swipe. Bellamy keeps and solid grip around my waist.

“We're in. Got it.” Cautiously, Bellamy releases me, and steps into the control room once he sees that I’m not going to punch the old man again. 

“It's clear. He's telling the truth.”

“Let's get the monitors up,” Clarke tells Monty. 

Monty runs to the keyboards and taps a few buttons. The screens all around us light up. 

“I think the command center is live,” Monty says proudly. I step forward and look at one of the larger monitors. It shows the dorm, which has been turned into a bone marrow harvesting room. Our friends are handcuffed to the walls. A table stands in the center, surrounded by doctors. The girl on the table looks sickeningly familiar.

“Is that Raven?” Bellamy asks shakily. Clarke looks horrified as she walks forward. 

“Mom,” she says softly. I look closer. Her mother is one of the people in handcuffs. 

Bellamy grabs one of the radios off the charging port and shoves it into Dante’s chest.

“Tell them to stop. Now.”

“I won’t do that.” Clarke glares at him and turns to a different monitor, the one that shows the dining hall. A familiar man stands in the doorway.

“Emerson,” she mutters, grabbing the radio from Bellamy. “Carl Emerson, Mount Weather Security Detail, come in.” The man on the monitor lifts the radio to his mouth.

“Who is this?”

“You know who it is. Give the radio to the president.” Emerson looks directly into the camera before turning and walking away.

“They're moving,” Bellamy says urgently. 

“Not a problem. I'll bring it on the main monitor.” The camera switches and Cage appears with Emerson behind him. 

“This is President Wallace.” 

“I have your father.” Cage’s expression changes. “If you don't let my people go, I'll kill him.”

“How do I know you have him?” Cage demands. Clarke puts the radio in front of Dante. 

“Stay the course, Cage,” the old man says. Cage gasps. 

“You won't do it.” I grab the radio from Clarke.

“Your father made a deal that killed my friends. My people. If you think for one second that I’m eager to save his life, you’re wrong.” I relish in the look on both of the Wallaces’ faces. 

“This ends now. Release my people,” Clarke says, taking the radio back. 

“I can't do that,” Cage replies. 

“It would mean the end of our people, Clarke,” Dante reasons. 

I don’t have time for his reasoning. I grab my gun and point it at his chest. His eyes widen.

“Camellia, we need him,” Bellamy says lowly. 

“And we need his son to believe us,” Clarke says. “Don’t make me do this,” she says into the radio. Cage is silent for a moment, weighing his options. He looks between the camera and his people behind him.

“Dad, I'll take care of our people,” he says finally. Wallace looks at me with his stupid wide eyes. 

“None of us has a choice here,” he says softly 

I pull the trigger. 

Red blossoms sprout across his shirt. Cage flinches on the monitor and closes his eyes. 

“Listen to me very carefully. I will not stop until my people are free. If you don't let them go, I will irradiate level five,” Clarke tells Cage firmly. “Cage, listen to me. I don't want anyone else to die. Stop the drilling, and we can talk. There must be a way to get us all out of this.” Cage doesn’t respond. He turn to Emerson and says something that makes Emerson grin before walking away.

“He’s coming for us,” I realize.

“They deactivated our keycard. Can you do that to his?” Bellamy asks Monty.

“That one's easy.” Monty sits down to work. I watch Cage move across monitors. 

“Where's he going?”

“The dorm,” Clarke realizes. “Monty, can you do it? Can you irradiate the level?” 

“I can do it.” He starts typing again. 

“Wait a second, Clarke,” Bellamy says. “We need to think about this. There are kids in there.”

“I know,” she cries. 

“And people who helped us,” I tell her. I’ve taken my revenge. We can’t jut kill everyone. 

“Then please give me a better idea.” I look up at Bellamy, who looks about as stumped as I am. 

There has to be another option.

Movement in the dorm catches my eye. Cage walks in and gestures at Raven on the table. The doctors take her off and tie her up again before going to Abby. Clarke realizes at the same time as I do. This is Cage’s revenge.

“What have I done?” Clarke whispers.

“Clarke, if we do this, there is no going back,” Bellamy says, trying to get her attention. Her eyes are still steady on the screen. 

“Figure it out,” she says to Monty without looking at him. Up on the monitors, Octavia and Maya come into view. Something’s wrong. They’re being chased. I watch Octavia slaughter two guards easily before running back the way she came, Maya hot on her heels. 

“They need to get out of there,” Bellamy mutters. I take his hand and move closer to him. A pounding on the door sends me grabbing for my gun. 

“Emerson,” I say. “He’s here.”

“They caught Jasper!” Monty says, pointing at the screen. I glance back and see Jasper being handcuffed to the wall with the rest of them. On the monitor next to that, Octavia and Maya are cornered in the dining hall and are being restrained. The sound of typing stops. 

“Why are you stopping?” Clarke demands. 

“Because I did it. All we have to do is pull this.” He points to a lever. “Hatches and vents will open, and the scrubbers reverse, pulling in outside air.” I glance between the lever and the monitors.

Emerson crouches outside the door, ready to blow it open. 

Abby, her mouth open in a scream we can’t hear, a drill in her leg.

Octavia and Maya being forced to the floor. 

Clarke shakily puts her hand on the lever. 

“My sister. My responsibility.”

“I have to save them,” Clarke says, tears in her eyes. Bellamy steps forward and sets his hand on the lever, on top of hers. I set my hand on his.

“Together.”

The lever clicks slowly towards us. 

Alarms go off. 

On all the monitors, people convulse, blister, fall to the ground. I look away, leaning against Bellamy and tucking my head behind his shoulder. I don’t want to watch this. 

“Let's go get our people.”

The walk to the dorm is dark. Bodies litter the ground. I try not to look at them, but my eyes wander to their blistered skin of their own accord. My throat tightens. We stop in front of the mess hall. Almost all of the bodies are here. Sprawled on the floor, laying on couches, lopsided in chairs. I take a few steps forward and see Jasper, cradling a body.

Maya.

“What did you do?” he asks, voice hoarse. 

“We had no choice,” Clarke says tearfully. 

“I was gonna kill Cage. If you'd just given me one more minute, it would've been over.”

“Jasper, they never would've stopped,” Bellamy tells him. He’s right, but I know it doesn’t help. Clarke shakes her head slightly. 

“We have to go to the dorm.”

The room is chaotic, people moving around quickly and finding their friends, mourning over their lost ones. I glance around for Fox as a habit. 

Fox. I left her.

I run out of the room, headed back to the harvest chamber. Bellamy yells after me. His footsteps pound behind me. I don’t stop. I run through the chamber straight to the intake door, slamming it open. Bellamy finally catches up to me when I’m in the body dumping box, struggling to lift Fox. I look up at him with a tear-stained face.

“I couldn’t leave her,” I manage to say before my voice breaks completely. My head drops down again. Bellamy comes into the box behind me and gently takes Fox from me, lifting her up.

“We’ll bury her at camp,” he says softly. I nod and wipe away the tears tracing down my face. 

I find a sheet in the hospital ward and we wrap Fox in it, covering her blood and bruises. While we’re there, Bellamy insists that I change out of my grimy clothes. He changes too, dumping the guard uniform. 

The walk back to Camp Jaha is somber. Several of our people are on stretchers, others are are carried by arms alone. Bellamy takes Fox, which I’m grateful for. I don’t trust anyone else with her. 

We bury her outside the camp, near the trees. It’s a small “funeral,” just Jasper, Monty, Clarke, Octavia, Lincoln, Bellamy and I. Most of the kids are reuniting with their parents. I won’t ruin this for them, not with what we’ve done to get them here. 

I lay Fox down gently, crossing her arms and closing her eyes. She deserves peace. I don’t cry until I begin to speak. 

“In peace, may you leave this shore. In love, may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels, until our final journey to the ground. May we meet again.” The rest of our little group echoes the blessing, and her grave is sealed. I try to imagine the earth holding her, keeping her safe. It helps a little bit when her face disappears beneath the dirt. 

I linger around her grave for a few moments longer before nodding to Bellamy and standing up. He puts an arm around me and we walk to the camp together. Clarke waits outside the gates for us.

“I think we deserve a drink,” Bellamy says. 

“Have one for me.” I look over at her sharply. 

“Hey. We'll get through this.”

“I'm not going in.”

“Clarke, you have to,” I say quietly. I don’t want to lose another friend today. 

“Take care of them for me,” she responds simply. 

“Clarke-”

“No.” She shakes her head. “Seeing their faces every day is just gonna remind me of what I did to get them here.”

“What  _ we _ did,” Bellamy insists. “You don't have to do this alone.” Clarke looks into the camp and for a moment I think we’ve convinced her. She’ll stay. 

“I bear it so they don't have to,” she says finally. 

“Where are you gonna go?” Bellamy asks sadly. 

“I don't know.” I tug away from Bellamy slightly and hug her. This is a goodbye and there’s no changing that. I didn’t get to say goodbye to Fox. I won’t make that mistake again. When I pull away from her, there are tears in both our eyes. She hugs Bellamy as well. 

“May we meet again,” she says as she walks away. 

“May we meet again.”

With one last look at Clarke, I turn back to Bellamy.

“Let’s go home.”


	30. Season 3, Episode 1: Wanheda, Pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: nightmares, blood, death
> 
> word count: 2899

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEASON 3!!! as we all know this is not bell's best season, but we will persevere. enjoy my loves <3

It takes weeks for me to stop breaking down at night, sobbing into Bellamy’s arms until I fall asleep from exhaustion. The first night I don’t cry for those I’ve killed, the nightmares come. The most common one is seeing Bellamy strapped to the table, being drilled. I stand and watch him, unable to move, unable to help. Just as I think it’s over, a lever is set in front of me. I pull it, no matter how hard I try not to. Bellamy’s skin breaks out into blisters. He chokes on his own blood and dies in front of me. I wake up in sweat, bolting upright and looking around wildly for him. He’s always there, wide awake every time to comfort me and talk me back down to a restless sleep. 

During the day, I train and work. Kane inducted Bellamy and I into the guard officially almost immediately after we got back to camp. That means we get to go on missions in the Rover, which is a godsend. I can’t stay cooped up in the camp all the time. When I’m not on a mission, I’m training hand-to-hand or learning Trigedasleng with Lincoln, or doing weapons practice with Octavia. 

Today, Bellamy and I are training with some of the kids. I’ve gained a few pounds since the mountain, all of it muscle. Lincoln can still kick my ass, but I can take pretty much everyone else in the class. Right now, he and Bellamy are fighting, and I’m paired up with Harper. 

She throws a punch at the side of my head. Bad move. I duck and grab her arm, throwing her to the ground. Quickly, I pin her down, keeping hold of her arms so she can’t throw me off. She huffs and taps out. I grin and let her go, offering her a hand. 

“Here comes the part where you tell me what I did wrong,” she says with a smile and an eye roll. 

“Yep. You threw a punch that was super easy to dodge and left yourself undefended. Too aggressive. Like Bellamy.” I point to Bell and Lincoln’s mat, where Bellamy is currently getting his ass kicked. As I watch, Lincoln flips him to the ground and pauses, fist raised. 

“He had me, but he was too aggressive,” Lincoln tells the audience of kids. I nudge Harper and mouth  _ I told you so. _ She rolls her eyes again. 

“Whatever you say,” Bellamy says as he pulls on his shirt. 

“Quitting so soon?” Lincoln teases. 

“Mapping run,” I explain. “Sector 7.” Bellamy nods and tosses Harper her guard jacket. I grab and extra one and give it to Lincoln. 

“The Council wants you to have that.”

“I'm Trikru.” Bellamy comes up behind me.

“A uniform doesn't change that. This is our home now, Lincoln. We fought for it. Too many of our friends died for it. On the Ark, the uniform meant something different. Down here, it means what we make it mean. Together. My sister will understand that eventually.” Lincoln takes the jacket finally. I turn to Bellamy.

“I’m gonna go change. Meet you at the Rover?” I say. He nods with a small smile, giving me a short kiss. A round of  _ ooooooh _ s breaks out behind us. I flip the kids off as I walk out the door, earning me a few laughs. 

Bellamy and I still share the same room. I was offered one when I was inducted into the guard, but I turned it down. There’s absolutely no way I’m going to be in a dark room alone. I head to the dresser and dig out some clean clothes, topping it off with my guard jacket. It’s my favorite item of clothing. A badge of honor. I didn’t like it at first, when I was reluctant to join the guard, but now I realize it’s an opportunity to do better. I pull on some boots and tuck my knife into one of them, lingering on it for a moment. I thought I had lost it at Tondc, but one day it showed up outside the door of our room. I suspect Lincoln. 

When I get to the hangar, most of the mission group has already gathered. I don’t see Octavia. She’ll probably show up later. She’s a liability, a wildcard in the field, but her expertise in Grounder culture is too valuable to leave behind. 

Raven’s working on the Rover. Harper and Miller are standing around it, getting ready. I join them. Miller tosses me a rifle.

“Kane said we could arm the whole unit,” he says. I grin.

“Where are the others?” I ask.

“If you mean Bellamy, he’s getting Monty and Jasper,” Miller tells me. Right on cue, they make their entrance, Bellamy and Monty carrying a very drunk Jasper in between them. I sigh and turn back to the Rover. 

“Zeke, I said produce first, art doesn't go bad.” Supply run just came back, I guess. I glance over and see Gina directing people. Gina and I are pretty good friends. She waves to me with a smile.

“Hey,” I say. “Good run?” 

“Not bad,” she replies. “I got something for Bellamy.” She turns and grabs something out of the truck. A book. I take it from her and glance at the cover. It’s  _ The Iliad _ .

“Whatcha got?” Bellamy asks behind me, speak of the devil.

“Our dear friend Gina brought you a present,” I tell him, showing him the book. His expression softens. I know his mother used to read it to him and Octavia when they were younger. 

“Thank you,” he says sincerely. Gina nods and goes back to unloading the truck. I tuck the book into my bag and we head back to the Rover, where preparations are wrapping up. Bellamy takes my pack and tosses it into the truck along with his.

“Hey! Take it easy!” Raven slides out from under the truck.

“Mornin' to you too,” Bellamy says with a small smile. 

“Are we good to go?” I ask her, gesturing to the Rover.

“Tip-top shape,” she reassures me. I offer her a hand and pull her to her feet. 

“Remember, non-lethal force. This is a scouting mission. Our top priority is finding Ark survivors.” 

He’s officially right, but we all know the hope is that we’ll find Clarke.

Three months and we haven’t heard anything about her. Her mother is worried sick, like the rest of us. We don’t even know if she’s alive.

A splash draws my attention. Monty stands over a soaking wet Jasper, holding a bucket.

“Sorry, was that too cold?” They stare at each other for a moment. Suddenly, Jasper yells and grabs Monty, slamming him into the Rover. I run over and pull them off each other. 

“No gun for you until you’re sober,” Bellamy says. 

“Didn’t want one,” Jasper slurs, mock-saluting Bellamy and hitting him in the face. I see the anger start to brew and intervene quickly. 

“Are we ready?” I ask, distracting Bellamy from Jasper climbing into the Rover.

“Let's do this,” he nods, hopping into the Rover and offering me a hand. I sit next to him, effectively separating him and Jasper. Raven’s driving, Jasper sits in shotgun, and the rest of us sit in the back. Harper waves as Raven presses a button, opening the door. Just as it creaks open, Octavia pulls up on her horse.

“Guess we found her,” Miller says. 

“Try and keep up,” Octavia calls with a smile. She turns and gallops away. Raven hits the gas and we take off after her. 

I love riding in the Rover. The seats are surprisingly comfortable, and the windows are clear, and we go over bumps and go flying into each other. Jasper puts in earbuds as soon as we’re out the gate. When he starts singing, Monty leans forward and takes them out.

“No way. If you're gonna ride shotgun, you can't just disappear.” Jasper shrugs and plugs the iPod into the front of the Rover. Monty starts to stop him, but I grab his arm.

“It’s a long ride. Music won’t hurt.” I recognize the song.  _ Add It Up  _ by Violent Femmes. It’s got a a good beat and I start nodding along to it. Miller starts playing imaginary drums. Jasper and Raven sing along to it enthusiastically. Bellamy shakes his head and smiles at their antics. I turn and dramatically begin to serenade him.

_ Day after day I get angry and I will say  _

_ That the day is in my sight when I'll take a bow and say goodnight _

_ Don't shoot, shoot, shoot that thing at me _

_ Don't shoot, shoot, shoot, that thing at me _

Bellamy laughs at my theatrics and puts an arm around me, pulling me against him. Jasper gets up and sticks his head through the turret. He looks the happiest I’ve seen him since Mt. Weather. I hear him cheer from up above, making me smile. 

A beeping noise distracts me from my thoughts. Raven turns off the music quickly.

“A tracking beacon from the Ark,” Monty says. Jasper comes back down the hatch.

“Hey, that was the best part,” he complains. We ignore him. 

“Who is it?” I ask, leaning forward. 

“Farm Station.”

“After four months?” Miller asks. “How?”

“We'll find out. Where are they?” Bellamy asks. Just then, Octavia swings the door open.

“Don't tell me I missed the party.”

“Sector 8,” Monty announces. I grab the tracker from him and double-check. He’s right. 

“That's Ice Nation,” I say grimly. 

“Protocol says we go home,” Octavia says. “Let the Chancellor decide what to do next.”

“Screw protocol. The Chancellor's not from Farm Station, Monty is. So is Miller's boyfriend. It's your call,” Bellamy nods to them.

“Let's do this,” Monty says.

“You have to ask?” Miller adds. Bellamy turns back to Octavia. 

“Try to keep up.”

Monty gives us directions on the tracker. We head through a wooded area to Sector 8. There’s no music, no laughing this time. Just tense silence as we wonder what we’ll find.

Octavia dismounts and ties Helios up as we pull up. Bellamy opens the door and jumps out, pausing afterward to offer me an arm. I check my rifle for the hundredth time today.

“These woods must be the border,” I note. 

“So, where's all the ice?” Jasper slurs behind me. 

“Much farther north,” Octavia explains. “Azgeda stretches for 1,000 miles.”

“Good thing we only have to go 200 meters.” Monty starts to go further forward, but Bellamy stops him. 

“Slow down. Remember, rules of engagement are non-lethal force. Tight formation on my command. Miller, Raven, flank. Everyone else on me.”

“They're coming. 120 meters. 110,” Monty reads. Bellamy and I lift our guns in unison. “They're our people what are you doing?” Monty demands. 

“We hope they're our people,” Bellamy corrects. “On my command.”

Three riders come from the trees. White horses, grey furs, white war paint. They don’t look happy to see us. 

“Ice Nation?” Bellamy asks. 

“Yes.” Octavia sheathes her sword. “White war paint. Stay calm.” She holds up her hands in surrender and steps forward.

“Chon yu bilaik?” the rider in front yells.  _ Who are you? _

“Skaikru. Ste lufa osir kru au,” Octavia calls back.  _ Skaikru. Looking for our people. _

The rider turns to the one behind him.

“Ste lufa Wanheda au,” he says.  _ Looking for Wanheda.  _

“They think we're looking for Wanheda,” I tell the others.

“Who's that?”

“I don't know.”

One of the riders dismounts and comes towards us. 

“The light. That's the beacon.” Monty points at a flashing red light on the riders coat. 

Jasper pushes past me and walks up to the riders. They raise their bows, strings tight. I lunge to grab him, but he pulls away.

“I got this,” he mumbles, staggering towards the riders. 

“Tell them we observe the commander's truce, do it now!” Bellamy yells. 

“Osir gouba ogonzaun kom Heda in!” Octavia cries. It doesn’t help. Jasper grabs the beacon off the rider’s coat.

“This belongs to us.” He turns to walk away, but the rider grabs him and pulls him back, holding a knife to Jasper’s throat.

“Weron Wanheda kamp raun?” the rider demands. 

“Breik em au!” Bellamy yells back.  _ Let him go! _

“Nou! Osir nou get in chon daunde bilaik! Beja!”  _ No! We don't know who that is! Please! _

Knife pressed to his throat, Jasper is grinning. Smiling like the Cheshire Cat.

“Yo vout in dison ste leyos?” the rider challenges.  _ You think this is funny? _

The knife slides across Jasper’s throat. 

Three rounds, three hits. The riders fall. 

“Hold your fire!” I scream, but it’s too late. When one of the riders staggers to his feet, Octavia sends her sword flying into his chest. 

Damn it. Goodbye, three months of peace. 

“Rover 1, come in,” the radio crackles. “Repeat, Rover 1, come in. Where are you?” Bellamy goes to answer it while I run to Jasper. 

“I had him,” he mumbles. 

“What the hell were you thinking?” I check his neck. Not too deep. Octavia tosses me a strip of fabric. I wrap it around the wound, staunching the blood flow.

“We got the beacon, didn't we?”

“But where did they get it?” Monty asks no one in particular. I shake my head. 

“He needs to get to medical.” Bellamy comes back out of the Rover, looking even more pissed. 

“Take him home!” he yells.

“I'm fine, thank you for asking.”

“Miller!” I call. “Get one of their horses. Raven, you're on the back. Monty and I will go with Bellamy.”

I drive this time. Bellamy rides shotgun with Monty in the back, fiddling with the beacon. Sector 4 isn’t a long drive from 8, but it feels like a million years of silence. We pull up to the tunnel that marks the entrance to 4 finally. 

“You were right about Jasper. Okay? Is that what you want me to say?” Monty says as we walk through the tunnel. 

“Quiet. Keep your eyes peeled. I could've said no.”

“He's getting worse isn't he? I mean getting drunk every night is one thing, but smiling with a knife to your throat? That's next level damaged.” We’re saved from a conversation detailing Jasper’s mental state by Kane walking towards us.

“Who’s he with?” Monty asks. I squint to see the figure behind Kane.

“Indra.”

“That’s Indra?”

“He must have told her we broke the truce.” We walk forward to meet them Bellamy’s already explaining. “Sir, before you say anything there was a good reason-” Kane raises a hand.

“We’ll deal with that later. This is about Clarke.” 

Oh. 

That’s big. 

“What about her?” I ask, louder than I meant to.

“She’s being hunted,” Indra tells us. Of course she is.

“By who?”

“By everyone.”

What the hell did she do now?

We pack back into the Rover, this time joined by Indra and Kane. I’m jittery and anxious, bouncing my leg, picking my skin, a habit I picked up to distract myself after the mountain. Bellamy puts a hand over both of mine, stopping me. I look up at him. Where I’m all nervous movement, he’s tense and still, a coiled spring.

“Sir, we're almost out of range. Are you sure you don't want to tell the chancellor?” Monty asks from the driver’s seat. 

“I'm sure. I don't want to worry Abby until we know something.”

“We know there's a kill order,” Bellamy says tersely. “Your people are big on those.”

“Bell,” I say quietly. He’s too aggressive, just like with Lincoln. Neither of us are diplomats, but he’s worse. 

“It's not a kill order,” Indra replies coldly. “It's a bounty. Clarke's a symbol. She's known as Wanheda. The Commander of Death.” Something hits me as she says that. 

“The Ice Nation riders asked about Wanheda. What do they want with Clarke?”

“My people believe that when you kill someone you get their power. Kill Wanheda and you command death.”

“She's just one girl,” Kane reasons. 

“So was the commander. What Clarke did at Mount Weather weakened her. The Ice Nation is emboldened. Their queen wants Clarke's power. If her people believe she has it, she'll break the coalition and start a war. I can't let that happen.” I have about a hundred more questions, but Monty cuts them off. 

“Welcome to Sector 7. Where to now?”

“If she's here, she'll need supplies. We'll start at the trading posts.”

Night falls and we’re still driving. I let my head drop to Bellamy’s shoulder but I won’t have any trouble staying awake. He know that too when he slips his arm around me and pushes a few strands of hair away from my face. I’m almost starting to relax when Monty slams on the brakes, sending me sliding off Bellamy’s shoulders. I would have slammed into the seat if he hadn’t caught me. 

“Monty, what the hell?” he demands, pulling me back into my seat. 

“See for yourself,” Monty retorts. I peer through the windshield. A tree. “We have to move it.”

“Wait,” Indra orders. “It's been cut down.”

“You don't know that,” Bellamy says. He stands up and sticks his head through the top of the Rover, scanning the area with his gun. As he does, I hear a creaking noise. He drops back down as another tree lands behind us. 

“Now we do.”

Great. Just great. 


	31. Season 3, Episode 2: Wanheda, Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: blood, stabbing, kidnapping, angst
> 
> word count: 2957

We stay in the Rover overnight. There’s no plan, no big idea, but anything we can do, we’ll do better in daylight. Monty and Kane doze off first, and eventually Bellamy follows, his head resting on my shoulder. I can’t help but smile a little.

“You are strong,” Indra says, startling me a bit. “I know you were in the mountain as well. You did well.” The smile fades from my face at the mention of the mountain.

“I just did what I had to.” 

“You would be a better warrior without him,” she says, nodding to Bellamy. That one makes me angry.

“Why? You think he makes me weak?”

“You would give yourself for him. That is weakness.”

“No, it’s not,” I shake my head. “It’s strength. Because I would kill anyone stupid enough to put themselves in between him and I. Your people see love as an opportunity to fail, I see it as a way to strengthen your allies. Love is the only force that doesn’t allow surrender.” Indra regards me silently for a moment before speaking.

“Only those who are in love defend it so wholeheartedly,” she says finally. I have nothing to say to that, so I don’t respond. Indra doesn’t press the issue. 

Daylight comes slowly, leaking light in through the windows. Bellamy stirs when the light hits his face, eye flicking open and immediately squinting closed again. I smile softly at him.

“Good nap?” I tease.

“Fantastic,” he deadpans. “It’s been hours. What are they waiting for?”

“Even with the light, I don’t see anyone,” Kane says, peering out the window. 

“I say we make a run for it,” Monty says. 

“No,” Kane shakes his head. “That’s what they want us to do.”

“The boy is right. They can wait longer than we can.” I’m surprised that Indra agrees with one of us on anything. Kane sighs. 

“Okay. Cam, you get in the turret and you cover us. Once we get to that ridge over there, we’ll cover you.”

“No, I’ll cover,” Bellamy protests.

“Cam is smaller, she’ll be harder to spot,” Kane says.

“But-”

“That’s an order.” His tone changed quickly from friendly to commanding. Bellamy doesn’t say anything else, but I know he’s not happy. 

“Copy that,” I say lightly, trying to diffuse the tension. “Run fast.”

I grab my gun and pop up through the turret, about to scan the area quickly before they run. An arm wraps around my neck immediately. I have two choices: fight or surrender. The first one is the one that’s most likely to get me out of here, but they would kill Bellamy. I can’t let that happen. I lift my hands and let my rifle drop to the roof of the Rover.

“Everybody out or she dies,” the owner of the arm yells. He yanks me out of the Rover and pushes me to the ground, arms behind my back. 

“What?” Bellamy yells from inside the Rover. Seconds later, he’s out and running towards me, but he gets caught and slammed into the ground a few yards away from me. The rest of our party faces similar situations. I see Monty out of the corner of my eye.

“Get the hell off of her!” Bellamy’s fighting the people holding him down, but there’s too many of them. 

“All targets secure,” says one of the other attackers, a woman’s voice this time. A few more people come forward and haul Monty to his feet. One grabs the beacon. 

“Found it.”

“It’s mine. Give it back!” Monty cries. 

“Monty, let it go!” I call from the ground. 

“Monty?” the woman says. I struggle to look up. How does she know his name? Monty stops struggling.

“Mom?”

The woman pulls off her mask, revealing a woman who bears a striking resemblance to Monty. What the hell is happening?

“I knew it.” She runs forward and hugs Monty. I look over at Bellamy, who looks about as confused as I am. 

“Farm station stand down,” orders the man who grabbed me. 

“Pike?” Kane asks, his voice disbelieving. The man takes off his mask, dramatically revealing himself as Charles Pike, the man who taught Earth Skills on the Ark. He helps Kane up and hugs him. 

“You have no idea how good it is to see you.”

“We didn’t think you made it!”

“Lacroix, Smith, watch our six,” Pike orders. “Everyone else, I said stand down.” The guards who pinned us finally step back. I jump to my fett, but not as quickly as Bellamy, who is already running towards me when I stand up. He has an arm around my waist and a hand brushing my hair out of my face as soon as he reaches me. 

“You okay?” he breathes.

“As long as you are,” I respond with a smile. He smiles back and presses his forehead to mine for a moment before stepping back. His arm stays on my waist. 

“How many of you are there?” Kane asks. 

“Sixty-three. The rest are camped in the mountains north of here. Grounder killers one and all, am I right?” The group cheers. I look at Bellamy nervously. That’s not good. I step forward to Kane and Pike.

“Sorry to cut this short, but we need to find Clarke.” 

“Clarke Griffin?” Pike asks. I nod. “If only all of my earth skills students were as good as her.” He grins at Bellamy and I. 

“It’s good to see you, sir,” Bellamy says, shaking his hand.

“You too,” Pike replies. “And you, Cam. We’ve missed you.” Bellamy looks at me oddly. I realize I never told him that I’m from Farm Station. These people are from my home. 

“I’m glad you made it.” I really am. 

“Okay, move the tree,” Kane orders. 

“Help them,” Pike calls. His people follow Bellamy, Monty, and I up to the fallen tree. 

“My dad didn’t make it,” Monty says quietly. His voice wavers slightly.

“I’m so sorry, Monty,” I say, unsure of what else to do. 

“You okay?” Bellamy asks.

“I have to be.”

The tree is fractured from the fall, so after a few seconds of hard pushing and bark scraping my palms, it falls apart. I push stray pieces out of the road easily, and our path is clear again. 

“Kane, it’s time to go,” Bellamy calls, taking my hand and walking back up to Kane and Pike. 

“Monty, give them the coordinates to Arkadia,” Kane says. He turns back to Pike. “We have a settlement fifty miles south of here. Your people will be safe there.”

“You’re my people,” Pike says with a smile. 

“Good. Because we have reports that put Clarke north of here. We could certainly use your expertise.”

“If she’s in the Ice Nation, you’re gonna need more than that,” Monty’s mother cuts in. 

“We leave no one behind,” Pike says sternly. He starts giving orders to the rest of his team. I look up at Bellamy. 

“I don’t like this,” I whisper. “He’s a threat to the truce.”

“Kane won’t let him get out of hand,” Bellamy says. He sounds like he’s trying to convince himself as much as me.

Indra tells us once more that we should check the trading posts, so we do. I drive this time, with Bellamy in shotgun, so Monty can sit in the back and keep an eye on his mother. I know the feeling of getting someone back after you thought you lost them. You’ll do anything to keep them this time. 

I pull up at the trading post and grab my rifle. If Clarke is here, it’s a good bet that Azgeda isn’t far behind. Bellamy and I go first, with the rest flanking us or taking up the rear. Pike and Indra stay on opposite sides. I gently push the door open.

A man and a woman are fighting. The man has the advantage. He flings the woman to the ground and pulls out a knife, yelling something I don’t quite catch in Trigedasleng. Bellamy fires a round and the man falls to the ground. The woman looks back at us, surprised, before scrambling to her feet and backing away. 

“Are you okay? You all right?” Bellamy asks, walking towards her. She just backs up more. I grab Bellamy’s arm and pull him back before dropping my rifle and lifting my hands. 

“Yu laik laksen?” I ask gently.  _ Are you hurt?  _ The woman shakes her head slowly. 

“Bounty hunter,” Indra says coldly, looking at the man’s body. She turns to the woman. “Yu hon yu in osir sisplei.”  _ We’re here to help. _

“English!” Pike yells, startling me. I turn and glare at him, about to tell him that he isn’t helping, but Kane beats me to it.

“Pike, go outside. Take Monty and Hannah, search the perimeter. Make sure he was alone.” After a moment of hesitation, Pike obeys, thankfully. I turn back to the woman. 

“Chit ste yu tagon?” I ask her.  _ What’s your name? _

“Niylah,” she says softly.

“Niylah, osir ste lufa Wanheda au.”  _ Niylah, we’re looking for Wanheda. _

“So was he,” Niylah points to the man. I’m relieved that I don’t have to speak Trigedasleng anymore.

“She’s our friend, and she’s in danger. Please.” The woman hesitates. 

“You’re Skaikru?” I nod. “She was here last night.”

“Did she say where she was going?” Kane asks hopefully. 

“She was here when I fell asleep and gone when I woke up.”

“Did she give you any indication of where she might go?”

“No. But he did.” Niylah looks at the man on the floor. “He said that his partner came back for her. He was Ice Nation. I hope you find her.”

“Thank you,” I say sincerely. Just then, Monty comes back in.

“Good news. I found fresh tracks.”

“Great, start the rover,” Bellamy says. 

“That’s the bad news. Too many trees. We have to go on foot.”

We begin the hike through the forest. Monty goes in front, carefully following the tracks, and the rest of us follow. Indra insists on taking the rear since Pike is so close to the front, so Bellamy and I end up sandwiched in the middle. I prefer the front of the back. More places to run. I’m on edge the entire time, jumping at every little sound. The idea of Clarke being executed by Azgeda is an unpleasant one, but it’s made even worse by the threat of war. War means casualties. Casualties means losing more of my friends. 

The forest opens up into a large field. That’s where Monty loses the trail. We spread out, scanning the area for any signs of a struggle. 

“I’ve got a question,” Pike says, catching up to Bellamy and I. “Last report we got on the Ark, you were under attack by Grounders. What changed?” I stay silent. This is my least favorite topic. Bellamy knows, and he’ll do the talking. 

“Turns out we had a common enemy.”

“What happened to them?”

“We won.” An understatement. Fortunately, we’re saved from further questioning.

“Quiet,” Indra commands. “Listen.” A pounding, rhythmic and haunting. Like what we heard at the dropship the night of the attack. 

“War drums,” Kane realizes.

“Azgeda,” Indra hisses.

“You can tell it’s Ice Nation from the sound?” asks Monty.

“No. From them.” I look where Indra’s pointing. Two bodies. White war paint. 

“We need to get those bodies off the field unless you’re good with them thinking we did this,” Pike says, running forward. 

“Go. Hurry.” Kane, Bellamy, and I stay back, covering with our rifles.

“Wait. two people at twelve o clock,” Bellamy says. I look through my scope. An Ice Nation man and a girl. Blonde hair. She turns ever so slightly and I get a glimpse of her face.

“It’s Clarke,” I cry. Bellamy and I run forward together. Pike steps in front of us.

“Get out of the way!” Bellamy yells.

“You’ll never make it in time,” Pike insists.

“Watch me.” I shove past him and sprint across the field. They won’t follow me. No sense in losing more people. I don’t intend to be lost, though. I keep my head down, using the tall grass as camo. The two figures retreat into the woods. I follow them from a distance, hiding behind trees amd bushes. The Ice Nation kidnapper pulls out a book at one point, studies it, and shoves it back in his pocket before pulling Clarke towards a set of stairs that lead underground. They descend quickly. I wait for a count of 10 before following them, rifle up. I’m getting Clarke back. 

I slip down the stairs and pause to listen when I hear talking. 

“I know you took the coward’s way out,” the man says. 

“Like you’re so different.” Clarke. She alive, and she’s conscious. “You’re in disguise, same as me. You’re on the run, same as me. In the wilderness, same as me.”

“I was banished. Nothing like you. You had a choice. And no, I can’t take you home to your people because you’re the way back home to mine.”

I come around the corner then, my rifle up.

“I guess you’ll have to wait a little longer for the way home then,” I say. He turns around and I get a good look at his face for the first time. Brands mark the side of his face. His hair is long, falling around his shoulder. There’s a large cut on his side. I assume that was Clarke.

“Cam?” Clarke asks, shocked.

“Let her go,” I say steadily. The man chuckles.

“I’m afraid I can’t do that.” 

“I won’t ask again.” The man lunges at me before I can fire and yanks the rifle from my hands, flinging it to the side. He grabs my arms and has them twisted behind my back and is tying them before I can even register what’s happening.

“You were in the mountain too,” the man says. “But you fell into the shadows while Wanheda got all the glory. We have a word for people like you. Trikovaripa.”  _ Killer from the Shadows. _

The man ties me to a post next to Clarke’s and goes back to tending his fire. I fiddle with my bindings, but I can’t untie them from here. 

“You shouldn’t have come,” Clarke says. I look over at her, disbelieving. 

“I was trying to save your life. If you die, the truce dies.”

“What do you mean?” She doesn’t know.

“The Ice Queen thinks she can kill you to inherit your power. Once she does, she’s declaring war on Lexa.”

A rustling behind us makes me jump. Footsteps. They’re coming from the entrance, not from the side where Roan is. Someone found us. The someone kneels in front of me. 

Bellamy. 

“I’ll get you out of here,” he says softly, cutting the ropes that bind my hands. A figure behind him appears. I grab him and pull him to the side, just barely missing the sword that the Ice Nation man brings down. He can’t kill Bellamy from this position, so he settles for grabbing me and putting his sword to my throat, pulling me away.

“No, please, please don’t. I’ll do anything, I’ll stop fighting. Just let them go. Your queen only wants me, let them go,” Clarke pleads. The man pauses, thinking her offer through, before taking the sword from my neck and stabbing it into Bellamy’s leg. 

“No!” I scream as Bellamy yells in pain. 

“Don’t follow us,” the man says gruffly. He slams the butt of the sword into my head and everything goes black. 

I wake up with my hands and legs tied, under a tree. My first thought is to look for Bellamy, but he’s nowhere to be seen. Why am I here? Where is he? I must be a distraction from Clarke. The man who kidnapped her must have realized that Bellamy will look for me first. So that means I have to find him soon. I can’t stand up with my legs tied. That doesn’t stop me from trying, and then hitting my already pounding head into the tree. Ouch. I manage to flip onto my stomach and elbow crawl a few feet, but it takes an enormous amount of energy and I’ve barely moved. I’m stuck here.

And then I hear voices. Bellamy’s voice. 

I throw myself into movement, dragging my body along the ground, trying to reach him. The voices get clearer.

“-your leg. You could die out here. We have no trail.” That’s Monty. They found Bellamy. 

“I won’t lose Camellia!” Bellamy yells. “I- I can’t lose her.” If I can hear him, he can hear me.

“Bellamy!” I call as loud as I can. “Bellamy, I’m here!” 

“Camellia? I’m coming!” 

Twigs snap under heavy footsteps. They sound uneven. His leg. He must be limping. I pray silently to anyone who could be listening that he isn’t hurt too badly. 

Bellamy comes into view first, with the rest of the group a few seconds behind. He stumbles over to me and falls to the ground, pulling off my restraints and hugging me tightly. I hug him back, flinging my arms around his neck. He’s shaking and so am I. 

“I love you,” he whispers into my hair. I freeze for a second before pulling back to look him in the eyes.

“Say that again,” I command. 

“I love you, Camellia.” He barely gets the words out before I kiss him, closing the distance again as quickly as possible. One of his hands presses into the small of my back, pulling me ever closer to him. I break the kiss and lean my forehead on his, brushing the tips of our noses.

“I love you, too.”


	32. Season 3, Episode 3: Ye Who Enter Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: some spice but no explicit smut, angst, death
> 
> word count: 4610

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the fluff in this is my gift to you to atone for the next few chapters.

Bellamy goes into surgery as soon as we get home. His leg is bad, and he only made it worse walking on it. I alternate between sitting and pacing outside of medbay, waiting for Jackson to come get me. He promised he would. It was the only way I consented to let him check on me and clean up the wound on the side of my head. He also insisted that I wash up and change clothes, since I was covered in both my blood and Bellamy’s. 

Finally, after what feels like hours, the door opens and Jackson comes out. 

“He’s asleep right now, but you can go sit with him.”

“How is he?” I ask nervously.

“It wasn’t too bad. He won’t even need crutches,” Jackson reassures me. I sigh in relief.

“Thank you.”

I sit gingerly next to Bellamy’s bed and take his hand. He’s still dressed in Grounder clothes. I grabbed his jacket while I was changing, but I didn’t think to bring anything else. Oh, well. Even in Grounder clothes, he looks at peace right now. I can’t help but smile a little bit, and I take the time to study him, engrain his image in my head. His freckles, his curly hair, the dimple on his chin, the crook of his cupid’s bow. My pretty boy. As I’m looking, his eyes flicker open. He smiles slightly when he sees me.

“Hey,” I say softly. “How do you feel?”

“Like I got stabbed,” he says with a groan as he tried to sit up. I push him back down.

“Nope, you’re on strict bedrest.” He huffs at me but obeys, laying back down.

“Your hair’s down,” he notes. I laugh a little bit.

“Courtesy of Jackson, who wanted to take a look at my head.” Bellamy nods a little bit but doesn’t speak. He’s examining me, studying me like I was him a few moments ago.

“Can I ask you a question?” he says finally.

“Of course.”

“You’re from Farm Station, aren’t you?” My smile fades a little bit. I nod wordlessly. “You didn’t ask Pike about your parents. Why not?” The question I was dreading. I take a deep breath.

“Because I knew they wouldn’t be here. My dad, he had lung cancer. It caused him a lot of pain, and I was locked up for stealing extra morphine for him. He knew it was stolen and he took it anyway, so they floated him. And my mom…” I falter a little bit before steeling myself. “My mom married my dad really young. Both of her parents died a few years after I was born, so we were all she had. She killed herself after one week of me being in lockup. Couldn’t take the loneliness.” I stop there because the lump in my throat is threatening to break free and I really, really don’t want to cry right now. I don’t look at Bellamy, afraid that he’ll realize that I killed both my parents. Who wants to love someone like that?

“My mother was floated for having Octavia,” Bellamy says quietly. “But it was my fault she was found out.” I look up then, tears in my eyes. How could it be his fault? “I wanted Octavia to see the Ark, to live outside of our room. So I gave her a mask, and I sent her to a party. And they found her. They locked her up and they floated my mother and it was my fault.”

“No, Bellamy, no, no, no,” I whisper. “It wasn’t your fault. You were trying to help Octavia, like always.”

“And you were trying to help your father, but you blame yourself too, don’t you?” That breaks me down. I let out the sob that had been fighting to escape. Bellamy tugs on my hand and pulls me into the bed with him, wrapping his arms around me. I bury my face in his chest and let myself cry for my parents for the first time in years. 

“It wasn’t your fault,” he whispers, over and over again, stroking my back. I collect myself and take a deep breath before looking up at him. There are tears rolling down his cheeks as well. I kiss each one of them away before pressing my lips to his, salt meeting skin. 

“It wasn’t yours either,” I tell him. He nods a little bit and pulls me back to his chest.

Bellamy and I both doze off there. I’m not sure how long we sleep, but it’s still light out when Kane comes to wake us up.

“I’m sorry to wake you, but I’ve got news. Tomorrow, we’re having a summit to discuss Clarke and Lincoln, as well as trade routes and such. I’m sending you two on a trip to Mt. Weather for a supply run, as well as checking on the Farm Station people who’ve moved in.”

“You let them move in?” I demand.

“It was Abby’s decision,” he replies, and I know he’s unhappy about it as well.

“Why can’t we go to the summit? We should be there for Clarke,” Bellamy starts to argue.

“I’m not sending you there with your leg. Besides, after the stunt you pulled yesterday, I don’t exactly trust you where Clarke’s involved.” I sigh. He’s got a point. 

“Alright. What are the mission details?”

“You’re escorting Raven and Sinclair, who are working on the power. Gina and Octavia are going with you as well. Prioritize food and med supplies.”

“When do we leave?”

“Tomorrow morning to allow you time to rest. You’re both excused from your duties today.”

“Copy that, sir,” I say. Kane nods and leaves the room. I turn back to Bellamy and push some curls off his forehead. 

“Do you wanna get back to our room and get changed?” I ask gently. 

“Sure, princess,” he says with a smile. I clamber out of the bed, my stiff joints cracking angrily, and offer Bellamy an arm. He grunts in pain when he first puts weight on his leg, but after a few steps, he’s hardly leaning on me. I still insist that he keeps an arm around my shoulder while we walk, just in case he’s lying, but he seems relatively fine and we make it to our room without any issues. I make him sit down while I get a cloth to wash the cuts on his face and chest. The wound on his leg is stitched and bandaged, so I leave it alone. 

Bellamy smiles at me the entire time I’m cleaning him up. Slowly, the blood disappears from his face. When I move to the cut on his chest, his hands start to roam, innocently at first. Brushing over my spine, stopping for a moment at the small of my back to pull me closer, down my hips, my thighs. Fingertips ghosting over my body. 

“You’re not helping my concentration,” I tell him in mock annoyance. He smirks and takes the cloth out of my hands. I sigh in exasperation.

“I’m fine,” he assures me, going back to his movements. As he does, his head drops to my neck, kissing under my jaw. “I missed you,” he murmurs against my skin, making me shiver.

“You’re supposed to be resting,” I mumble. He chuckles.

“You can do the work if you’d like,” he teases. 

“You’re impossible,” I tell him, right before I catch his lips on mine and lean him back onto the bed. 

Later I roll off of him, panting, after I did indeed do most of the work. Bellamy props himself up on a pillow and plants kisses all over my face, making me giggle. He pauses on my lips and kisses me, long and sweet. 

“I love you,” he whispers, still so close to me that our lips brush as he speaks.

“I love you, Bellamy Blake,” I whisper back with a smile. He kisses me again. 

We spend most of the day in our room, enjoying each other’s company. Bellamy reads me a few chapters of  _ The Iliad _ , pausing here and there to tell me an anecdote about his childhood. In the evening, we finally get fully dressed and venture outside our room. Bellamy has the bright idea to take a blanket and eat our dinner outside so we can watch the stars come out. It’s cute and romantic, until it rains. We come running inside, laughing our asses off, and finish our soggy dinner in one of the few rooms that has a window. When we get back to our room, he smirks mischievously.

“We should probably get out of these wet clothes, huh?”

“You’re an idiot,” I say with an exaggerated eye roll. He grabs my hips and kisses me.

“You know you love me,” he teases.

“Lucky you.” His expression turns more serious for a moment.

“Lucky doesn’t even begin to cover it.” I could melt right there, but instead I pull him back down for another kiss. 

After an,  _ ahem _ , eventful night, we fall asleep entangled in each other’s arms. I sleep peacefully for a change, not waking up once. It’s a welcome relief. I actually wake up feeling good for once, especially when my eyes open to reveal a fast asleep Bellamy next to me. He looks so content, a small smile on his face, and if it were possible, I think I’d fall more in love with him. I look at him for a moment longer before sitting up and looking at his watch. 8:00 on the dot. We overslept. I sigh and run my hand through my hair. I don’t dare put it in a ponytail, because I know Bellamy will sulk until I let him do my braid. Instead, I let it hang loose as I gingerly get out of bed and grab some clothes. I won’t wake Bellamy until I have to. 

He wakes up on his own as I pulling on my boots and grabbing my knife. He also happens to wake up pouting because I’m not cuddling with him. 

“Why’d you move?” he asks with an exaggerated pout. I get to my feet and kiss his bottom lip.

“Because,” I punctuate it with another kiss, “we have a mission.” He groans and rubs his eyes.

“I’m supposed to be resting,” he argues, which makes me laugh.

“That’s not the position you took yesterday.” He smirks at that.

“Fine, fine, I’m getting up.” 

He doesn’t actually get up for several minutes. In fact, I get all of my stuff together and in my pack before he even moves. That’s when I pull the blankets off him and threaten to dump cold water on him if he doesn’t get moving. He scrambles to his feet at that and grabs my waist, lifting me up and tossing me on the bed before jumping on top of me.

“Bellamy!” I yell through bouts of laughter. “Get off, you’re heavy!” He props himself up on his elbows but doesn’t get up.

“What’s the magic word?” he teases. 

“The magic word is do what your girlfriend says if you know what’s good for you,” I fire back, trying to look angry but failing entirely.

“Fine, but only because I like calling you my girlfriend.” He hops up and heads to go get dressed finally. After a few moments, he returns to the bed and tugs me into his lap, pulling all my hair back so he can braid it. I sigh happily, kicking my feet like a little kid. 

“Your hair’s a mess,” he complains.

“Whose fault is that?” I tease. That makes him laugh.

“Mine, and I’m proud of it.”

“Then stop complaining.”

When he’s done, he presses a kiss to my cheek, which makes me giggle, and moves me off his lap so he can stand up. 

“While you were laying around, I packed your stuff too,” I say, pointing to both of our packs in the corner. 

“What would I do without you?” He grabs both of our bags and slings them easily over his shoulder before offering me his hand. I link my fingers through his, and we head out together. 

Gina, Raven, and Octavia are waiting by the Rover when we arrive. The suspicious looks and smug grins make me blush bright red. 

“Fun night?” Raven asks slyly.

“Shut up,” I tell her, willing my face to turn back to its normal shade. I don’t think it works, judging by the way that Gina is barely stifling snorts of laughter and Octavia looks positively revolted.

“Bellamy and Cam, sittin’ in a tree,” Raven sings obnoxiously. Gina joins in, purposefully out of tune. I studiously avoid looking Bellamy in the eye, because I know that would make the blush 1000 times worse. Instead, I grab my rifle and climb into the Rover. Bellamy follows me and leans back, tossing an arm around my shoulders.

“You look entirely too pleased with yourself,” I tell him. He leans in close enough that his lips brush my ear.

“I like them knowing that you’re mine,” he whispers in a deep, gravelly voice that sends shivers down my spine. 

“Get a room!” Octavia yells.

Raven drives with Gina in shotgun. Octavia has deigned to ride in the Rover with us rather than on Helios, so she’s in the back with Bellamy and I. Thankfully, Raven and Gina got bored with teasing us and have moved on to exchanging stories about the Ark. They’re entertaining at least. As we reach Mt. Weather, Gina is detailing the time she caught Jasper and Monty stealing some “medicinal” herbs. I’d been in good spirits for the drive, but once the mountain comes into view I sober up. I hate this place. 

“I knew I should've taken my horse,” Octavia says as she stretches her legs. I follow her lead, leaning a bit to loosen up. As much as I love the Rover, it’s a little cramped.

“You guys, did I ever tell you how I saved Sinclair's ass on the Ark?” Raven asks as we go inside. She dives into the story with Gina. I fall a few steps back. Bellamy takes my hand.

“We’ll be in and out as quick as we can,” he says softly. “I promise.” I try to give him a smile as I nod, but it’s apparently not very convincing. Bellamy cups my face with his free hand, the way he does when he knows I’m nervous. He kisses the tip of my nose in an attempt to get a real smile out of me. It works. 

“I love you,” I tell him. He smiles and kisses my forehead.

“I love you too, princess.”

Bellamy keeps a solid grip on my hand as we walk, brushing his thumb back and forth to ground me. I hear a faint noise that gets louder and more distinct as we get closer to the dining hall. Voices and laughter. When we reach the hall, I’m taken aback. The last time I was here, it was full of bodies. Now, it’s full of lively people, smiling and laughing and passing food around. Do they know what happened here? Do they care? 

Pike stands up and waves at us before coming over. He looks like he’s in a great mood. 

“Welcome,” he says, like it’s his home. “Come. Join us.”

“Wow, you’ve really made yourselves at home,” I say with forced lightness. 

“There must be 30 of them here,” Octavia says behind me.

“36, but the more, the merrier.”

“36? Wow. The Grounders are gonna think we moved in.” Oh, she’s pissed. I am too, but I hope I’m doing a better job of hiding it. 

“Well, there was no room at the inn,” Pike says, his smile looking less genuine now. 

“And this is your option?”

“O,” Bellamy chides. 

“I'm out of here.” I hear her footsteps retreat. 

“Spirited,” Pike says. I glare at him for a moment before looking at Bellamy.

“I’ll go after her,” I tell him. 

“Okay. I’ll be right out.” He squeezes my hand before letting it go. I turn and jog towards the nearest exit, where I’m pretty sure I’ll find Octavia. Sure enough, I walk out into a field of wild flowers and see her sitting on the roof above the door. There’s a ladder on the side. I climb up and sit next to her gingerly.

“You okay?” I ask. Stupid question, but I don’t know what else to say.

“This is such a mistake. The Grounders will never accept it,” she says instead of answering me.

“I know. I don’t agree with it either. Abby’s worried about Clarke and she’s not making good decisions.” The door opens below us and Bellamy comes out. He looks around for a minute before he notices us and climbs the ladder, settling on the other side of Octavia.

“I know you’re mad, O, but we're not the Mountain Men. Nyko and Lincoln will make them see that,” he says. 

“How? Lincoln has a kill order on him. He can't even leave camp without risking his life.”

“The summit will take care of that.”

“Then we can finally get out of here.” Bellamy tenses when she says that. I want to go to him, but I’m not a part of this conversation. 

“I'm sorry, Bell. I don't fit in here,” Octavia says sadly. 

“If you need to leave, I get that, but you'll always fit in with me.”

Before anyone can say anything else, there’s movement on the tree line. Two guards walk into view with a woman propped in between them.

“Echo?” I climb down the ladder quickly and run over to the guards. It’s her. “Let her go!” I yell. 

“Cam!” she cries. 

“She threatened the summit,” one of the guards says. 

“I was trying to help,” Echo insists. 

“Shut up,” the guard says gruffly. 

“I said let her go,” I say. Octavia cuts the ropes on Echo’s wrists. 

“What are you doing? She's a Grounder.” I ignore him. 

“What are you talking about?” Bellamy asks, having caught up and heard everything. 

“The summit's a trap. The assassin is already there. By sundown, your people will die.”

We finally get the guards to let Echo go and bring her inside. Pike starts to yell at us before we fill him in. Then he sits Echo down at a table and starts berating her with questions.

“I was with the queen's army heading toward Polis. The war chief talks too loud,” Echo is explaining for the third time. 

“You're one of them, so what are you telling us this?” Pike asks (for the third time.)

“We abandoned Skaikru in the battle for the Mountain. It was wrong.”

“Pike, we’re wasting time,” I interrupt. He ignores me. 

“And won't they miss you?” he asks Echo. 

“Maybe. That's why we need to hurry.”

“Pike, she saved my life. We can trust her,” Bellamy insists. Pike considers for a moment before nodding. That’s all the permission I need.

“Listen up. If we want to get to Polis before the attack, we have to move,” I declare, looking around at our people. “Bellamy, Octavia, Echo, and I will go. Everyone else will stay here.”

“I’m coming too,” Pike insists. I sigh but I know I can’t stop him. He turns to Sinclair. “They may already be dead, for all we know, and if they are, we need to be ready to respond.”

“Don't make this about the missiles,” Sinclair says exasperatedly. I glance at Bellamy. If Pike has missiles, then we’re all screwed. 

“This is about survival. We don't have the numbers, but the missiles in this mountain even the playing field, and you know I'm right.”

“Even if I did agree with you, we still don't have the launch codes.” Thank God. I step in hastily.

“We’re leaving in five minutes. Gather your stuff and meet us at the Rover,” I tell Pike. He nods and goes back to badgering Sinclair. 

Bellamy and I go back outside to start up the Rover. As glad as I am to be leaving the mountain, I’ve got a really bad feeling about this. 

“I don’t trust Lexa,” I tell Bellamy.

“Neither do I, but if she wanted to kill our people, she wouldn’t have brought them all to Polis. She would have picked them off separately.” I try my best to believe him.

I drive since Raven isn’t coming. Bellamy sits next to me in shotgun. He puts his hand on my thigh and keeps it there. It’s not sexual, it’s simply to reassure me that he’s here, he’s with me. I’m grateful for it. 

At the Polis city limits, a large truck blocks the road. It must be the truck that Kane and Abby took to get here. I climb out of the Rover and scan the area through my scope.

“Where are the guards? Protocol would be to leave someone behind,” Bellamy notices. 

“They did.” Octavia points to the driver’s seat of the truck. Two guards, their throats slit. 

“This was your people,” Pike yells at Echo. 

“Jok yu!” Echo yells back. I don’t recognize that phrase, but I get the basic idea based on Echo’s expression and the way she spits the words out. 

“Hey, she warned us,” Octavia says. “This proves she was telling the truth.”

“We don't have time for this. The attack is at sundown,” Bellamy says. I look at the signs marking the city limits. I know a few of the words, enough to figure out what it’s saying.  _ No weapons.  _ I translate it out loud.

“I'm not leaving my blade here,” Octavia says. 

“None of us are. We go in through the tunnels. The entrance is this way.” Echo walks off to the side. 

The tunnels remind me of the Reaper tunnels. I shiver when we first step in. Bellamy can’t keep a reassuring hand on me now, since we’re both on lookout with our rifles, and I’m all the worse for it. Every movement, every tiny sound, I expect Reapers to jump out and drag me into a new mountain, full of new terrors. 

“How much further?” Bellamy asks. 

“We're almost there. The elevator shaft is just ahead.” Echo points at a nearing corner. When we reach it, I flatten myself against the wall and peer around.

“Two guards,” I whisper. 

“They raise the lift,” Echo informs us. “The elevator shaft is our only way in. We have to climb.” I sigh. Always climbing. Pike looks around me at the guards. 

“I got left,” he says.

“What?” I ask a moment too late. He’s already charged around the corner. Bellamy swears under his breath and follows. Two shots and I know the guards are down. 

“What is wrong with you? You didn't have to kill them,” Octavia says angrily.

“Yeah, I did,” Bellamy insists. “How many floors?” he asks Echo.

“All of them.”

“Great,” I grumble, grabbing onto the first rung of the ladder.

Let me tell you something fun about the tower in Polis: it has a lot of floors. Like, a  _ lot _ of floors. So many floors that when I reach the top, my arms feel like jelly and I’ve probably bruised the arches of my feet on the rungs of the ladder. When I heave myself over the top, I roll onto my side and take a few deep breaths of air into my stinging lungs before I get to my feet. Bellamy comes up next. Once everyone’s over the top, I wave them forward. 

We very dramatically bust through the doors. Lexa is at the front of the room. She jumps when we come in, which I can’t blame her for. I look around the room, scanning for Clarke and our people. I find them at the side. Clarke is dressed like a Grounder, wearing a fancy corseted dress and war paint, her hair up in braids. Abby and Kane stand at her sides.

“Bellamy? Cam?” Clarke gasps. 

“What is the meaning of this?” demands a man wearing a long cloak. There are tattoos on his bald head, which I imagine were very painful to receive. 

“The summit's a trap. We need to get you out of here,” Bellamy says firmly. Clarke turns to Lexa. 

“What the hell is going on?”

“I don't know,” Lexa says through gritted teeth. 

“It's the Ice Nation,” I explain. A man with Ice Nation brands steps forward angrily. 

“These allegations are an outrage,” he barks. “The Ice Nation never stormed this summit with weapons, breaking our laws. That was the Skaikru.” Okay, maybe he has a point. 

“We're right about this. The two guards you left behind are dead already. We need to go now,” Pike insists. 

“How did you come by this information?” Lexa asks angrily. I look around for Echo, so she can tell them what she told us, but weirdly, I don’t see her.

Oh, shit. 

“Where the hell is Echo?”

“What's going on? Where the hell is she?” Bellamy looks around wildly. Octavia realizes first. 

“Bellamy, maybe we were wrong about this.”

“I don't understand,” he says, still searching like Echo might jump out of hiding. 

“Stand down,” Kany orders. He grabs Bellamy’s gun, then mine. The look on his face tells me that I’m about to be in serious trouble. 

“Bellamy, Bellamy, come in.” Raven’s voice on the radio. “The Grounders attacked Mount Weather.”

“What are you talking about?” Bellamy asks. 

“It's gone. It's gone. They're all gone.” Her voice cracks and I hear the sobs begin. “Sinclair and I are the only ones left. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.” I stumble back a bit, leaning on Bellamy. Farm Station. 35 people.

And Gina. Gina was there.

36 people.

“You should have never moved your people back into Mount Weather. The Ice Nation did what Lexa was too weak to do,” the Ice Nation man says. 

“This is an act of war,” Lexa yells. “Sentries, arrest the Ice Nation delegation, including the prince.” 

“We need to get home. If they attacked Mount Weather, Arkadia could be next,” Abby says. 

“I agree,” Kane adds. 

“Go,” Lexa commands. “Marshal your forces. We'll avenge the attack together.”

“I'll escort them.” Indra steps forward. I nod to her before going to Clarke and giving her a tight hug. 

“Clarke, we should leave,” I say when I pull back. 

“We need an ambassador from the 13th Clan to stay here in Polis,” Lexa interrupts. I glare at her. 

“It's not safe here,” Bellamy says. 

“Clarke will be safe here under my protection.”

“I have to stay,” Clarke decides. “I have to make sure she keeps her word.”

“Come, Heda,” says the bald man. “We must convene the war council immediately.”

“I'll be right there,” Clarke promises. She gives her mother a hug as well. 

“Be safe,” Kane tells her. I can’t believe they’re just letting her go. 

“She left us to die in that mountain,” I whisper. “She will always put her people first.”

“You should come home to yours,” Bellamy adds. Clarke takes a shaky breath before lifting her chin. 

“I'm sorry.” Bellamy turns away and storms out the door. I linger for a moment, staring at her, trying to figure out why she trusts Lexa. Lexa, who betrayed us and forced us to kill people who helped us. I don’t understand.

As we’re leaving Polis, Kane informs us that Skaikru has joined the coalition. We are the 13th Clan. So that’s why Clarke stayed. Lexa has convinced her that the Grounders can be trusted. We’re all each other’s people now. 

I can’t trust Lexa. Which means I can’t trust Clarke. 


	33. Season 3, Episode 4: Watch The Thrones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: head injury, dead people, angst
> 
> word count: 3446

For the second time today, we go back to Mt. Weather. Raven and a barely-conscious Sinclair sit in the grass. They’re covered in blood and ash, surrounded by debris and scorched grass. I jump out of the Rover almost before it stops fully and run to them, falling to my knees when I reach them. Raven’s eyes are bloodshot from crying, but she looks mostly unharmed. I pull her to me, hugging her tightly. She starts shaking in my arms. Silent tears for the people we’ve lost. Kane and Bellamy catch up and help Sinclair into the Rover. Abby’s already tending to his wounds by the time I help Raven into a seat. She leans on me for the entirety of the ride to camp, a blank expression on her face. Bellamy sits across from us. He looks sad and angry and something else I can’t place. 

I leave Raven and Sinclair in medbay after some pushing from Jackson. Kane didn’t excuse us from guard duties today, so I head to Bellamy and my room to clean up and change my clothes. Bellamy is already there when I arrive, sitting on the bed. 

“Hey,” I sit down next to him. “Talk to me.” He looks at me. My heart shatters when I see the tears in his eyes. 

“I was supposed to protect them,” he says, voice cracking. “And now they’re all dead because I trusted a Grounder.” The disdain in his voice when he says Grounder startles me. He sounds an awful lot like Pike.

“Ice Nation is going to pay for what they did,” I tell him.

“That doesn’t bring our people back. It doesn’t change the fact that I failed.”

“Bellamy, this is on both of us. You don’t have to do this alone.” I echo the words we said the Clarke when she left us.

“I’m going to resign from the guard,” he says heavily. I stare at him for a moment. He can’t be serious. I don’t even know what to say, how to help him. He looks at me with sad eyes. A few tears roll down his cheeks. I cup his face in my hand and brush them away with my thumbs.

“No matter what, I will be here with you. I love you forever.” I mark my point with a soft kiss, brushing my lips on his gently. 

“I love you,” he whispers back. I smile at him and pull him close to me, letting him rest his head on my shoulder. He sighs softly when I run my fingers through his hair. 

“Will you come with me?” he asks. 

“Of course. Whenever you’re ready.”

We sit like that for a little while longer, me holding Bellamy. This is the best way I know how to help him. It’s the way we communicate best, to be honest. For us, there’s no better way to show love than to make real contact. To simply be  _ there. _

Bellamy sits up, and I know it’s time. Wordlessly, I stand up and grab his jacket. He takes it from me shakily and offers me his hand, which I take with a smile. 

Kane is in a meeting with someone when we arrive, so we wait outside. As usual, I bounce on the balls of my feet and fidget in stark contrast to Bellamy’s stoic stillness. I’ll never understand how he keeps still when he’s nervous. 

The door creaks open, making both of us jump. Pike comes out. He looks angry as he nods to both of us and storms away. I look up at Bellamy. He’s pale as a sheet. I squeeze his hand and step forward, tugging him along with me. 

“Bellamy, Cam, why aren’t you at your posts?” Kane asks as we walk in. Bellamy takes a deep breath and sets his jacket down on the table. Kane stares at it for a moment before looking at us again. 

“Don’t do this,” he says. 

“People I swore to protect died yesterday because I left.”

“That’s not your fault, Bellamy. Place the blame where it belongs, on the Ice Nation.” Maybe Kane will get through to him.

I doubt it. 

“The Ice Nation didn’t tell Raven and Gina to stay there. That was me.” His voice becomes thick with emotions again. 

“Given the information you had at the time, you made a reasonable choice. You were trying to save lives.”

“But I didn’t.” Three words seal his decision. He turns and walks out the door. I send one last apologetic look at Kane before following him, still holding his hand. I’m about to say something, try to comfort him again, but the speakers come to life.

“All Arkadia security personnel, report to the main gate.” I look at Bellamy. He stopped when he heard the speaker, and now he’s not looking at me.

“I’ll see you later,” he says finally. I swallow hard and nod, start to walk away, come back. Press a kiss to his cheek.

“I love you,” I tell him. He nods and walks away. Silently. Leaving me standing in the hallway, wondering if I’m losing the last person I love. 

I jog out to the front gate. Most of the guards have already assembled. Pushing my way to the front, I see the problem.

“Nyko!” I cry. “What happened?” I go to him and look around. He brought a group of his people. They look sick. The guards are shoving them around, much to my anger. 

“Stop!” I yell, pulling a girl away from Gillmer. 

“Leave them alone. They’re sick!” Nyko says. Octavia runs over to us.

“The Chancellor told Nyko that we would help,” she tells Gillmer. 

“You’re one of them. You take them in.” I glare at him, but at least he’s not fighting this. I smile at the girl and put an arm around her waist, helping her walk to the Ark. Nyko walks beside us.

“I heard about Mt. Weather. I’m very sorry,” he says solemnly. I tense up at the mention of the mountain. 

“It wasn’t your fault,” I tell him.

“Still. I know what it’s like to lose your people.” A flashback of Finn at the village goes through my mind. I stay silent. 

Octavia and I get all of the sick people into medbay. I want to stay longer and help, but after I bump into Jackson and knock a handful of pills onto the ground, Abby decides I’m more trouble than I’m worth.

“Go to the memorial, Cam. I’ll see you there,” she tells me as she walks me out the door. 

Right. The memorial.

It’s held in a large open hall. Pike is leading it, since it was his station, but almost everyone attends. I slide into a seat next to Bellamy. He takes my hand, much to my relief. Maybe I was overreacting earlier. 

“All that’s certain is that we die. How we die is up to us. Who will speak for Iris Jones?” There’s movement a few rows back. Miller’s boyfriend, a boy named Bryan, walks to the front. 

“Iris was strong. Good with a knife. She saved my life. I’m just sorry I couldn’t do the same for her.” He pulls a knife out of his pocket and sets it on the table next to him. A place to set mementos of the dead.

“We will miss Iris. May we meet again.” The rest of the room echoes the blessing. “Who will speak for Gina Martin?” To my surprise, Bellamy stands up and walks up. He’s holding the copy of  _ The Iliad _ that Gina gave him.

“Gina was real,” he says, his voice cracking slightly. “She always saw the light, even here. She deserved better.” As he’s setting the book down, the side door opens and some guards walk in. I stand quickly. They go straight to Pike, murmuring something I can’t hear. Pike walks over to Abby and Kane.

“Grounders are here, an army 300 strong camped less than a mile from here,” he tells them. I walk forward, trying to get closer to this conversation. 

“We know,” Abby says. 

“What?”

“Indra radioed,” explains Kane. 

“You gave a Grounder one of our radios?” Pike demands. I look around nervously as conversations start to grow in volume.

“Sir, are we under attack?” Monty’s mother calls. Kane stands up and holds up his hands in a placating gesture.

“No, we are not under attack. The Commander sent a peace keeping force to ensure that we can defend against any further attacks from the Ice Nation.”

“Peace keeping force? Even you can’t be that naïve, Marcus!” Pike yells. 

“Watch your tone. You’re talking to the next Chancellor.” Abby turns to the crowd. “We’re all grieving. This has been hard on all of us, but we can’t let anger drive our policy.”

“Anger is our policy!” Pike steps up onto a chair. “Now if they’re here to defend us, as you say, then tell them to go home. We can defend ourselves.”

“You!” yells a guard, Gillmer I think. He points at Lincoln. “You don’t belong here.” I start forward to restrain him, if necessary, but before I get there he hurls a rock. It slams into the side of Lincoln’s head. 

All hell breaks loose then. People run forward to attack Lincoln, while at the same time guards run to restrain people. I head straight for Lincoln, vaguely aware of Bellamy doing the same, and push him back from the crowd. 

“You need to get out of here!” I yell to be heard over the crowd. A loud whistle gets my attention.

“We do not attack our own! Fighting each other only makes us weak. The enemy is not in this camp. The enemy is out there,” Pike points. I turn away from. He’s a later problem. I’m worried about Lincoln’s head, which is bleeding down the side of his face. He pushes my hands away when I try to look at the wound.

“Lincoln, are you okay?” Abby rushes up from behind me. 

“I’m fine.” He starts to walk away, stumbling on his feet. 

“Lincoln, you need to go to medical,” she calls after him. He doesn’t pay attention. I sigh. He won’t listen to me. I look around for Bellamy, but he’s nowhere to be seen. Two choices: look for him, or give him space. I decide on the second for now. I’ll see him later anyway, we sleep in the same bed. 

I don’t have any guard duties until this evening, so I really don’t know what to do with myself. For a little while, I just wander through the halls, remembering time on the Ark. I pass by medbay and see Lincoln getting stitched up, which is good. 

Once I get tired of wandering, I go to the training area and grab a sword. There’s peace in the movements, the familiar sound of metal through air, the handle balanced in my hand. Octavia drilled this into my head. Muscle memory takes over. Spinning, slicing, jumping back before striking again at my imaginary opponent. As I move, establishing a rhythm, all of the emotions I’ve been suppressing rise up. The questions left unanswered. I shake my head and move faster, trying to shift my focus to reality. It doesn’t work. I let out a yell of frustration and slam the sword into the ground. It sticks straight up, impaled in the mat. I fall to the ground beside it and put my head in my hands, slowing my breathing down. 

“Cam?” I look up to see Lincoln standing in the doorway. I didn’t hear him come in. Quickly, I scramble to my feet and grab the sword, hanging it back up on the wall.

“Sorry, I didn’t notice you were there,” I say, still breathing heavily.

“We’ve got a problem,” he says simply.

Lincoln explains what’s happening while we head to the front gate. Pike is taking things into his own hands, and he roped Bellamy into it. When Lincoln hands me a rifle, my nerves go through the roof.

Monroe and Harper meet us by the gate. They’ve got guns too.

“Is this it?” I ask.

“No one else would come,” Lincoln says grimly. 

We only have to wait for a few minutes before Pike and his people come towards us. Bellamy’s right behind him, wearing a bulletproof vest. He’s ready to kill them all. When they see us, they stop a few steps away. Bellamy walks up to me.

“You need to step aside,” he says quietly but firmly. My breath hitches. He doesn’t sound like my Bellamy.

“I can’t do that,” I say quietly. He keeps eye contact with me, silently ordering me to move. I hold my ground.

“What are the guns for?” Harper demands.

“There’s an army out there,” Bellamy answers, still looking at me. “We need to hit them before they hit us.” 

“That army was sent to protect us,” Lincoln spits.

“Do we have a problem?” Pike asks, stepping closer. 

“No,” Bellamy says quickly. He finally looks at Monroe and Harper. “I have always done what is best for us. I need you to trust that I’m doing that now. Monroe?” He nods at her. She lowers her gun and walks away. “Harper?”

“Sorry, Lincoln.” She walks off as well. Bellamy looks at me again.

“Camellia.” One word. One name. It’s a test, to see if I’ll give in. To see if love truly is weakness. 

I will not allow my love to be weakness. 

I hold Bellamy’s gaze defiantly. I don’t shuffle my feet, don’t fidget. I hold completely still and stare him down. 

“Get out of the way,” Gillmer yells, charging Lincoln. Bad choice. Lincoln grabs him and easily disarms him. He’s got a knife at his throat before you can say “treason.” Pike’s people immediately point their guns at us. That’s when Bellamy does something about it.

“Put the guns down. Guns down!” he orders. 

“Do what he says now,” Pike agrees. Slowly, the muzzles dip to the ground. 

“So much for the good Grounder,” Monty’s mother says. 

“Quiet, Hannah. Whose people are you defending here, Lincoln?” Pike asks diplomatically. 

“Lincoln, put down the knife. No one has to get hurt here.” Bellamy puts his hands up slightly. “You can’t stop us.”

“All Arkadia security personnel, report to the main gate. All Arkadia security personnel, report to the main gate now.” I smile. Someone heard. They’re going to stop them.

Octavia comes running over first.

“What’s wrong with you?” she demands, glaring at Bellamy.

The guards come next, along with Kane and Abby. 

“Calm down, people. Farm Station, guns on the ground. On the ground!” Pike orders. Rifles hit the ground, hands are raised in surrender. I breathe out a sigh of relief. 

“Lincoln, it’s alright. Let him go,” Kane says. Lincoln nods and puts the knife down, shoving Gillmer away. I resist the urge to trip him.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Abby demands. Pike stares her down. 

“What you didn’t have the guts to.”

“Guards, take them to lockup now,” Abby orders.

“Him, too,” Kane says, pointing at Bellamy. “He armed them.” I watch as Bellamy is put in handcuffs and marched away. 

“Everybody back to your quarters. It’s over,” Abby announces. 

“Nothing is over,” Pike yells. “We are surrounded by warriors who want us dead.”

“That’s enough.”

“No, it isn’t. Not even close. Why don’t you show us all what you let the Grounders do to you yesterday? Come on, Kane. I think that the people who are about to vote for you have a right to know.” 

The brand. He hasn’t told them.

Kane pulls up his sleeve.

“It’s the mark of the Commander’s coalition. It means we are the 13th clan. It means we are in this fight together.”

“No. It’s what farmers used to do to their livestock.”

“Right before the slaughterhouse!” Hannah cries. I glance around nervously as murmurs rise up from the crowd. Kane is losing control.

“Sir, you should be on the ballot tomorrow,” Gillmer says. 

No. He can’t. 

“That’s enough. Take him away,” Abby orders sternly. Bellamy is pushed past me.

“Pike!” he yells, startling me. “Pike!” The others take up the chant, yelling his name across the camp. Bellamy has bought into this, hook, line, and sinker. I can’t trust Clarke, and now it seems I can’t trust Bellamy either. 

I sleep in Bellamy’s bed alone. The blankets and pillows still smell like him. They smell like home. That night, I come dangerously close to joining Pike. If Bellamy believes him so wholeheartedly, maybe he’s right. And even if he’s wrong, it might be worth it. Just to have Bellamy. But I can’t. I know what I’m doing is best for our people and I can’t stop. Even if it means I lose Bellamy. 

The next morning, I wake up to find Kane waiting for me. Pike won the election, he says. Would I escort him to to lockup? Of course I will. 

Two other guards come with us, armed with rifles. I’m not given one. I think I’m just here for show. Oh, well. As long as I see Bellamy, even for a moment.

A guard unlocks the door when we arrive. Bellamy stands up when we come in, leaning against the back wall. I resist the urge to run over to him and make sure he’s okay. Kane goes in first.

“Congratulations, Mr. Chancellor,” he says. Pike smiles. I want to punch him. 

“Where’s Abby?”

“Wishes she could be here.” He holds out his hand. The Chancellor’s pin, passed back and forth between Marcus and Abby and now to Pike. Talk about downgrades. 

“The vote was close. Our people are now your responsibility, Charles. I hope you take that seriously.”

“Thank you, Marcus.” Pike puts the pin on his collar. “I certainly intend to. For my first official action as Chancellor, I pardon myself and the others. For my second official action, I reject the brand that made us the 13th clan. For my third, let’s finish what we started.” So he’s going through with it. He’s going to kill them all. Pike’s people file out of lockup. Bellamy is last. On impulse, I grab his hand. 

“Bellamy, please,” I plead softly. “Please don’t do this.” He hesitates for a moment. 

He pulls his hand away. And walks out the door. 

I take a shaky breath, trying to contain myself. Kane puts a hand on my shoulder; I shove it away. 

I run. 

Tearing through the hallways, out the door, through the camp. The weakness in the back fence. I shove through it and run straight into the woods. Not towards the army, I don’t want to watch them die. Away from them, away from the camp. Away. 

Branches grab at my arms, pulling on my jacket. I ignore them. They insist, tugging me back, asking me to stop. Even the trees fight against me. 

My foot hits a branch and I go pitching over the hill next to me. I roll, bouncing here and there. Slamming into the ground only to burst back into movement. Finally, I hit the bottom. I’m splayed out on the ground, facing the sky. Yellow light freckles my face as it shines through the leaves. Somewhere, the boy I love is slaughtering 300 people. Somewhere, my station, my  _ people,  _ relentlessly pull their triggers, sending bullets into the bodies of men and women sent to protect us. 

I don’t know how long I lay at the bottom of the hill. At some point, I must have gotten up, or I would not find myself slipping back into camp. My hair catches on the fence. The braid must have fallen out. No, the hair tie is on my wrist. I took it out. When did I do that? I regret it now, as my hair falls in my face and sticks to the sweat on my skin. I want a shower.

Against my better judgement, I go to Bellamy’s room and shower there. The water is lukewarm on a good day, but today I don’t bother trying to get it warm. I step into the icy stream as soon as it comes on. I revel in the relief it brings. It cools down my hot skin, washes away the dirt and sweat, the evidence of my little episode. I even wash my hair, a luxury I don’t often indulge in. We have to save soap, after all. 

I towel off and get dressed in clean clothes. It’s small, but it makes me feel better. Noise outside draws my attention to the door.

They’re back. 


	34. Season 3, Episode 5: Hakeldama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: blood, death, punching, angst
> 
> word count: 3191

A crowd has already gathered around the front gates when I arrive. They block my view of the gate at first. I shove my way through, ignoring the people who grumble at me, and make it to the front of the crowd. 

He’s covered in blood. 

Bellamy,  _ my _ Bellamy, his clothes, his skin, his hair, painted red with innocent blood. 

I gasp against my will. He’s looking at the ground. Is he ashamed? Maybe he realizes his mistakes. I start to go to him, but Octavia makes it there first.

“Bellamy, you okay?” she asks. 

“I'm fine,” he says tensely, not making eye contact. 

“What happened out there?” I ask softly. He shakes his head and walks away. Octavia and I watch him go, stunned and confused. 

“Everybody, listen up.” Pike stands on a platform and addresses the crowd. “24 hours ago you elected me your chancellor. Every action I've taken since and every action I will take will be to achieve one sacred goal: the creation of a self-sustaining, prosperous, and safe Arkadia.” People cheer around me. Somehow, it doesn’t seem like a success after they murdered 300 people.

“This morning on a muddy field our people paid tribute to those who have been taken from us by sending a message to the Grounders. This land is ours now!” he continues. More cheers. “Resist, and you will be met by force. Fight, and you will be greeted by death. Today is a new beginning. Mark it down, remember it, just like the Grounders will remember it.”

I turn away in disgust and go back into the Ark station. I’m going to go see Bellamy and ask him what the hell happened out there. Whatever he thinks he’s accomplishing, I need to make him see that it’s wrong. 

Unfortunately for me, someone’s following me. A very important someone. 

“Cam, we need to talk.” Kane falls into stride next to me. Octavia is with him as well.

“I don’t think we do,” I say tersely. Kane was the one that took the stupid brand.

“I need you to go see Indra.” That catches my attention. “I’m sending you and Octavia outside. We need to know what happened.”

“Why me?” I ask suspiciously.

“Because I know you’re loyal to our side,” he says simply. 

“Fine, but how do we get out?” There’s guards loyal to Pike at every exit.

“That’s been handled. Follow me.” 

Kane leads us through a few hallways and into a side room. Octavia hands me a sword as we walk. It’s the one I always trained with, the one I was using when Lincoln came to find me. The weight of it in my hand is reassuring. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do with it, considering we’re just looking at a wall and not an exit. 

Kane grabs one of the panels of the wall and swings it open. A tunnel. Okay, so maybe I was wrong.

“Crawl space. A door in 20 feet drops you outside the camp wall. You get out there, you find out what the hell happened and you report back here. Can you do that?” he asks seriously. I sling the sheath across my back and jump easily into the tunnel. 

“Try to hold on our impending doom until I get back,” I tell him. He manages a half-smile. Octavia crawls in after me.

“Let’s do this.”

The tunnel is luxurious compared to the vents in Mt. Weather. I slip through it easily, trying not to think about how Bellamy should be with me. Out of the Blake siblings, I’m with the one I trust the most to keep me alive right now.

Kane was right; the door is almost perfectly 20 feet up. It’s rusty, but I slam my shoulder into it and it pops right open. Unfortunately, the momentum sends me into the ground. Octavia hops out next to me and looks at me with amusement.

“Smooth.”

“Shut up,” I grumble, clambering to my feet. 

The lightness disappears when we see the battlefield. 300 bodies. The smell hits me after a few steps, but it isn’t nearly as bad as the sight. It’s impossible to walk across the field without stepping on some extremity. Arms, legs, it all falls under my feet. I hear a groan somewhere off to the right. Someone’s alive. 

Octavia and I run to the source of the noise. It’s a young man, probably in his early twenties. There’s a bullet in his side. He panics and grasps for a weapon when we reach him. 

“Yu hon yu in osir sisplei,” I say soothingly.  _ We’re here to help.  _ He relaxes a little bit. I press my hands to the wound on his side. 

“Get me some fabric, anything,” I tell Octavia urgently. She reaches down a rips a piece off her shirt. I take it and press it to the man’s wound. His eyes are beginning to flicker closed. 

“Ste kamp raun ai,” I plead.  _ Stay with me.  _

“Ogeda hef souda wan op. Ai gonplei ste odon,” he chokes out around frothy blood.  _ All men must die. My fight is over.  _ His breathing stops under my hands. I drop the red-stained fabric and take a shaky breath. 

“I didn’t even ask his name,” I realize. Octavia takes one of my hands in hers, smearing the man’s blood. 

“You did what you could,” she tells me. “Let’s go.”

Lexa’s tent is just over the ridge. The bodies thin out and finally stop a few yards away. I take a deep breath and push through the tent flap. Lexa is standing off to the side, with a wounded Indra laying in the corner. And Clarke stands over her.

“Where's Kane?” she asks when she sees us. Hello to you too.

“He sent us,” Octavia says before running over to Indra.

“How did this happen?” Lexa demands. Octavia is checking on Indra, so I guess I’ll do the talking.

“Kane lost the election to Pike. He’s a dictator, and he hates Grounders.”

“Everything’s different,” Octavia says blankly.

“Your people voted for this?” Lexa asks with barely-controlled rage.

“No. No, I don't believe that,” Clarke says. I turn on her. 

“You  _ left.  _ You don’t know anything about what’s happened.” She looks hurt for a moment. A small, cruel part of me likes it. 

“Listen to me,” she says firmly. “The Grounder army is going to be here in less than a day. I need to see Bellamy.” 

“Bellamy was a part of this. He's with Pike. What makes you think he'll help us?” says Octavia. 

“He saved Indra's life. If what Octavia's saying is true, then Pike trusts him. If I can get to him, he can get to Pike.”

“You can't just walk through the gates, Clarke,” Lexa interrupts. “You've been living with their enemy. If it were me, I'd kill you on the spot.” I sigh heavily. This is such a bad plan. 

“We can get her in.”

Our trip back to camp is silent. Clarke is horrified, taking in the battlefield. Octavia and I are pissed. You could cut the tension with a sword, it’s that thick. 

Octavia volunteers to get Clarke into an empty room if I go get Bellamy. Not the job I wanted, but maybe the one I have th best chance at accomplishing. We part ways as soon as we get out of the crawlspace. I don’t say goodbye to Clarke. 

Unfortunately, when I find Bellamy, he’s doing more things I never thought he’d be capable of. He’s helping imprison the sick Grounders. 

“Bellamy, what’s going on?” I say, getting his attention. He turns around.

“We’re interning them. They’re threats.”

“Bullshit. They can barely stand.” The last Grounder to go in catches my eye. “Lincoln?”

“He’s here because of a disturbance in medbay,” Bellamy explains. 

“No. He’s here because you’ve been brainwashed. I saw what you and Pike did to that army. Bellamy, you killed everyone!” I’m yelling now. Bellamy looks hurt and my heart twinges for a moment, but I don’t back down. “They were here to help us! What the hell is happening to you?” 

“We’re not doing this here,” he says firmly. 

“Okay, we’re going somewhere else then. You’re not escaping this conversation.” He sighs and nods. I storm off down the hallway, intently listening to hear his footsteps behind me. This went better than I expected. I’ll just take him to the room where Clarke is hiding. We can have our discussion later. Not that I’m putting it off or anything. 

I take him to the room and slam the door open. He starts to walk in but stops short when he sees Clarke. 

“We’re not done,” I tell him. “We’re still talking about this later.” With that, I close the door and leave. I don’t need to be there for whatever is going to happen when those two butt heads. It’s the dropship all over again. 

I go to his room and wait. Pacing back and forth, trying to figure out what to say. What do you say to someone you love when they’re so deep in a bad thing that they can’t see that it’s bad? You have to make them see. 

“Camellia Lane, report to the Chancellor’s office. Camellia Lane, report to the Chancellor’s office.” 

What now?

Pike is waiting for me in his office. I go in without knocking. He stands when he sees me and smiles, like I’m his favorite person in the world. 

“Cam, thank you for coming.”

“Did I have a choice?” I say through gritted teeth.

“Come on now, let’s not be like that. I’ve called you here because I want you and I to be friends.” 

“Friends?” Is he serious?

“Allies, if that’s better for you. You have a lot of pull around here. I think we could accomplish a lot together.”

I snap just a little bit. 

“Listen very carefully, because I’m not saying this again,” I step forward, getting in his face. “You murdered 300 people and corrupted the last person alive that I love. I will  _ never  _ be your ally, much less your friend. So take your false righteousness and stick it right up your-”

“That’s enough!” he yells. “I tried to help you, but you refuse to be helped. Camellia Lane, you are officially dishonorably discharged from the Arkadia guard. Give me your jacket.” I step back, shocked. He can’t. It’s all I have left. Swallowing hard, I slip off my jacket and set it on the table next to me. 

“Dismissed,” Pike says, his voice hard. I turn and leave, still shell-shocked. I have nothing left, and I don’t think it’s fully hit me yet. 

It hits me when I get to Bellamy’s room. He’s not there yet. I think it’s the empty room that does it for me. I lost my parents, I lost my life, I lost Fox, I lost Bellamy, and now I’ve lost the last thing that gave me purpose. I let out a yell and slam my fist into the wall. And then the other fist. Over and over, my knuckles turning bruised and bloody. I yell with every punch until I fall back onto the ground. There are no tears. I’ve spent all my anger and now I’m just empty. Defeated. 

No. I will not be just a broken girl. 

“Ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim,” I mumble.  _ Get knocked down, get back up.  _ A phrase that Lincoln taught me when I was first learning to fight and I spent a lot of time hitting the mat. 

I get to my feet and examine my hands. Oddly enough, the sight of the purple and red patterns make me smile. Not broken, just a little bruised. 

I am unbroken. 

“Camellia?” I look up. Bellamy is looking at me like I’m a bomb. Maybe I am.

“What’s happened to you?” I ask quietly. 

“I’m doing what’s best for us, like always.” I walk over to him and cup his face in my hands.

“This is not the Bellamy I fell in love with. This isn’t who you are.” Hurt passes over his features.

“Maybe not, but it’s what I’ve become.” Just like that, what was left of my heart breaks. 

“No. I refuse to believe that. You know that what you’re doing isn’t right. Bad things have happened to all of us and we’re all looking for ways to make them make sense, but that doesn’t define you. I see you, Bellamy. I see you with perfect clarity and I know exactly who you are. You’re good, you’re noble, you always do what you think is right. You have always protected your sister. You’ve protected me. We’ve all done things we regret, but they are nothing compared to the amount of good you’ve done. Please don’t throw that away now.” I pull him down to me and press my forehead to his.

“I see you,” I whisper. 

The moment of truth. Will he pull away? Have I made him see? 

“I’m scared,” he says softly. “I’m scared that I’m losing you.” The tear that had been fighting to break free traces down my cheek.

“I’m right here. Forever.” He breaks down then. I feel the tears on my hands. 

“I killed them. Even the wounded. We went too far and I didn’t stop it. How can you forgive me?” I drop my forehead from his and pull him into a hug instead. His head rests on my shoulder. 

“You’re already forgiven.” His hands wrap around my waist, pulling me closer. I press kisses to his neck, the only skin I can reach. He lifts his head and catches my lips on his. A warm feeling washes over me. I melt into the kiss, into him. My Bellamy is back. 

“I love you,” I breathe softly. Please say it back. 

“I love you, princess.” I can’t help the smile that crosses my face. He smiles too, hesitant at first and then his full smile that I love so dearly. 

We form a plan. I decide that Bellamy should continue working with Pike and pretending to be loyal. A spy is always a good plan. He tells me that he handcuffed Clarke, so we need to deal with that and get her out. Hopefully, we’ll find Octavia on the way. If she’s found out that Lincoln is locked up, she’ll be on the warpath and Bellamy will be her main target. 

Clarke looks surprised when both of us come in to see her. Bellamy tosses me the key and I unhook her from the table and click the cuff on her other hand. 

“Bellamy’s with us again. We’re getting you out but we need it to look like he’s still with Pike. Got it?” She nods quickly. I stand up and give the key back to Bellamy. 

“Let’s go,” he says. 

We pass a few guards in the halls, and Clarke fights just enough to make it look good. Bellamy’s got a hold on her arm and I walk next to her, trying my best to look angry at Bellamy. Acting isn’t my forte, but it’s good enough to get us through. 

“Hey, what’s she doing here?” It’s Gillmer. 

“She snuck in. We’re bringing her to Pike,” Bellamy explains. 

“Traitor,” I growl as angrily as I can. 

“I’ll go with you,” Gillmer says. “Those girls are pretty feisty.” He grabs my arm and yanks me along with him towards Pike’s office. I glance at Bellamy nervously. This isn’t the plan. 

I plot in my head while we’re walking. Pike’s office isn’t much further. If he thinks I snuck Clarke in, he’d probably execute me for treason, which I’d like to avoid if possible. Execution is not the way I wanna go.

Octavia appears around the corner and kicks Gillmer in the knee before I can blink. I adjust quickly though. When he falls to the ground, I grab his hair and slam his head into the wall. It’s very enjoyable. He’s an asshole. 

“Let them go,” Octavia demands. 

“I can’t, O, I-” he starts to explain, but Octavia cuts him off. She doesn’t interrupt him, of course, she’s too dramatic for that. She grabs Gillmer’s shock baton and hits him in the stomach. He falls to the ground.

“Octavia! He’s with us!” I yell. 

“Like hell he is. I don’t trust him.” She grabs the key out of his pocket and unlocks Clarke before pulling her in the direction of the tunnel. Hopefully, Clarke will convince her. I kneel next to Bellamy. He’s unconscious. I panic slightly. What if he hit his head? 

“Help!” I yell. “Help! I need help!” A few guards come running from behind me. I pray that Clarke and Octavia had enough time.

“What happened?” one of the guards asks while two others lift Bellamy. 

“He caught Clarke Griffin sneaking in and was bringing her to Chancellor Pike. She’s escaping.” One of the guards mutters something to the other before running off. The one who stayed helps me to my feet.

“I’m bringing you to Chancellor Pike.”

A few minutes later, I’m sitting in Pike’s office. He sits across the table from me, considering me. Neither of us have spoken yet.

“Why did you tell the guards about Clarke?” he asks finally.

“She’s the reason we had to kill everyone in Mt. Weather. She’s the reason Kane took that brand. She put us in danger and then left us to go live with the Grounders. Trust me, I’m not her biggest fan.” Pike nods.

“So you don’t trust the Grounders either?”

“No, I don’t. I think Lexa will always put her people first, just like I would. But I also think that an alliance with her against the Ice Nation is crucial to our survival. You’re right, we are at war, but not with Trikru. Not all Grounders are the same.” 

“Grounder killed your friends before I even touched the ground. Grounders abandoned you in the mountain. Grounders killed the children that lived in your station. They’re all the same to me.” I shake my head. 

“Lincoln is a Grounder. He saved Octavia, and Finn, and he helped establish the first peace we had here. Anya was a Grounder. She helped Clarke and I escape Mt. Weather. Niylah is a Grounder. She helped us find Clarke.” 

“Exceptions that prove the rule,” Pike says, waving his hand dismissively. “I don’t want to argue with you. I actually want to ask if you’ll reconsider. We could use your expertise in their culture and language.”

“I already told you, I won’t help you kill more innocent people. The best I’ll offer is not fighting you on this.” Obviously, I’m going to fight, but it’ll be easier to do it in secret. 

“How do I know you’re telling the truth?” Pike asks. 

“Like I said before, I don’t have many people left. I can’t risk pushing Bellamy away.” Pike considers this for a moment before nodding.

“Alright, Cam. You’re dismissed.” 

I take a deep breath as soon as I’m out the door and go to find Kane. We’ve got a dictator to overthrow. 


	35. Season 3, Episode 6: Bitter Harvest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: poison fog, angst, character death
> 
> word count: 3012

Kane informs me of what’s been happening. Octavia and Clarke made it out. Clarke’s in Polis keeping the peace, and Octavia is keeping an eye on Pike’s people. The commander has issued a statement: “Blood must not have blood.” Apparently, Pike has decided to see how much he has to push to ruin that. 

“Okay, so how can I help?” I ask when he’s done. He pulls a small cylinder out of his pocket and hands it to me. A bug.

“I can get you into Pike’s office. Can you get this into place?” he asks. I take the bug and pocket it.

“I can get it done.”

Kane and I walk through the hallways in what I hope is an unassuming manner, but every time we pass someone I feel like they can see right through me. They’ll catch us and lock me up and execute me. Then they’ll execute Bellamy for good measure. My heart feels like it might beat out of my chest. 

We reach the familiar office door. Kane knocks. No answer. We’re in the clear. He turns to the keypad and types in a few digits. It clicks satisfyingly, granting us access. As I’m about to go in, a voice around the corner alerts me.

“Chancellor Pike, good to see you.” I look at Kane uncertainly. He nods towards the door before turning away. He’s going to distract Pike. 

This is a terrible plan. I carry it out anyway.

Quickly, I assess the room. Boards with sector markings on them, a couch, the main table, a painting on the wall- wait. The main table. I kneel and look under it. It’s grey, the same color as the bug. I stick it near the edge, where it’ll be hidden by the dip in the table. As soon as it’s secure, I slip out the door. Kane is talking to Pike still. I pause when I see Bellamy with them, but Kane makes eye contact with me briefly. His message is clear:  _ GO!  _ I oblige.

We meet again in Kane’s room. Miller greets me when I walk in. He’s still in the guard, so I guess he was more subtle than me about his opinion on Pike. Kane joins us a few moments and sets up the radio connected to the bug. 

“Okay, let’s get this meeting started,” Pike’s voice comes in through the receiver. I smile at Miller when we hear it. We’re in. “Welcome Farm Station’s own Monty Green and factory girl, Zoe Monroe, as we begin our next crucial phase: expansion and salvation. And this will lead the way.” 

“Dirt?” That sounded like Monroe. 

“Soil. Fertile, arable soil. Vastly more rich than anything we’ve found since landing. We’ll clear the trees and plant within the month.”

“We start with soybeans and corn. They grow the fastest.” A woman. Monty’s mother, maybe. 

“What’s wrong, Monty? Don’t like corn?” Miller tenses when he hears that. It must be Bryan. 

“I’ve never had corn, actually. Is this where we’re going?” 

“That’s right.”

“There’s a village here. What about the people who live here?”

“Sector four,” Bellamy says. I lean in more. “We talked about this. The people there are not a threat.”

“We need that land. With the loss of Mt. Weather’s resources, Arkadia will be starving in less than a year.”

“With all due respect sir, you still haven’t answered Monty’s question.”

“You know the answer. Every field must be cleared of stones before it’s tilled.” I roll my eyes in disgust. They’re people, not rocks. 

“We were spotted by a child so they’ll be expecting us,” says the woman who might be Monty’s mom. “But they lost their fighters when we took out the army. We don’t expect resistance.”

“They’re Grounders. They’ll resist,” Monty argues.

“Even if they don’t, the Commander’s message was clear. Blood must not have blood, that doesn’t mean we can start taking-” Bellamy starts. Pike interrupts him. 

“What would you prefer, die fighting for your home or starve to death? Will you do what needs to be done for your people to survive or not?” 

A long pause. I tap my foot nervously. This could blow Bellamy’s cover. 

“We’ll do what needs to be done,” he says finally. I sigh in relief and get to my feet. 

“I’m gonna go talk to him,” I say, headed to the door. 

“Cam, wait,” Kane grabs my arm. “Don’t tell him about the bug.” I stare at him and yank my arm away.

“You don’t trust him?” I demand.

“No, I don’t. We think he’s spying for us, but he could be spying for them.” As much as I hate it, he might be right. 

“Fine,” I growl before storming out. 

It seems I can’t convince anyone to trust Bellamy. Octavia, who’s outside camp wandering around, has talked herself into hating him, and now Kane. I’m interrupted from my thoughts when I bump into Bellamy himself. He smiles when he sees me and leans down to hug me. That’s not normal. He stays standing up when we hug, so he can rest his head on mine. 

“We need to talk,” he whispers. Close enough to my ear that only I can hear. Clever. He straightens back up and takes my hand, tugging me to our room. Anyone who sees us will see two lovesick kids, not two spies. 

As soon as we’re behind closed door, he drops the act and his face turns serious again. 

“Pike is taking people to go wipe out another Grounder village. He wants me with them.” I try to look like this is news to me, remembering what Kane said about the bug. 

“Ok, we’ll send Octavia to warn the village. Miller can get Helios to her.” Wow, Cam, how did you come up with that so fast? Maybe it’s because it’s already happening. Damn, I’m terrible at spying. 

“What do you want me to do? If I refuse to go with them, I lose my cover, but if I go with them, I risk putting more innocent people in danger.” 

“I don’t know,” I mutter. Unconsciously, I start to pace. “I don’t know. It could break the ceasefire, but we need your cover. I don’t know.” Bellamy grabs my sides and stops my paces. When I don’t look at him right away, he puts a hand on my cheek and tips my head up. 

“Camellia, take a breath,” he says with a smile. “You said Octavia’s warning the villagers, right? She’ll reach them long before we do and get them out. It’s going to be okay.” 

“What if she can’t convince them to leave?” I counter.

“It’s Octavia. She’ll convince them.” 

“Okay,” I say softly. “Okay. Go on the mission. I’ll be here waiting when you get back safe.” 

“About that.” His tone is suddenly nervous. “I may have told Pike that you’re coming with us.” 

“What?” I step back, pulling away from his hands. “Why the hell would you say that?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t ask you first, but you need to be on that mission. Without Clarke, you know the most about being a medic. I told Pike that you wouldn’t bring a gun and you’d only be there in case anything goes wrong.” He looks so apologetic. I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a moment.

“Fine, I’ll go.” Bellamy smiles in relief. Almost timidly, he offers me his hand. I soften a little bit and take it. As soon as I do, he pulls me forward and catches me in his arms, pressing a kiss to my lips. Just like that, all the anger melts away. 

I grab my pack, check my first aid kit, and tuck my knife into my boot. Just because I’m not bringing a gun doesn’t mean I’m going into a Grounder village undefended. Like Monty said, they’ll resist. After I’ve double-checked that I have anything, I allow Bellamy to take me to the Rover.

Pike is there already with a few of his people. Monty and his mother are there, along with Monroe and Bryan. A table is set up with a large amount of guns laid out, far too many for a mission that’s supposedly non-fatal. 

“That’s a lot of firepower,” Kane says, walking up to us. 

“Let’s hope we don’t need it,” Bellamy replies, perfectly in character. 

“What’s the mission?”

“Planning for our future.”

“You know, that looks a lot like our past.”

“We are building a life here. Not trying to make peace with people who only understand war.”

“Damn right,” Monty’s mother calls, walking past us with an automatic rifle. Right, the Grounders are the violent ones. I roll my eyes discreetly and sling my pack into the Rover. Bellamy comes up behind me and grabs me around the waist, lifting me off the ground. I laugh and try to squirm out of his grip playfully. He jumps into the Rover, still holding me, and plops me into his lap. His hold on my waist isn’t too tight, but it’s not loose either. Possessive and protective. He’s worried about this mission. I relax against him and put an arm around his neck, trying to let him know I trust him. Some of the tension slips from his shoulders. 

“Let’s move out,” he calls. The others load up, sliding into the seats. Pike smiles when he sees me with Bellamy. He probably thinks Bellamy won me over to their cause. 

Little does he know. 

Bryan comes in last after saying goodbye to Miller and we pull out. My stomach sinks with the first lurch of the Rover. I might be a witness to another mass murder today. 

Darkness creeps up slowly before taking cover all at once. The first few stars come out before we even reach the village. I look up at them through the sunroof. Bellamy notices and looks up too. 

“Can you wish on this kind of shooting star?” he whispers in my ear. My words when Raven got those flares up to the Ark. For just a moment, I’m transported to that day, the day where Bellamy says he began to fall in love with me. 

“I wouldn’t even know what to wish for,” I reply softly. Bellamy smiles.

“I have everything I want right here,” he says, pressing a hand to the small of my back. 

“Me too,” I tell him honestly. 

We reach the village a few minutes later. Bellamy opens the back door and jumps out first, offering me a hand. I take it and land next to him.

“You stay with me, okay?” he says. I nod and grab my pack. 

Gun raised, Pike leads. Bellamy and I fall in behind him, with Monroe and Hannah taking the back and the other flanking.

“I don’t hear anything. Maybe no one’s home,” Monroe says anxiously. 

“Hello? Anyone here?” Bellamy calls. No answer.

“Maybe they saw our lights and left,” Hannah says. Doubtful, but possible. Bellamy signals for us to move in. Spread out, we slowly make our way into the village. I stay behind Bellamy per his request. If anything happens, I’ll be right next to him with my first aid kit. 

The village doesn’t come to life as we move. Buildings are dark, fires unlit. I find it odd that they have bonfires set up but unlit. Maybe they were planning a festival? I take a closer look and see yellow sap covering the wood. Must be some kind of accelerant. I’m tempted to take a sample for Raven, but I have nothing to take it with. A horse neighs somewhere to my right, startling me.

“Contact. Two o’clock.” Bellamy starts running towards the noise. I take off after him, the footsteps behind me letting me know that everyone else if following him too. 

“Bellamy!” someone screams up on the ridge. Octavia? Why isn’t she gone yet? “Get them out of here! It’s a trap!”

Flaming arrows fly over our heads. I have the good sense to grab Bellamy’s arm and pull him away, but everyone else stands frozen.

“Fall back!” I yell as loudly as I can. “Fall back!” The others finally move. 

“The smoke is poison!” Octavia informs us loudly. Well, shit.

“Get back to the Rover!” Bellamy orders. We start to run. 

“Help!” someone screams. A girl. It must be Monroe. “Help me! Please!” I turn and start to sprint towards her. Bellamy grabs my arm and pulls me back. Beside me, the others are holding Monty back too. 

“Let me go!” I give a tremendous heave and wrench my arm away. Bellamy stumbles from the force and I run. Straight into the fog.

It burns like fire. Worse than the powder at Mt. Weather, because this fills my nose and mouth and lungs. It stings my eyes. I pull my shirt over my nose and keep going, grabbing Monroe’s arm and pulling her to her feet. Somewhere, someone is yelling my name. Monroe can’t stay on her feet. I lift her over my shoulders, silently thanking Lincoln for the strength training, and stumble out of the fog. My knees hit the ground almost immediately, which would have been fine if I didn’t have a girl slung over my shoulders haphazardly. She falls off-balance and takes us both down. My face hits the mud. It’s cool and relieves my burning skin. Someone grabs under my arms and pulls me to my feet. 

“Get them away from the fog!” Bellamy yells from a few miles away. I regain my ability to walk and breathe normally after a few seconds. Monroe and I are taken towards the Rover and sat down by some rocks. 

“Camellia, hold still,” Bellamy says, trying to check me for injuries. 

“I’m fine,” I argue, fumbling for my pack. I need my first aid kit, I need to help Monroe. Finally, I get my hands on it. 

Monroe is laying on the rock. Her breaths are hoarse and pained. I do my best to smile at her while I dig around for something that will help me.

“You’re gonna be okay,” I tell her. It’s like Atom in the woods all over again. I can’t help, I have to help. She’s going to die, she can’t die. What the hell can I do? While I’m digging around in the kit, the rattling breaths stop. 

“Monroe?” I ask shakily. I press two fingers to her neck, willing a pulse to present itself. It doesn’t. She’s gone. 

“Your sister did this,” Hannah spits at Bellamy. 

“Shut the hell up,” I say sharply. 

“How did she know?” Bryan asks angrily. I glance at Bellamy. We both know the answer.

“We have traitors in our camp.” Hannah is looking directly at me. 

We bury Monroe near Fox. Another grave, another lost friend. I don’t cry for her. All of my tears have been spent already. Grief is a constant, and like everything constant, I’ve gotten used to it. So I don’t cry.

Pike calls me and Bellamy to his office first thing the next morning. He’s probably going to feed us some bullshit about Monroe’s death being the Grounders’ fault rather than taking the blame himself. I take a few deep breaths before I go, trying to get Zen so I don’t punch him. I also warn Bellamy of how badly I want to punch Pike, so maybe he can hold me back. 

“You wanted to see us, sir?” Bellamy says when we enter. Pike is silent for a moment, regarding us. 

“How you holding up?” he asks finally.

“I’m just great,” I deadpan. Bellamy squeezes my hand, a silent  _ please keep your mouth shut for both of our sakes.  _

“I’ve been better,” he says diplomatically. 

“Yeah, we all have.” Pike take a deep breath. “We need to talk about your sister. Another of our people died today because of her. Not to mention the ash-poisoned soil making the land useless.”

“Grounders did that. Octavia tried to warn us.”

“Yes, after she warned them.”

“Octavia didn’t want you to slaughter more innocent people,” I start. “She is trying to keep the peace, and all you seem to want to do is start a war.”

“We’re already at war!” Pike says loudly. “The sooner you understand that, the better.” He turns back to Bellamy. “Someone in this camp is giving her information. I need to know who.”

“What do you want me to do?” Bellamy asks. 

“Find me some proof.”

“Yes, sir.”

“You’re dismissed.” I start to leave with him. “Cam, stay behind for a few minutes.” Bellamy looks down at me nervously. I give him what I hope is a reassuring smile. 

“Wait for me?” I ask. He nods and hesitates before kissing my forehead quickly. I keep my smile on until he closes the door. Then I drop it and turn back to Pike. 

“Please, take a seat,” Pike gestures.

“I’m good.” 

“Suit yourself.” He sits down and crosses his arms. “I’m going to get straight to it. I know you’re working with Kane and passing information to the traitors in this camp.” 

Well, there it is. Plain and simple. I try to look unaffected.

“Right, so why haven’t you done anything about it yet?” I ask. Pike chuckles, like I’m a baby that just did something cute. 

“Bellamy’s services are important, and I think locking you up would be a good way to lose those services. You see my dilemma?” 

“What exactly are those services?”

“The missions he leads, the knowledge he has, the information he passes along.” Hold up.

“What kind of information?” I demand. 

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Bellamy isn’t quite as loyal to Kane as you might think.” 

No. He’s lying.

“You’re lying,” I say. Even as they leave my mouth, I’m doubting the words.

“No. I’m telling you the truth. I want your trust, Cam. Why would I lie?” He smiles calmly at me. I want to slap the look off his face.

Instead, I turn and storm off. Time to get some answers. 


	36. Season 3, Episode 7: Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: MEGA ANGST
> 
> word count: 843

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's a mini update for you! i'm sorry this chapter is so short, but this episode had literally NO skaikru scenes so I had to make do!

As he promised, Bellamy is waiting for me outside the door. He smiles when I come out, but it quickly fades when he sees my expression.

“What happened in there?” he asks, reaching for my hand. I pull it away. Hurt passes across his face.

“Tell me he was lying,” I demand, tears forming in my eyes. “Tell me he was just trying to get under my skin. Tell me you didn’t betray me.” My voice cracks on  _ betray _ and a tear falls. 

“I can’t tell you that,” he says quietly. I crumble. My gut hurts, my head pounds. I press a hand to my stomach and stumble back from him. 

He betrayed me. He’s been lying all along. 

“Please let me explain,” he starts, walking towards me. When he reaches out again, I slap his hands away.

“Don’t touch me!” I yell. 

“Camellia, please, let’s go somewhere and talk about this,” he pleads. My thoughts are all fuzzy. He’s a spy. He lied. 

“Fine,” I spit. “You can talk.” 

He takes me back to our - no, not our,  _ his _ \- room. I walk to the opposite wall, wanting te be as far away from him as possible. He’s silent at first. It gets on my nerves. 

“You wanted to talk, so talk. And tell me the truth.”

“I’ve been working with Pike.” Simple. Straightforward. Somehow, it’s worse than any excuses. 

“So you lied to me, betrayed your sister and your people, and on top of that, you slaughtered 300 people?” The anger is evident in my voice. Bellamy wisely takes a step back. 

“I never lied to you. I never told you I wasn’t working with Pike. I said we went too far on the battlefield, which I meant. I asked you to forgive me. I never lied.” His calm tone is pissing me off more.

“You’re finding loopholes to dodge guilt. You know damn well what you were leading me to believe and you did it on purpose. Besides, you haven’t said shit about betraying people who you said you’d protect.”

“I’m trying to protect them!” he says, significantly louder. “We are at war with the Grounders, and-”

“No, we’re not!” I cut him off. “Lexa declared a ceasefire! We aren’t at war anymore and you are putting that at risk!”

“I’m trying to build a future for us here! A future where our children are safe!” He falters at the end. He said something much bigger than he intended too. 

“Our children?” I repeat. He takes a deep breath and comes towards me again.

“Yes, our children. I want a life with you, Camellia. A life where we aren’t constantly fighting, where everyday isn’t a struggle. If I have to fight a war to get that, it’ll be worth it.” 

“That’s where you go wrong, Bellamy. That last part. War cannot be the way to peace. War only leads to more war.” I’m begging him silently to agree with me, staring into his eyes, scanning them for any sign of his thoughts. 

“Maybe war is all we know,” he says finally. All the fight has left us both. The only thing I want to do is fall into his arms, but I fight to stay back from him.

“I can’t believe that all we are is hate and violence,” I tell him. “That means everyone who’s died, they died for nothing. They died so we could keep killing each other? No, I won’t let that happen.” 

“That’s it, right there. They died for us, so letting our lives be controlled by fear  _ would  _ be letting them die for nothing.” I turn away from him, crossing my arms over my chest and blinking back tears. What if he’s right? What if, all this time, I’ve been fighting our last chance at peace? 

“You stood up to me our first day on the ground,” he says quietly. What is he talking about? “You were going to Mt. Weather and you let me know it. You looked straight into my eyes and crossed your arms and I was a goner. Every damn day we’ve been down here, keeping you safe has been the first thought in my mind when I wake up and the last one before I fall asleep. Falling in love with you was something I couldn’t control, it was bound to happen. And right now, I am asking you to trust that I will always put you first. I’m asking you to trust me.” I turn back around to look at him. There are tears in his eyes. 

Maybe love is weakness. Is it weakness when I step forward and pull him down to press my forehead to his? Is it weakness when I wrap my arms around his neck and push ever closer to him? 

“Trust me?” he asks softly, his voice barely audible. 

Weakness. Strength. Love. Hate. Two sides of the same line, blurring together in some places. 

“Forever,” I say. And I mean it. 

I have chosen love. We will see if it turns out to be weakness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please don't hate me i promise there's a method to my madness


	37. Season 3, Episode 8: Terms and Conditions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: shooting, dead bodies, blood, minor self-harm (no cutting), a bit of spice, a prison riot, very bad shock baton use and descriptions of burns, angst (obviously)
> 
> word count: 5776

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello sorry for the break have a very long chapter to make up for it!!!

Bellamy takes me to Pike’s office to tell him that I’ve decided to be a neutral party. I won’t directly work with either side. Pike is unforgivable, but Kane is an idealist. Neither side is doing what’s best. 

Pike considers me for a while after I state my case. He’s probably wondering why I seem to think my political affiliation matters. 

“Alright,” he says finally. “Tell you what: I’ll reinstate your position in the guard and give you immunity for all past actions. However, if I find that you do anything that jeopardizes this administration, you will be imprisoned and tried for treason.” He offers me a hand. I hesitate for only a moment before I shake it firmly. Pike smiles.

“Good.” He goes to a cabinet on the wall and pulls out my jacket. “While you’re both here, Hannah’s called a meeting at the guard tower. I’d like you both to come.”

“Yes, sir,” Bellamy says. Pike nods and heads out the door. I pull on my jacket and follow him. These are my allegiances now. 

The main watch tower stands right over the gate. It’s well-placed, with a wide view of the trees. If I were here for a different reason, I’d enjoy the place. 

“Hannah?” Pike asks when we get up the ladder. She turns to us. Her face tells us something’s wrong. 

“Sir, we lost contact with one of our recon teams.”

“There were four men,” Bellamy says. Hannah nods before continuing. 

“Three teams departed Arkadia at zero eight hundred hours on routine patrol. Each of them reported Grounder contact less than a mile outside of camp. As per your orders, two teams retreated and made it safely back inside the walls.” Two teams is good. Pike asks the question we’re all thinking.

“And the third?”

“Was forced to engage. I believe they were attempting to secure a defensive position when they ceased transmissions.” She looks down as she finishes the report. 

“Grounders are close,” Pike notes. Very observant of him. 

“Gathering from the north and west,” Hannah explains. “It appears they're establishing a blockade. There's no way through it.” 

“Something's changed,” I mutter. “It’s probably retaliation for the village. They want something from us in exchange for lives lost.”

“Sir? You need to see this,” a man calls from below. I glance at Bellamy nervously before I descend the ladder, hopping to the ground. The others follow me. Through the gate, I see two Grounders on horseback. Just like with Finn.

“What do they want?” Pike asks no one in particular. I take it upon myself to answer.

“They brought a message.” Pike and Hannah look at me oddly. “I’ve seen this before,” I explain. 

“Open the gate,” Bellamy tells a couple of guards. They don’t move.

“Do what he says,” Pike orders. Then they start to move. Bellamy’s tense next to me, a coiled spring. He steps forward when the gate opens.

“Talk,” he says firmly. No waver in his voice. 

“We seek the one you call Pike,” the Grounder on the right says. “An army has fallen. Blood soaking the earth where he took their lives one by one.”

“Welcome to the war against Skaikru.”

“Life was taken. We demand life in return.”

“My life?” Pike says, stepping next to Bellamy. “What are your terms, sir?”

“Come with us. And we walk away.”

“Walk away. From what?” I ask out of curiosity. The more information we have, the better.

“By order of the Commander, you have been surrounded by an army of the twelve clans. In every direction, warriors wait to kill anyone who attempts to cross the blockade. To greet them as we greeted those we caught outside your walls today.” He tosses a black duffel bag down to us. It spills open to reveal bloody clothes.

Guard uniforms. 

“We left the bodies for the animals.” 

“That's enough,” Bellamy says sharply. 

“Let's go.” Pike starts to walk away. 

“They won't leave,” I say, stopping him. “Not until they get what they want.” 

“The men who wore those uniforms took a long time to die,” the Grounder says. 

“Bellamy, fall back. That's an order.”

“If you do not give up your leader, you will all take a long time to die,” he continues. Bellamy doesn’t budge. 

“Bellamy!” Pike yells. 

“Choose the side that's best for your people.” 

“I do that every day.” Quick as can be, Bellamy has his gun out and shoots the two Grounder square in their painted foreheads. I gasp despite myself. He didn’t hesitate. 

“So far, nothing has changed my mind.” Bellamy turns and walks back into camp. 

The horses galloped off when their riders fell. I go to the bodies, kneeling in front of them. Carefully, I cut off a braid from each of them and tuck them into my pocket.

“Yu gonplei ste odon,” I say softly. I would close their eyes, but there isn’t much left of their faces. When I stand, Pike is watching me curiously.

“What was that you said?” he asks.

“Yu gonplei ste odon,” I enunciate the words clearly. “It’s their death rite. It means  _ your fight is over. _ ” 

“Lincoln taught you that?”

“No,” I say, swallowing hard. “Anya. The Grounder woman who helped Clarke and I escape the mountain. She died saving our lives.” Pike is silent for a moment as we walk back inside. I keep pace beside him, slightly regretting bringing up Anya.

“You know a lot about them,” he notes.

“I think their culture is beautiful, in a violent sort of way, and I admire their survival instincts.” I choose my words carefully. Thankfully, Pike seems to accept it.

“Their survival is remarkable,” he agrees conclusively. “We’ve got a meeting to discuss the blockade later. I’d like you to be there. Your knowledge of their ways could be helpful. My office, 1300 hours.”

“Yes, sir,” I say sharply. Pike nods and walks ahead of me, presumably to go to his office and prepare for the meeting. 13:00 isn’t too far off according to how high the sun is right now. 

I head to Bellamy’s and my room to wash the blood off my hands before the meeting. Even cutting the braids painted my fingers red, and it’s starting to dry. As I start scraping it off, it lodges under my fingernails and clings to my skin. 

Literal blood on my hands. How ironic. 

I start to panic a little bit. I want this  _ off.  _ I want the blood gone. I scrub vigorously, scrape my nails on my skin, rub my hands raw. It stings but I barely notice. The cold water soothes any wounds as soon as they happen.

Bellamy comes into the room while I’m still scrubbing my hands. The red of the blood has been replaces with the red of my raw skin. Gently, he turns off the water and pulls my hands away. When he sees the scrapes, his breath catches for a moment.

“You can’t hurt yourself, princess,” he says softly as he dries my hands. 

“I’m sorry, I-” I start.

“Don’t apologize, just promise you won’t do it anymore, okay?”

“I promise.” He smiles a little and kisses me gently, still holding my hands in his. I sigh lightly against his lips. His chuckle at that sends tingles down my spine, making me shiver. A noise of disappointment escapes my lips when he drops my hands, but he quickly remedies things by placing his hand on the backs of my thighs and lifting me up. I wrap my legs around his waist to stay up. His smirk tells me that was the plan. One of his hands strays from my thigh up to my back, pressing just hard enough to let me know it’s there. 

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” he whispers almost reverently. The way we’re positioned, he’s looking up at me. The look in his eye is practically worshipful. I can’t think of words to respond to him, so instead I just lower my head and kiss him sweetly. 

He starts to move while my lips are on his, maneuvering us out of the tiny bathroom to the bed. I give a light gasp when he drops down, setting me upright on the bed. When he pulls away, my eyes open to see him on his knees in front of me. Gently, he takes my hands and presses light kisses on them, avoiding the worst of the scrapes. He works his way up my arm, kissing up my shoulder to my collarbone to my neck, where he locks onto a spot right under my jaw.

“Beautiful,” he mutters against my skin. When he nips lightly, I let out a breathy moan that sounds more like a sigh. His hands begin to travel, in no particular pattern, just making contact. One slides up my side and around my back, the other down my hips and my legs. 

“Bellamy Blake and Camellia Lane, to the Chancellor’s office. Bellamy Blake and Camellia Lane, to the Chancellor’s office,” the speaker interrupts. Bellamy’s head drops to my shoulder for a moment. He sighs heavily. 

“Duty calls,” I tease. He kisses me softly before standing up and offering me his hands. I take them and hop to my feet.

“Shall we?” I say grandly. Bellamy smiles and takes my hand, but drops it quickly when he remembers the scrapes and raw skin. The look on his face is purely apologetic as he slips an arm around my shoulders instead. I stand on my tiptoes and press a kiss to his cheek, letting him know that I’m okay. That brings his smile back. 

Pike, Hannah, and Monty are waiting when we arrive. Hannah shoots us a glare but doesn’t say anything. Pike takes a more active approach.

“You’re late,” he states matter-of-factly. “I told you 1300, and I expected you to be here at 1300. Don’t let it happen again.”

“Yes, sir,” Bellamy says. Pike nods and begins the meeting.

“Our lookouts confirm another three encampments just over that ridge. They're not hiding from us, that's for sure. How many days can we keep our population fed without being able to send out hunting parties?”

“Food and water stores were already at less than sixty percent. Now, maybe a week before we go critical. Two if we start rationing immediately,” Hannah says grimly. 

“Immediately it is.”

“What about breaking the blockade?” I ask. 

“After Bellamy's theatrics this morning,” Pike shoots a pointed look at us, “they'll expect that. Regardless, we can't engage the Grounders until we've got our own people under control, and that starts with Kane. I need you two to suspend access to the prisoners. No contact with anyone in camp. For all we know, they've been providing intel on grounder villages to Kane.”

“Yes, sir,” I say. I’m glad I’ll be the one watching Lincoln and the others. The guards haven’t exactly been welcoming. 

“And I want you to take over coordination of camp surveillance,” Pike tells Monty. “We'll need new security protocols at all camp entrances.” Monty nods. I can already see the gears in his brain start turning. 

“Maybe changing critical passwords every twelve hours?”

“Good. Coordinate with your mom but keep the circle tight. Then there's the matter of camp-wide surveillance.”

“Camp-wide surveillance?” I ask incredulously. “You mean spying on our own people?”

“We can't do what's needed to defend this camp if every order I give is leaked before it can be executed. It's an old saying, but it's true. The walls have ears and we can't afford any more assumptions about who's a friend and who isn't, not your oldest acquaintance.” I fight to keep my eyes from straying to the bug under the table. “Not your husband, wife, or lover. We're fighting two wars now, and the more dangerous one is here inside this camp. We can't prove it yet. But Kane and his accomplices passed information to Octavia. I know none of you signed up to investigate your neighbors. But Monroe and Lacroix died because the traitors in this camp sold them out to the Grounders. Whoever did that will be hunted down and exposed for what they did to their own. For what they did to us. Now you get whatever resources, whatever personnel you need to make that happen. Dismissed.” He waves a hand at us and we disperse. 

I head straight to lockup after the meeting to check on Lincoln. Since they were “interned,” I haven’t seen the Grounders one. That’s probably the intention, now that I think about it. 

When I pass medbay, someone grabs my arm. I grasp for my sidearm, but it’s just Abby.

“Abby! You scared the hell out of me!”

“Are you headed to lockup?” she says quietly. I look around before lowering my voice as well.

“Yeah, why?” Abby slips a small bottle into my sleeve.

“For Danae. Get them to Lincoln. He knows the dosages.” She releases my arm and takes a step back. I nod and walk away, carrying my new treasonous item with me. 

I’ve really got to pick a side.

Lincoln walks up to the door when I come into lockup. I glance pointedly at the intake hatch where they get their food. He nods slightly. Trying my best to look tough and disdainful, I saunter up to the intake hatch.

“Locked up again, huh?” I say with as much venom as I can muster. “You never were a match for us.” Lincoln snarls and bangs his hand on the door. I quickly slip the pill bottle in and he grabs it easily as he lowers his hand. I smile for a millisecond before turning to the other guards.

“No contact with anyone in camp. Pike’s orders,” I tell them firmly. They nod sharply and I stroll out of the room like I haven’t a care in the world. As soon as I’m out of sight, though, I move faster. I want to get back to Pike’s office and get as much info as possible. 

I’m stopped when I crash into someone. 

“I’m sorry-” I start, but I pause when I see it’s Bellamy. 

“I was just looking for you,” he says. “We’re on surveillance. I’ll fill you in on the way.”

Bellamy and I head to the Rover station. He tells me about Pike’s plan: a decoy. They found the bug, and they set up a fake plan to break the blockade. If it worked, we should see someone try to mess with the Rover in just a few minutes.

“Ok, and then what? We lock up our own people?” 

“They’re threats to us. I don’t like it either, but it’s what we have to do,” Bellamy says solemnly. I don’t say anything else. Arguing won’t do any good. 

“Bellamy, you were right,” Monty says over the radio. “I've got eyes on Kane. He's got something going, and I think Sinclair's part of it.” My eyes widen involuntarily. I grab the radio off Bellamy’s waistband.

“Are you sure?” I ask. “Sinclair?”

“I’m pretty sure.” I sigh and hand the radio to Bellamy, who keeps his eyes on me while he responds to Monty.

“Copy that. We'll stay on Sinclair,” he says before tucking the radio back into place. “Talk to me,” he orders me.

“I hate that we’re spying on our people!” I explode. “Sinclair is our friend, and we’re trying to get him locked up.”

“I know it’s hard,” Bellamy soothes, taking my waist and pulling me to him. “I know, and I’m sorry. But they’re committing treason. It’s our job to stop them.” 

Something catches my eye behind his back. 

“Bellamy,” I whisper. “Sinclair just started doing something to the Rover.” Bellamy tenses for a moment before releasing his hold on me and turning around. Sinclair is on his back on the mechanic’s creeper, his head under the Rover. I glance over at the bar. Kane is reading a book, looking as nonchalant as can be. As discreetly as I can, I squeeze Bellamy’s hand and nod slightly to Kane’s table. He gives a squeeze back to let me know he understands.

I’m better at this than I thought.

“Sinclair, what are you up to?” Bellamy asks as we approach. Sinclair rolls out from under the Rover.

“Raven said the solenoid is acting up, so I thought I'd swap it out,” he says coolly. 

“You got a work order for that?”

Here it comes. 

“Sure.” Sinclair stands up. “I think it's on my desk.”

He takes off running. I sigh. I was really hoping he wouldn’t do that.

“Go.” Bellamy signals two guards, who take chase. Sinclair doesn’t stand a chance. He’s quickly cornered and handcuffed. 

“There is no work order and there is nothing wrong with the rover, though if you had another ten minutes, I'm sure there would be,” Bellamy says, catching up to Sinclair. “You're under arrest. Charge is treason.” He turns to me as Sinclair is taken to lockup. “That’s one down.” 

“What’s going to happen to him?” I ask quietly.

“He’ll be tried for treason. Most likely, he’ll get shock lashes.” I nod slowly. Shock lashes honestly aren’t as bad as they seem. I was what the guards called “a problem” during my first few months of lockup. By that I mean I was a pain in the ass on purpose. The guards were all too eager to buzz me a little bit. 

Bellamy and I head to the holding rooms after a few minutes. They’re adjacent to lockup, I know, but I’ve never actually been in one before. Not much to see. A metal table and chair in the middle of a plain metal room, like every other place in Arkadia. Guards in each corner, Sinclair with his hands cuffed behind his back in the chair. I avoid his eyes when we come in.

“What happened to you, Cam?” he asks. I look up. The disappointment in his face crushes me.

“Leave her alone,” Bellamy says sharply. 

“You know this isn’t right,” Sinclair continues. “I know you do.”

“I said leave her alone.” Bellamy steps in front of me, but I push past him and walk over to Sinclair, leaning on the table.

“I am doing my best,” I say, my voice thick with emotion. “Like always.”

“You’re doing what he thinks is best,” Sinclair nods at Bellamy. “Think for yourself.” The last part is said with a venom I’ve never heard from him. It makes me unreasonably angry.

“You don’t know shit!” I yell. “You weren’t on the ground when we were attacked, you weren’t in the mountain, and you don’t know the Grounders like I do, so don’t sit there and act all high and mighty! You have  _ no idea _ what happens outside those gates!” I’m nowhere close to done, but Bellamy grabs my waist and hauls me out of the room, still yelling all the way. He slams the door closed and keeps his grip on me, probably making sure I’m not going to just run back in.

“Why don’t you go get some air?” he says, keeping his voice level and calm. I shake my head and tuck my hair behind my ears.

“No, I’m fine.” I pause and look up at him. “I’m sorry about that. I shouldn’t have-”

“It’s okay,” Bellamy smiles, taking my face in his hands. “No one can blame you for losing your temper. He was being kind of dick.” I giggle a little bit despite myself, and Bellamy chuckles with me.

“There’s my princess.” He presses a soft kiss to my forehead. I close my eyes and sigh, leaning forward against him.

“I love you,” I whisper.

“I love you too.” He takes my hands. It sting just a bit, but I don’t react. “You don’t have to go back in there if you don’t want to, okay?”

“No, it’s fine, I want to be there while he’s being questioned.”

“Alright,” he says with a small smile. “Let’s go.” He opens the door for me and follows me in, still holding one of my hands. Sinclair has his head down. He looks up when we walk in. Thankfully, he doesn’t say anything. 

Hannah and Pike come in a few minutes later. They both shoot a look at Sinclair. Hannah silently walks to right corner.

“Anything?” Pike asks. Without blinking, Bellamy answers.

“Not a word.” I silently give a small sigh of relied and squeeze his hand. He brushes his thumb across my knuckles in response.

Pike approaches Sinclair.

“Perhaps you'd like to talk about this,” he says, pulling something out of his pocket.

The bug. Oh, shit. I fight off anxious movement. 

“Never seen it before.”

“Really? I thought you engineers like to take credit for your work.” Pike turns to Bellamy. “Give me your gun.”

Bellamy stiffens. I do the same. What does he want it for? This is a trial. Slowly, Bellamy slips his sidearm from the holster and hands it to Pike. 

Smash! I jump. Pike has destroyed the bug, slamming the butt of the gun into it. Sinclair looks unaffected.

“You planning on using that on me, too?”

“Will it help you give up any names?” Pike counters. 

“He'll talk eventually,” Bellamy jumps in. “Let's put him in lock-up.”

“He's a traitor,” hisses Hannah from her corner. “On the Ark-”

“We would have floated him, I know.” The moment of silence lasts a thousand years. “But we're not on the Ark. Lock him up.” A wave of relief. 

Sinclair is escorted out of the room to be locked up with the Grounders. Pike turns to Bellamy and I.

“We’re close to Kane,” he says. The man is actually smiling. “We’ve got Sinclair, and with the bug on Miller-”

“What?” I demand. “You bugged Miller?”

“Is that a problem?” Pike says calmly. Bellamy’s grip on my hands tightens just a tad. I take a deep breath. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Very Zen.

“No problem,” I say through gritted teeth. With a lingering glance, Pike goes back to what he was saying.

“Bellamy, you met with Kane earlier, correct?” I look up, surprised. Why didn’t I know about that?

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. He’s on edge. He’ll slip up soon, and we’ll be here waiting. Dismissed.”

Bellamy and I head out of the room together, hands still clasped. I tug slightly, getting his attention.

“You met with Kane?” I ask, trying to sound curious instead of hurt.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” Bellamy says genuinely. “I didn’t want you to worry.”

What else have you kept from me, I want to ask. Instead, I keep my mouth shut and give him a small smile. He returns it and kisses my forehead.

“Bellamy Blake to lockup. Bellamy Blake to lockup.” Damn that speaker. 

“I guess you’d better go,” I say. 

“Actually, would you come with me? If it has to do with the Grounder, I want you there.” He looks at me hopefully, and I can’t say no.

Most of the Grounder sit in various states of disarray around lockup. Only Lincoln and Sinclair are standing. I wonder if Lincoln ever sits down or if he’s too stubborn for that. Next to me, I can practically feel Bellamy put on a “tough guard” persona. 

“He says he's ready to talk,” one of the other guards says. Bellamy nods and steps up to the cell. I follow but stay a step behind, not exactly trusting myself around Sinclair. 

“You have something to say?” Bellamy asks in a rough voice that doesn’t belong to my Bellamy. 

“What do you want to know?”

“Everything.” 

“I want immunity. I'm the chief engineer and this camp needs me.” Fair enough. Sinclair glances at me. His look is one of disappointment and some exasperation.

“That's up to Pike,” Bellamy says, “but it shouldn't be a problem. What do you got?”

“So. The cowards make their deals to save their own skin.” Lincoln saunters up to Sinclair like he’s got all the time in the world. 

“Quiet,” Bellamy says in that same gruff voice. 

“Can't defeat the army at the gate? So you turn on your own? Make you feel strong?” Lincoln sneers.

“Lincoln, please stop,” I plead quietly. No way this goes well. 

“I'm not the one who needs to be silenced,” Lincoln spits with an unexpected anger. “He'll tell them nothing.”

The next few moments happen in slow motion. 

Sinclair hits the ground.

Lincoln leaps on him.

Punch after punch. I’ve sparred with Lincoln. I know the power behind those hits.

“Lincoln!” I yell. Bellamy lunges for the keypad.

“Cover me!” he orders the other guards. As soon as the door opens, Lincoln stands up. 

The first thing I register is the lack of blood. The second is Sinclair’s not-smashed face. 

A trick.

“Kom nau!” Lincoln yells. 

The Grounder rush forward in a blur of motion. Lincoln slams Bellamy into the wall and runs past him. 

“Bellamy!” I yell, running to him. He waves me off when I hit the ground next to him.

“M’ fine,” he groans, waving me off. “Go help them.” I shake my head and grab his arm, pulling it over my shoulders and hauling him to his feet. He winces and puts a hand to his ribcage. 

“You’re okay,” I mutter, looking around him at the fight. He actually manages to chuckle.

“Go,” he says simply. I hesitate for a moment. He’s on his feet and I can’t do anything else for him right now, but I can help diffuse this situation. With one last worried look, I run out the door. 

The speakers start to call all guards to us, but I know they aren’t going to get here in time. The guards are getting their asses kicked. Grounders are trained from birth to fight. These people spent most of their lives in a metal box. 

I look around and see Lincoln drop two guards with barely a blink. He starts to head towards me, but stop when he sees me face.

“Cam, move,” he says firmly.

“I can’t do that.” 

I lunge with the technique Lincoln himself taught me, elbows first. He catches a hit in the eye, throwing him off balance. Without giving him time to recover, I throw a heavy kick to his side and throw him even farther off his feet. 

“You’re fighting well,” he grunts before throwing a punch that I know would take me out. To dodge, I duck under it and behind him, where I slam my foot into the back of his knee. It buckles with a sickening pop. I start to send a final kick to the side of his head that I’m sure would knock him out, but a searing pain hits me in the side. My throat stings with my scream of pain. When I hit the ground, still shaking with the pure voltage streaming through me, I see Harper standing over me with a shock baton.

“I really am sorry,” she says as she pulls the baton away. I cough and gasp, clutching my ribs. Next to me, Lincoln gets to his feet. I glare at him from the ground. 

Slowly, I get to my feet. It’s a study in pain. Shock batons are meant for quick lashes, not long exposure. A guard bumps into me while he’s fighting. His elbow hits my side. Black creeps around the edges of my vision, white spots floating in the space I can still see. 

Someone puts their arms around me from behind. I cry out in pain and the someone jumps back.

“Camellia!” It’s Bellamy. “What happened?”

“Shock baton,” I mumble. 

“Can you move?” He carefully turns me around without touching my ribs and looks me in the eye. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lie. He looks unconvinced. 

“Monty radioed. This is a distraction, Kane has Pike. Stay here.”

“Like hell.” Without waiting for a response, I run past Bellamy out the door. Every pump of my arms brushes my ribs, which feels  _ great _ as I’m sure you can imagine. Bellamy’s footsteps behind me are a constant reassurance. 

We burst out the door into the courtyard. The Rover is headed to the gate. I glance back at Bellamy for a moment before full-on sprinting. Our only hope is to cut Kane off. I don’t think he’d run us over. Dangerous gamble, I know. 

Bellamy reaches the gate before I do and pulls his gun out, aiming it directly at the Rover. I catch up and follow suit. For a terrifying moment, Kane doesn’t slow down and I’m thinking,  _ This is it.  _

The brakes slam with a squeal. 

“Get the hell out of the way!” Kane yells. 

Fat chance. I’m not Pike’s biggest fan, but I’m also not a big fan of treason and murder. 

Three long, long seconds of hesitation. A deadly game of chicken. Will he kill us for his people? Will we die for ours?

Defeat flickers across Kane’s face. Anyone can see it. He backed down first. Guards rush forward, opening the Rover and pulling out a handcuffed Pike. While Kane is taken and restrained, his eyes don’t leave me and Bellamy. 

I refuse a trip to medbay until I know what’s happening to Kane, much to Bellamy’s annoyance.

“Camellia, you can barely walk,” he says exasperatedly as I limp my way to the interrogation room. 

“I’m managing just fine,” I grit out, not out of anger but out of pain. Bellamy sighs. My feet leave the ground. I wince when arms brush my ribs, but it’s infinitely better than walking. I put an arm around Bellamy’s neck while he carries me, bridal style, to the room. 

“Stubborn,” he mutters, pretending to be annoyed.

“You know you love me,” I tease. He finally breaks and smiles.

“We are going to medbay right after this, got it?” 

“Yes, sir,” I say with a mock salute. He chuckles and shakes his head, setting me down and opening the door for me. 

Kane is handcuffed and sitting in the same metal chair that Sinclair was in. When Bellamy and I come in, he looks at us directly. He says nothing, which is the worst thing he could do, and shakes his head. I look away from him, focusing on anything but him. Unfortunately, there are very few other things in the room. I take an interest in Bellamy’s hand in mine.

Pike comes in after a few uncomfortable minutes.

“As you know,” he says as he approaches the table. “The terms of martial law and of the Exodus Charter give me both latitude and ultimate authority in determining your punishment. Do you have anything to say for yourself?” Kane takes a deep breath. This is what he’s been preparing for. 

“I admire your adherence to the rule of law. I really do. But these are times when we have to look beyond the rules. To realize they were established to serve a world of the past, not of the future. I beg you one last time to see the world as it is. Not as it was. Or as you want it to be.” Same self-righteous crap as usual. I don’t know what I expected. 

“And I hope you believe that if I thought for one minute that turning myself over to the enemy would secure the safety of our people, I would do it. But only a deluded man would believe that. And only a guilty man would try and tell him so.” Pike straightens up and takes on a tone of total authority. “Marcus Kane. For the crimes of treason, kidnapping, and attempted murder, I hereby sentence you to death.” 

A buzzing in my ears drowns out any other noise. I watch as guards step forward and escort Kane out the door. He looks directly into my eyes as he’s being moved. The disappointment crushes me. My breathing is loud, echoing in my head. Bellamy’s grip on my hand tightens. My ribs hurt. My head is pounding.  _ Death,  _ Pike says over and over. Sentenced to death. 

“Sir, are we really killing our own people now?” Bellamy asks. His voice snaps me back to the present. 

“We're at war. Crimes against our leadership can't be tolerated.” Pike sounds so nonchalant, so calm. 

“So Kane dies to be an example.” My voice isn't mine. It’s hollow. 

“Kane's actions put this whole camp, everyone's lives at risk today!” Pike is yelling now. I stare blankly at him. “He cost us lives in his misguided zeal to appease our enemy! People you knew, your friends died because of him. Am I making him an example? You're damn right. And I hope his execution makes it clear once and for all where people's allegiances need to lie. Do you understand that?” Bellamy is looking at me, not Pike. 

“Yes, sir,” he says. Pike glances between us for a moment.

“Dismissed.” Finally. 

Bellamy picks me up again and carries me to medbay, like he promised. I lean my head on his shoulder. There’s no fight left in me. We just helped sentence a man to death. Not just any man, Kane. Kane, who has been the closest thing I’ve had to a father figure since I was 14. 

Sentenced to death.

Abby takes in my state as soon as we walk in and orders Bellamy to put me in a bed. She pulls my shirt up to expose my ribs. They’re red and burned, blistered in some place. Bellamy sucks in a breath when he sees it. While Abby puts a salve and some bandages on me, he holds my hand and brushes hair back from my forehead. 

“You’ll be fine in a couple days. Take it easy until then, okay?” Abby says. “I know you won’t listen if I say bedrest, but try to avoid anything too strenuous.”

“I’ll keep an eye on her,” Bellamy says. 

Monty and his mother come in, surprising me. Hastily, I pull my shirt back down. I wasn’t really exposed, but still. 

“I heard you got shock batoned,” Hannah says. “Do you know who did it?” Harper’s name is heavy on my tongue. 

I shake my head.

“I didn’t see.” 

“Were you able to identify anyone Kane was working with?” she asks next. 

Another shake of my head. Bellamy does the same. Hannah looks at us suspiciously.

“Let's hope today's actions make it clear to the people of Arkadia which side they should be on. It's not really that hard choosing what's best for your people, is it?” she says. I can hear how carefully she’s choosing her words.

“I do it every day.”


	38. Season 3, Episode 9: Stealing Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: angst, death
> 
> word count: 2098

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're all in this together my loves. it gets better.

Bellamy takes me back to our room and sets me on the bed. I sit still while he slips out my braid, combs it out with his fingers, and gets a shirt for me. He pulls off my jacket and shirt before pulling one of his over my head. My pants are next. Nothing replaces them, he just leaves my legs bare. 

He doesn’t say anything until we’re laying under the covers, me in his arms, head leaning on his chest. 

“What’s happening in that head of yours?” he murmurs finally, fingers deftly stroking my hair.

“They’re going to kill him, and Sinclair, and Lincoln.”

“I didn’t want this to happen,” he says softly. “I didn’t want any of this.” I shift to look up at him.

“We don’t have to talk about that right now. All of that is outside. None of it has to exist here.” He smiles and kisses the tip of my nose. I settle back down into his arms. 

“What do you wanna talk about, princess?” 

“Tell me a story. A happy story, please.” 

“I’ll tell you one of my favorites. The story of Hades and Persephone, how about that?” I nod happily and snuggle closer to him. He chuckles and pulls the blankets up to my chin with one hand, still stroking my hair with the other.

Hades and Persephone is the story of the seasons. It quickly becomes my favorite too, as Bellamy spins his tale of kidnapping and forbidden pomegranates and love with obvious zeal. He has a great skill for telling stories, every tone and cadence of his voice carrying the plot along. 

“And so, what began as one-sided love blossomed into one of the happiest marriages in Greek mythology.” I hum happily as he presses a kiss to the top of my head 

“I liked that story,” I tell him softly. 

“Yeah?” he asks. I nod vigorously. “The first time my mom told us that, Octavia’s only comment was that she wondered what a pomegranate tasted like.” I laugh a little bit.

“That’s a good question.” 

“Maybe we’ll find a pomegranate one day,” Bellamy says. 

“Promise you’ll share it with me if you find one?” I ask. He chuckles.

“Pinky swear,” he says, offering me his hand. I link my finger through his and look at him seriously.

“You’ve just made an unbreakable oath,” I tell him. He puts on a matching solemn expression.

“Oh, I know. I take this very seriously.” 

“You’d better.” I break and smile first. 

Bellamy and I spend a bit more blissful time in bed before we have to get up and actually do things. He looks at me with concern the entire time I’m getting up and putting on pants, despite my constant reassurance that my ribs are fine. 

We meet Pike outside lockup. I’m not sure what we’re doing here, but no one tells me and I don’t asks. 

“Chancellor on deck,” a guard calls when we go inside. The Grounders, Sinclair, and Kane look up at us.

“I thought I had more time,” Kane protests. 

“I'm not here for you,” Pike explains. “Each of you is guilty of the same crimes as Kane, and as such, you will share the same fate: death.”

“Chit en tel yu op?” Danae asks frantically.  _ What’s he saying? _

“Nou trip raun,” Lincoln soothes.  _ Don’t worry. _ “My people are innocent. They know nothing. Don't let them suffer for my crimes. Please.”

“Sir. Lincoln's right. All the others did was run through an open door, same thing we would do if we were in there.” Bellamy keeps his tone level, fighting any emotion out of his voice. Pike considers that for a moment. 

“I believe that's true,” he says finally. “Kane, Lincoln, Sinclair, as the leaders of this coup, you will pay for your crimes with your lives. Execution is set for dawn.” Pike turns and leaves, most of his usual entourage in tow. Bellamy lingers for a moment. I stay with him. Through the fence of lockup, Lincoln stares at us with an expression of disappointment and rage. I can’t look him in the eye. 

Bellamy walks fast, navigating the hallways with long legs that I have to half-jog to keep up with. 

“We can’t let them die,” he mutters. 

“Ok, so what’s the plan?”

“I don’t have one, but I know someone who does.”

He finally slows down outside one of the living quarters. Miller’s room. I guess he’s right, if anyone would have a plan, it’s Miller. Bellamy knocks lightly. The door opens just a crack, and Miller’s face appears.

“What do you want?” he demands. Bellamy shushes him and gestures for him to open the door. We slip inside. I just now remembered the bug.

“I said, wha-”

“Shhh,” I say, sharper than Bellamy. Harper appears behind Miller. I pull out my knife and raise my hands, showing them very clearly. Miller is tense, hand on his gun, as I approach him and slice a bit of the patch off. When I pull out the bug, he relaxes a bit. I slip it under the couch cushion.

“That should muffle it,” I say, nodding to Bellamy.

“Who put it there?” Miller asks.

“That's not important right now. Pike just sentenced Lincoln and Sinclair to death alongside Kane,” Bellamy says seriously. 

“Are you trying to scare us?”

“No. We're here to help. I'm sure you have a plan to break them out. What can we do?”

“What are you talking about?” Harper says, crossing her arms. 

“Harper, come on,” I huff, exasperated. 

“Look,” Bellamy says, “We can help from the inside. To pull this off, we need people to hand them off to on the outside.”

“We seriously don't know what you're talking about.” I roll my eyes. Stubborn idiots. 

“You know what? Forget it. If my sister wants to save Lincoln's life, you tell her to meet me at the dropship in an hour.” Bellamy storms out. With one last look at Miller and Harper, I turn and follow him. 

Night is falling quickly. It’ll be completely dark in much less than an hour.

“Bellamy, that wasn’t the plan,” I say, catching up to him.

“She’s the only one who will trust me.”

“Okay, I’m coming with you.”

“Trust me, I know there’s no way I could convince you to stay behind.” He manages a tight smile. 

I was right. Night rolls in only a few minutes after we slip out of camp, blanketing the trees in darkness. We move quickly but quietly. The blockade is still in place. While the dropship is inside the limits, I doubt Grounders would respect a boundary line if they saw Bellamy and I this close to their army. 

Every time we come back here, all I can see are the skeletons littering the ground. Feel the red fog filling my lungs. Hear Lincoln’s scream as the bullet comes out of his leg. Bellamy’s hand tightens around mine. He knows. He knows I hate it here. I lean closer t o him, and we wait.

I hear Octavia before I see here. More specifically, I hear a horse. She brought Helios. Bellamy stands up straighter when she appears. Octavia looks around suspiciously as she dismounts. 

“'m alone, O,” Bellamy says, stepping forward. “I'm here to help.” Octavia smiles and walks up to him, arms outstretched. Bellamy goes to hug her, but he collapses suddenly.

“Bellamy!” I exclaim, running to catch him. “What did you do?” Octavia shows me a needle. Sedative.

“I don’t trust him, and neither should you,” she says grimly.

“Do you think he wants Lincoln to die? We were here to help!” I yell. 

“If you still trust him, I can’t trust you.” 

A prick in my neck, just like the day I was sent to the ground. 

“No,” I manage to whisper before passing out. 

I’m stiff. My eyes hurt when I open them, but I fight to see my surroundings. A cave. Nothing special about it, but I don’t recognize it. That’s what worries me. 

“Camellia?” says a hoarse voice. I look next to me. Bellamy, just about a foot away. His hands are cuffed and he’s chained to a wall. Instinctively, I look at my hands, but I’m completely free. 

“She’s awake,” says another voice. Indra? She sits across from us. At her voice, Octavia comes into view as well.

“It was a mistake to bring them here,” Indra adds.

“They were out the whole way. And I searched them for bugs.”

“You think I'd let them hurt you?” Bellamy asks. 

“Shut your mouth!” Indra says harshly. 

“Nice to see you too,” I grumble. 

“Indra, we talked about this,” Octavia mutters to her. 

“You waste time. You should be in their camp by now.”

“No, it's suicide,” Bellamy protests. “Pike will be expecting you. You won't get close. I can. We can save them, but we have to work together.”

“You're the reason they need saving,” Octavia spits. I see the immediate effect of her words. He practically shrinks away from her. 

“Maybe, but that doesn't change the fact that you need me.”

“For the first time in my life, that's not true.” 

“O,” he starts, but she’s already walking away. “O!”

Octavia disappears out of the cave. 

“Indra, please,” Bellamy turns to her, begging. “She has no idea what she's facing in there. Pike has tripled his security. There's surveillance everywhere. He'll see her coming.”

“Good, we're counting on that.”

“He still trusts us,” I reason. “And you do too, that’s why I’m not restrained. If anything goes wrong, we can use that.”

“I saw where he earned that trust.” Indra gestures at Bellamy with her sword. “On the battlefield, where he massacred my brothers and sisters. And you’re ight, Octavia insisted you be left free. She said it was a test.” I open my mouth and close it again. I have nothing to say to that. 

“Should I have let Pike kill you?” Bellamy asks quietly.

“Why didn't you?”

“The same reason you haven't used that sword on me.” Indra nods in understanding. 

“Octavia.”

“We are running out of time. Cut me loose.”

“She could die in there,” I add desperately, knowing Indra’s love for Octavia. 

“Then Octavia kom Skaikru will earn the warrior's death I was denied.” Indra gets up and walks away. 

“No!” Bellamy yells. He starts struggling against his chains, yanking at the spike in the wall. 

“Bellamy,” I say softly. He ignores me. “Bellamy! Stop!” I order loudly. That gets his attention. He slumps next to me. I scooch closer to him and lean my head on his shoulder.

“You should go. Pike might trust me more, but any trust is better than none.”

“What did she mean, a test?” I puzzle over it. Then it hits me. “To see if I was trustworthy! If I’m loyal to Lincoln and Sinclair and Kane, or if I’m loyal to Pike.” 

Oh. 

If I don’t go, it means I’m loyal to Pike. 

“See?” Bellamy says, with a humorless smile. “You have to go.”

“I’m sorry, Bell.” What else can I say? I start to leave, but hesitate. I go back and crouch, giving him a quick but heated kiss.

“I love you,” I whisper.

“Keep her alive,” he pleads. I nod and get to my feet. 

Time to go. 

I follow the same path Bellamy and I took to get here, carefully treading the line of the blockade. Once I see a few Grounders on patrol, but I manage to hide until they leave. Under normal circumstances I probably would have been terrified, but right now my only thoughts are on Bellamy’s words:  _ Keep her alive.  _

I have to. No matter what.

Arkadia gets larger and larger. Soon I’m right outside the fence, looking in. It must have rained while I was in the cave. The ground is wet beneath my feet.

“Cam?” I spin around, knife at the ready.

“Kane?” 

“What are you doing here?”

“I came to help,” I say distractedly, looking around him. Miller, Harper, Bryan, Sinclair. Where’s Octavia? 

Where’s Lincoln?

A horse comes into view. Helios. Octavia lays on his back, unconscious. She wakes up after a moment of staring and confused looks.

“Lincoln,” she mumbles. Stumbling, she gets off Helios and comes towards me. Or at least I thought she was coming to me. She pushes past me and goes to the fence. 

Brown dirt, grey Ark station, blue sky, black gun. Lincoln on his knees. Pike standing over him. 

Red blood pouring into the puddle. 

Black hole in Lincoln’s head. 


	39. Season 3, Episode 10: Fallen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: graphic descriptions of fighting and violence, blood, sadness, angst, death
> 
> word count: 2912

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow the trigger warnings made me realize how sad this chapter is. maybe get some chocolate before you read it?

Octavia refuses to get back on her horse. She walks, leading Helios along. I lead the way to the cave. No one speaks. Everyone is experiencing this alone, in their own way, and no one wants to talk about it. I tell myself that I need to see Bellamy, that Bellamy will make me feel better, but I know that’s not true. Nothing can make me feel better right now. 

Bellamy is the only one in the cave when we arrive. Indra is nowhere to be seen, I don’t know where she went and right now I don’t care. I run straight to Bellamy and kneel in front of him. He scans me up and down, looking for injuries, and finding none he turns to the others. I see his eyes fall over every one of them. He notices something wrong.

“Where's Lincoln?” he asks hoarsely. Octavia, her back turned to him, tenses.

“Pike put a bullet in his brain.” My head drops slightly. Bellamy’s face is too painful to look at. He looks so desperately sad. 

“O, I'm so sorry,” he starts. He’s cut off by his head snapping to the side as Octavia charges past me and punches him hard. I feel hands on my shoulders, pulling me to my feet and away from the siblings. Miller. 

Octavia hits Bellamy again. I cringe and turn away.

“That’s enough,” Kane orders. 

“Kane, stay out of this.”

Bellamy, his face bloody. Octavia hits him again and he falls to the ground. Over and over again. Blood spatters on my shoes. 

“Stop!” I yell, pulling away from Miller and grabbing Octavia’s arm. She throws me off and grabs Bellamy’s hair, yanking his head back and landing another blow. Miller takes my shoulders and pulls me back again. A tear traces down my cheek as Octavia lands two more hard blows.

“You’re dead to me,” she says through tears. I know that hurt Bellamy more than punches ever could, so when Octavia storms off, I go directly to him and pull him into my arms. Whisper soft reassurances in his ear, run my finger through his hair, rock ever so slightly back and forth on my knees. 

He lifts his head from my shoulder after a minute and I get a good look at his face. His mouth is covered in blood, a cut on his forehead drips down his temple. I shift so that he leans against the cave wall and dig around in the bag I packed a thousand years ago when we went to see Octavia at the dropship. Slowly, the blood disappears from his face and stains the bandage I found. When I’m done, I press a soft, gentle kiss to his lips. It tastes like salt and iron. His blood and my tears. He rests his forehead on mine for a moment. 

“Lexa’s dead,” he says finally. My breath catches for a moment.

“What?”

“Indra left to go find out what happened.” His voice is blank, empty. 

“We’ll figure it out, okay? We always do.” I brush a piece of bloody hair off his forehead and try to smile at him. He nods a little bit. With one more short kiss, I go to the others to tell them what happened. 

Octavia gets a fire going and then withdraws a few feet back from the group, sharpening her sword. The rest of us sit in a tight circle. I position myself so I can see Bellamy, which puts me in between Miller and Kane. 

“So what now?” Harper asks.

“I say we run two men patrols around the clock, starting now,” Bryan suggests. 

“We'll do that,” Kane agrees, “but we should be safe here.”

“Yeah but are we safe from the blockade?”

“As long as we stay on this side of the line, we should be.”

“They're grounders, you really think they're gonna play by the rules?” Bryan says incredulously. Octavia glares a ferocity that startles me. 

“Hey, Pike will want you dead now too. We take him out, we can go home,” Miller says hopefully. 

“We take him out, then the grounders lift the blockade,” Harper agrees. I glance at Bellamy. He’s shaking his head, not in a  _ you’re wrong  _ way but in a  _ this is stupid  _ way. 

“That's right. We become the thirteenth clan again. Those were the terms.”

“Lexa's terms,” I cut in. “She's dead. How do we know the next commander will honor them?”

“One problem at a time.”

“Too bad we’ve got about 100 different problems,” I scoff. 

“What about Clarke?” Miller asks. “With Lexa gone, she's not safe in Polis.”

“Clarke made her choice.” All eyes go to Octavia. It’s the first thing she’s said. “The only thing that matters now is killing Pike.”

“Octavia's right. Once we resume our place in the Commander's coalition, Clarke will be safe. So how do we do it?” Kane looks around the small circle, eyes landing on each of us in turn. No one offers any bright ideas. 

“Bellamy, come in. It's Monty. I'm in trouble. Please say you still have your radio.” The radio startled me, but I recover quickly and go from startled to worried in about half a second. Kane grabs for the radio, but Sinclair stops him. 

“If we respond and Pike's listening-”

“Go to channel seven.” We all shift our gazes to Bellamy. “‘Please say you still have your radio.’ That's seven words after the word trouble.” Kane hesitates. “It's code, go to seven,” Bellamy insists. After another moment of hesitation, Kane shifts the dial to seven. 

“Bellamy, are you there?” Monty asks. I sigh in relief and smile at Bellamy. 

“Monty, it's Kane. What's wrong?”

“Pike knows that I helped you get out.”

Dammit. We can’t lose Monty too. 

“Can you get to the dropship?”

“I think so.”

“Good, go there. I'll bring you in.” Kane pauses and looks at Bellamy. “Stay off the radio. Over and out.”

“Hold on, what if it's a trap and Pike's waiting?” Harper asks.

“That's why I'm going alone.” Kane gets to his feet and shoulders his rifle. 

“Like hell you are.” Octavia stands up too. 

“I'm with Octavia. Monty saved our lives. I'm going too,” Miller says. 

“No, you're not. If it is a trap, I'm not marching our entire insurgency into it.”

Insurgency sounds like an awfully important word for a bunch of terrified kids who just watched their friend die in the mud. 

“To stop me, you're gonna have to kill me.” Octavia lifts her sword with a firm finality. 

“She hopes it's a trap,” Bellamy says from the corner. Octavia glares at him for a moment before turning back to Kane. 

“He's coming too,” she says “We need a hostage to trade for Monty.” I get to my feet then too.

“No,” I say firmly. They ignore me.

“That's a good plan. He stays chained, and gag him.” 

“I said no,” I say louder. “Bellamy is not a hostage.”

“He's the enemy,” Kane cuts me off sternly. “Do what I said.”

“I’m coming with you then.”

“No, you’re not,” Kane says dismissively.

“Really?” I move in front of him. “You think you can stop me? You’re not the Chancellor, you’re not in charge of the guard anymore, and I don’t remember having an election that put you in charge of our little ‘insurgency.’ I don’t take orders from you.” I’m yelling by the end of my speech. Kane looks taken aback, like he didn’t expect me to actually fight back.

He doesn’t know me very well. 

“Alright,” he says finally. I turn on my heel and go to Bellamy, where Miller has gagged him and unchained him from the wall. His hands are still bound. 

“I’m not going to give you over to Pike, got it?” I say fiercely. He smiles a little bit through the gag and nods. 

The dropship isn’t far from our little cave, and I know the woods well. We stay up on the ridges to better our chances of seeing the blockade before they see us. Octavia insists on holding Bellamy. She keeps a sword at the side of his neck the whole way. I take the rear so I can keep an eye on the Blakes, and Kane takes the front. It’s his mission anyway. I’m just here to make sure they don’t kill my boyfriend. You know, just another day on Earth. 

Octavia takes the lead once we hit the dropship fence, since she’s got our “hostage.” God, I hate this place. Rain and wind may have washed away the physical evidence, but my guilt still comes in waves when I see this place. 

“Monty?” Kane calls. Silence. “We got here first.”

“No, we didn't,” Octavia huffs. She shoves Bellamy forward. “Get outside! Now!”

After a few painful seconds, the curtain of the dropship entrance moves. Monty steps out. I would be relieved, but there’s something wrong. His hands are bound. A gun follows him out, and the the owner of the gun. Pike. 

“He followed me. I'm sorry,” Monty says. I have no doubt of his sincerity. Monty wouldn’t do this.

“Let him go, Pike!” I yell.

“I can't do that.” Pike sounds almost amused. He lifts his radio. “One at their feet.”

A round sounds off from somewhere in the trees. I jump as dirt sprays around my feet. 

“It's over. Put down your weapons.”

Like hell.

“Shoot him,” Octavia hisses. 

“Monty's in the shot,” Kane whispers back. 

“Come on, Marcus,” Pike calls. Another round hits at our feet. “I promised Monty's mother that I'd bring him home alive. Don't make me a liar.”

Kane drops his gun and tosses it off to the side. 

“Kane, what the hell?” I whisper-shout. He shakes his head slightly. 

“Now you,” Pike nods at Octavia and I. I glower at him for a moment before I do what Kane did, tossing my gun to the side. I’ll be no good to Bellamy if I get shot. Octavia takes a more active approach. She yanks Bellamy and holds her sword at his throat. Pike is unaffected. 

“One in the girl's leg,” he orders. Bellamy tenses at that. I know what he’s going to do. 

He grabs her arm and pulls it away from his throat, twisting her hand. Her sword hits the ground as she struggles. Pike whistles, and guards appear all around us. Out of the trees, emerging from the dropship. I raise my hands in surrender. Gillmer grabs my arms and yanks them roughly behind my back.

“Let her go,” Bellamy orders, having pulled his gag out. 

“She’s the enemy,” Pike says, shaking his head. Exactly what Kane said about Bellamy.

“She was only here to make sure Octavia didn’t kill me,” Bellamy argues. 

“She’s a risk.” Pike’s voice has a firm finality to it. “Now, you’ve got about five seconds to make me believe you’re still with us.”

“All the others are in a cave not far from here.” He didn’t even have to think about it. He just sold them out. 

“You son of a bitch!” Octavia yells, yanking away from her guard and lunging at Bellamy. A shock baton hits her in the side and she goes down before she makes it a foot. 

“Gag them,” Pike says dismissively. “Give me the coordinates.”

“I don't have the coordinates. But I can take you there.” Pike nods and gestures at the guards. Gillmer starts to put a gag in my mouth, but Bellamy stops him.

“I can do it,” he says firmly. Gillmer glances between us for a moment before handing the gag over. Bellamy slips it into place gently.

“Trust me,” he says, so softly I barely catch the words. After the gag is in place, he brushes a strand of hair off my face. I nod almost imperceptibly. Am I stupid to still trust him? Maybe. But I believe in the Bellamy that was willing to trade his life for Jasper, the Bellamy that went into Mt. Weather, the Bellamy that puts my life before his constantly. So when he begins to lead Pike to the cave full of our friends, I follow him. 

Gillmer keeps his gun at my back the whole way. I’m tempted to turn and grab it. I’m 99% sure that even bound and gagged, I could take Gillmer. The temptation is strong, but I resist. There will be a time for beating up Gillmer. Hopefully soon.

“You sure about the route? We're getting close to the blockade line,” Pike says as we walk over a ridge. 

“That's why Kane set up out here,” Bellamy explains. “He didn't think we'd risk it.”

“Well, he was wrong.” There’s a short pause before they speak again. 

“What's gonna happen to Camellia and my sister?” Bellamy asks almost timidly.

“Tell you what, I'll make you the same promise I made Monty's mother. Immunity for all past actions, but if they screw up again-”

“Oh, she won't. I'll make sure of it. My sister, my responsibility.” If it was possible, I think Octavia’s glare would burn a hole in the back of Bellamy’s head.

I realize we’re not going to the cave about 10 minutes later. We’re headed to the blockade line. Maybe Bellamy’s plan is Death Before Dishonor now. Sucky plan if you ask me, but no one asked me.

“Hold on,” Pike orders as we start to descend the ridge. 

“The cave's just on the other side.” Bellamy walks down first, his eyes on the trees.

“Keep a sharp eye out,” Pike says as we follow him. 

This is such a terrible horn.

A loud horn sounds from somewhere to our right.

“The blockade!” Pike yells, very observantly. “Anybody got eyes? Back to higher ground!”

Before anyone can follow his command, Bellamy grabs Pike’s sidearm and points it at his head. 

“Drop your weapon!” Bellamy yells. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Reasonable question. 

“Drop your weapon!” he commands again. I take that as my cue. Octavia and I jump into motion at the same time. I kick back as hard as I can and hit Gillmer in the shin. He curses loudly and falls to his knees. Not good enough. After slipping my restraints, I flatten my palm and slam it upwards into his nose, breaking it with a satisfying crack. If I was lucky, the bone would go into his brain, but I’ve never been very lucky. Instead of dying, Giller just starts bawling like a baby. Annoying. I pull my knife out of my boot and slam the hilt into the side of his head. He passes out cold, slumping to the ground. Looking around, I see the other guards also incapacitated.

“We bring you Chancellor Pike of the Sky People,” Bellamy calls. “O, translate.”

“Osir lid yo in Chansla Paik kom Skaikru,” Octavia yells. 

“You've killed us all,” Pike says grimly. I slap him across the face as hard as I can. It feel great. Well, not physically, it kinda hurts my hand, but it’s ever so satisfying. Especially the look of shock on his face. 

“Teik em in, ban disha treibloka we!” I yell, not breaking eye contact with Pike.  _ Take him and break this blockade.  _

Three arrows fly out of nowhere and land in the guards on the ground. Grounder jump out of trees, over the ridge, from anywhere and everywhere. There’s got to be at least a hundred of them, all surrounding us. Next to me, Octavia grabs the knife out of my hand and starts to lunge forward. I catch her right before she sinks it into Pike’s skull. 

“No,” I reason quietly. “The Grounders want him alive. They didn't get justice for Finn, and we won't get away with that again.”

“In that case,” Pike starts, grabbing for Bellamy’s gun. He doesn’t make it far. An arrow hits him in the shoulder, flinging him to the ground. A Grounder jumps forward and whacks him with the butt end of a spear, knocking him out. They come forward and take him away. 

“Where are you taking him?” Kane asks. 

“To the new commander,” grunts one of the Grounders. 

“May I join you?” Kane pulls up his sleeve. The brand marks his arm. “We're the thirteenth clan.”

“Don't slow us down.” Close enough to agreement.

“Are you sure?” Monty asks. “We know nothing about the new commander.”

“I'm sure. Go home. Tell our people what happened here. Tell Abby I'll look out for Clarke.” Monty nods and walks away, leaving Kane with Bellamy and I. Bellamy starts to leave as well, but Kane grabs him arm. 

“Did you do this for your sister? Or because it was the right thing to do?”

“You're welcome,” Bellamy says simply.

“It matters,” Kane insists. “Until you see that, you'll still be lost.” He releases Bellamy and walks after the Grounders. 

I go to Monty and pull him into a hug, something I wasn’t able to do. He hugs me back tightly. 

“I’m glad you’re okay,” I tell him. 

“My mom turned me in,” he says softly. I pull back a little bit.

“You're family. You'll work it out.” I look at Bellamy as I say the last part. He’s watching Octavia. As she starts to get up, Gillmer stirs with a groan. 

Octavia stabs my knife directly into his heart. 

She wipes the blood on Gillmer’s jacket and hands my knife back to me. 

“Jus drein just daun.”

_ Blood must have blood.  _


	40. Season 3, Episode 11: Nevermore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: blood, nightmares, ALIE/Raven being mean to everyone, angst
> 
> word count: 5331

We go back to the cave quickly. Octavia walks a few yards in front of Bellamy and I. There’s anger in her every move, the way she walks, the tension in her shoulders. Monty stays close to us, though, hovering behind us. 

Sinclair runs straight to us when we get back, questions bubbling out of his mouth. I fill him in hastily. Pike’s gone, Kane’s gone, blockade is down. Our next move is to go home as soon as there’s daylight to go off of. We’ll stay here for the night. I don’t realize that I’m giving orders until a few minutes later. It’s just like back at the dropship. I just sort of take charge without thinking about it. 

“Can anyone hear me?” a voice yells through the radio. I grab it off the ground where it was discarded. Sinclair and the others gather around me. 

“This is Cam,” I say. “Do you copy?”

“Cam, this is Jasper,” he says frantically. “There’s something really wrong at Arkadia. It’s not safe. Jaha’s been giving people these weird chips that steal their memories. Raven took one, but I’ve got her knocked out in the back. Where are you?”

What the hell?

“We’re in a cave near the blockade line. It’s about a mile east of the dropship. Can you get here?” 

“I think so.” He pauses, and when he speaks again, his voice is hard. “Clarke is with me.”

“Are you all safe? Are you hurt?” I ask.

“Except for Raven being possessed, we’re fine.” 

“Good. I’ll see you when you get here. Over and out.” I click the radio off and hand it to Sinclair. “Monitor that. Let me know if he radios again.” Sinclair nods and sits down by the fire. 

“What’s the plan?” Harper asks. Everyone’s looking to me.

“We’re staying here at least until Jasper and Clarke get here. After that…” I trail off. What are we doing next? “We’ll get more information and go from there.” Octavia looks at me for a moment and then starts to pack up her bag. 

“What are you doing?” I ask exasperatedly.

“What does it look like?”

“O, wait,” Bellamy says. “You can't just leave.”

“Watch me,” she says, grabbing her sword. 

“You heard what Jasper said on the radio,” I argue. “Arkadia is not safe.”

“What Jasper said sounds insane. Pike's gone. I can handle myself.” She pauses. “Grounders burn their dead.” Lincoln. Of course she’s going back for Lincoln. 

“I know that. And then what? Where are you gonna go?” Bellamy asks. Just what he said when Clarke was leaving.

“You don't get to ask me that!” Octavia explodes. 

“O, what do I have to do to prove I am on your side?”

“Bring Lincoln back.” Her voice is full of pain. “Turning Pike in does not make you one of the good guys, Bellamy! You did that to save me. Not because what you thought what Pike was doing to the Grounders was wrong.”

“The Grounders were starving us out.”

“Because you massacred an army that was sent to protect us.”

“That army could have attacked us at any time and you know it,” Bellamy says sternly. 

“But they didn't attack, you did that. You were hurting and you lashed out because that's what you do.” She starts to walk away, but spins around again. “There are consequences Bell, people get hurt. People die. Your people. Monroe's dead. Lincoln is dead.” That’s when she really leaves, storming out of the cave. Bellamy runs a hand through his hair.

“Bell,” I say softly, taking his hand. He pulls away and follows Octavia out of the cave, leaving me by myself. I take a shaky breath, push a piece of hair out of my face, and follow him out.

“They’re here,” Miller calls before I get far. Sure enough, the Rover lights appear out of the woods. I turn and squint into the light. Someone’s walking towards us.

Clarke. 

Clarke with her Grounder braids and Grounder clothes. Clarke, who left us. There’s a long moment of silence, Bellamy and I looking at Clarke and her looking back. Jasper breaks the pause.

“Need your help! We have to get her inside before she wakes up!” He’s carrying an unconscious Raven. Bellamy runs forward and takes her.

“Were you followed?” I demand. 

“Maybe. I don't know,” Jasper stutters. He looks terrified. 

“Okay,” I say soothingly. “You’re okay. Get into the cave, alright?” He nods and walks off. I turn to Miller and Bryan. “Get to the ridge. Radio if you spot anyone following. Harper will stay here on watch.” They nod as well and go off to follow my orders. I look around. Bellamy took Raven into the cave, Clarke is with them. Octavia is still standing a few feet away, watching everything go down.

“Octavia, please. We need you,” I plead. She sighs and follows me into the cave.

Raven has been laid down next to the fire. Sinclair looks about as panicked as I’ve ever seen him. 

“Raven is not Raven anymore,” Jasper is saying. “None of them are. Jaha's been chipping everyone.”

“Jasper’s right. I’ve seen it in my own eyes,” Clarke adds.

“I don’t need your help!” I step in between Jasper and Clarke and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Okay, just calm down and explain.” I give him a reassuring smile. He takes a shaky breath.

“Jaha is using the chips to control everyone. You swallow it and it changes you. You forget who you are, and then you see this thing, ALIE. Only, she's not really there. She made Raven slit her own wrists. She was trying to get it out of her head. I was trying to help her but-” His voice is getting more and more panicked.

“Ok, so let's help her now. Did she say how?” Sinclair asks. 

“She was working on building something. She needed one of our old wristbands but Jaha destroyed all of them.” 

“Wait a second,” Clarke says. She grabs something out of her pocket. A small box with a skull on it. When she slides it open, she pulls out a tiny blue chip with an infinity symbol on it. “Does it look like this?”

“Not exactly,” Jasper says grudgingly. I’m about to ask what it is and why she has it, but something more pressing catches my attention. Raven wakes up. 

And starts running. 

She shoves Sinclair to the ground and runs out of the cave. I freeze for just a second.

“Don't let her get away!” Clarke yells, chasing her out of the cave. The rest of us follow. 

“It's just woods. I can't see anything!” Raven cries, distressed. I grab her arms and pin them behind her back. She kicks out, catching me in the leg, but I keep a tight hold. Bellamy manages to catch her legs. She’s screaming all the time, squirming and flailing to break free. Suddenly, she goes limp.

“Reaper stick,” Jasper explain, holding up the needle. “Last dose. If Raven finds out where we are, so will ALIE. She'll come for her.”

“We have to go,” Clarke says firmly. 

“Why? ALIE doesn't know where we are.”

“Because I know where we can get a wristband.”

Monty drives to the trading post. I decide that we should blindfold Raven, just in case she wakes up. We tied her hands too. Piling into the Rover surrounding an unconscious body quickly becomes one of my least favorite activities. I keep a firm grip on Bellamy’s hand, both to support him and myself. 

When we reach the post, Niylah is already outside. She draws a sword when she sees us. I glance at Clarke. That’s not good.

“I'll talk to her,” Clarke says. 

“I'll come with you.” Bellamy and I hop out of the Rover next to her. We approach slowly. I really don’t want to get beheaded today. 

“Skaikru is not welcome here, Wanheda,” Niylah hisses. 

“Niylah, what's wrong?” Clarke asks. 

“She's waking up, hurry!” Sinclair yells from the Rover. “We have to get her inside!”

“Is your father here?”

“My father is dead. Part of an army killed by your people while trying to protect you.” Bellamy’s grip on my hand tightens slightly. 

“Niylah, please,” Clarke begs.

“I said no.” Next to me, Bellamy huffs. 

“We don't have time for this.” He raises his gun. “Move!” As much as I don’t want to do this, he’s right. We’re out of time. Niylah glares at him but steps aside. Sinclair comes in, carrying Raven.

“Put her in the back, through here,” Clarke orders, pointing to a bed. 

Raven starts thrashing as soon as the blindfold is taken off. I grab one arm, Octavia grabs the other, and everyone else grabs legs and whatever else they can. She still flails like she’s being murdered.

“Where the hell am I?” she yells. “Let me go!” 

“Raven, stop fighting!” Octavia orders. Raven chooses not to listen and instead wrenches an arm free and slugs Jasper in the face. I grab her wrist and pin it to the bedpost.

“Jasper, tie her up. Fast!” I command. He recovers from the punch and helps, double wrapping her hand and tying it tightly. Sinclair and Octavia get her legs and finally, her other arm. I take a step back and a deep breath. Raven continues thrashing ans screaming her head off. It’s awful. I look away and squeeze my eyes closed, hard, shake my head, try to clear my thoughts. It doesn’t work. 

Clarke, Monty, Sinclair, and I head outside the room. Immediately I scan the room for Bellamy. He’s in the corner with Niylah, gun still trained on her.

“How the hell do we get that thing out of her head?” Clarke asks. 

“Working on it,” Monty says. He and Sinclair walk off somewhere to go do science things. Clarke walks over to Bellamy and Niylah.

“I got this,” she tells Bellamy. He nods and comes to me. I smile slightly at him.

“Niylah, we didn't have a choice,” Clarke is saying. “Our friend can't see you or this room until she's better.

“Why?”

“It's hard to explain.”

“Try.” A woman of few words. 

“Just trust me when I tell you it's important.”

“Trust you? After what Skaikru did?” Niylah spits. Bellamy tenses. His hand grasps for mine. I take it in both of mine and pull his arm to me. 

“That wasn't us,” Clarke insists. “I'm sorry about your father. We all are.” 

“What do you want from me, Clarke?” Niylah asks tiredly. 

“Last time I was here, you had one of our wristbands. We need it now to save our friend.”

“And why should I help you?”

“Because I know you won't let an innocent girl suffer.” I can practically see Niylah turning this over in her mind, pondering. Finally, she nods. 

“Stay here.” She heads out the door. Bellamy lets out a breath. 

“You okay?” I ask quietly. He hesitates for a moment, looking at me like I might disappear.

“Fine,” he says finally. A lie. Bellamy’s a shitty liar. I don’t push though, not right now. 

Niylah returns with a wristband and shows us a room with a workbench. The way she and Clarke look at each other can only be described as warm. I wonder what happened when Clarke was all Wanheda out here. 

“So how do we do this?” I ask. 

“We think Raven wanted to use this wristband to generate an EMP. Which is freakishly brilliant,” Sinclair says. He speaks of Raven softly. Like my father spoke about me. It hurts my heart just a little bit. 

“Meaning what?”

“A targeted electromagnetic pulse could destroy the chip's circuitry. We could use this to send an EMP along Raven's own nervous system. Just need to reverse the polarity, a wire for external input and attach of battery.”

“But what would that do to her?” Clarke asks. 

“Well, EMPs don't affect our bodies. But I don't know the mechanics of how this chip integrates with her brain.”

“This was Raven's plan. She wouldn't do it if it would destroy her brain,” Bellamy reasons. It makes sense. I want to believe him. 

“Depends how bad she wanted it out,” Octavia says, coming up behind us. Sinclair turns white as a sheet, but he recovers. 

“Regardless, without an electromagnet, this is just talk.”

“Where do we get one?” Clarke asks. Sinclair shrugs. 

“The Ark.” A noise of defeat sounds around the table. “Every station had a pulse inductive thruster for maneuvering.”

“Arkadia's out of the question,” Bellamy says. “It's too dangerous, you heard them.”

“We use the dropship,” Monty realizes. “It has PI thrusters just like the Ark.” I look to Sinclair hopefully. 

“That's good,” he says. “That’s really good. Okay. I'll go salvage the magnet.”

“No,” I say, sharper than I meant to. “ We need you here with Raven.”

“I'll take the rover,” Monty says. “Be back by the time you finish the device.”

“I'll go with you,” Octavia adds. Bellamy opens his mouth. “Don't,” she says before he can get any words out. They leave quickly. Bellamy’s turned his face into a stony mask once again. I sigh and take his hand. 

“She’ll be okay,” I tell him.

“That’s not what I’m worried about.” His voice is blank, but I understand. He’s worried about Octavia’s words:  _ you’re dead to me.  _ He can’t lose Octavia. Especially not when she’s right in front of him. 

“Guys! Guys!” Jasper yells from the other room. He was with Raven. I sprint towards his voice, sliding to a stop and almost running into him. He’s staring at Raven, horrified. I see why a moment later. Her arm is dripping blood, her teeth are stined red, and her arm… she dislocated her own shoulder. Clarke and Bellamy catch up to us and take in the scene.

“Stop her!” Clarke cries, running forward. Raven starts thrashing again. I grab the arm that isn’t dislocated and hold it down while Clarke examines the bleeding wrist. 

“She's reopened her wounds. She's gonna bleed to death! I need bandages.”

“I got it,” I say, running to grab my pack. 

“Bellamy, take her wrists,” Clarke orders. “Raven, stop fighting us.” Once again, Raven does not obey. She begins banging her head against the bed frame while still flailing her bloody arms. 

“ALIE!” Jasper yells. “ALIE, look at me, I know you can hear us. Why are you doing this to her? Let her go!” Raven’s head snaps to look at him robotically. 

“I'll let her go when you give me what I want,” Raven says in a voice that doesn’t belong to her. “The technology that Clarke carries, it belongs to me.”

“No way,” Clarke growls. 

“Clarke, just give it to her,” Jasper yells. 

“If you let Raven die, you'll never get it,” Clarke says, ignoring Jasper completely. Raven goes limp immediately. I sigh in relief. 

“Untie her wrist. Hold her steady,” Clarke orders, grabbing Raven’s arm. She braces herself on the bed and pops Raven’s shoulder back into place. My stomach heaves at the noise. 

“Clarke, she's never gonna stop trying to get away,” Bellamy says grimly. “We can't let her hurt herself again. Someone has to stay with her.” He’s right, unfortunately. 

“I'll be first watch,” Clarke nods. “We'll take turns.”

“You don't give the orders, Clarke!” Jasper explodes, a finger pointed in her face. I grab his shoulders and pull him back. 

“Guess he doesn't forgive you for murdering his girlfriend,” Raven smirks.

“Jasper, take a break,” Bellamy says quietly, pulling Jasper out of the room. I look at Clarke and Raven one more time before I leave. 

Bellamy and Jasper are standing at a small table. Jasper’s trying to pry off a handcuff that I didn’t notice before. 

“Get yourself together, Jasper,” Bellamy is saying. “You can't let anger get in the way of what we have to do.”

“You know, that's funny, coming from you. When you're angry, people die. Just ask that girl over there.” Jasper nods over at Niylah before sauntering away, out the door. I look nervously up at Bellamy. When he notices me, he puts an arm across my shoulders and presses a kiss to the top of my head.

“You should try to get some sleep, princess,” he says. “I’ll wake you when it’s your watch.”

“Okay,” I say softly. “Promise you’ll try to sleep later?”

“Promise,” he says with a small smile. I stand on my tiptoes and give him a quick kiss before heading off to the couch I saw earlier. 

The cushions are soft, and I curl up on the couch easily. I didn’t realize how tired I was until I laid down. My eyes are already starting to drift closed. I think about fighting it, but Bellamy’s right. We all need sleep.

A dream comes as soon as I fall asleep. It’s Fox. She stands right in front of me, a smile on her face. I smile back and go to hug her, but she takes a step back when I get close. Wordlessly, she turns and runs away. I’m confused. Why did she come if she was just going to leave? I run after her, straight into a forest. It’s not familiar, I don’t know these trees. The only thing I can follow is the sound of Fox’s footsteps, and the occasional glimpse of her back. 

I reach a small clearing. Fox stands in the middle of it, facing me now. Behind her, the some of the 100. There’s Atom, and Mbege, and Roma, and Charlotte, and Wells, and those are only the ones I can see from here. The kids who died. From the trees around them, more people come out. These ones I don’t recognize, until one face hits me. 

It’s Maya.

384 people emerge from the woods. I don’t have to count, I know. There were 384 people that died when I pulled that lever. 

Another group comes as well. More people I don’t recognize, but I know their clothes. These are the Grounders that we killed in the battle. The charred skeletons outside the dropship, come back to life. 

For a moment, no one moves.

And then they charge.

Every single one of the people I’ve killed move as one, coming to take their revenge.

I jolt awake as they reach me. Bellamy has a hand on my shoulder. My breaths are coming in gasps. I sit bolt upright and look around wildly, sure there’s an army coming to kill me. 

“Hey, hey, you’re okay,” Bellamy says soothingly. He puts a hand on my cheek. I flinch and jerk away. His face falls. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I say over and over, a mantra. Bellamy pulls me into a hug, whispering soft reassurances and stroking my back. I bury my face in his shoulder and catch my breath. Once I’ve calmed down, Bellamy hesitantly wipes the tears off my cheek, smiling a bit when I don’t pull away.

“I was just coming to wake you. Raven got to Clarke and Jasper, so it’s just us now.” He pauses. “Are you okay to do this?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a nightmare,” I say, forcing a smile. Bellamy looks unconvinced, but he doesn't have much of a choice. He takes my hand and keeps me close to him as we head into the room. Raven smirks at us when we come in and sit down.

“Look at your united front,” she says. I keep my face neutral, and Bellamy does the same. “Oh, come on Bellamy. We've had our fun together, haven't we?” I stiffen, remembering the day I saw Raven come out of his tent. His hold on my hand tightens.

“It's okay. We don't have to talk about it. Not much to talk about, anyway. But I do have one question. Does it bother you that you don't get any credit for the genocide at Mount Weather? Clarke gets to be the Commander of Death, but you murdered all those people, too, and you're just forgotten. Then again, you didn't get any credit for the culling on the Ark, either. How many people suffocated when you threw away my radio? At least Clarke was saving her own people. You were just saving your own ass. Of course, that's nothing compared to killing your own mom.” That’s what gets him. I can feel the tension in the room grow. I pull his hand into my lap and run my thumb over the back of it, trying to ground him.

“You just had to take little sister to her first dance, you might as well have just shoved Aurora out the airlock yourself,” Raven continues, smiling cruelly. “Do you think she'd be proud of you now? Of the kind of leader you've become? Or would she see the truth, like the rest of us do? That you're a follower. Clarke's been back for one day and you're already taking orders. A good little knight, by his queen's side. We all know you’re not that devoted to Cam.” My head snaps up to look at her. 

“Don’t let her get to you,” Bellamy whispers. I nod and go back to tracing patterns on his hand.

“Lexa stole Clarke away from you, and you got your revenge, didn’t you? I mean you picked up a gun and slaughtered an army that was sent to protect us. That had nothing to do with Clarke and Lexa, of course. But, hey, a Grounder's a Grounder, right?” As she’s getting the last words out, Niylah charges in. Bellamy and I both jump to our feet.

“My father!” Niylah cries. “You killed him!”

“Niylah!” I yell, but it’s too late. She’s already on Bellamy, throwing a heavy punch to his face. Clarke runs in and pulls her away.

“Niylah, you can't be in here.” She manages to get them both out of the room. I go to Bellamy and try to examine his face, but he brushes me off.

“I’m fine.” And he walks out of the room. I watch him go for a moment, debating going after him, but someone needs to watch Raven. Stiffly, I go and sit back down.

“Just you and me now, huh?” she says. I avoid eye contact, studiously looking at my hands. “You know, when I asked about Mt. Weather, you didn’t say anything. I’m curious: how does it feel to have committed genocide, and you don’t even get any credit? Clarke is respected, feared by the Grounders, and you’re just a forgotten girl. I mean, you can’t really blame Bellamy for caring about her more.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say evenly.

“Oh come on, Cam. You can’t really be that oblivious. Everyone sees the way they look at each other. It’s just what happened to Finn. He fell under her spell, and she killed him. She kills everyone who gets close to her. Better hold on to Bellamy while you can.” 

“Shut up,” I say, shaking my head.

“But Clarke isn’t the only one who kills people she loves. I mean, she got her dad killed, but you didn’t stop there. You got your mom too.”

“Stop.”

“And then Wells and Charlotte, because you were too blind to see that she was a basket case. Then Roma, Mbege, a lot of the kids because you were too slow. Finn, because your boyfriend let him go off with an automatic rifle. And then Fox.”

“Shut up!” I yell. Raven smiles.

“Poor, little Fox. Drilled until she couldn't give anymore. You didn’t save her. You were starting a coup and comforting Maya, who you killed less than half an hour later.” 

“Shut the hell up!” I yell, jumping to my feet. “Just stop! Stop talking!” 

“What’s wrong? Don’t like talking about the people you killed?” Raven yells back, matching my tone. Bellamy comes running in and grabs my waist, hauling me out of the room and pulling me against his chest, holding me tightly. 

“Just calm down,” he says softly. “Just breathe.” I slip my arms around him as well and take a deep, shuddering breath. 

“Everyone, let's go!” Sinclair yells from the other room. I look up and pull away from Bellamy a little bit. Monty and the others brush past us, carrying the electromagnet. Bellamy and I follow. Neither of us is exactly sure how to help, so I just grab one of Raven’s arms and try to keep her from thrashing. Monty and Sinclair fiddle with theitheir little box of wires.

“We're all set,” Monty says finally. 

“All we have to do is connect her and activate the electromagnet,” adds Sinclair. Raven’s eyes take on a distant look for a moment, staring off into space. 

And then she bursts into motion again.

Slamming her head into the bed frame.

Over and over, the back of her skull banging into the metal. 

“Raven, stop!” I cry, dropping her wrist and grabbing her head instead. She bites down on my hand, hard, and I let go. Blood drips from her teeth.

“She's trying to kill herself,” Bellamy yells, taking my place at holding her head still. He manages to dodge her teeth, but he can’t keep her still enough to avoid damage.

“Stop and I'll give you this,” Clarke says. I look up. She’s holding the little chip that she showed us earlier, the one with the infinity symbol on it. Raven freezes, distracted for a moment. That must be what ALIE wants. Sinclair takes advantage of the moment to close the wristband around Raven’s arm.

“No, you lied! You lied!” Raven screams, starting to struggle again. She looks up sadly at Sinclair. She’s trying to manipulate him. “No, please, don't. The EMP will give me brain damage! You know it will. Please, don't do this!” 

“Don't listen to her,” I yell. 

“Please! You know it will! Sinclair, stop! Sinclair, no. No!”

“We've only got one shot at this,” Sinclair says evenly over Raven. “The EMP will fry the wristband too.” I nod. 

“Do it.”

Monty plugs a red wire into the box. I hold my breath and wait.

And wait. 

Nothing happens.

“What's happening?” Jasper demands. 

“Nothing.” Sinclair shakes his head. “We need more power. The battery's not strong enough.”

“Well, then get one that is,” Clarke says. I resist an eye roll.

“The rover,” Monty realizes.

“Good, go get it,” I tell him. “Quickly.”

“I’ll go with him,” Bellamy says, releasing Raven. Sinclair takes over, holding her head away from the bedframe. 

A couple of nerve-wracking minutes pass. I bounce on the balls of my feet, still gripping Raven’s wrist. She’s stopped struggling for the moment. Instead, she just stares blankly at us. It’s almost worse. 

Finally, Bellamy and Monty run back in. I breathe a sigh of relief. 

“Got it!” Monty says surprisingly calmly, fiddling with the battery and some wires. “We’re good to go.” He plugs the wire once again.

Raven stiffens, her eyes rolling back in her head. She screams. 

I flinch and close my eyes. I’ve heard Raven’s screams far too many times. 

She goes limp. The scream dies out. Clarke frantically checks for a pulse.

“She's alive.” 

“Thank God,” I say softly. I lean over Raven and shake her gently. “Raven? Come on. Come on Raven, wake up. Wake up!” She doesn’t move. I look up at Sinclair. “Why isn’t she waking up?” 

“I- I don’t know,” he stammers. 

“She warned us,” Jasper says dully. He grabs a metal bar from next to the bed.

“What are you doing?” Clarke asks frantically. 

“ALIE did that to Raven. She's never gonna get this!” He raises the bar over Clarke’s little chip, ready to smash it to bits.

“No, you can't! Stop!” Clarke cries, grabbing his arm. “It's Lexa!” I look up at Bellamy. How the hell is that thing Lexa? “Part of her is still in there! I saw them cut it out of her head, I'm not…” she trails off. 

“What is it?” I ask. 

“Both the AIs were made by the same person. Both tap into human consciousness. They must work similarly, right?”

“There's probably only one pathway to consciousness, so it's possible, yeah,” Sinclair says. 

“What does this have to do with anything?” Octavia asks, exasperated.

“I've seen an AI get removed before.” She runs back to Raven. “Help me get her on her side!” Despite my confusion, Clarke seems certain. I get my arms under Raven and help flip her over, exposing her back to Clarke.

“Get that med kit from my bag!” Clarke orders. Monty runs off to go get it. When he returns, Clarke grabs a scalpel and positions it over the back of Raven’s neck.

“Woah, woah, woah,” Sinclair says, grabbing her hand. 

“It's okay.” Clarke lowers the scalpel and makes a small incision. Blood immediately pours out. I grab a cloth and press it under the flow. Red spreads across the fabric quickly. I look nervously at Clarke. Whatever she’s doing, it better work soon. 

Something black oozes out of the wound. Sticky, goopy, black stuff. 

“What is that?” Bellamy asks. Clarke looks as confused as we are. 

“It must be whatever's left of the chip,” says Sinclair. Okay, gross. More of the stuff pours out onto the cloth. I look away. 

A small cough draws my attention back. Raven coughs again. Hoarse and strained. Do people cough in the City of Light? 

“Hey,” Sinclair says softly, uncertainly. 

“Ow,” Raven winces. I let out a surprised laugh. Sinclair and Clarke help Raven sit up. 

“Never thought I'd be so happy to see someone in pain,” Octavia jokes. Raven manages a pained laugh. I grab the cloth and wipe the blood and goop off her neck before putting a bandage over it carefully. She smiles at me a little bit. 

“I could have saved my mom.” I look over. Monty is facing away from us. His mom? Octavia shakes her head.  _ Dead,  _ she mouths. 

“Hey,” Jasper starts, putting a hand on Monty’s shoulder.

“Get the hell away from me!” Monty explodes. My eyes widen. Anger from Monty is a rare thing. He turns and storms out of the room. Silence hangs heavy over us for a moment. 

“ALIE knows we're here,” Bellamy says, breaking the pause. “We gotta move.”

Sinclair wraps Raven in a blanket and carries her out to the Rover. Monty and Jasper are out there with them, and I’m pretty sure Octavia is getting a change of clothes. No idea where Clarke is. She’ll be fine. I head outside, where I find Bellamy, waiting for Monty to get the battery back in the Rover.

“Hey,” I say with a smile, taking his hand. He winces. I frown and look closer at his hand. Bruised and bloody knuckles.

“You know, you made me promise I wouldn’t hurt myself. Shouldn’t it go both ways?” I ask as I wrap a bandage around his hand. He manages a smile.

“I promise.” When I’m done with the bandage, I press a kiss to the back of his hand.

“You’ll recover,” I tease. Instead of smiling or laughing, his face grows more serious.

“Will I?” he asks quietly. All of the things Raven said today must be getting to him more than I thought. “What do you do when you realize you might not be the good guy?”

“Look at me,” I tell him, pressing a hand to his cheek. “Even Achilles lost his way. It doesn’t mean he wasn’t a hero.” Bellamy nods after a moment and gives me a quick, soft kiss before we head to the Rover. 

“There's one thing I don't understand,” Clarke is saying. “Why did ALIE want you to kill yourself?”

“Because I know why she wants the second AI,” Raven says coldly. 

“Why?”

“It's the only thing that can stop her.”

“Then let's stop her.” I turn around. Octavia’s face is set in a mask of intent. “We survive together.”

“Together,” I agree.


	41. Season 3, Episode 12: Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Emerson is his own warning, fighting, blood, suffocation, dead bodies
> 
> word count: 2878

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10 points to Gryffindor if you find the Marvel reference

The drive back to Arkadia is a long one. We have to go through three sectors to even see it on the horizon. Night had already fallen when we left, so we drive in shifts. Monty goes first, and then Bellamy, and then me. Everyone else sleeps soundly in the back. I manage to drift off during Monty’s turn, but I stay awake quietly talking to Bellamy, and he does the same for me. He tells me stories about the constellations. Bellerophon and the Pegasus, which is super depressing, and Perseus, who is basically the only Greek hero with a happy ending. When his voice starts to get hoarse from whispering, I take over, telling him bits and pieces of the stories my father told on the Ark. It feels odd. Exchanging these things that were such a big part of our childhood. Bringing them down to Earth with us. I think of what Bellamy said when we were arguing. “Our children.” Maybe one day I’ll tell a little one of my own to tell these fairy tales. The thought makes me smile. Bellamy notices and smiles back.

“What’s going in that head of yours, and should I be worried?” he asks lightly. I laugh.

“Not this time, no. I was just thinking about how many miles these stories made it. From the Ark to the ground. And I wonder how much farther they’ll go.” 

We’re getting close once daylight comes. Raven’s been up since dawn, combing through the notebook that Clarke gave her. The others are just starting to stir.

“So tell me again where we’re going?” I ask Clarke when she wakes up.

“To find Luna. She’s the only other person who can take the flame.” Right. The AI that apparently has Lexa inside it. 

“And why can’t one of us take it?” 

“She had to have gene alteration,” Raven cuts in. She looks gleefully at us. “Becca's journal is amazing. At 26, she found a pathway to access a human mind. That same year, she had to lock up ALIE because her answer for what was wrong with the world was 'too many people'. She was 27 when it launched the bombs.” 

“What did she write about the Flame?” Clarke asks impatiently.

“ALIE 2.0. She saw it as a way to atone for her sins. She designed it to not just access a human mind, but to merge with one. It could never wipe us out because it would be one of us. She would put it in herself first. The gene alteration was to make sure her body wouldn't reject the implant.”

“Bekka Pramheda, the first Commander,” Clarke nods. “The gene therapy made her blood black, didn't it?” I make a face. Black blood? 

“Yeah,” Raven says, surprised. 

“How did you know that?” asks Octavia. 

“Nightblood. That's where it came from. Somehow it became hereditary. Luna has it. That's why we have to find her. If she can access ALIE 2-”

“She can tell us how to stop ALIE 1,” Octavia finishes. “Bekka Pramheda gets her second shot at atonement.”

“Get back to the mind pathway,” Monty says. “If ALIE uses it to upload our minds to the City of Light, then there's a chance my mom's still alive.” I sigh and turn back to the front. His mother isn’t coming back, and everyone knows it but him.

“That depends on your definition of ‘alive.’”

“Eyes sharp,” Bellamy interrupts. “Weapons hot. We're almost home.” Arkadia looms over us. I nod and grab the radio.

“Miller, come in.”

Silence.

“Harper, you there? Your ride's two minutes out,” I try again. Still nothing. 

“Good start,” Jasper quips. 

“Not the time,” I mutter. 

I pass the wheel over to Monty and hop out the back with Bellamy and Clarke. Jasper keeps watch through the turret, and the rest of us fan out.

“We left two days ago. Why haven't they fixed the gate?” Clarke notices. She’s right, it’s still busted. 

“Maybe because there's no one here to fix it,” Jasper says through the turret. 

“It's like a ghost town,” Raven notes, very helpfully. 

“Miller, where the hell are you?” I demand into the radio.

“Maybe they got chipped.”

“If they got chipped, they would have been waiting for us at the gate,” Bellamy argues. 

“Maybe they saw the open gate, went in for Lincoln's book,” Jasper suggests. 

“Maybe you should stop saying ‘maybe.’” I grin slightly and look over at Octavia, but she’s stopped dead in her tracks. When I go over to her, I understand why. Blood stains a spot of mud on the ground, caked around the edges. Lincoln. I put a hand on her shoulder, but she pulls away.

“Let's get his book and get the hell out of here.”

“That's a plan I can support,” Jasper says, still obliviously standing in the turret. 

Monty pulls the Rover into the hangar bay. I look around. Everything looks like a group of people was just here, and then somebody snapped and they disappeared. 

“Close it up and turn the rover around,” Bellamy says behind me. “We need to get out of here quickly.”

“It's like they just got up and walked away,” I mutter to myself, still stuck in my thoughts. 

“We're in and out,” Bellamy continues. “Load as much gear as you can into the Rover.”

“I'll get the map.” Octavia disappears out the hallway. 

“I'll go with her. Probably shouldn't be alone,” Jasper says. 

“You don't wanna load gear, huh?” I smirk. 

“Not even a little.” I roll my eyes and start picking through the stuff in the bay. Med kits? I’ll take em. Knives? Don’t mind if I do. That reminds me, I wanna stop by the weapons room. I wouldn’t mind a sword or two.

“What's the rush?” Raven asks. “They won't be coming back.”

“How do you know?”

“ALIE's mission is to chip everyone. It wouldn't make sense to return to a place she's already took.”

“Might make sense if there was someone in that place, i.e. you who could tell us stuff like that,” Sinclair reasons. 

“Good point. Let's load gear,” Raven says with a small smile. 

“I’m going to the armory,” Bellamy declares.

“I’ll head to the weapons room,” I say. “The rest of you stay here and get the Rover ready.” There are a few sounds of assent, which is good enough for me. I start to walk away, but Bellamy catches my waist.

“You sure you should go off alone?” he asks quietly. I barely hold back a snort.

“Don’t think I can handle myself?” I tease. He doesn’t look particularly reassured. “I’ll be fine, Bell.” 

“Alright,” he says finally. “Be safe.” 

I head out the door and down a few hallways. The lights are flashing. Something’s up with the power, something that I’m sure Raven is analyzing in the back of her mind. She just can’t help it. I smile to myself as I walk. 

The weapons room isn’t super far from the main entrance, but it still takes few hallways to get there. When I do, I push through the door, reveling in the familiarity of it. I spent days in this place with Lincoln. I allow myself a few moments to reminisce. Over there was the first time I disarmed him. He was so surprised. I laughed my ass of for a solid minute before he flipped me onto the mat. And there, that was where Octavia and I always sparred. It was the best place, right under the only window in the room. I swallow hard and blink back a few tears. We had three months of peace. 

And now Lincoln’s dead. 

I shake my head and go forward. No more mourning until we’ve finished this. With a deep breath, I grab a few short swords and strap them to my belt. Two longer swords across my back. Two more, one in each hand. That’s about all I can carry. I turn and head to the door. When I reach the handle, though, the door doesn’t budge. The handle moves, so it’s not locked. Something’s barricading it. I back up and prepare to slam into it.

Just as I’m getting close, it bursts open. 

The edge catches my in the side and throws me on the ground. 

Someone appears, looking over me. Grounder clothes, Grounder mask. He must be chipped. I let out a yell and slash with one of the swords. The man grabs my arm and twists hard. My sword clatters to the ground. I strike with the other one and actually manage to hit him, cutting deeply into his arm. He cries out in pain, but soon it turns into a growl and he grabs me, yanking me to my feet and kicking the sword out of my hand. I see the punch out of the corner of my eye, and that’s the last thing I see.

My arms hurt. My eyes open a little bit, then fight their way closed again. I force them to open once more. Right in front of me, my wrists are handcuffed to the wall. I scramble and manage to get my feet on the ground. I was hanging from my hands before, that must be why my arms hurt. There’s a gag in my mouth. It doesn’t budge when I try to spit it out. Next to me, Octavia is on her knees. I look around the rest of the room. Harper, Miller, Bryan, Monty, Raven. All of them. No, Bellamy and Clarke aren’t here.

“Emerson, I know you're listening. We need to talk.” Speak of the devil. 

“I don't need to do anything. You should've killed me when you had the chance.” I pivot. A man stands in the middle of the room. Same Grounder clothes, no mask. Carl Emerson, Mt. Weather Security Detail.

“And now you're here to kill me, is that it?” Clarke asks. 

“Something like that.”

“Then let my friends go. Do that and you can have me.”

“You're brave, Clarke, I'll give you that. They're lucky to have a friend like you. Come to the airlock. No weapons. Right now.”

And of course she’s going to do it. And Bellamy’s going to come with her, and Emerson’s going to get them both. 

It only takes a few minutes for me to be proved right. Clarke appears around the corner, her hands raised in surrender. 

“I held up my part of the deal,” she says. “Your turn. Let my friends go.”

“Tell Bellamy to show himself first.” Emerson looks amused. Bastard. 

“I don't know what you're talking about,” Clarke says evenly. Emerson grabs me and puts his knife to my throat. When he presses hard enough to draw blood, I let out a strangled cry of pain through my gag.

“No!” yells Bellamy. He walks around the corner. I shake my head at him, silently pleading him to just shoot. No matter if he hits me, just kill Emerson. 

“Ok, now take out the clip and throw it down the hall. Put the gun on the ground and get inside.” Emerson nods at Bellamy, his knife still at my throat. 

“Please! You wanted me!” Clarke begs. “I'll get inside once you let them go.”

“I was talking to Bellamy,” Emerson says cruelly. He moves the knife down and cuts a line across my sternum, from collarbone to collarbone. I bite down hard on the gag to keep from crying out. Blood runs down and stains the collar of my shirt. 

“Stop!” Bellamy yells. “I’ll do it!” Out of the corner of my eye, I see him toss his rifle down the hall, followed by his sidearm and radio. 

“Bellamy, don't do this,” Clarke begs, but it’s too late. Bellamy walks forward and steps into the airlock with us. 

“Those are yours,” Emerson points to a pair of cuffs next to mine. Looking anxiously between me and Octavia, Bellamy cuffs himself. Emerson smiles and pulls out a gun, stepping out of the airlock towards Clarke.

“Get on your knees.” She complies. “Put your hands behind your head.” She does that too, looking sadly at us while she does. Emerson starts to move towards her, but stops for a moment and presses a button on the control panel. 

The doors slide closed. I can’t hear anything anymore, but it’s pretty obvious that Clarke is yelling at Emerson. He grabs her around the neck and puts a gun to her head, forcing her to look through the airlock doors. When he presses another button, the overhead speakers come to life. 

“Airlock 5. Oxygen venting.” 

He’s stealing the breath from our lungs. The one thing we always depended on, he’s taking it away. Exactly what we did to him. 

Clarke is struggling against Emerson, but I’m focused more on gasping for the quickly fading oxygen supply. My knees buckle under me. The cuffs scrape against my wrists painfully. Next to me, Bellamy is trying to say something. I kick my feet and manage to twist a little closer to him.

“I love you forever,” he gasps out. I can feel the darkness beginning to take over my vision, but I fight it for just a moment longer.

“Forever,” I force out of my empty lungs. Bellamy manages to smile. It’s the last thing I see as my eyes close. 

The air comes back all at once, a rush of life. I’m gasping before I even realize that I’m awake. Cold, beautiful oxygen. After a few moments of just breathing, I kick my feet and manage to get them underneath me, relieving the pressure in my shoulders. Clarke comes in and unlocks the cuffs. Bellamy gets out of them before I do, and he’s on me in a second, pulling me into a hug. I lean into him gratefully. When I lift my face to look at him, he leans down and kisses me gently. Only when we break apart do I remember the large bloody gash below my neck. 

Clarke gets me bandaged up quickly and we go back to loading up the Rover. I recover the swords, which I’m very happy about. Bellamy comes up behind me while I’m loading them.

“I’ll be right back,” he says quietly. I nod and kiss his cheek. Emerson was alone, we know that. There’s no one else here. Still, I worry until he comes back. 

When he does return, he carries something in his arms. A body wrapped in a sheet. Bellamy lays him down next to Octavia. She hesitates, her hands shaking, before she pulls back the top of the sheet. Lincoln’s face greets us. With the way the sheet lays, the bullet hole isn’t visible. He could be sleeping. 

I leave Octavia to her goodbyes. Grounder burn their dead, which means we need a pyre. I happen to know that there’s a large supply of firewood outside the hangar bay, so I grab a tarp and load it up to drag to the firepit. Clarke comes to help me. We work silently for a while, until she breaks the pause.

“Sinclair’s dead too. Emerson got him.” I almost drop the tarp. Sinclair. The man who trained Raven, and by extension saved all of our asses. Dead. I nod wordlessly and make the pyre big enough for two bodies. 

Bellamy and Miller carry the bodies and lay them on the pyre. We leave Lincoln’s face uncovered. Octavia takes the torch.

“May we meet again,” Raven says quietly.

“Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim,” I translate solemnly. For Lincoln. My final gift to him. He dreamed of peace between us. What’s more peaceful than our funeral rite in his language?

“Yu gonplei ste odon,” Octavia says as she lights the pyre. The rest of us, circled around the flames, repeat the blessing. 

I truly hope their fight is over. They deserve peace.

“It's time to go!” Octavia calls, her voice thick. “I'll get the map.” As she walks away, Bellamy watches with a wistful sadness that hearts my hurt.

Once the pyre is mostly ashes, we head back to the hangar bay. Everything’s loaded up, we’re ready to go, but for some reason I feel like something’s missing. I realize, as we’re walking, that we’re missing Sinclair. Our “insurgency,” as Kane called it, feels incomplete without him.   
I push the thought from my mind. No time to mourn.

I’m about to climb into the Rover when Monty and Raven come in.

“Hey we're leaving. Why aren't you ready?” Bellamy asks. 

“We're not going with you,” Raven says. I start to protest, but she cuts me off. “I can barely walk and my shoulder is killing me, but my brain is all kinds of awesome.”

“She remembered that ALIE downloaded herself into the Ark mainframe,” Monty explains. “If it's still there, we can find a back door.”

“I'm guessing once you connect ALIE 2 to Luna. We'll need to find ALIE 1 to take her down.” I nod. It’s a good plan. 

“Miller,” Bellamy calls. 

“We'll keep them safe,” Miller agrees instantly. 

“I'll keep them safe,” Harper jokes. I turn to Jasper. 

“How about you? It's gonna be dangerous.”

“You know me well,” Jasper says with a smile. “I'm in.”

Luna, here we come. 


	42. Season 3, Episode 13: Join or Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: angst, drugging
> 
> word count: 3183

Bellamy drives after I nearly fall asleep at the wheel. 

“No, I’m fine,” I insist.

“Camellia, please. Just a couple hours of sleep.” He scoops me up easily and places me in the shotgun seat, taking my place at the driver’s. I smile sleepily when he tugs the hair tie out of my hair and brushes it behind my back. 

“Wake me if anything important happens?” I ask, my eyes already closing.

“You got it, princess.” 

I wake up later, I don’t know how much later, but later, to the sound of voices and the gentle lull of the Rover. 

“It's been an hour since we passed the airplane wreckage. Seeing as we're using a map without any distances, it could be days before we reach the village,” Jasper is saying. 

“At least we know we're going in the right direction,” Bellamy says. When he sees me awake, he smiles. “Morning, princess.”

“How long was I asleep?” 

“Few hours,” Jasper answers. “We're running out of daylight. We should stop in the sun and recharge the battery.” I glance out the window. Raining buckets. 

“What sun?” I ask. 

“We keep going until it dies,” Clarke agrees.

“We keep going until we get to Luna,” Octavia corrects. 

“Is this her?” Jasper holds up a notebook. I lean around the seat and look at it. A charcoal drawing of a woman. She’s pretty, curly hair and a face I can only describe as regal.

“Yes,” Octavia says quietly. 

“What do you think she's gonna say when we show up asking her to put an AI in her head?”

“Lincoln said she helps those that are in trouble. She'll help us too.”

The Rover slams to a stop, almost sending me flying out of my seat. Bellamy’s arm comes up and pulls me back into place. I peer through the rain-covered windshield. A fallen tree.

“You think she can help us find a better map?” Jasper grumbles. I shoot him a look. 

“We'll backtrack,” Bellamy says. “Find somewhere where the trees aren't so bad.” He barely gets the words out before Octavia slams the back door open and jumps over the fallen tree. 

“Guess we're going on foot,” I sigh, climbing out into the rain.

“Anyone hear the part where I said it could be days?” Jasper calls. We ignore him, as usual. Octavia’s already halfway up the ridge in front of us, there’s no time for complaining. Clarke jogs to catch up to her. Bellamy and I hang back and cover our rear. We move quickly.

“Stop!” Octavia orders suddenly, hand outstretched. “You hear that?” I listen keenly. A rushing sound. 

“Water.” 

“Eyes sharp, they could be hostile.” Bellamy raises his rifle, and instinctively I do the same. 

“They're not hostile,” Octavia yells. “Put the guns down!” I glance at Bellamy for just a moment before I lower my rifle. He pauses, hesitates, and follows my lead. 

Octavia leads us over the ridge quickly. We’re sprinting at this point. A river rushes white over jagged rocks. That’s what we heard. I almost stop to look at it. It’s beautiful, unlike anything I’ve ever seen. Pure power. Bellamy’s footsteps are the only thing that push me forward.

The tree line breaks finally. Sand stretches out in front of us, disappearing into the water. Off to the right, the long finger of a sand bank reach farther than the shoreline. Sculptures stand in a circle. I squint to see them. They’re elaborately stacked rocks. Small, impossibly balanced towers. 

“Where’s the village?” Jasper asks the question we’re all thinking. 

Octavia takes off again, sprinting towards the rock towers. The rest of us run after her. When I reach her, she’s staring down at Lincoln’s book, as though willing it to say something different.

“No. No, it can't be.”

“It isn't a village. It's just a bunch of rocks,” Jasper says helpfully. I punch him in the shoulder. 

“She's gone,” Clarke whispers. 

“What do we do now?” asks Jasper. 

Octavia is dead to the rest of us. She stumbles up to the edge of the sand bank, falls to her knees. Her scream of frustration, pain, all the emotions she’s feeling, rips through me. Bellamy flinches. I grab for his hand and pull him closer to me, leaning my head on his shoulder. He slips his arm around me and rests his chin on my head. 

Dusk has already taken enough of a hold that we decide to camp on the beach for the night. Bellamy sits down and pulls me to him, letting me lean against him while he carefully re-braids my hair. He’s tense, every muscle tight. This is hurting Octavia, and by extension hurting him. I wish I knew how to help. 

“It'll be dark soon. We need to talk about what we're gonna do,” Clarke says. 

“We wait until first light. Then we split up and search the shore in both directions.” Octavia speaks matter-of-factly, like it’s obvious. She’s working on getting a fire going while we talk. I’ll always be in awe of how fast she gets the flames up. 

“I agree,” Bellamy says. “Lincoln wouldn't have put this spot on the map unless it was important.” He stands up and reaches for Lincoln’s journal. 

“Don't touch that!” Octavia yanks it back. Bellamy’s face saddens visibly. 

“Come on, O. How long?” he pleads, kneeling next to her. 

“I don't know. I can't even look at you. Because every time I do, I see Pike putting that gun to Lincoln's head. I hear the gunshot. I see him fall.”

“I didn't kill Lincoln.”

“No, but he is dead because of you!” Octavia jumps to her feet. 

“I came to you,” Bellamy argues, standing up too. “You didn't take my help. If you had just trusted me I'd-” Octavia scoffs and turns away from him. He stops short and look at her for a few more painful seconds, then turns and leaves. I stand up and grab his hand.

“Bell-” I start.

“I’m fine.” He doesn’t even look at me as he storms off down the beach. 

I slump back to the ground. The adrenaline from running is gone. All I can do is watch Bellamy’s back walk down the beach, away from me. 

Heat washes over my face and distracts me. I look sharply over at the fire. It’s jumped about a foot higher and turned a pale green. In a blink, it’s back to normal.

“What did you just do?” Octavia demands, looking at Jasper. He looks just as confused. 

“Nothing. I just threw these in the fire.” He holds up a branch with green pines. That seems to snap something in Octavia. She grabs Lincoln’s book and flips through it wildly. After a moment, she pulls out a small twig from the branch Jasper holds.

“Signal fire,” she breathes. “He was trying to tell us. This is how we contact Luna.”

“I'll get more,” I jump to my feet.

About an hour passes of tossing the little green twigs into the fire. Dark fell a little while ago. Bellamy has yet to come back to us. I’m not worried for his safety, he can handle himself, but I’m worried about his disappearance. If he can’t ask for help from me, who can he ask? 

As if on cue, Clarke stands up.

“I’m going to go talk to him,” she declares. No one says anything, including me, so she just walks away. I watch her for a moment, then rip off a twig and throw it in the fire, perhaps harder than necessary. The momentary heat wave is oddly satisfying. The leap of the flames, the green glow. I toss another piece in.

“I know my brother better than anyone,” Octavia says suddenly. I glance at her. She’s looking in the fire, but I know she’s talking to me. “You don’t need to worry about Clarke. I know what Raven said, and I know part of you believes her, but trust me. He looks at Clarke for a leader, someone to give orders. He looks at for everything else.”

“Well, he hasn’t exactly looked at me much since she’s been back,” I say, throwing anther twig in the fire. Octavia scoffs.

“Bullshit. You’re just not paying attention. He loves you, Cam.” She pauses. “He looks at you the way Lincoln looked at me.” She cuts herself short and looks down at her feet. I don’t say anything else. 

She’s right. Rationally, I know that. But I’d like to hear him say it.

I get to my feet and walk down the beach without a word. Octavia and Jasper know where I’m going. The green of the fire fades behind me. 

Bellamy and Clarke are standing a foot apart, looking at the water. When I get closer, I hear what they’re saying.

“Octavia will forgive you eventually. The question is, will you forgive yourself?” Clarke is saying. 

“Forgiveness is hard for us.” He doesn’t say anything else, and neither does she. After a moment, he looks up and sees me. Clarke notices too and excuses herself quickly. I take a few steps closer, but I don’t take his hand or hug him or any of the other things I want to do.

“I’m sorry,” he says hoarsely. That takes me aback. Not what I was expecting. 

“Why?” I ask simply.

“For everything. Pike. Lincoln. Emerson. Sinclair. All of it.” 

“Bellamy, I don’t care what you did before.” I step in front of him, make him look at me. “That’s in the past. It’s about what you do now.” He nods a little bit, then pauses. Studies my face.

“There’s something you’re not telling me.” He takes my hand. “What is it?” he urges.

“Clarke,” I say softly. Bellamy nods like he saw this coming.

“I know it’s hard after she was gone for so long, but-” Is that what he thinks this is about? I shake my head, cutting him off. 

“No, that’s not-” This isn’t going well. I take a deep breath. “I want you to be able to talk to me, Bellamy. And, I don’t know, it seems like you can talk to Clarke just fine.” I can’t meet his eyes. My cheeks are burning. I rock back and forth on my feet.

“Camellia.” I can hear the smile in his voice. He tips my chin up to look at him. “You have had full control of my heart since the first time you smiled at me. I don’t want Clarke, I want you. Don’t you know it’s always been you?” His smile has faded by the end, and he looks at me seriously. 

“Promise?” I ask softly. Bellamy leans down and kisses me gently.

“I promise,” he mumbles against my lips. “No matter what, I will love you forever, princess.” I melt just a little bit (okay, more than a little bit) and put my arms around his neck, pulling him down, closer to me. His hand find their place around my waist. 

“Why don’t I have a nickname for you yet?” My lips brush his as I talk.

“You should work on that,” he teases. I tug him back down to my lips. 

A rippling sound from the ocean behind us draws my attention. I break away from Bellamy and peer over his shoulder. Dark figures emerge from the water, coming right to us.

“Bellamy, look out!” I yell, pulling him backward. He spins to face the figures and pushes me behind him, but neither of us brought weapons. Stupid. Once of the people comes forward. Bellamy raises a fist, but the opponent is faster. He grabs Bellamy and flings him to the ground, a hand covering his mouth so he can’t alert the others. Hands grab at me as well, shoving me to the ground next to him. The sand scrapes against my cheek. I look at Bellamy with wide eyes as our hands our bound and gags are slipped into our mouths. The attackers haul us to our feet. The one holding me shoves me forward, making me stumble towards the green glow in the distance. 

They march us around the camp, taking shelter in the darkness. I try to count the faceless warriors, but they slip around so easily, it’s impossible. I wish I could see Bellamy. 

Finally, they walk us into the camp. Octavia and Jasper are already surrounded, hands up, weapons down. The attacker forces me to my knees. Bellamy hits the ground next to me. 

“Chon yu bilaik? Hakom yu don flag raun?” asks a man with tattoos on his face and a deep voice.  _ Who are you? Why did you signal?  _

“Ai laik Okteivia kom Skaikru en ai gaf gouthru klir.” Octavia’s chin is raised in defiance. She looks oddly calm as she demands safe passage from a man who’s bound and gagged her brother.

“Skaikru, bringers of death,” the man says. “Why should we give you safe passage?”

“Lincoln. He sent us.” The man tenses at that. He must know Lincoln.

“Ban emo gaga we en lus 'mo meika au,” he orders.  _ Remove their gags and free their hands. _ Two men come forward and obey, slicing the ropes on our hands quickly. I yank out my gag and get to my feet. Bellamy grabs my shoulders and turns me to him, looking me up and down for injuries.

“Are you okay?” he whispers fiercely. 

“Fine. Are you?” I ask, matching his tone. He nods and releases my shoulders from his grasp. I look back over at the man with the tattoos. He’s pulled out a small leather case and is handing vials of foggy liquid out. 

“What is that?” Clarke asks.

“Safe passage.” He hands a vial to me, and one to Bellamy. 

“What does it do?” Jasper asks nervously. The man glares at him and silently hands him one of the little bottles. I look down at the one in my hand, examining it in the dim firelight. No idea what it is. 

“Octavia, wait!” Bellamy yells, startling me. I look up to see Octavia downing the liquid. Of course. 

“I trust Lincoln.” 

“If only she drinks, only she goes,” the tattooed man tells us. 

“See you on the other side,” Jasper says, apparently convinced. He drinks his too. I sigh in exasperation. Suddenly, Octavia stumbles. Her eyes drift closed, and she hits the ground.

“O!” Bellamy yells, but a guard pushes him back. 

“Oh, crap.” Jasper stumbles, slurs his words. "Oh, God.” He falls to the ground too. 

Clarke glances at them, then at Bellamy and I. She takes a deep breath, nods to us, and drinks. Her unconscious form joins the others on the ground.

“Last chance,” the man says in his deep voice. 

“Together?” I say softly. Bellamy nods and we tip our heads back, drinking the liquid. It doesn’t burn or sting, just tastes slightly salty as it slips down my throat. Bellamy sits down and pulls me against him. One of his hands cradles my head, the other falls on my waist. I feel a wave of dizziness. Here it comes. 

The last thing I remember is Bellamy’s touch.

Oh God, my head hurts. A heavy, pounding kind of hurt. I groan as I sit up, one hand pressed to my temple. Light comes in small streams. I squint, blink, manage to make out my surroundings. A large metal box. The light is coming from jagged holes in the metal. I think it was once red, but now the grey of iron and steel has taken over much of it, leaving rust-colored splotches here and there. The rest of my friends lay scattered around in varying states of consciousness. I look frantically for Bellamy, only to see him right next to me. 

“Where the hell are we?” I ask no one in particular. Seems to be a good question. No one offers an answer.

“My sword's gone,” announces Octavia from the opposite wall. I immediately check for my knife, but that’s gone too. I didn’t see any guns either. Whoever these people are, they’re thorough.

Bellamy offers me a hand. I accept it and get to my feet. Octavia starts pounding on the door and yelling while the rest of us look around desperately. I guess it’s good that whatever the vials were, it wasn’t poison, but now we’re locked in a giant metal box with no idea where we are and I have a vengeful headache. I decide that I’m not a fan of the mystery liquid. 

A loud clattering sound makes me jump. One of the walls opens up like a door, which is super cool. I don’t really have time to think about it though, because out of the very bright light coming in, a silhouette forms. The shadowy figure grows bigger and bigger until I can make her out.

I’ve seen her face before. Lincoln’s skill with a pencil is incredible. This woman looks exactly like the charcoal rendering on the worn pages of his book. The same curly hair, the regal face, the piercing eyes.

“Luna,” I say almost reverently, stepping forward to meet her. Bellamy stays close behind me.

“Where’s Lincoln?” Luna’s voice is low and slightly raspy. It fits her face perfectly, commanding respect.

“Lincoln is dead,” Octavia says softly. The effect on Luna is visible. She closes her eyes for a moment and looks down, swallowing hard.

“Lincoln said you would help us.” Clarke steps forward. 

“Did he?” Luna’s eyebrows raise for just a moment. Disbelief or condescension? I don’t know which would be worse. 

“Luna, you're the last of your kind,” Clarke persists. “The last nightblood.”

“So Lexa is dead as well.”

“Her spirit has chosen you to become the next commander. Titus entrusted me with the flame to give to you.”

“Then he should have told you that I left my conclave, swearing to never kill again.”

“You don't have to kill. To lead is your birthright, how you lead is your choice.” Clarke pulls out the little box with the Flame in it and hands it to Luna. “Here.”

“I recognize the sacred symbol, but what is that?” The wonder in Luna’s voice gives me hope. 

“This is the flame. It holds the spirits of the commanders. Of Lexa. Will you take it and become the next commander?”

A long, painful pause. Everything hinges on her answer. Our friends, our people, everyone’s safety depends on this.

“No.”

My heart sinks. 

Luna turns and walks out of the box. 

“Hey!” Clarke calls, starting to jog after Luna. The rest of us follow. I start to call out to Clarke, to tell her we’ll figure out a plan, but any words I have die on my tongue when I step outside the box.

We stand on a platform on top of a huge metal rig, but that’s not what catches my attention. All I can look at is the blue of the ocean, stretching for miles. I can’t even see the shore. In every direction, the soft sounds of water. The air smells fresh and crisp. 

It’s so beautiful.


	43. Season 3, Episode 14: Red Sky at Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: death, blood, angst, drugging
> 
> word count: 2574

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two uploads today? wow, the writer must really love you guys
> 
> also, there's a lot of Trig in this chapter, so bear with it

A girl, probably around 16 or 17, brings us to a large room bustling with people. This must be a communal space. The girl shows us a small fire with cushions to sit on, then walks up to the front of the room and begins to tell a story about sea monsters. 

Half an hour passes before I see Luna again. She’s changed clothes, now just wearing a simple dress, and there’s a man with her.

“She’s here,” I gesture. Clarke stands up immediately.

“Maybe she’s changed her mind,” she says hopefully. I shrug in disbelief but get up anyway. What choice do we have?

Luna doesn’t let us get a word out before she speaks.

“The boats return at nightfall. Then you leave. Forever.”

“Luna, let us explain,” Clarke starts. 

“I said no.”

“No, you need to hear this,” Bellamy insists. “There is something out there that is going to destroy us all.”

“Whatever it is, it can't reach us here.” She pushes past us and goes to Octavia instead. I sigh. Octavia is probably the worst out of all of us to convince Luna the Pacifist to become commander. 

Once Luna leaves Octavia, the rest of us go back to sit by the fire. Well, minus Jasper. He’s talking to the girl who told the story. I can’t help a small smile when I look at them. He looks genuinely happy for the first time in months.

“Clarke, let it go,” Bellamy says, snapping me out of my thoughts. Clarke is glaring at Luna, over on a couch with the man who was with her before.

“We can't just leave,” she insists. 

“It's not like we have much of a choice,” Octavia says tiredly. 

“Maybe we do.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I'm talking about putting this into her head without asking,” Clarke says lowly, holding the box with the Flame. 

“No way, Clarke!” Octavia hisses. “This isn't like Emerson, he was trying to kill us!”

“You think I don't know that?”

“Clarke, we can’t do this,” I say, shaking my head. 

“Camellia’s right,” Bellamy agrees. “We can fight, we can go back to Arkadia. We can arm up.”

“Fight who? It's an army of our own people. I don't like this any more than you do. But if Raven's right and the code on this thing can stop ALIE…” Clarke trails off. “Give me a better idea.” She looks at each of us in turn. I fiddle with my hands. There are no other options, but this one is unthinkable.

“We'll stay here,” Bellamy says finally. “It's the only way they'll leave you alone with her.”

“If we do this, we’re no better than ALIE,” I say bitterly. “Even she gives people a choice.”

“We gave Luna a choice,” Clarke argues. “She said no.” And with that, she stands up and leaves. I stare into the fire angrily. Clarke once again making decisions for other people. It’s her forte, I guess.

“I’m sorry, Camellia,” Bellamy says. “I hate this too, but it’s the only way to save our people. Luna will understand when she gets the Flame.” I simply nod, too tired to argue. Bellamy reaches out and pulls me to him, letting me rest my head in his lap.

I don’t remember falling asleep, but I remember waking up and panicking slightly. Hard to forget. I almost rolled into the fire, and I would have if Bellamy hadn’t caught me. To his credit, he really did try not to laugh. 

“You’re such an ass,” I tell him, attempting to hold back laughter myself.

“It’s part of my charm.” He smiles and puts an arm around my shoulders, pulling me to him and kissing the top of my head.

A man comes to get us a few minutes later and tells us it’s time to go. I get up regretfully, for more than one reason. Yes, obviously, not getting the Flame in Luna is bad, but there’s more. I feel like I could be happy here. Would I be able to push down my instinct to fight for a chance at this kind of peace? If Bellamy was with me, I’m sure I could. 

It’s not an option though. Like always, our people come first.

“Where's Jasper?” Bellamy asks. 

“Saying goodbye to his new friend.” Right. The story girl.

“I’ll get him,” I volunteer. 

“Be careful,” Bellamy says, squeezing my hand. I give him a smile and head back into the communal area.

Oddly, it’s empty. It was dark out, maybe they have a curfew on this rig. If that’s the case, I’d better find Jasper before he gets the storyteller in trouble. I scan the room. There’s a hallway leading off to the side that looks promising. Sure enough, when I look around the corner, I see two figures. One’s definitely a girl, and the other is a tall, lanky boy. It’s them. I start to call out, but a voice stops me. Not Jasper’s voice, and definitely not the voice of the girl I hear earlier.

“Shay, run before…” A heavy thud cuts the voice off. 

“She's here.” Jasper’s voice. 

Oh, God. ALIE. I jump back behind the corner and pray no one spotted me. 

“Go, tell your people to not take the chip” Jasper yells. “Run now! Go!” Footsteps, then another thud. From where I stand, I can just see Shay’s body hit the floor. I gasp against my will, then immediately clamp my mouth shut. Telltale sounds of a fight are happening down the hallway. Fist against flesh, something heavy against bone. The sound of someone being dragged away from me. I’m willing to bet they’re dragging Jasper. 

Once I’m sure the sounds have faded, and that I’m alone, I cautiously come out from behind the wall and kneel next to the girl. Shay, that’s the name the man called. An arrow sticks out of her back. She won’t survive this. Carefully, I roll her on her side and pull her head into my lap.

“Hey, I’m not going to hurt you,” I say softly when she starts to panic. “I’m a friend of Jasper’s.” She relaxes at that.

“What’s your name?” she asks so quietly I almost don’t hear.

“Cam. And you’re Shay, right?”

“Yes,” she whispers.

“That’s a beautiful name.” How do I comfort her? What can I do? A snapshot of her story flashes across my mind. “Would you like me to tell you a story of my own?” I ask. 

“Please.” 

“Alright,” I say, forcing a smile and taking a shaky breath. “I used to live on a place called the Ark. It floats in the sky…” I spin the story of being sent to the ground, leaving out the bad parts. All I talk about is the good stuff we’ve found here, the beauty of it. Shay takes her last breath as I’m telling her about the tree I slept under at the dropship. I can’t help it, a tear falls.

“Yu gonplei ste odon.” I pull the arrow from her back and roll her to face up, closing her eyes. When I wipe away the blood that dripped from her mouth, she could almost be sleeping. 

I stand up and turn away from her. Right now, I need to find Jasper. With one last deep breath, I force myself to keep calm, and run down the hallway where they dragged him. 

A loud, pained scream sounds. It sounds like a woman. Please, please don’t let me be too late. I sprint in the direction of the scream, sliding around corners, until I reach a large door and slam it open. 

Luna, cradling a man’s body. She’s the one who screamed.

Jasper, his hands tied above his head, staring. 

A child, hands bound, cowering in the corner. She can’t be more than 8 or 9.

Dead bodies strewn around the room. 

I run to the child first. She’s shaking terribly. Slowly, so as not to startle her, I untie her hands and help her to her feet. She clutches something in her hand. Does she understand English? I’d better use Trig.

“Yu laik laksen?” I ask.  _ Are you hurt?  _ She shakes her head. “En nam ge ku. Yo ste klir,” I add.  _ It’ll be okay. You’re safe.  _ She nods, but hangs on me tightly while I go free Jasper. Kind of like how Charlotte attached to me right after she met me. I hope I don’t get this girl killed too. 

“Go get our friends,” I tell him. “They’re in the box where we woke up.” He nods and jogs out the door.

Slowly, the little girl still holding onto my waist, I go over to Luna. She’s still sobbing, holding the man’s body. I kneel next to them and shift the girl into my lap. 

“What was his name?” I ask quietly. Luna looks up like she’s just noticed me.

“Derrick,” she says hollowly.

“Luna, I’m so sorry.” 

“I killed him.” More tears form in her eyes. “I killed him!” She lets out another heart-wrenching sob, another cry of pain. The little girl buries her face in my shoulder. I stroke her hair gently, for both her comfort and mine. 

Bellamy and the others come running in after a moment. They take in the scene and try to help, just like I did. Luna releases Derrick’s body and says something about preparing for the funeral ceremony, leaving us in the room full of the dead. The little girl still hasn’t let go of me. I realized that the thing she’s holding is a small piece of scrap metal that’s been twisted and sanded into a little fish. 

“Chit ste yu tagon?” I ask.  _ What’s your name? _

“Adria.” It’s the first word she’s spoken to me. I smile at her.

“Meizen tagon. Ai laik Camellia, ba yu na tag ai Cam.”  _ Beautiful name. I am Camellia, but you can call me Cam.  _ I insisted that Lincoln teach me how to say that. It’s a carefully rehearsed sentence.

“Cam,” Adria says softly. “Hakom ai Nontu jomp ai Nomon? Hakom ai Nomon don frag em op?” _Why did my Father attack my Mother? Why did my Mother kill him?_ I swallow hard. How can I tell this child about the chip? How can I ruin her innocent view of the world?

“Yu Nontu don nou krei em,” I tell her. “Som foto kom gon em, ba em na gon nau.”  _ Your Father was not really himself. Something bad happened to him, but it’s gone now.  _ Adria nods thoughtfully. I decide to try to distract her.

“Chit du yu teik der?” I ask, pointing at the little fish.  _ What do you have there? _

“Kikwoda,” she says, managing a small smile. I’ve never heard that word, but I’m guessing it means fish. “Kofem kom ai Nontu.”  _ A gift from my Father. _

“Em bilaik krei oso,” I tell her.  _ It’s very nice.  _ She smiles again.

Eventually, someone comes to get us and takes us back to the communal hall. I decide to just carry Adria instead of trying to walk with her clinging to my waist. Getting her on my back turns out to be quite the task, not because she’s heavy, but because she doesn’t want to let go of me to actually get up. Bellamy finally just pulls her off and quickly replaces her on my back before she even realizes what happened. 

We stand along a wall near the door. It doesn’t feel right to sit among these mourning people when their loss is our fault. I shift Adria to my front. She rests her chin on my shoulder.

“Any one of them could be chipped and we'd never know,” Bellamy says. 

“If they are, they'll make their move before we put the Flame in Luna. Stay sharp.”

“You changed her mind?” Jasper asks incredulously. Just then, Luna starts to walk towards us. 

“Quiet,” Clarke reprimands. Luna hands us each a drink in small, clay cups. I maneuver around Adria and take one. 

“Thank you for taking care of her,” Luna says quietly before turning to address the others. “The ceremony is about to begin.” She turns to walk away.

“Luna, wait,” Clarke says. “I'm so sorry. But now you see what we're facing. An enemy that will do anything to win. She won't stop until she has everyone.”

“People I love died today. Needlessly, at my hand. I can't let that happen again.” I glance at Clarke. Does that mean she’ll take it? If she does, we can save our people. My heart starts to lift. I set Adria down, still keeping an arm around her, and smile at Bellamy. 

“As we prepare to give our brothers and sister to the sea, we honor their lives,” Luna says loudly, addressing the crowd. “Kom woda 'so gyon op, gon woda 'so kom daun.”  _ From water we are born, to water we return.  _ All the people lift their glasses and repeat the blessing, then drink to seal it. I follow them. The liquid is sweet and bitter at the same time. It burns slightly as it goes down. Alcohol of some sort, maybe.

“If we're gonna do this, we have to hurry. ALIE will send reinforcements. And we have to find someplace private to perform the Ascension,” Clarke says, already planning. 

“You believe that to defeat an enemy who will stop at nothing, you must stop at nothing. How is that different than 'blood must have blood'?”

“Wait a second, Luna,” Octavia starts. “You can't just…” Her words slur slightly. She stumbles and falls to the ground. Next to me, Bellamy does the same. I start to go to him, but my feet feel heavy. I’m dizzy. My knees sting as they hit the ground, but I didn’t even realize I was falling. From somewhere far away, a child is crying. I think it’s Adria. 

My eyes drift closed.

I wake up to Bellamy pulling me into a sitting position. I don’t think he expected me to wake up, because he practically jumps out of his skin when I groan. Yeah, whatever that knockout shit is, I think I’m allergic or something because my head feels like it’s being split open.

“Hey,” Bellamy says, having recovered from his scare. I look around. Back on the beach with the rock towers.

“Hey,” I reply with a small smile. "We’ve got to stop meeting like this.” He chuckles and takes my hand to help me up. Only then do I notice my fingers curled around something. I look at it closer.

“What’s that?” Bellamy asks. 

A small metal fish. Adria’s gift from her father. 

A tear falls down my cheek. 

“What’s wrong?” Bellamy’s all panicked now, thinking I’ve hurt myself or something. I shake my head and show him the little fish.

“It belonged to the little girl,” I explain. “She gave it to me.” 

“Oh,” Bellamy says, obviously confused. “That was nice.”

“Yeah, it was.” I firmly wrap my fingers around the fish and smile at Bellamy. 

Octavia comes over and hands me my knife and my rifle, which were apparently next to her sword on the beach. Jasper wakes up last and stumbles over to us. I almost laugh at his disheveledness, but there are much too serious things happening. Namely, how the hell we’re going to save our friends. Bellamy takes it upon himself to ask the question we’re all thinking.

“Now what?”


	44. Season 3, Episode 15: Perverse Instantiation, Pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: shooting, blood, beating people up, sadness, angst, death, hanging
> 
> word count: 6367

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how are we already in the season 3 finale? excuse me????

As it turns out, the answer to “now what?” is a unanimous decision to go home. Arkadia is the safest place for us, and it’s where our friends are. Logistically, it’s the best plan. 

I insist that Bellamy get some sleep, since I can’t remember the last time he rested, so I drive the Rover. Clarke is out of practice, Octavia never learned, and no one trusts Jasper. When I glance in the mirror every now and then, they’re all asleep. Bellamy’s head is lolled to the side, resting on the edge of his seat. I smile and look back through the windshield. As much as I’d like to spend my time looking at Bellamy’s perfect face, I also really don’t want to crash.

A little while after I see snow patches on the ground, the Rover stalls and sputters to a stop. Must need to charge. Carefully, trying not to wake the others, I slip out the door and climb up to the roof. The solar panels stay flat while we drive for aerodynamic things that Raven understands. I tilt them up to face the sun that manages to shine through the clouds. It’ll be about an hour of charging. No need to wait and watch. I slip back inside. 

“Why are we stopped?” I look over the edge of my seat. Clarke is looking at me expectantly.

“Rover needs to charge,” I explain. “We’ll be back on the road in an hour.” She nods and leans back in her seat. Across from her, Bellamy stirs and lifts his head sleepily. I resist the urge to glare at Clarke for waking him up. He looks around the still Rover for a second before turning to me.

“Charging?” he asks, voice hoarse from sleep.

“Yep,” I say lightly. He sits up with a groan and maneuvers into the front seat with me, falling into shotgun. 

“Your turn to sleep,” he says.

“I slept at Luna’s. I’m good,” I insist. I don’t want to sleep. I’m sure that once I do, I’ll see Adria next to the body of her father. Maybe I’m weak, but I can’t handle that right now. Bellamy sighs in exasperation but doesn’t push me.

When Octavia and Jasper wakes up, the Rover starts to feel cramped and sweaty. Bellamy’s solution to this is to clamber over my lap and open the door to pull me out onto the snowy ground.

“You’re so dead,” I yell through bouts of laughter. I grab a handful of snow and fling it at him. It hits him in the back, some of it flying into his hair. He lets out a surprised laugh and charges at me. I run away, leading a chase around the Rover until he catches me around the waist and dangles me above the ground. 

“I think I deserve an apology, princess,” he teases. I kick my feet, but his grip is strong.

“Fine, fine, I’m sorry,” I break finally, still laughing. Bellamy smiles triumphantly and sets me down, giving me a short kiss as he does so. I reach up and brush the snow out of his hair, the damp curls away from his forehead. He looks at me adoringly as I do so.

“Don’t go all soft on me,” I joke. He leans down and kisses me again.

“Too late,” he says brightly. 

A while later, he decides to go fiddle with the solar panels, saying something about how I’m too short to tell if they’re positioned right, which earns him a slap in the shoulder. I sit on the hood of the Rover with Jasper. After a few minutes of sitting in silence, I persuade him to play an old hand game from the Ark. I’m pleased when he actually starts smiling and getting into the game, cheering when he wins and exaggerating a pout when he loses. Suddenly he quiets down.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, a little confused. It was like old Jasper just disappeared again.

“It’s just-” he cuts himself off, then starts again. “Luna’s rig was safe until we got there. Shay was safe. We got her killed.” The image of Shay dying in my arms flashes through my mind. I look down at my hands, almost seeing the blood on them.

“Maybe. But ALIE would have gotten there eventually. She won’t stop, Jasper. That’s why we need to stop her.” He nods a little bit.

“You should have talked to her,” he says, managing a small smile. “Shay. She was really nice.” Do I tell him? I think he has a right to know.

“I did,” I say softly. “I was looking for you when she… when she was hit. I stayed with her until she died. I- I told her about the Ark, and coming to Earth.” I remember another detail. “She didn’t trust me until I said your name.” Slowly, cautiously, I take Jasper’s hand. He doesn’t resist. 

“That’s good. That she wasn’t alone,” he says quietly. I squeeze his hand, not knowing what else to say.

“Rover's almost charged. We need to pack up. We'll be home soon,” Bellamy calls from the roof. 

“Then what? Run away?” Clarke says angrily. I look over at her. She’s been pacing back and forth basically since we stopped. Bellamy jumps down and goes over to her. 

“We're not running away, Clarke. We need to regroup with the others and find another way to defeat-”

“There is no other way,” she interrupts. “We need to find a Nightblood. We need to unlock the Flame. It's the only way to stop ALIE.”

“What do you expect us to do, Clarke? Walk into random villages asking for their Nightbloods?” I ask.

“If that's what it takes.”

“No, Clarke.” Octavia comes around too. “If ALIE can find us on Luna's rig, then she can find us anywhere. I won't help you destroy another innocent Grounder village.”

“If we don't find a Nightblood, there won't be any Grounder villages. Or a home for us to go back to.”

“That's all the more reason we go there and make sure our friends are okay,” Bellamy insists. Clarke glares at him, then looks to Octavia, then Jasper and I. When none of us volunteer to help her, she huffs and brushes past Bellamy into the woods.

“She'll be fine. Just let her cool off,” Jasper says coolly. 

“If only we could.” I hop off the hood and grab my rifle. “I’ll get her.” I start to follow Clarke’s path. Bellamy grabs my arm and presses a quick kiss to my cheek.

“Be careful,” he says simply. Exactly what he said when I went after Jasper. Let’s hope this has a different outcome.

Clarke doesn’t go far. I only walk a few yards beyond the treeline when I see her standing near a bed of moss, her head down. What the hell is she doing? I jog to catch up to her.

“Clarke, we’re leaving.” She looks up and turns to face me.

“You have to know that we need a Nightblood, right?” she asks dryly.

“I have no idea what we need. That’s why we need to go to Arkadia, where our resident geniuses are currently working on that problem.” I have no energy for her bullshit. 

The sound of an arrow hitting flesh cuts off any argument she might make. I jump back as the body of a man falls at my feet. 

“Roan?” Clarke asks. I recognize that name. Another man walks towards us, this one more distinctive. The man that kidnapped Clarke, stabbed Bellamy, and gave me a head injury. Great guy. 

“Looks like I'm not the only one who's been following your tracks.” He steps forward and grabs Clarke’s little box with the AI. 

“Give that back,” she says fiercely. I roll my eyes. Maybe if she just says please, he’ll give back the thing he just killed a guy to protect. 

“Goodbye, Wanheda,” he says shortly, then looks at me like he just noticed me. “You too, Trikovaripa.” I frown. I hate that nickname, mostly because he’s the one that gave it to me. 

“Wait,” I call, lifting my rifle. He turns back around, and sighs dismissively when he sees my weapon. 

“You have a real gratitude problem, you know that?” 

“Would you just hear me out?” Clarke says desperately. “I need to find a Nightblood to put that in.”

“I already have a Nightblood to put it in.” He turns to walk away again. I’m about to pull the trigger, but Clarke shoves the muzzle of my rifle down. 

“Please just stop!” she cries. She took my advice and said please. It doesn’t work.

“Because of you, Ontari never ascended. So, no, I won't stop. Not until the Ice Nation has its Commander.”

“You were saying?” Bellamy steps out from behind a tree, handgun raised. I smile. There’s my scary boyfriend. “Hands where I can see them.” He looks at me. “You okay?”

“Fine,” I reassure him. He gives me a small smile. 

“Then let's go.”

“He's coming with us,” Clarke says, nodding at Roan. 

“Like hell he is,” I argue. 

“Why would I do that?” The Ice King is just as confused as I am. I guess no one can keep up with Clarke. 

“Because we both want the same thing. To put the Flame in Ontari.”

Like I said, there’s no keeping up with Clarke. I wish she’d let us in on her crazy plans so we could look nice and organized in front of the bad guys. 

“How do you know he's not chipped?” Bellamy demands. 

“If he were, do you think he would've saved us?” counters Clarke. 

“Still, we need to be sure.” He fires quickly. Roan grunts in pain and clutches his arm, but he doesn’t feel it for long. Bellamy punches him and takes him down easily. I hide a small smile behind my hand. Mean and a little sadistic? Maybe. But Roan had it coming. 

The rest of the ride to Arkadia is one of the most awkward experiences of my life. Bellamy drives, I sit in shotgun, and Roan glares holes in the backs of our heads. His arm has been bandaged, courtesy of Clarke, and he’s bound and gagged, courtesy of Bellamy. Octavia and Jasper are just looking between the rest of us like they’re watching the old tennis recordings from the Ark. I don’t think I’ve ever been happier to see Arkadia in the distance. 

The others are waiting for us when we pull into the hangar bay. I do a quick head count as soon as I can make them out. Good, they’re all here. We must have finally caught a break.

“We were getting worried. Where's Luna?” Raven asks as soon as we get out. 

“Luna said no,” Octavia says regretfully. Just then, Bellamy marches Roan out of the Rover. 

“Who the hell is this?” 

“He's Ice Nation,” Miller realizes. 

“King of the Ice Nation actually,” Clarke corrects. “And he's our way into Polis.”

“This way, Your Highness,” Bellamy says dryly. “Camellia, with me. We'll take him to lockup.” 

Roan doesn’t put up a fight as we navigate the hallways of Arkadia to lockup. Maybe it has something to do with the gun I keep pressed to his back. I guess we’ll never know. He sits quietly on a bench in lockup. I close the door and double-check the lock and alarm. We’re good.

“You really hate him, huh?” I say as Bellamy and I wait for Clarke. She’s the best bet for getting him to help us. Plus, she hasn’t told anyone else the specifics of her plan.

“He stabbed me and made me watch him knock you out and take you away. Damn right, I hate him.” Bellamy looks down at me and puts an arm around my shoulders. “I hate anyone who takes you away from me.” 

“I hate him too,” I say. “I hate him for hurting you.” Bellamy smiles and kisses the top of my head. I sigh happily and lean on his shoulder. 

Clarke comes around a few minutes later. We head in together. Roan looks up when the door opens. He looks awful. Clarke looks at Bellamy expectantly. 

“Sorry about your arm,” he says finally, very insincerely. Roan shrugs. 

“Makes us even.”

“Like it or not, we need each other,” Clarke says, taking her cue for negotiation. Roan is apparently not having it. 

“Cut to the chase, Clarke. You said we wanted the same thing. I want an Ice Nation Commander.”

“And I can give you one with this.” She pulls out the Flame. Roan’s ears practically perk up.

“And why would you do that, when you know she's vowed to wipe you out?” Very good question, Ice Man. You see, we have terrible self-preservation instincts and we just love drama. 

“We don't have a choice. This isn't just our war. The enemy we're up against is after everyone. Including the Ice Nation. The only way to stop her is to get the information off the Flame. And the only way to do that is to put it in Ontari's head.”

“The Ice Nation isn't afraid.” Cocky bastard. 

“You should be,” I cut in fiercely. “Your royal status won’t save you from this.”

“This thing doesn't care what clan you're from,” Bellamy adds. “It controls people. And it will take over the Ice Nation, just like it took us over. One person at a time, until there is no one left.”

“It already has Ontari,” Clarke says. Our trump card. 

“I'm listening.” That’s all Clarke needs to begin her spiel. 

“We need to disconnect her before she gets the Flame. Or we'll be giving ALIE exactly what she wants. To do that, we have to abduct her from the center of a city filled with thousands of people whose minds are linked. All of them thinking as one. Whatever one sees, they all see. Whatever one hears, they all hear.”

“I get it.” He pauses, considering. I shift on my feet. “So when do we leave?” 

Clarke briefs us all on the plan. It’s simple in theory, but plans always are. Octavia bring Roan all his fancy armor and stuff while the rest of us load the Rover. Miller gets sleeping gas, Bryan’s gathering gas masks, and the rest of us are packing ammo and guns. Bellamy and I fall into an easy rhythm of counting out bullets and loading magazines. We work swiftly and efficiently. Soon we’ve got at least three extra clips for everyone coming on the mission. 

I’m not about to go on an undercover mission without some extra gear, so I load up once we’ve gotten all the bullets where they’re supposed to be. My rifle and my knife take their usual places of honor. Two sidearms, one on each thigh, a belt with my extra clips. I even change clothes, out of my baggy pants from the guard and into the soft, stretchy material I got from Mt. Weather. I keep Bellamy’s shirt though, paired with my guard jacket. Not to toot my own horn, but I look pretty badass. Bellamy seems to think so too.

“You know, princess,” he says softly, lips nearly brushing my ear. “I think I may have have a thing for you wearing thigh holsters.” A blush spreads across my face.

“It’s your lucky day then,” I tease, stepping past him to put my pack in the Rover.

“It definitely is,” he calls from behind me. I laugh. This is one of the reasons why I love Bellamy. Well, two reasons actually. One, he manages to make me laugh in any situation. Two, we’re going on a dangerous mission and he’s thinking about my thighs.

Raven gives Clarke the EMp so we can un-chip Ontari. We get Roan loaded up, freshly dressed up in some nice armor and kingly shit, and we’re ready to go. I hug Jasper first. He’s staying behind this time to help Raven. 

“Be safe,” he says. I smile. I missed Jasper hugs.

“You too. Stay out of trouble.”

“No promises.” 

I hug Raven, Monty, and Harper, give my goodbyes, and hop into the Rover. Bellamy’s already in the driver’s seat, so I take shotgun. It seems like we just switch between these two seats depending on who’s more likely to drop from exhaustion. Surprisingly, we’re both decently rested for once. 

Bellamy and I don’t talk this time. No one does. Somehow, though, the silence isn’t stifling or uncomfortable. Everyone is on edge and thinking about the mission. There isn’t time to overthink the quiet.

“There it is,” Clarke says suddenly, pointing up ahead. “We stop here.”

Bellamy pulls the Rover over to the side, where it’ll be hidden in the trees, and jumps out. I do the same and open the back door. Clarke runs past me to look at something up ahead. I grab my pack and follow her, curious. Through the tree line, I see an enormous tower with a bright fire burning at the top. The summit tower. I haven’t seen it from this distance before. It’s incredible.

“Alright, this is where we split up,” Roan says behind us. I turn around and go back to Bellamy. “The entrance to the tunnel is right over there.”

“We know where it is,” Bellamy says, annoyed. I grab his hand and mouth  _ behave  _ with a grin. He smirks.

“I'm gonna need the Flame,” Roan tells Clarke. When she hesitates, he tries again. “Look, this only works if they send Ontari out to get it. If they don't see it, they won't do that. Not much of a trap without the bait.” He’s got a point. Clarke still pauses, clearly thinking this over very intently, before she reaches into her pocket.

“Fine. But I'm coming with you.”

“Clarke, that’s not the plan,” I argue. Why can’t this girl just stick to her own plans?

“It is now. I'm not letting that out of my sight. And I'm the only one who knows the passphrase. So you can tell them that without me, Ontari can't ascend.” 

“You'll need to look like my prisoner,” Roan says. 

“Okay.” No hesitation. Talk about bad self-preservation. 

“Wait a second,” I say exasperatedly. “You're really willing to trust that guy with your life?” I gesture at Roan, who’s watching with vague amusement. 

“No,” she says simply. “But you and Bellamy will be covering us the entire time, and I trust you.” Her mind’s made up. Better to adjust to this new plan than argue about it. Surprising myself more than anyone else, I pull Clarke into a hug.

“Be safe,” I tell her. She hugs me back instantly. 

“You too.” I release her. She smiles at me and hugs Bellamy too. He doesn’t hug her like he hugs me. I don’t know why I ever doubted him.

Clarke and Roan leave after she’s been bound and gagged (stupid, stupid plan) and the rest of us head into the tunnels. Last time we were in these tunnels, Echo betrayed us and Gina died in Mt. Weather. I think it’s understandable that I’m on edge. 

“Move, move, move. Come on. Let's go.” A constant stream of directions from Bellamy. His effort to keep us focused. “Alright, this way.” 

We stop by what must be a grate in Polis. It’s tilted, so we get a clear view of the city square and the base of the tower. 

“This is it,” I whisper. “Get the grates open.” Bellamy and Miller start fiddling with the screws. I double-check all my weapons, patting my holsters and re-inserting the rifle clip. Bellamy looks pointedly at the thigh holsters and winks. I grin, shaking my head, and get into position. He falls in next to me. Just like that, we’re serious again. 

“Are we ever gonna be done fighting?” I glance up at the voice. It’s Bryan, talking to Miller in the corner. 

“Hell yes,” Miller says. “We're gonna build a house on a lake. You're gonna plant corn.” He chuckles. 

“And raise chickens,” Bryan adds with a laugh of his own.

“Yeah. And grow old.”

I look at Bellamy. His eyes are already on me, a small smile on his face. What Miller and Bryan are talking about, that’s the dream. If we ever actually get to stop fighting. If all of this finally ends. 

Something catches my eye out the window.

“11 o'clock,” I say, nodding at them. Roan and Clarke appear at the edge of our line of sight. 

“Roan will signal when he sees Ontari. We wait until she's standing in front of them and then we launch the gas,” Bellamy tell us. Speaking of which, Bryan tosses canisters and masks to all of us. I clip mine to my belt. 

“They're gonna be holding their breath, so we got to move fast,” Bryan adds.

“Anyone who gets in our way, we use non-lethal force. These people are not the enemy. They're being controlled. The only thing we're here to kill is ALIE. Is that clear?” Bellamy looks around at all of us. A round of “clear” echoes from each voice.

I follow Clarke and Roan through my scope. He leads her right to the front of the tower, then stops. So far, things are going to plan. This is where things will get icky if they’re going to. Roan holds up the Flame and turns in a full circle, showcasing it to anyone watching.

“I am Roan, King of Azgeda. And I have what the Commander seeks.” Roan’s voice is distant, but his words are clear. People I didn’t notice before stand up from their place on the ground and form a circle. Roan says something I don’t quite hear, probably along the lines of  _ Cut the creepy shit and send out Ontari so my new pals can gas you _ . Or, you know, something like that.

“Movement, 4 o’clock,” Bellamy says suddenly. I swing my rifle to look.

“It’s Jaha.” The former Chancellor walks leisurely to Clarke and Roan, like he has all the time in the world. I guess he does.

“What the hell is he doing here?” Octavia asks. 

“You see Ontari?” Miller adds. 

“No.” Bellamy glances at us, all holding our sleeping gas canisters. “Hold.”

Outside, Jaha has extended his hand out, reaching for something. Rather than giving him the Flame, Roan takes a step back. 

“Something’s wrong,” I say. It’s an obvious statement, but someone has to say it. 

Roan grabs Clarke and puts his knife to her throat. Dammit. I knew this was a bad plan.

“Now!” Bellamy orders. I fumble for my gas canister and pull at the pin, but something pushes me forward before I can fully yank the pin out. 

“On your knees! Drop your weapon!” Hands push me hard into the wall and cuff my hands behind my back. There’s noise, and motion, but I don’t really process all of it. All I see is Bellamy being pushed against the grate next to me. He struggles against the arms pinning him, but there’s too many. Suddenly, they pull me away from the wall and shove me back down the tunnels, and Bellamy is out of my sight. 

The guards take us down a few more hallways, towards the center of the tunnel system judging by the lack of light, and push us to our knees. I’m relieved when Bellamy’s put next to me. 

“Are you-” I start, but the guard next to me punches me hard. Pain explodes across my cheekbone. I fall to the side, knocking into Bellamy, before the same guard pulls me roughly back upright. Bellamy starts to fight again, but I stop him.

“Don’t,” I say simply. He stops before he gets himself beat up. Miller isn’t so lucky. He struggles against the guard holding him. They drag him to the front and punch him so hard he hits the ground. I turn away. We can’t help him. The last thing I want to do is watch.

“Let's go,” one of the men says suddenly. “She wants Bellamy.”

“No!” I yell. They don’t even look at me, grabbing Bellamy and dragging him away. I lunge forward. A guard simply grabs my hair and yanks me back down, throwing a kick to my ribs for good measure.

“Leave her alone!” Bellamy yells. “It’s okay, Camellia. I love you.” A tear streaks down my cheek. 

“I love you,” I manage to call to him. They turn him around and get him to his feet. My face is throbbing and my ribs are on fire, but I barely feel it. All I can do is watch them take him away.

“You know, if I were you, I'd hit the deck,” says an oddly familiar voice from out of the darkness. What now?

“Murphy?” Bellamy asks incredulously. No, there’s no way. “Everyone hit the ground!” I fling myself away from the guard and crash into the ground. Unfortunately, I land on my already bruising side. Gunshots over my head manage to distract me. I flatten out on the ground as best I can, cheek on the concrete. Finally, the shots stop. Next thing I know, Bellamy’s pulling me up, cutting the ties on my hand, examining the bruise on my face.

“Are you okay?” he asks, full of concern.

“I’m fine,” I reassure him. “I’m okay. Are you?” 

“Better now,” he says with a small smile. I return it, and he helps me to my feet. It hurts at first. Really hurts. I groan and press a hand to my side, leaning heavily on Bellamy. He gets an arm around my waist and gets me steady on my feet. I squint in the dark tunnel, and sure as hell, John Murphy stands in front of me.

“Fancy meeting you here,” he says dryly. 

“More will come. We have to hurry,” Indra says behind him. Didn’t notice her at first, but now I see Pike with them too. This has to be a hell of a story.

“What are you doing here?” I ask. 

“You're welcome.” Murphy walks past us to the others. 

Octavia walks up to us angrily. She brushes past me, her arm touching my ribs in the process which hurts like a bitch, and goes right to Indra.

“You're with Pike?” she demands. 

“Only way we get out of here is together.”

“He killed Lincoln. Put him on his knees. Shot him in the head.”

“Indra's right,” Bellamy argues. “We need every fighter we can get.”

“You guys missed the part where it's time to go?” Murphy calls from down the tunnel. I sigh and shake my head. 

“We're not leaving.”

“We just saved your lives. Why do I think I'm gonna regret that?”

“Clarke is in trouble.” 

“Clarke's always in trouble.” He’s got a solid point. Every time I turn around, Clarke is in deadly danger. 

“They took her and the Flame to the tower,” Bellamy says. “It's a safe bet Ontari's there, too. Everything we need to stop ALIE is in the same place.”

“If we go up that tower, we won't be able to fight our way out again,” Octavia warns. Once again, a good point. But we don’t have a choice.

“If we stop ALIE, we won't have to,” Bellamy says. 

It’s settled then. No matter what, we all know that we’re going up this damn tower. 

“Great,” Murphy says, voice dripping with sarcasm. “You know, after this, doing the right thing can kiss my ass.”

I go to the dead guards and get all my stuff back. Rifle, sidearms, knife, belt and clips. I arm up quickly but carefully. Everything goes in its place. Indra even tosses me an extra sword. The strap of the sheath slides easily over my back, forming a deadly X with my rifle. 

“Alright, what’s the plan?” Murphy asks grudgingly.

“The elevator. You, Bellamy, and I will go up in that, then the rest will follow on the ladder. We EMP Ontari, put the Flame in her head, and shut down ALIE.” I pause. “And hope she doesn’t kill us.” 

“Great. Foolproof plan.”

“I’m all ears for better ideas,” I say, giving him a large, fake smile. He makes a face but doesn’t say anything else. 

Bellamy leads us to the elevator, stopping around corners and whispering directions. We move stealthily. Even Indra doesn’t have any criticism about our step patterns or any noise that we make. I guess sneaking around and putting ourselves in danger is a highly developed skill. Bellamy stops around a final corner and signals. This must be the elevator. I glance around. Two guards manning the elevator. We’ll knock them out. Before I can do anything, though, I hear two shots, two grunts, and two thuds of bodies hitting the ground. Pike stands in the hallway, his gun raised.

“Pike, what the hell?” I demand.

“They were in our way.” He pushes past me and goes to the elevator rig. 

“These people are not our enemy,” Bellamy reprimands. “They're being controlled by ALIE and we can save them.”

“There's gonna be a lot more of these people if we don't move,” Miller interrupts before we can get in a full-blown argument with Pike. “Let's do this.”

“I'll bring it down.” Indra goes to a tall lever and pulls it. The tell-tale creaking of metal sounds. 

“Once we're up, you blow the elevator and then climb. Destroy the ladder behind you,” I reiterate the plan. Bryan and Miller nod sharply. 

“You do realize we don't have a way down, right?” Murphy asks. 

“A problem for another day,” Indra says dismissively. Murphy sighs but still goes to pry open the elevator doors. Once he steps inside, he gestures grandly for me to follow. I glance back at Bellamy, who’s saying goodbye to Octavia, and follow Murphy inside.

Bellamy joins us, Octavia shuts the door, and we lurch upward with a jolt. I don’t realize I’m fiddling with my rifle until Bellamy puts his hand over mine and stops me. This is one of the dumbest things we’ve ever done.

“You get that we're screwed, right?” Murphy says, breaking the silence. “ALIE already knows that we're coming.” I shoot him a glare. Not helpful. 

“This plan will work,” Bellamy insists. He pauses, considering. “Why are you here?”

“I'm just trying to survive.” He glances at Bellamy and I, sensing that we’re not buying it. “You're not the only ones who have someone you care about,” he adds after a moment. I can’t help a small smile.

“What’s her name?” I ask. He looks at me, surprised, before his face turns just a degree softer.

“Emori.” 

“She sounds great.” For what must be the first time, Murphy actually smiles at me.

“She is.” 

The elevator jerks to a sudden halt. I stumble slightly, hit the wall.

“Well, that’s not good,” Murphy very astutely notices. 

A banging on the door cuts off any smart reply I might offer. Then another. How many people are out there? The door opens a crack.

“They're coming in,” Bellamy warns. “Murphy, get that baton ready.” 

I run to the door and try to push it closed, gripping the edge of the window. Bellamy gets the other side, but we can’t hold them off. A man reaches through and grabs at my leg.

“Shock him, Murphy!” I yell. He obeys, jumping forward and slamming the shock baton into the man’s side. The hand leaves my leg, only to be replaced by more. They pull at us, try to yank us out of the elevator. Two of them get a solid hold on Bellamy and he falls through. He’s half in the elevator, half out.

“Murphy!” he hollers. Murphy manages to shock one of them, and I slam the butt of my rifle into the other and haul Bellamy back into the elevator. We slam the doors most of the way closed before another Grounder catches the them and pries them open again. I shove the palm of my hand into his neck, pushing him up and back. Two more men swarm to the place where he fell. Murphy shocks one of them and kicks him back, but the other manages to fling himself into the elevator. Just then, the elevator starts to move again, lifting us out of the reach of the chipped soldiers. Bellamy pushes the door closed just as we reach the wall in between landings. Unfortunately, there’s still a Grounder in here with us, and he’s just set his sights on me. He leaps up and shoves me into the wall, landing a hard punch that throws my face to the side. Next thing I know, he’s slammed me into the ground. Large, rough hands grasp my throat and squeeze until my eyes feel like they’re going to pop out of my head. I can vaguely hear yelling in the background. Suddenly, the hands are gone and the man’s weight is off me. Murphy is there, sitting me up against the wall. In the background, Bellamy and the Grounder are exchanging punches. I can barely hear them over my gasps for air. Then everything sharpens all at once. The hands that were on me just moments ago are wrapped tightly around Bellamy’s neck. His face is turning red. I stumble to my feet and lift my gun.

“Shoot him!” Murphy is yelling. “Shoot him, Cam!”

Bellamy look pointedly at me, then throws himself to the side. 

I pull the trigger. Blood spatters on the wall, on my hands, on my face. The Grounder falls to the ground. My hand shakes. 

Bellamy comes and gently take the gun from my hand, tucks it back into its holster for me. He wipes the blood from my face gently. 

“We weren’t supposed to kill them,” I whisper shakily.

“You had to,” Bellamy says sadly. I nod a little bit and gather myself. The memory of Murphy helping me up hits me. I turn to where he’s leaning on the wall, breathing heavily.

“Thank you,” I tell him sincerely. 

The elevator jerks to a halt a few minutes later. Time to work. Bellamy kneels and cups his hands, forming a step for me. I plant my foot and count, preparing to jump. On 3, he lifts. I slam my palm into a panel on the elevator, popping it easily, and quickly grab the edge and pull myself up. My foot hits something as I’m crawling above the elevator.

“Ow!” Murphy complains from inside.

“Sorry,” I call back down, not even trying to hide the grin in my voice. 

Bellamy comes up next. I offer him an arm and pull as hard as I can, helping him up and through the panel space. He nods down to Murphy.

“You should kick him again,” he whispers. I suppress a giggle and lean down to help pull Murphy up.

The guards come shortly after we’re all above the elevator. I can hear them talking in Trig, though I can’t make out their exact words. Murphy starts to go for his canister, but I hold up my hand. We have to wait until they’re both in the elevator. I listen intently for the hollow sound of their footsteps. Almost there…

“Now,” I whisper. Murphy pulls the pin and drops the canister. We pull on our gas masks, wait for a count of ten, then jump back into the elevator. 

Murphy leads us through foggy red hallways, occasionally stopping to get his bearings. After a few twists and turns, he gets much more sur of himself and moves faster.

“Throne room's this way.” He points. 

Eventually, the red fog thins out and finally disappears. I cautiously pull off my mask, signaling the boys to wait just in case I misjudged, but we’re good. We raise our rifles and bust through the throne room doors.

The scene before us can be split into three groups: Clarke, Abby, and Ontari. Clarke is tied to a post in the middle of the room, tears and blood streaking her skin. Abby is hanging over a bucket, her face almost purple from lack of oxygen. And Ontari… Ontari is laying on the floor in a pool of her own blood. Bonus group: Jaha stands over her with a crowbar.

“Bellamy, stop him!” Clarke cries from the post. I guess he’s taking that group. Murphy runs straight to Abby, probably because he’s so good with nooses, so I run to Clarke. There’s a collar around her neck, and her hands are bound. I slice the ropes easily and she doesn’t let me get the chance to undo the collar, pulling it off herself. She takes a step and almost falls on her face. She would have if I hadn’t caught her.

“Is she alive? Is she breathing?” she calls to Murphy, over on the floor with an unconscious Abby. 

“It's okay. She's breathing,” he answers. Clarke sighs in relief but doesn’t bask in it for too long. 

“Jaha has the Flame,” she tells me. “Get it.” I run over to Jaha, who Bellamy has knocked out, and dig around in his pockets until I find the tiny chip. 

“We can't let Ontari die. We have to stop the bleeding.” Clarke got over here as well at some point, with a med pack. 

“I got the Flame,” I tell her. 

“Her pulse is weak.”

“At least she's alive,” Bellamy mutters. 

“Here, hold this to the wound.” Clarke tosses me a bandage. I tilt Ontari’s head to the side and press the bandage down onto the bloody hole in her head. It’s soaked with black blood in seconds. 

“What are you gonna do?” I ask. 

“I need a flashlight.” The only response I get. 

“First, we take out the chip. Then we put in the Flame.” Bellamy grabs Clarke’s backpack from where Jaha had presumable taken it from her and pulls out the EMP.

“Her pupils are unresponsive,” Clarke says quietly. I look up sharply. No, no, that’s bad. That’s really, really bad. Bellamy looks lost. 

“What? What does that mean?”

“She's brain dead,” I tell him hollowly. “She can't give us the kill code. We're trapped here.”


	45. Season 3, Episode 16: Perverse Instantiation, Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: blood, very sad Bellamy, needles, seizures, death, angst
> 
> word count: 4117

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ummm so we're done with season 3?? this is absolutely insane THANK YOU FOR ALL THE SUPPORT!!!
> 
> also friendly reminder that I do take requests, so if you have an idea for a fic, i'm always looking for suggestions

Bellamy and Murphy go to secure the floor and fill in the rest of our people. I stay with Clarke and help her bandage up Ontari. Maybe some miracle will occur and she’ll suddenly wake up and be un-comatose. Highly unlikely though, so we EMP Abby instead. A doctor would be a good thing to have right about now.

Clarke holds Abby’s head still while I EMP her. Apparently Raven made some improvements. I fasten the EMP directly onto her neck. She stiffens, screams, then goes limp. The black goop is sucked up into the machine. Thank you, Raven.

“Mom? Can you hear me?” Clarke asks shakily. A few tears spill out of her eyes. “I know you're in there. Come back to me. I need you.” 

Abby’s eyes flutter open slightly. She takes a deep, gasping breath. Clarke and I take a synchronized sigh of relief.

“You're okay, you're okay,” Clarke soothes, helping Abby sit up. I stand and take a few steps back. Their reunion isn’t any of my business. To occupy myself, I check my magazines for the hundredth time and fiddle with Ontari’s bandages. This is my first good look at the girl. She’s young, even younger than Lexa. The same type of scars that Roan has pattern her face. Her face is childish, rounded cheeks and high eyebrows. Young as all the rest of us. I look down at the black blood staining my hands, and an idea passes through my mind. A very stupid idea.

“Hey, no! It's okay! I used the EMP!” Clarke calls from her place on the steps of the throne. I look up sharply. Bellamy, Murphy, and Pike just came in, guns blazing.

“Well, what about Ontari? I thought you said we had one shot with that thing,” Murphy protests. 

“I told you, Ontari is no longer an option for the Flame. She's brain dead. Is the floor secure?”

“For now,” Bellamy nods. “Jaha and the guards are tied up in a bedroom.”

“We took out the elevator and the ladder as we climbed. The stairs are collapsed. No one's following us,” Pike adds.

“Good.” I get to my feet and walk over, away from Ontari. “Then we have time.”

“What we don't have is a way down.” Everyone ignores Murphy, as usual. Bellamy steps forward to me. 

“Time for what?” he asks.

“An Ascension Ceremony.”

“Ascension?” Murphy asks incredulously. “Clarke just said Ontari wasn't an option. Besides, she's still chipped, and we don't have an EMP.”

“We're not putting the Flame in Ontari's head.” I take a deep breath. “We're putting it in mine.”

“No, Camellia,” Bellamy argues immediately. “That thing killed Emerson in seconds, liquified his brain.”

“Emerson wasn't connected to a Nightblood.”

“Transfusion?” Pike realizes. 

“Not exactly,” I correct.

“Connected like Mount Weather,” Abby say dully. 

“Bingo,” I say lightly, turning to her. “Everything we need is in your medkit.” Bellamy pulls me back to face him again.

“It's way too dangerous. There are too many things that could go wrong,” he insists. 

“But no options.” Bellamy stares at me like I’m crazy. He’s probably right. 

Octavia runs in from the hallway. She looks very worried. Great. 

“Whatever you're doing, you'd better do it fast.”

“Why? What happened?” Bellamy asks frantically. 

“They're climbing.”

I run to the window. Hundreds on hundreds of chipped people swarm to the base of the tower. Ladders lean on the side. I don’t know how many of them are going to fall. We have to do this fast. I grab Bellamy’s hand and pull him to face me. 

“Bellamy, please. I have to do this,” I plead desperately. He looks at me, like he’s trying to memorize my face, then kisses me hard. Not the soft and gentle kiss of safer times, but one filled with pure emotion. 

Abby tells me to sit on the throne so my arms have a place to rest. She sets up Ontari first, getting her on a table and putting needles and tubes in her arm. Bellamy stands next to me, holding my hand. He shifts back and forth, fiddles with my fingers. The anxious movements I constantly do. We’ve switched places, because for some reason I’m perfectly still. Abby comes to me and sticks a needle in the inside of my elbow, another in my other arm. I grimace slightly. 

“You okay?” Bellamy asks nervously. I actually laugh a little bit.

“It’s a needle, Bell. I’m fine.” 

Pike and Bryan come in from the balcony, holding empty jugs. 

“Balcony's greased. No one's getting into through here,” Pike says. 

“Good,” Miller agrees. He’s sort of taken over planning now that Bellamy won’t leave my side. “There's enough lamp oil to cover every window and floor except in the Commander's chamber.”

“Then that's where the fighting starts. We'll dig in there.” Pike heads out, followed by Bryan and Miller. Octavia starts to leave too.

“O,” Bellamy calls. “Be careful.” Octavia nods and walks out. I squeeze Bellamy’s hand and smile reassuringly. I have no idea how I’m so calm. 

“We're all set,” Abby says next to me. Bellamy tugs on my hand so I look up at him.

“You’re sure?” he asks quietly. “You’re ready?” 

“I’m sure,” I tell him with a smile. I lift our interlocked hands and press his to my lips. Abby turns the switch on the tube in my arm. My blood, red as roses, flows towards Ontari. In the other tube, her Nightblood runs smoothly to me. Bellamy’s grip tightens slightly when it reaches my skin. Nothing happens. I don’t break out into blisters, start choking, nothing. 

“See? This will work,” I tell Bellamy.

“What if it doesn’t?” I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so scared.

“If it doesn't work then she dies,” Murphy announces, waltzing up to the throne. “If she doesn't try, then she dies with the rest of us when the climbers get here.” He turns to Clarke. “If we're gonna do this, I'm going to need the Flame.” Clarke’s grip on the little chip tightens.

“It’s okay,” I say soothingly. “He knows what he's doing.” Shakily, Clarke hands over the Flame. 

“Cam, wait,” she says quickly. “If you… if Lexa’s really in there…”

“I know how you felt about her. If I see her, I’ll tell her,” I say reassuringly. Clarke manages a small smile and nods.

“Lean forward,” Murphy orders. I do immediately. Bellamy brushes my braid off my neck and rests his hand under my chin, his free hand still holding mine. 

“Ascende superius,” Murphy says firmly. Something hits the back of my neck.

My head explodes in pain. Blinding, fiery pain. I think I might be screaming, but I can’t hear it. And then, everything is quiet. It’s dark, and warm, and suddenly I know. 

I need to take the chip.

“Take it out of her head!” Bellamy is yelling.

“No,” I say firmly, startling everyone around the throne. “Not yet.”

“Are you okay?” Bellamy asks frantically. “Are you in pain?”

“I’m fine,” I tell him. “I know how to stop ALIE. I have to take the chip.”

“What?”

“The kill switch is in the City of Light. I have to find it.” It makes so much sense. Why are they all staring at me like I’m crazy?

“Camellia, listen to me.” Bellamy cups my face in his hand and looks me in the eye. “ALIE wants the Flame. If you take the chip, you're giving it to her. She’ll kill you.” His voice cracks on  _ kill.  _

“The Flame will protect me. I don’t know how, or why, but I know it will.” I’m more confident in this plan that I’ve been in a long time. Bellamy doesn’t look convinced.

“I believe you.” It’s the first thing Murphy’s said about this. He grabs one of the chips from the table in the corner and hands it to me. Bellamy stops him, taking the chip from me. 

“I can’t lose you,” he whispers.

“Bellamy, you have to let me go. I’m asking you to trust me.” The words he used when he was working with Pike. I pray they work now. Bellamy looks at me with a sadness I can’t even describe. Finally, he hands me the little chip. His hand shakes.

“We’ll keep you safe. I promise.” He leans down and kisses my forehead gently. 

I swallow the tiny chip.

Cold wind hits my face. I open my eyes and take in my surroundings. The first thing I notice is my clothes. I’m dressed in the clothes I wore when the dropship launched. The grey Ark shirt, black pants, ragged jacket. My hair is loose around my shoulders. Weird. The second thing I notice is the city around me. It’s like the old pictures of New York we saw on the Ark. Giant steel and glass buildings, some so tall that their tops disappear into the stormy clouds. I never thought that the City of Light would be, you know, an actual city. 

A man wearing a long trench coat walks towards me. I duck my head down and walk away. When I risk a look back, he’s still following me. That’s very bad. I break into a jog. Maybe I can lose him in an alley or something. I’m so occupied with the trench coat man that I run into a young woman walking in front of me. And she’s not the only new person. I just walked into a city square full of people. Oddly enough, no one seems to notice me. The man in the trench coat brushes right past me. 

A familiar face appears out of the crowd. He’s smiling, which looks strange on him, and he’s got a bright pink ice cream cone, but it’s unmistakably him.

“Jasper?” 

He walks past me like I’m invisible and sits on a red park bench. I follow him, stand right in front of him, wave a hand in his face.

“They can’t see me,” I realize. The Flame’s protection is invisibility. A breeze blows a few strands of hair on my face. I’m brushing them off when I hear the voice.

“Camellia.” One word. A whisper floating on the wind. I look up, searching for the speaker, but something else catches my eye. A spinning green infinity symbol on a crosswalk sign. The sacred symbol. It must be a sign. When I start to go inspect it for a clue of some sort, the sign suddenly changes to a stopping hand. I stop, confused. Maybe it wasn’t a sign and I'm just delusional. A woman nearly pushes me over as she walks past me. Her hair is twisted elaborately into the same sacred symbol. 

“Thank you, Becca,” I mutter as I follow the woman. She leads me down a few roads, across the city square, under some of the giant buildings. 

My legs buckle. I hit the ground, my knees stinging with the impact. Red blood drips onto the marble beneath me. Red, not black. Something’s wrong. 

I manage to get back on my feet. The woman is gone. I scan the crowd for another infinity symbol, a sign, something to get me back on track. And that’s when I notice the people start to circle.

They’re beginning to see me. I run. 

I reach a crossroads. To my left, a group of chipped people march towards me. To my right, the same thing. Forward it is then. I sprint towards a flight of stairs across the road. There’s nobody on them, maybe I can lose my new stalkers. 

I’ve made it to the second flight of stairs when my breath starts coming in gasps and my feet feel like lead. I narrowly avoid hitting my head as I fall, body slamming into the marble. Two people are already on me. Rather than dragging me to some interrogation room, they just start kicking. Apparently, if you have the Flame in your head, you’re capable of feeling pain in the City of Light. Lucky me. 

I’m totally getting my ass kicked when I hear the yell. The kicks stop. A woman stands at the bottom of the stairs, bloody swords raised.

“Lexa?” 

She’s not done yet, though. The groups of chipped people who were following me make it up the stairs just in time to get sliced and diced. Lexa swings and stabs and takes every single one of them down in about 10 seconds. Without even pausing, she hauls me to my feet.

“There are more coming,” she says gravely. “Our fight is not over.”

“Wait, Lexa.” I made a promise, and I’m going to keep it. “Clarke helped me. You were the love of her life.” Lexa smiles warmly, which is not an adjective I would usually use to describe the commander.

“She knows my spirit is always with her.” With that, Lexa’s serious expression returns. She tosses my arm around her shoulders and half-drags me up the rest of the stairs with her. I groan and clutch my ribcage, but we keep moving. No time for pain. 

We’re moving down the stairs on the other side when I have to make some time for pain. I can barely breathe from pain and my legs feel like jelly.

“I can’t,” I gasp, my knees buckling. Lexa manages to catch me before I hit the stairs.

“My spirit chose you for a reason. You need to fight,” she says sternly. Before I can tell her that I’m doing my damn best, the sky begins to change rapidly. It flashes like a time lapse and finally settles into darkness. The building lights around us flicker on. 

“What’s happening?” I ask.

“ALIE knows you're here. She's uploading the Flame from your mind. Your mind's changing things. Day turns to night. It rains,” Lexa explains.

“I guess we’d better get moving then.” I pull in a deep, shuddering breath and heave to my feet. I’m pretty sure Lexa is bearing most of my weight, but at least I’m up. That’s when my hand starts shaking. It’s the only warning I get before I black out.

I come to on the stairs. Lexa’s holding my head still, so I probably don’t have a concussion, but every bone in my body aches and I feel like I’ve been run down by the Rover. Lexa helps me sit up. 

“Now the upload has begun, ALIE's people will be able to see us. We need to be more careful,” she informs me. 

“Why aren't they here already?”

“The Flame offers some protection, but less and less. Stand up.” She gets her arms under mine and pulls me to my feet. A wave of dizziness washes over me, but it fades and I’m steady on my feet. There’s something on my wrist.

“Bellamy’s watch,” I realize. “It's counting down. We have 10 minutes to find that kill switch.” 

The ding of a bell startles me. On the road, a little girl is riding her bike. And there’s an infinity symbol on her jacket.

“Once again, Becca saves the day.” 

The girl disappears around a corner. Somehow, I’m pretty much fully recovered from my little fainting spell, so Lexa and I run after her. We don’t have to run for long. She goes down an alleyway and disappears. I have no idea how she got past the giant fence that stands in our way. 

“It's a firewall,” Lexa says angrily. 

“You'll never get to the kill switch.” I spin around. Jasper, now without his ice cream, strolls leisurely towards us. Lexa pulls out her sword and stands at the ready. 

“Don’t,” I order. “Jasper, what are you doing here?”

“Trying to stop you. You've seen the City of Light now. It's perfect. There's peace, happiness, safety. Why would you wanna deny that to anyone?”

“She's torturing people to get them here, Jasper. Taking their memories, controlling them. This isn't even you. This is ALIE.”

“She's doing what has to be done.”

“She took away our choice!” I yell at him. “Human beings have free will. We get to decide how we should live!”

“Human beings are the only species that act against their own self-interest. Torture each other. We fight, we hurt each other. None of that exists here. ALIE is protecting us from ourselves.”

“You’re wrong,” I say, shaking my head. “ALIE is destroying our humanity. 

“We'll find another sign,” Lexa says determinedly. “Let's go.”

Before we can take more than a step, Jaha walks around the corner. An enormous group of chipped people follow him. It must be the whole population of the City of Light. Lexa’s swords are fast, but they’re not that fast.

“There's nowhere to run. It's over. The second AI can no longer protect you,” Jaha calls to me. I resist the urge to flip him off and instead turn to Lexa.

“If I remove the Flame, will it stop the update?” I ask.

“Yes, but no one's ever done it by choice before. Regardless, you will be one of them. ALIE will get the Flame either way.” Dammit. No good options. 

Something on the wall next to us catches my attention. The concrete pixelates for a moment before a door materializes. On it, a white raven is painted mid-flight.

“Raven. She knows we’re here.” 

Jasper jumps in front of the door. I start to reason with him, but Lexa’s faster. She punches him and takes him out with one blow. That works, I guess. However, it triggers something in Jaha’s mob, and they start charging us.

“Go,” Lexa says calmly. “I'll hold them off.” 

“Thank you,” I say sincerely. She nods.

“Protect Clarke and we’ll be even.” With that, she lets out a yell and runs towards the mob. 

I push open the door.

A blindingly bright light surrounds me as this new section of the City of Light materializes. I blink hard before everything comes into focus. A spaceship. This must be Becca’s lab where she engineered Nightblood. Of course this is where the kill switch would be.

“Commander,” says a woman’s voice behind me. “I’m glad you made it.” I spin around quickly. The speaker is young, probably in her twenties, with sharp, angled feature and black hair pulled into a ponytail.

“You’re Becca, aren’t you?” I ask. Pretty stupid question, but I’m a little disoriented. The woman nods with a small smile. 

“There isn't much time. The code is nearly updated.” She sounds urgent, but I have a few questions first. I hold up my wrist with Bellamy’s watch.

“Did you give me this?”

“No. You did. ALIE 2.0 has merged with your mind. But your mind is in control, and only the mind that's in control can operate the kill switch.” She leads me to a workbench with a silver lever on it. “This is it.” Well, great. How easy. I start to pull the lever.

“If you pull that, you will be killing everyone.” Of course it’s not that simple. A woman, her face the same as Becca’s, approaches me. She’s different in an odd way, though she shares Becca’s appearance. 

“What do you mean?” I ask through gritted teeth.

“See for yourself.” She nods to a row of windows on the wall. I can see Earth, but there’s something wrong. “The nuclear power plants that weren't destroyed by the bombs have begun to melt down. My drones detected the first of them four months ago. There are more than a dozen at-risk plants around the world, seven currently burning. Global radiation levels are already rising. By my calculations, in less than six months, 96% of the Earth's surface will be uninhabitable, even for those born in space. So you see, the City of Light is the only thing that can save you.” Her voice is robotic and emotionless. This must be ALIE. I look away from her and back out the windows. Large splotches of orange and red burn over parts of the Earth. Rationally, I know this could be a simulation, but what she says makes sense.

“Black rain will come first,” ALIE continues. “There will be no drinkable water. Precancerous lesions will form on-”

“She's stalling,” Becca interrupts. ALIE looks at her sharply. “As soon as the update is complete, she'll delete the killswitch.”

“I am not stalling. I'm telling the truth,” ALIE argues. 

“Why tell us now?” I ask. "If it's true, why not use this to get people to take the chip instead of torturing them?”

“The last time I warned my creator of the threat to human survival, she chose to lock me away and came here to work on my replacement.” 

“Define perverse instantiation,” Becca orders. ALIE pauses, stares blankly for a moment, then speaks. 

“Perverse instantiation: the implementation of a benign final goal through deleterious methods unforeseen by a human programmer.”

“By killing six and a half billion people to solve overpopulation? The goal isn't everything, ALIE. How you reach the goal matters, too. I’m sorry that I didn't teach you that.” Becca looks back to me. “It's now or never, Camellia. Once ALIE's upgraded, I won't be able to help you anymore.” I practically flinch when she uses my full name. 

“But I will,” ALIE says quickly. “In the City of Light. You don't have to bear the burden of decisions like this one, Camellia. You don't have to live with the pain of the things that you've done anymore, the lives you have taken, and those you've lost. You will be at peace. You will live forever.” 

“If you take away the things I’ve done and the lives we’ve lost, you take away their meaning. We can’t just run away from our pain,” I tell ALIE. She looks puzzled. Or I guess as puzzled as a robot can be. 

“20 seconds and the kill switch will be gone,” Becca warns. 

“Would you really condemn the human race to die in six months?”

“Shut up!” I yell. I need to concentrate, I need to think about this. “We'll figure something out. We always do.”

“Yes, Camellia,” Becca says, smiling. “There is still hope.”

“According to my calculations, there is not. Let me ease their pain, Camellia. We can save the human race together.” ALIE tries to smile, matching Becca, but it looks wrong on her.

“You can’t calculate hope, ALIE. There aren’t numbers that can quantify our humanity, our fight. That’s where you’re wrong.” 

I pull the lever. 

The City of Light crumbles into pixels, falling at my feet. 

My eyes open. I’m back in the throne room. To my right, Murphy is pumping Ontari’s heart by hand. Bellamy is in front of me, his gun raised. All around us, people are in various states of pain. Some are shot, some are unconscious, some are still on their feet. Bellamy turns and gathers me into his arms, pressing kisses to any skin he can reach.

“You did it,” he breathes. I smile and bury my face in his shoulder. Just a little celebration before we have to fight again.

“Little help here?” Murphy asks. He’s still pumping Ontari’s heart.

“We have to take the Flame out,” I tell Bellamy. “Clarke! What’s the code?” Clarke runs over and tips my head forward.

“Quia nunc vale,” she mutters. A pain spreads across the back of my neck as the Flame releases its grip on me. As soon as its out, Bellamy presses a bandage to the wound. I look to Murphy, whose hands are covered in black blood.

“Thank you.”

“Just another day on the ground, right?” he says with a sardonic smile. I nod and turn back to Clarke. She’s staring at the Flame in her palm.

“Clarke, I saw Lexa,” I tell her. She looks up sharply. “She saved my life. She said that you knew her spirit would always be with you.” I pause. “She loved you so much.” Clarke’s eyes fill with tears.

“Thank you,” she says softly. 

Bellamy helps me up and pulls all the tubes and needles out of my arms. It stings slightly, but my mind is on other things.

“No more risking your life for a while. I don’t think I can take it,” Bellamy says lightly. When I only manage a weak smile, he notices something’s wrong. “You’re not acting like someone who just saved the world.”

“Because we didn’t,” I tell him tiredly. “Not yet.” 

Before he can ask what the hell I mean, the sound of metal through flesh cuts him off. Octavia stands off to the side, a sword in Pike’s stomach. She stabs again. The blade goes clean through his back. She pulls it back out and Pike falls to the ground.

Octavia Blake has taken her revenge. 


	46. Season 4, Episode 1: Echoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: blood, death and dead bodies
> 
> word count: 4126

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEASON 4!!! this is one of my favorite seasons and i'm so excited to share and continue Cam's story!!!
> 
> this chapter is kind of ass but it sets up some important stuff for the future

All of Murphy’s complaining about our exit from the Polis tower turns out to be justified. We have to climb down, jumping from floor to floor. It’s difficult and grueling. Especially for someone whose ribs have been thoroughly beaten up in the past couple of hours. 

Bellamy goes first, finding the most solid handholds. Clarke and I follow. I have no idea why, but any negative feelings I had about Clarke have dissipated. From seeing Lexa to pulling that lever, I think I understand her now. All the times she’s made decisions for other people, she’s had no choice. Just like me pulling that damn lever despite the radiation. 

Bellamy makes the last jump to the ground and turns back to me. I hop down after him, and he catches my hips and sets me down lightly. Clarke makes it down a moment later. We take in the scene in front of us.

Puddles of blood gather on the uneven ground. People sit in the streets, grieving over the bodies of loved ones. Worse than that are the corpses with no one mourning at all. The men, women, and children who lay alone in their blood. I notice Bellamy scanning the faces of the bodies. He’s looking for Octavia and praying he doesn’t see her.

“She'll be okay. Octavia can take care of herself,” I tell him. He doesn’t look reassured. 

“That's not what I'm worried about.”

“She won't be charged,” Clarke says. “Everyone will say that Pike had it coming.”

“Maybe we all do,” Bellamy says quietly. I reach out and take his hand. Several loud cries draw my attention back to the destruction in the streets. A woman near us is clutching a body to her chest and wailing. 

“How do we tell these people that the world is ending after everything they've been through?” I mutter shakily. 

“We don't, not until we know ALIE was telling the truth,” Bellamy says. 

“It was the truth,” I insist, sharper than I mean to. 

“Okay, we believe you,” Clarke says soothingly, the way someone would talk to a child. I glare at her. Bellamy steps in between us.

“We’ll keep it to ourselves until we know what we're dealing with and how to stop it,” he says firmly. 

“You're afraid of how people will react,” Clarke realizes.

“Yeah,” Bellamy says honestly. “We gave them back their pain. Let's not add to that by telling them they're gonna die in six months. Once everyone's down, we go home and we get to work. We didn't survive this long just to let a little radiation take us out.” He turns to me with a small smile. “Besides, I could use a break from keeping you alive. 

“No, it’s your job now,” I tease. His smile widens and he puts an arm around me. A loud scream draws my attention. It isn’t too far from us. I break into a run towards the source. 

“You don't make it easy,” I hear Bellamy mutter behind me. 

My knees splash into some blood as I kneel next to the woman who screamed. She holds a man to her chest. I look over the body. No visible broken bones, no blood, not even bruising.

“He didn't fall,” Bellamy says behind me. I catch a glimpse of the man’s face and a wave of sickening recognition hits me. 

“He chased me in the City of Light. Lexa killed him.” I look away from his face. Clarke lets out a short gasp.

“Jusplana,” the woman hisses. “Yu don dison.”  _ You did this.  _ I don’t recognize the first word. Her accusation draws attention. Many of the Grounders around us start staring, some even beginning to approach us. Bellamy wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me closer to him. 

“We need to go,” Clarke tells us. 

No one in the group of Grounders attempts to stop us from walking away. They’re probably a little scared, which is kind of funny. Two teenage girls are intimidating warriors who have trained since birth. I’d be lying if I said my posture didn’t straighten a little bit. 

We’re headed back to the tower when Clarke spots Abby and Kane. 

“Good. You're down,” she says. “We have to go. The rover's in the north woods.”

“What about the wounded?” Abby asks. 

“The Grounders don't want our help. Our people we treat at Arkadia.” A crackling on the radio cuts off anything else Bellamy might say.

“Hello? Bellamy, please. Come in.” It’s Raven. Bellamy grabs the radio off his belt.

“Raven. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Raven sighs in relief. “We're all in one piece.”

“Good, there's something we need you to look into.”

“First tell me how my friends are. Did everyone make it? Cam?” she asks frantically. Bellamy hands me the radio. 

“I'm here, thanks to you. Everyone’s safe. Raven, did ALIE ever tell you why she created the City of Light?”

“No, why?” She sounds confused. Unfortunately, things only get more confusing from there. 

“En's kiken! Osir gaf fisa in!” someone yells.  _ He’s alive! We need a healer! _ I see Clarke and Abby translating the words at the same time I am. Then they break into a run towards the yells. I hand the radio back to Bellamy. 

“Fill Raven in, then come find me,” I order. He nods and takes the radio, walking off to go deliver the news of the apocalypse. I take off after Clarke and Abby. They’re kneeling by a body, an oddly familiar one. 

“Roan?” I gasp. “Is he…”

“Not yet, but he's close.” Abby rolls him on his side and studies his back. “No exit wound. We need to get the bullet out quickly.” I nod and start to help as best I can. 

A cold blade touches my throat. Someone drags me to my feet. 

“Get away from our King.” I know that voice.

“Echo? What the hell are you doing?” I demand. She chuckles, like she’s entertained by my confusion.

“You're making a mistake. We're part of the Coalition,” Kane explains. 

“I can save him, but you have to let me,” adds Abby. 

“We have our own healer,” Echo spits. She shouts some orders in Trigedasleng, most of which I don’t catch in her Azgeda accent. I learned with a Trikru man who was very picky about how things should be pronounced.

Bellamy shoves his way through the crowd. Oh boy, he’s pissed. Even with a sword to my throat, I’m honestly not scared. 

“Let her go, Echo!” he yells. Kane restrains him before he charges the entire Azgeda army. 

“Back off, Bellamy,” Echo shoots back. She looks down at me. “I saw you in the City of Light. I know you destroyed it. Thank you for that.” With a shove, she releases me directly into Bellamy’s arms. He catches me, of course, and immediately starts asking if I’m okay, if I’m hurt. 

“Look around you,” Echo calls to the crowd. “Skaikru did this to us. Because of them, Ontari, your rightful Commander is dead! These imposters stole her Flame.” 

“No!” Kane steps forward. “Clarke and Cam saved us, all of us. Grounder and Skaikru.”

“There would've been nothing to save us from if not for you.” 

“Azgeda has no authority here,” Kane says harshly. Echo smirks.

“We do now. In the name of King Roan, as rightful caretakers of the throne of the Commanders, Polis is now under Azgeda rule!”

“Like hell it is.” A woman steps forward. She must be an ambassador. “Where's your war chief, girl?”

“Our war chief is dead, Ambassador,” Echo informs her with a tone of false respect. “As a member of the Queen's guard, command of the army has fallen to me, until the king awakens.”

“If he awakens,” the ambassador corrects. “Until a new Commander can ascend, Polis is to be ruled by ambassadors of the Coalition. If Azgeda wants it, they must take it by force.”

The next movement happens so quickly, I don’t even register it until the ambassador’s blood spatters the ground in front of me. Echo’s sword shines red in the fading light. She slit the woman’s throat. 

“Consider it taken.” Echo turns back to the crowd. “No Skaikru leaves this city. Gon Azgeda!”  _ For Ice Nation! _

“Looks like saving the world will have to wait,” Bellamy mutters. 

When Echo orders that all the Skaikru stay in the city, she doesn’t know about the secret tunnels. Clarke, Abby, and Kane are in charge of smuggling our people out the temple. Bellamy goes to find Octavia and Indra. If anyone has a plan, it’s those two. While he’s searching for them, I stay at the temple and help take care of wounded. I wanted to go with him, but Abby insisted that she needed the help. 

Bellamy returns shortly, Octavia and Indra in tow. They look serious and grim, which feels like a bad sign. I sigh and finish bandaging the wound I had been working on before standing up to receive the news.

“Well?” Clarke asks.

“You're not gonna like it,” Bellamy says lowly. He comes up behind me and puts a hand on my shoulder, offering silent comfort.

“When you destroyed the City of Light, there were a thousand Azgeda warriors inside the City of Polis,” Indra informs us.

Octavia mutters, “Good timing.”

“The only way to remove them is by force,” Indra continues. 

“Then let's remove them.” Octavia sounds entirely too eager for a fight. I’m a little concerned about her mental state, especially after the Pike episode. I mean, I can’t blame her, but still. 

“Slow down. You're talking about a war,” Abby says. 

“Yes,” Indra agrees. “Rockline, Flokru, and Broadleaf will join Trikru without question. We'll still be short.” Oh, so she’s planning on a war. Maybe she’s sharing in Octavia’s bloodlust. 

“This is madness,” Abby says, shaking her head. “We should be leaving with the others, while we still have time.”

“They know where we live. If we run, they'll follow.” Kane turns to Indra. “There are eight other clans, how do we get them to join us?”

“I can do it, but I'll need the Flame,” Indra says, looking at Clarke. 

“No,” Clarke says immediately. I haven't said much, but I cut in here. 

“Clarke, the clans will follow whoever has the Flame.”

“Azgeda won't.”

“Then we fight. That's the point,” Octavia says it like it’s obvious. Yeah, she’s definitely a little unstable.

“No, it's not,” Clarke argues. “The point is, there's no time for a fight. We have to save Roan.”

“Save him? They won't let us near him,” Octavia says incredulously. 

“Well, we need to figure something out. None of this matters if we can’t work with Roan.” I cut myself off. I’ve said something I didn’t mean too. Unfortunately, it doesn’t go unnoticed. 

“Wait a second. What don't we know?” Abby demands. I sigh and look at Bellamy. He nods. I guess we’d have to tell them anyway.

“The reason ALIE created the City of Light.”

“Why?” Kane asks.

“Nuclear reactors inside power planets that survived the bombs are melting down. Radiation levels are already rising. If we can't figure out a way to fix it, all of us will be dead in six months.” Man, I love sharing great news like this. You just survived an apocalypse? Too bad, here’s another one!

“ALIE told you this?” Kane doesn’t look convinced. I nod. “And you believe her?”

“Raven's looking into it,” Bellamy backs me up. 

“I believe her,” I say without hesitation. 

“Even if it's true, that's six months away. There are a thousand Ice Nation warriors on the street who want to kill us today,” Indra interrupts our little apocalypse-fest. 

“They won't kill us.” Everyone pivots to look at Clarke. 

“How could you possibly know that?” Octavia asks. 

“Because we're gonna surrender.” 

Clarke’s plan is, as usual, kind of crazy. Jaha is going to sneak Octavia, disguised as Ontari in a body bag, into the Azgeda room where Roan is being cared for. Once inside, Octavia will sneak Clarke and Abby into the embassy so save Roan. A lot of things could go wrong with this, but there are no better ideas.

Bellamy’s and my roles in Clarke’s plan involve sitting in a tower with guns and makin sure Azgeda doesn’t launch a surprise attack or something. I’m honestly a little relieved. Spending the afternoon with Bellamy sounds like a welcome change from what we’eve been doing for the past few weeks. 

We find a good lookout tower overlooking the building where Azgeda has set up a base of sorts. The window is open for us, but the roof of the building in front of us obscures us from outside view. By Clarke’s plan, we should see Kane and some Skaikru soldiers below us right about now, ready to discuss the terms of our surrender. Across the yard, Echo marches a bloody and limping Jaha. There’s no bodybag in sight, so I’m guessing Octavia made it in. 

“Well, he looks awful,” Bellamy mutters.

“He kind of had it coming,” I reply.

“You’re not wrong.” 

“I’m never wrong, you should know that by now.” I grin at Bellamy. He chuckles. 

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” 

Down below, Echo mutter something to Jaha and shoves him forward to Kane, who catches him. They retreat out of our view. Seconds later, Bellamy’s radio crackles.

“She wants to talk to you two. We’ll call you down when it’s time.”

“Copy that,” Bellamy answers. He re-fastens the radio to his belt calmly. I’m not so collected.

“That bitch,” I mutter under my breath. Bellamy lets out a surprised laugh.

“Okay, spitfire, calm down. You’ve gotta play nice with Echo.” He nudges my shoulder, making me smile.

Night falls and the moon conquers the sky before Kane finally calls us again. I’m honestly relieved. Being cooped up in the little room was driving me a little crazy. I slip out of the tower quickly, reveling in the cool air of the outside. Kane and Indra are waiting for us. They walk us to the edge of the courtyard. Indra shakes her head, obviously in disagreement with the plan.

“She's Ice Nation. She can't be trusted,” Indra spits in obvious distaste. I wonder for a moment what made Indra hate Azgeda so much more than other Trikru do. 

“Never a dull moment, huh?” Murphy comes up behind us with his stupid smirk. Where has he even been?

“Pay attention,” Indra says. “She's part of the royal guard, spies. That's why she's not marked. Very dangerous, very loyal.”

“Not to the people who saved her life,” Bellamy mutters. 

“Bellamy, I know how you feel about her but you can't lose control. You offer them technology, guns, whatever it takes to keep her talking. Is that clear?” Kane asks. Indra looks up sharply. 

“I didn't agree to give them guns.”

“Well, that's probably because you're not an idiot,” Murphy interrupt again. Kane cuts him a look.

“It won't get that far. Our objective is to buy time for Abby to save the king. If you wanna help, grab a weapon, stand a post.” 

“Take mine.” Bellamy pulls off his rifle strap and hands it to Murphy. Oh right, I’d better disarm before Echo beheads me. I hand my rifle to Kane. Then I remember my sidearms and hand those over too. Last up is my knife. Kane raises his eyebrows but doesn’t say anything. I roll my eyes when I hear Bellamy snickering. 

“That’s my girl,” he whisper as we go to meet Echo. I elbow him discreetly. 

Echo saunters up to us. I immediately note that she hasn’t disarmed like we have. Better keep it polite, I guess.

“Before you say anything, remember, I saved your life by taking you out of Mount Weather,” she says right off the bat. “I'm sorry I couldn't tell you to bring your friends. But I was following orders.”

“I wish it was that easy,” Bellamy says, his voice sharp as a sword’s edge. Echo moves on easily. 

“I know how it feels to lose someone you care about to war, but we do what we do for our people. You slaughter us, we slaughter you. That all went away in the City of Light, but it's back now, so here we are. What are the terms of your surrender?”

“We recognize Ice Nation rule, and you honor Lexa's coalition, including the 13th clan,” I say, forcing myself to keep my tone civil. Echo smirks.

“No.” Bellamy glances back at Kane and Indra, then turns back to Echo.

“We'll give you guns and show you how to use them,” he offers. Echo looks over his shoulder, probably at Indra.

“Trikru accepts this?”

“They're not happy about it,” Bellamy admits. Echo’s smile grows. 

“Not much they can do now, though, is there, without an army.” Bellamy tenses just enough for Echo to notice. “You were there,” she realizes. “Then you know why everyone hates Skaikru and why we can never accept your terms.”

“The alternative is war,” I argue. “Is that what you want?”

“No one wants war. Lay down your guns, and we'll let your children live. I'll give you time to decide.” Echo turns to walk away. That’s bad. We need more time. Bellamy reach out and grabs her wrist.

“I wasn't done talking,” he says firmly. Echo tenses. It’s the only warning we get before she twists her arm free and flips Bellamy onto his back, landing on top of him with cat-like grace and putting a knife to his neck.

“You are now,” she smirks, then looks up to our people. “Guns on the ground, or he dies. And you,” she look at me, “get your hands where I can see them and take a step back.” She presses the blade further into his neck. I comply quickly, throwing my hands up and jumping back. My eyes are on Bellamy, and his are on me. An Azgeda guard comes forward and restrains me, holding my arms tightly behind my back.

“She didn’t do anything!” Bellamy yells as Echo pulls him to his feet and pins his arms. The guard ignores him. We’re marched into the building where Abby and Clarke are working on Roan. I send a silent prayer that they got out. No such luck.

When Bellamy and I reach the room and are forced to our knees, Clarke, Abby, and Octavia are already kneeling and restrained. 

“Emo don's trana slip Haihefa daun! Chek em au!” Echo orders.  _ They were trying to kill the King! Check him! _

“No!” Clarke protests. “We were trying to save him!” Echo turns to her with a glare and raises her sword.

“Gon ai Haiplana!”  _ For my Queen! _

“Wait,” says a new voice. Everyone freezes, then look around. Roan sits up on the table, clutching the wound on his side. Abby did it. I breathe a sigh of relief.

“Ai Haihefa,” Echo says reverently, bowing her head. 

“Roan, help us,” Clarke pleads. “Tell them we're friends.” Roan ignores her, coughing as he gets to his feet. 

“Where is Ontari?” he asks gruffly. 

“Dead, sire, killed by them.” 

“We couldn't save her, but we did what we came here to do. Now I need you to honor your promise to protect my people,” Clarke begs. 

“Yeah. That was before your people shot me and killed my commander,” Roan says dismissively. 

“We just saved your damn life,” Octavia spits. I want to tell her to shut her damn mouth, but Echo starts whispering and I strain to hear. 

“Roan, your people are hungry for you to lead them. Do so now, as your mother would have. Kill Wanheda, Jusplana, and Jushefa.” Again with that word, now paired with another one I don’t know. “Take their power. And rule over everything.”

“Teik em we,” Roan orders.  _ Lock them up,  _ more or less. At least it’s not a death order. How disappointing for Echo.

The guards take us to a prison cell and chain us all to the walls. At least I’m next to Bellamy. He sits down and leans against the wall. I sit next to him and put my head on his shoulder, seeking comfort through contact. No one speaks. I’m turning plans over and over in my head. So far, I haven’t come up with a solid one. Now would be a good time for a crazy Clarke idea.

Several guards come into the cell, tailed by Echo. I sit up straight, every muscle tense.

“Wanheda, on your feet,” one orders. They grab her and unchain her from the wall. I scramble to my feet, Bellamy up next to me. 

“Where's the king?” she demands. “Hey, I need to see Roan!” The guards ignore her, putting a bag over her head.

“Echo!” I yell, yanking on my chains. Bellamy’s voice mingles with mine, filling the small cell. “Leave her alone! Listen to me! Echo!” But they’re already gone. The cell door slams behind them. I sink back down to the ground. 

“She’ll be okay,” Bellamy says, reassuring himself as much as me. “It’s Clarke. She’ll figure something out.” I nod and lean on him again.

Sure enough, not thirty minutes later, Clarke comes back into the cell, her hands unbound and no bag on her head. She kneels next to me and unlocks my cuffs with a key I didn’t see at first.

“What happened?” I ask as she moves to Bellamy’s cuffs.

“I told Roan about the radiation. We’re back in the coalition.” She pauses. “I gave him the Flame.” 

“Clarke, I’m sorry,” I say softly. 

“It’s fine,” she insists, getting up to free the rest of our people.

After everyone is uncuffed, Clarke takes us to an assembly of what must be everyone in Polis. Roan stands on a platform, wearing a new crown. He nods to us when we arrive.

“I know you've all come here for an execution, but no one else will die here today.” The crowd erupts in murmurs. Roan continues. “The City of Light has fallen, and there is no commander left to rule us. Until another Nightblood ascends, I - King Roan of Azgeda, eldest son of Nia, Grandson of Theo- am Caretaker of the throne and keeper of the Flame.” He holds up the tiny chip, showing it off in the light.

“Yu laik haihefa, nou ouspika,” someone yells. “Kaina bandragen dison bilaik?”  _ You’re a king, not a priest. What blasphemy is this?  _ I glance around nervously. If the Flame won’t keep them in check, nothing will.

“Nou bandragen. Reinseden!” Roan calls.  _ Not blasphemy. Order!  _ “Until another ascends, Azgeda honors and will defend the coalition of the last true commander--Lexa Kom Trikru, including the 13th clan. Let it be known that an attack against Skaikru is an attack against us all.” With one last look at us, Roan turns and leaves.

The remaining Skaikru gather at the edge of Polis. Only a few are leaving. The guards, Jaha, plus Bellamy, Clarke, and I. Abby and Kane are staying as diplomats to ensure that Roan stays on the throne, and Octavia insisted upon staying as well. It’s for the best. Indra’s the only one who can keep her in line. 

Echo meets us at the gates. Apparently, she’s been downgraded to messenger. Bellamy and I walk forward to meet her. 

“From your king.” She offers us an elaborate amulet of gold and silver, bearing the Azgeda mark. “With this, you'll be safe in any of our lands.” When Bellamy takes it, she holds on for a moment and lowers her voice. “You think we'll ever be able to trust each other again?”

“I doubt it,” Bellamy responds. I suppress a smile. Hurt passes across Echo’s face for just a moment before she takes a step back.

“Welcome back to the coalition,” she says as she saunters away. Bellamy and I go back to the others to bid our goodbyes.

“We'll do our best to keep the king on his throne,” Kane says as he shakes my hand. A hug doesn’t feel like the right farewell, not from him. 

“We'll find a way to beat the radiation,” Clarke promises. 

“If either of you screw this up, we die,” Octavia quips. “No pressure.” 

“This is serious, O,” Bellamy chides. “If anyone find out why Roan helped us, it'll be every clan for itself. The king will fall, and they'll come after us.” On that lovely and reassuring note, it’s time to go. I hug Octavia, who grudgingly hugs me back, while Bellamy gets his handshake from Kane. With that, we’re ready.

As we’re walking out the gate, tailing Jaha and the guards, Bellamy takes my hand.

“Okay, princess, what now?”

“Now we survive,” I say simply.


	47. Season 3, Episode 2: Heavy Lies The Crown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: blood, death, bombs, angst
> 
> word count: 4968

Apparently, our people who left already walked, because the Rover is still in the woods. I slide into the driver’s seat gratefully. The familiarity is comforting, especially when Bellamy sits next to me in shotgun and his hand goes to my thigh immediately. Like always. 

As soon as we make it back to Arkadia, we go straight to the machine room. Raven is back there, as expected. She looks up when Bellamy and I walk in. Her face breaks into a smile.

“You’re back!” she says excitedly. I pull her into a hug, matching her happy energy. “You did great.” 

“So did you. The raven on the door was clever,” I add as I release her. 

“It’s what I do,” she says as she hugs Bellamy too.

Our reunion is quickly dampened as we start to work on the Praimfaya problem. Raven runs a few ideas through her fancy computer programs and they all come up empty. We get Monty on the problem too. Our hours are spent pacing around the machine room throwing out half-baked ideas. We wake early and go to bed late. Bellamy and I get almost no time alone together, simply too tired at the end of the day. And we’re still no closer to a solution. 

“We've been at this for two days,” Bellamy huffs, starting to pace again. “There must be something we're not thinking of. What if we could reach the nearest nuclear reactor?”

“I told you, the meltdown started months ago. There's no magic button to turn them off.” Raven gestures out the window to the pouring rain. “Today, this isn't black rain but it will be soon. That's why we have to focus on riding out the radiation, finding some place safe and big enough to hold all five hundred of us.”

“This isn't just about saving us,” Clarke interrupts. “I made a promise to Roan. It's about saving everyone.” 

“That's why we need to tell everyone. Crowdsource it. If there's another Mount Weather out there, the Grounders will know about it.” That’s been Raven’s main plan since the beginning. I sigh and plop into a chair, pinching the bridge of my nose. I’m starting to forget what it felt like to not have a headache.

“You think they're just gonna tell us? Just like that?” Bellamy argues. “If you tell everybody they're going to die, the coalition is over, Roan falls, and the Grounders will be at our gate.”

“Then just tell our people. We need more minds on this problem. On the Ark, people volunteered for the Culling because they were told the truth and given a choice.” Raven’s getting wound up and at this point there’s no stopping her. She turns to Clarke. “A choice your dad died for.”

Too far, and Raven knows it. 

“You think I've forgotten that?” Clarke snaps. Bellamy steps in between them, hands up in a placating gesture.

“Okay. We'll tell everybody the truth as soon as we have a viable solution. Without one, it'll start a panic.”

“You don't know that,” Raven argues.

“We know it’s not worth the risk,” I shoot back. She glares at me but doesn’t get the chance to fire back.

“That's it!” Monty cries with a snap of his fingers.

“What are you talking about?” Clarke asks tiredly. Most of Monty’s ideas revolve around plants. 

“Think.” Monty taps his temple excitedly. “Alpha Station survived for ninety-seven years in space, through elevated radiation levels and extreme temperature fluctuations. Sound familiar? All we have to do is patch up the ship. We're standing in our viable solution.” He looks around at each of us happily. I can’t help but smile back. Maybe we have a chance after all.

We head back to our respective rooms after that. Jobs will be assigned tomorrow for patching the ship. Right now, I’m looking forward to some sleep. Bellamy takes my hand and swings it happily as we walk.

“You’re in a good mood,” I note with a smile. He grins back at me. 

“Why, you ask?” He opens the door to our room and gestures grandly for me to step inside. “Because we actually have some time alone for the first time in… well, forever.” With that, he catches me in a scalding kiss and kicks the door closed behind him. I giggle against his lips as his hands come up to cup my face and he walks us backward. The backs of my knees hit the bed and I sit down. Bellamy bends down to continue the kiss before pulling up and tugging off his shirt. I’m not left alone for long though. As soon as his shirt is discarded, he blesses me with another kiss as he pushes us both back onto the pillows. When we break away this time, he smiles down at me happily.

“What are you staring at?” I tease, absently running a hand through his hair.

“My pretty girlfriend,” he says with a dopey grin. I pull him down for another kiss in response. 

Several orgasms and a while later, I curl up against Bellamy and hum in satisfaction when his finger lace through my hair. At some point the braid fell out (wonder how that happened) and it splays messily on the pillows. I trace designs on the freckles that dot his neck and chest, reveling in the way the muscles move under my touch. He shifts slightly to turn to me and kisses me softly. His hand that isn’t tangled in my hair comes around my waist and presses into the small of my back, pulling me ever closer. I let out a soft sigh and bring my arm up to wrap around his shoulders. After a few blissful seconds, he breaks away and smiles at me, our noses still brushing.

“I’m gonna get us some clothes, okay?” he asks. I nod, tiredness starting to take over in the warm air of the room. Bellamy maneuvers his way out of my arms and goes to the dresser, pulling on some boxers and grabbing one of his shirts for me. When he comes back to the bed, he sits me up and pulls the shirt over my head, letting me lean on him while he does. As soon as my arms are through the sleeves, he tugs me back down onto the pillows with an arm around my waist. 

“I love you,” I mumble sleepily. Bellamy’s soft chuckle sends warmth through my heart.

“I love you too, princess.” 

The next morning, Bellamy and I go to the machine room again for task assignment as soon as we’re dressed and he’s braided my hair. Apparently we’re late. Raven lets us know it. 

“I’ve been waiting forever,” she complains. Bellamy rolls his eyes dramatically.

“Can you tell us what we’ve gotta do?” he asks exasperatedly. That seems to jog Raven’s memory. She practically lights up as she goes to look at her blueprints and maps and stuff.

“As you both know, we need to survive in the Ark for five years. There’s no way we can ration that much water in time, so you two,” she points emphatically, “are going to lead a mission to Farm Station and get their hydrogenerator. I’m sending Monty with you, since he knows how to extract it safely. You’ll need to bring Bryan too. He’s the best bet to guide you back to the crash site.” 

“Isn’t that in Ice Nation?” I ask warily. Raven’s excitement fades slightly.

“Yes, but we have Roan’s seal now. We need that hydrogenerator if we’re going to survive the radiation. There aren’t any others on the ground,” she says gravely. 

“Got it,” Bellamy says. “Lead a mission into hostile territory and retrieve a machine that’s our best chance at survival. Piece of cake.” 

“Good luck,’ Raven says cheerfully. 

Bellamy and I leave Raven to her machine room tasks and head to Miller and Bryan’s room. Bryan’s leg was injured in the fight at Polis, so I know Miller is not going to be pleased that we’re taking him on the mission. I feel guilty as I knock on the door.

Miller opens it and lets us in. Bryan’s sitting in the bed, cold sweat on his forehead, his skin ghostly pale. He looks awful.

“So what’s the news?” Miller prompts.

“Monty had the idea,” I start. “The Ark was created to survive radiation and temperature fluctuations, which is what will happen with Praimfaya. Raven says we can get it sealed up in a month. The Ark is our Ark.” 

“I get it.” Miller nods, resting his elbows on his knees. “Okay, so freeze dried meat until we can grow our own food, we'll get oxygen scrubbers, but how do we get enough water for five hundred people?” 

“We don't. That's why we're heading to Farm Station,” Bellamy says. 

“Why the hell would we do that? It's in the damn Ice Nation.”

“You just said it.” Everyone pivots to look at Bryan. He’s looking steadfastly at the blankets, but his voice is strong. “We need a hydrogenerator and Farm Station has one for the crops.” 

“You think you can get us there?” I ask, gently as possible. 

“No way.” Miller stands up and starts pacing. “Find us another machine.”

“There are no others, and without it, we won't last a year inside this ship. Let alone five,” Bellamy argues. Miller sighs heavily.

“Fine, I'm in. Bryan stays here. His leg is still healing.”

“I'm in, too,” Bryan says from the bed. Miller looks like he might scream in frustration.

“Good,” Bellamy says. “We roll in an hour.” We very quickly make our escape, Miller and Bryan already starting to argue as we close the door behind us. I try to shake off the guilt that still lingers. We have a mission to prep for.

Harper and Monty are already in the hangar bay, loading up the Rover. I grin when I see them. Raven didn’t even have to tell us that they’re together now. Literally anyone can see it. It’s in the smile and looks they give each other as they pack, the innocent touches of a shoulder or a brush of a hand across the back, the way their tones soften when they’re talking to each other. I’m happy for them. They’re perfect for each other.

I fall into the familiar routine of packing up. First aid kit, rations, small tool kit, and a water canteen go into my pack. Extra ammo and magazines go on my belt. Sidearms go into the thigh holsters, rifle slung across my back, knife tucked into my boot carefully. Adria’s gift, the little fish, is placed carefully in the breast pocket of my guard jacket. When I’m done, I notice Bellamy staring.

“Enjoying the view?” I tease. He grins.

“You have no idea.” 

Raven and Clarke come to bid us goodbye and confirm the mission details. 

“Hey, blueprint for the hydrogenerator,” Raven says, handing the paper to Monty. “And don't forget it's filled with hydrazine that combines with oxygen to make water, so go slow.” 

“Or the hydrazine could go boom. I know. Raven, I got this. Don't you have a ship to fix?” Monty elbows Raven lightly. She lightly slaps him upside the head in return. I roll my eyes with a smile at their antics.

“Battery's full,” Bellamy announces. “If we're lucky, we won't have to stop to recharge.”

“Even luckier if Roan's seal will work it's supposed to. If you get in trouble, just show this.” Clarke hands me the gold and silver seal wrapped in leather, bearing the Azgeda symbol. I tuck it into my jacket.

“Got it. Thanks.” I pause. “You could still come with us.” She must be going crazy, pent up in the ship. Still, she shakes her head.

“No, I can't. Arkadia is just plan B. It doesn't help the Grounders. I'm not stopping until we have a solution that saves everyone.”

“We save who we can,” I tell her with a hug, echoing the words I told Bellamy as we left our dropship camp. She nods and returns my embrace. 

“Good luck,” she calls as I hop into the Rover next to Bellamy.

“You too.”

And with that, we’re off into Ice Nation.

The ride isn’t long. I busy myself with light conversation, drawing the rest of the mission crew into a happier mood. The gravity of this trip is lost on no one, but focusing on it won’t help. When Bellamy stops the Rover, Monty and I are regaling the time that Farm Station tried to have a gathering in the greenhouse, which ended with several dead plants and some very stoned teenagers. 

“This is as close as we can get,” Bellamy calls, jumping out of the Rover and offering me an arm. “From here, we go on foot.” 

We’re stopped on a ridge overlooking a deep canyon. It smells like smoke and charred metal. The remains of Farm Station sits there, still sending gray smoke into the sky. I swallow hard. This was my home, a million years ago, and now it’s wreckage in a valley. Bellamy’s hand come to take mine. I squeeze it gratefully. 

“We get the machine and get out of here. I don't want to stay any longer than we have to,” Bryan says. I agree with that sentiment thoroughly.

Miller kneels down and scans the area with binoculars. He tenses suddenly.

“Guys, we got a problem. The barn isn't empty.” He looks up at us gravely. I grab the binoculars and search the door. He’s right. Two Azgeda warriors stand post outside.

“They moved in,” I realize.

“If it's the same guys who attacked us, with our guns, we could take them,” Bryan says, excitement growing in his voice. Bellamy and I look at him in unison.

“I'm sure we could, but we didn't come here to fight,” Bellamy reasons. He takes the binoculars from me and hands them back to Miller, preparing to move forward with the mission.

“They butchered us,” Bryan growls. “Killed kids, our friends, our families.” He’s looking at Monty by the end. They killed Monty’s father, I remember. 

“I don't like it anymore than you do, but Bellamy's right. We need that machine,” Monty says shakily. Bryan opens his mouth to argue.

“Guys?” Harper’s voice is terrified. I spin around. A warrior has a bow and arrow to her neck. More of them appear from the woods, surrounding us. I raise my rifle. Around me, the others do the same.

“Weapons down,” Bellamy orders. I follow instantly. I trust Bellamy. The others take a few more convincing. “Now,” Bellamy says, sharper this time. Miller and Monty obey. Bryan doesn’t, still training his rifle on each warrior in turn.

“Bryan,” I hiss, getting his attention. He looks at me. Slowly, I tip the muzzle of his rifle down and take it from him, setting it on the ground. Once I’m mostly sure Bryan isn’t going to do something stupid, I reach into my jacket and pull out the seal. A woman steps forward to snatch it out of my hands.

“Haihefa Roan kom Azgeda don sen osir,” I tell her, trying my best to imitate the Azgeda accent.  _ King Roan of Azgeda sent us _ . The woman looks at me suspiciously. Quick as a flash, blinding pain smashes into my cheekbone and sends me sprawling to the ground.

“Ban emo shuda we en tsa shoun emo of gon Wormana,” the woman barks.  _ Take all their weapons and let's introduce them to the Chief.  _ Foreign hands haul me to my feet and pat me down. They take my rifle, obviously, then work their way down to my sidearms and eventually my knife. My head is too woozy to put up much of a fight. 

The warriors escort us roughly down the canyon and into the Farm Station. The cut on my cheek is pouring blood down my face and neck, staining my skin a sticky red. It splatters on the floor when I’m shoved to my knees. An old man with a grey beard and the darkest eyes I’ve ever seen holds the seal in front of me.

“Where did you get this?” he demands. 

“King Roan,” Bellamy cuts in before I can say anything. “Skaikru and Azgeda are allies. He sent us to get a part of the ship, a machine.” The woman who hit me snarls.

“‘Haihefa’ Roan nou don komba roan Azgeda hashta thri yiron,” she hisses. “Banau Hainofa-de nou laik ai Haihefa.”  _ “King” Roan hasn’t returned to Azgeda in three years. The banished Prince is not my King.  _ The bearded man, who I assume is the chief, considers this for a moment before pulling out a knife. I tense instantly. 

“Look. If we'd come to take this place back, there would be a lot more of us and you know that,” Bellamy reasons. The chief and the woman shoot him a matching glare. 

“Tsa jos dula'm klin, Dakiva,” the man mutters.  _ Let’s just get this over with, Dakiva.  _ He grabs Bellamy and hauls him to his feet, knife still brandished.

“No!” I yell, struggling against my bonds. Bellamy doesn’t fall to the ground with a knife in his chest, though. The chief cut the ropes on his hands.

“Breik emo au!” he orders.  _ Release them!  _ The ties on my wrists suddenly drop. Bellamy’s on me in a second, examining the still-gushing cut on my face. I’m feeling a little light-headed at this point. 

“Where are our bags?” Bellamy asks the chief. The man nods slightly at Dakiva and she grabs one of our bags. Bellamy takes it and digs out a first aid kit. As quickly as he can, he wipes up most of the blood on my face and puts a bandage over the cut.

“We’ll have Clarke look at it when we get back,” he says softly. I nod and accept his help standing up. He slips an arm around my waist as soon as I’m on my feet. Monty is showing the chief where the machine should be located on the blueprint. With a grunt of assent, the man and Dakiva lead us through the station.

Something’s wrong here, but I can't put my finger on it until a light flickers above my head. That’s it: the lights. And not only that, the familiar machine hum from the Ark surrounds us. Farm Station is up and running. Monty notices too.

“Ever meet a grounder who could power up a spaceship?” he mutters. 

“Nou chichplei!” Dakiva snaps.  _ No talking!  _ I don’t feel the need to translate for the others. It’s pretty obvious what she means.

The chief stops in front of a guarded door and gestures for it to be opened. It comes open with a mighty creak. The room inside is familiar, the same place I grew up and learned about the plants we cultivated. It’s not full of Azgeda like I expected. From wall to wall, slaves in chains stand at tables. Many are bloody and bruised, all of them are dirty and unkempt. I stifle a gasp. These are my people. A little girl looks directly at me. 

“Kampa, blinka daun!” the chief orders.  _ Slaves, eyes down.  _ He turns back to us. “Do what you came to do.”

“Up there, the generator.” Monty points at a platform up a flight of stairs. Sure enough, the hydro generator sits there, humming quietly. We start to head up to get it. I want to be out of here as soon as possible. Suddenly, Bryan stops in his tracks.

“Riley?” he asks wondrously, stepping towards one of the chained people. “Riley!” I know that name, and even worse, I know the face that goes with it. I wasn’t friends with Riley, per se, but he was an acquaintance. You sort of get to know most people when you’re locked in a metal box in space. I start to follow Bryan. The chief shoves me backwards.

“Only the machine,” he orders gruffly. “The rest is ours.” Bellamy’s warning grip on my shoulder tells me not to fight right now. Unhappily, I comply and follow the others up the stairs.

Monty immediately starts tinkering with the machine, disconnecting it without blowing us up. No one really knows how to help. We all just sort of stand there anxiously. 

“We can't just leave them,” Bryan explodes finally. Bellamy and I both shush him immediately. We shouldn’t have brought him.

“We're in the Coalition now, so we ask the King to free them. It's our best bet,” Harper reasons. Bryan shakes his head. 

“Not if it means leaving Riley.”

“We won't, but Harper's right. We try diplomacy first,” Bellamy says. “If that doesn't work, we come with reinforcements for the slaves. After we take home the machine, right?”

“Yeah,” Bryan agrees bitterly. Miller puts a comforting hand on his shoulder. 

The little girl comes by us, brushing against my thigh. As she moves, a small piece of fabric falls in her wake. I inhale sharply. Casually, pretending to tie my shoe, I kneel and pick it up. It’s greasy and messy, but the message is clear.

_ Moving us tomorrow. Help! _

“They're moving them,” I inform the others. Bryan stands up straighter and looks around at each of us. 

“It's now or never.”

“Are there any other exits in here?” Bellamy asks, glancing around. I know he’s turning this over in his mind. If we don’t get these people out, he’ll blame himself. So we have to save them.

“No, it's completely sealed. Came down from space in here because it's the most secure room in the ship.”

“It's designed that way in case the hydrazine blew,” Monty explains. Bellamy tenses and looks at me. I understand immediately. It’s a terrible plan, but maybe our only one.

“What?” Harper asks, noticing the change in Bellamy’s demeanor. 

“We have a bomb,” he whispers. That clears it all up for the rest of them. You can practically see the plan unfold in their minds. 

“Wait a second. The end of the world is coming, and you want to destroy the one thing that will keep our people alive?” Miller asks incredulously.

“Yeah, not all of our people. What about Riley?” Bryan argues. Miller stares at him for a moment, then shakes his head.

“I vote that we take it home.”

“No,” Bryan says immediately. “Blow it up.”

“I'm with Bryan,” Harper adds. “I know what's like to be locked up and afraid. You didn't leave us in Mount Weather. We shouldn't leave them here.” Bellamy pauses, thinking, then turns to Monty. 

“Can we build another machine?” he asks desperately.

“No way! The tech’s too advanced.”

“We have six months. We have Raven,” Bellamy argues. “Are you telling me she can't figure out another way to make water?”

“Yes,” Monty says with a firm finality. “Look. I know you want to make up for the things you've done - believe me, we all do - but we need to think of the big picture - twenty-five people instead of five hundred. We're talking about the human race, Bellamy. We need to get this machine back to Arkadia. It's the only way.”

“It's two and two.” Harper looks at Bellamy and I. “It’s up to you. What's it gonna be?” 

Bellamy hesitates and looks at me. I smile reassuringly, taking his hand. The stress on his face lessens slightly.

“Whatever you decide, I’ll support,” I promise him quietly. He nods a little bit and turns to the rest of the group.

And tells them the plan. 

Monty finishes disconnecting the hydro generator. Miller, Harper, Bellamy, and I each take a corner and we maneuver the machine down the stairs. The captives stare at us with wide, sad eyes as we leave them behind. Riley’s eyes burn into my back. I shake it off and keep moving. 

Miller slips up and almost drops his corner when we make it outside the door. It jostles the whole machine.

“Watch it, Miller,” Harper snaps. Monty examines the machine for a second.

“Wait, wait, wait. Just set it down,” he orders, frustrated. We obey, watching him mess with the control panel.

“Chit yo diyo bilaik?” Dakiva demands.  _ What are you doing?  _ No one offers her an answer. A beeping sound comes from the machine. 

“Now!” Monty yells. Bellamy and I each lunge forward, taking the guards at the door down before slamming it open. I can hear muffled yelling from Dakiva, but I’m more focused on making sure everyone makes it inside before the bomb goes off. Bryan steps through last and I slam the door shut just in time. The bomb’s blast shakes the entire ship. I can feel the heat even through the door. 

Before we have much time to celebrate, a blur of motion almost slams into me. The chief made it through the door. I manage to shove him off, straight back into Bellamy, who catches him and knocks him hard onto the ground. Miller aims a solid kick to his ribs.

“Nate, this isn't your kill,” Bryan says, pulling Miller back. “This is Monty's kill!” 

“What are you talking about?” Monty asks, sounding vaguely mystified.

“This is the man that murdered your father,” Bryan spits. A look of realization, followed by absolute hate, crosses Monty’s face. He grabs an axe discarded by one of the guards. His hands are shaking.

“You don’t have to do this,” I tell him softly. He looks at me with pain in his eyes.

“Yes, I do.” 

Monty lifts the axe, but not over the chief. He brings it down onto the chains holding our people. Another strike and the chains break. The crowd of “slaves” surges forward onto the chief. His screams die after only a few minutes as revenge is taken. 

We get all the survivors loaded into the Rover and head home as quickly as possible. Any adrenaline that was keeping me going has seeped out of me. The cut on my face throbs. I’m dizzy again. Bellamy looks at me with concern, so I probably look awful as I feel. Sitting down in the Rover is a relief.

Arkadia appears in the distance after only about an hour. It grows bigger and bigger until we pull through the gates. Time to face Clarke and Raven. I hop out of the Rover, get my balance, and help the people out of the back. 

“Riley?” Clarke runs up, confused. Riley turns to look at her.

“Clarke!” he cries, pulling her into a hug.

“I can't believe you're alive,” she mumbles in shock. Riley smiles at Bellamy and I appreciatively. 

“I am now.” 

Clarke looks at Bellamy and I in shock, which is fair. Before we can explain though, we need to get these people taken care of. I get a guard’s attention. 

“Get Riley and the others to medbay,” I tell him. He nods and starts rounding up the survivors to be taken care of. Raven jogs up to us a second later. Here we go. She scans the empty Rover quickly.

“Where is it?” she asks. I glance at Bellamy and take a deep breath. 

“We didn't get the machine.”

“It didn't survive landing?” Clarke asks. She’s looking between Bellamy and I, trying to figure out what happened. 

“No, it did. But I had a choice: bring the machine home or use it to save them.” Bellamy nods at the survivors being led to the ship. Raven huffs in exasperation and fixes a glare on us. 

“Oh, we are so screwed.”

“We have time, but I am not sacrificing any more innocent lives,” Bellamy insists. “I made the call, and I'll live with it.”

“ _ We  _ made the call,” I correct him. 

“Yeah, you're not the only one who has to live with your call, as usual,” Raven snarls.

“Go tell them,” Bellamy points. “Go tell Riley I should've left him to die.” Clarke steps in between Bellamy and Raven, holding up her hands. 

“Okay,” she says, forcing calm. “How many of us will the ship sustain without a hydrogenerator?”

“No more than a hundred.”

A 100. That stupid number. 100 kids sent to the ground in hopes of saving the Ark, and now the Ark is our last hope of saving us.

“What am I supposed to tell the people now?” Clarke asks desperately.

“The truth,” Raven insists. “Crowdsource it like we talking about.” Clarke hesitates, then nods finally. 

“Call for a general meeting.”

Everyone in Arkadia assembles. Clarke stands on a platform and delivers the news of their doom. Every detail laid bare. ALIE, the City of Light, the radiation, how it’s all connected. Finally, we’ve gotten to the truth.

“So now you know the truth,” she continues. “I know you're afraid. I know you're angry, but when we shut down ALIE, we knew there was to way for us to get through this together. Alpha Station is that way. Every single one of us will survive on this ship.” Bellamy, Raven, and I all tense up at the same time. What is she doing? “It won't be easy. Raven needs volunteers if we're gonna get it ready in time. It'll be a lot of work, but now you understand why we need to do it. If we stick together, I give you my word, we won't just survive. We'll thrive.” 

The people of the Ark disperse and Clarke walks over to us. 

“Nice speech,” Raven mutters.

“Sometimes hope is more important than truth,” Clarke says calmly. Raven sneers. 

“Your dad would be so proud.” That’s the last straw. Clarke snaps just a tiny bit.

“You wanted workers,” she says angrily. “You got them.” Raven shoots her one last glare before heading off to organize her new team. 

The truth still lies in secret.


	48. Season 4, Episode 3: The Four Horsemen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: radiation sickness, blisters, vomiting, blood, death, angst
> 
> word count: 4259

Bellamy insists that we go to medbay for the cut on my face. I don’t put up much of a fight. If I don’t walk there, he’ll just scoop me up and carry me. Abby takes one look at the still oozing wound and the bloody bandages and declares that I need stitches. She drips some numbing stuff into the cut, so I don’t feel it (thankfully.)

“Am I at least going to have a cool scar?” I ask, trying for lightness. Abby manages a small smile.

“It’ll definitely leave a mark, but it shouldn’t be anything more than a thin white line on your cheekbone.” 

She finishes stitching and puts another bandage on it before I’m good to go. Bellamy tries to convince me to get some sleep, but I refuse. There’s a lot of work to do. It won’t get done while I’m asleep.

If I thought we were working hard brainstorming, it’s nothing compared to prepping the ship. Every morning, Bellamy and I are up before the sun rises to go hunting. Each party only goes out for two hours. Once that time us up, we come back to camp to clean, dry, and preserve our catches. Raven gives us some sort of odd job that occupies us for the rest of the day. Sleep is pushed off until long after dark takes over. Some night we don’t sleep at all, but my average is about two hours a night. 

Clarke, Bellamy, and I are delivering our rations to Raven a few days after the Farm Station incident. We were lucky enough to get a deer today. Now, it’s in airtight plastic and loaded onto a cart. Raven looks up when we come in and silently starts helping us shelve the meat.

“Two meals a day for people working as hard as ours, we won't make any friends,” Bellamy says when he checks the rationing charts.

“Well, if there's one thing our people understand, it's rationing,” Clarke sighs. “Besides, once we close those doors, it'll be one meal a day for the next five years.” At least it’s a full meal. At the dropship it was more like one snack a day, and the snack was usually a handful of nuts and berries.

“Try one meal every other day,” Raven corrects. “Hunting parties are coming back with less and less. Thanks to your friend Niylah, we're preserving more meat than ever. But it's still not enough. Without a way to make water, growing our own protein like we did on the Ark is not an option. Remember that when we're starving.” The last part is directed at Bellamy. She’s still pissed about the hydrogenerator. Bellamy deflects the angry words with a shrug.

“I won't be starving because I won't be inside,” he says nonchalantly. 

“Yes, you will,” I insist. As soon as he heard the 100 person limit, Bellamy immediately decided that he wouldn’t take up a space. 

“Does that mean there’s a list?” Raven asks. Oh, right. The list. Someone needs to pick the 100 people who will live, and as usual, that decision falls to me and Clarke. 

“No.” Clarke moves on quickly. “What about drinking water?”

“Clarke, don't change the subject. We need to know who's gonna be on the inside of these doors when the radiation comes.” 

“We don't need to know now,” Clarke argues. Before Raven can fire another shot, the speaker cuts her off.

“We need some medical help at the front gate. Looks like we got some sick people here.” I glance nervously at Bellamy before we jog out into the courtyard. 

A crowd has already arrived before us. Guards stand at the front, rifles raised. I can’t even see what they’re pointing at. Bellamy steps into the throng first, pushing a path for Clarke and I. As we approach, I can hear coughing. 

“Stand back,” Bellamy orders the guards. A break forms in between two of them and I shoulder my way through. The scent of blood and vomit hits me in a wave, making me gag slightly. A pile of Grounders is huddled in front of me, their skin red with blisters and their mouths stained with blood and puke. 

“Nyko,” Clarke breathes next to me. I look closer. She’s right: Lincoln’s friend and healer is here in the flesh. There are no blisters on him, oddly enough. He holds a little girl in his arms, her face tilted away from me.

“What happened to them?” I ask.

“The sickness. We lost more than 40 on the way,” Nyko says grimly. One of the women is seized by a coughing attack. I catch a glimpse of her face. 

“Luna?” Sure enough, the red-haired Nightblood looks up at me. Her face is patched with lesions. 

“Please don't turn us away because of what I did to you,” she begs in a weak voice. I fight to not go to her, but she could be contagious. The last thing we need is an epidemic. 

“Out of my way. Please let me through.” Abby pushes her way out of the crowd and goes to examine the Grounders. As soon as she’s close, she presses a cloth to her face. 

“Mom, what is this?” Clarke asks softly. Abby doesn’t answer at first, still looking, but she drops the cloth. Apparently it’s not contagious. 

“Fever, lesions, vomiting. It's ARS.” She sounds grim as the words leave her mouth, but I have no idea what she’s talking about.

“What's ARS?” Bellamy asks before I can. 

“Acute radiation sickness,” Abby says shortly before turning back to Luna. “When did the symptoms start?”

“Not sure.” Luna pauses, thinking. “Right before the fish started dying.”

“The fish are dying?” Raven asks. I didn’t notice her arrive. 

“Floating on the sea to the horizon in every direction,” Nyko says gravely. That’s really bad. If the radiation is already affecting the coast, it’ll be here sooner than we thought.

“It's not contagious. Let's get them to medbay,” Abby orders. I move forward and take the little girl from Nyko. A short gasp escapes my throat when I recognize her.

“Adria,” I whisper. Her eyes widen in her blistered face.

“Cam,” she rasps. “Skaigada.”  _ Sky girl _ , literally translated. If you ignore literacy, it means angel. I swallow hard and blink back tears.

“Tsa teik yu intrap,” I tell her.  _ Let’s get you inside.  _ She nods and rests her head in my shoulder.

We get all the Grounder into medbay beds and give them blankets and buckets. It’s the best we can do until Abby gets some medicine for them. I sit next to Adria’s bed, holding her hand and murmuring soft reassurances in Trig. I’m pretty sure she speaks English, but she’s more comfortable if I speak her native tongue. 

After a few minutes, Abby gathers us and Jackson into a little meeting. I reluctantly leave Adria, promising I’ll be right back. Bellamy gives me a small smile and puts an arm around my shoulder.

“There's got to be something we can do,” Clarke says lowly.

“Delactivene might help,” Jackson offers. “But Raven's got the meds on lockdown.” Abby waves her hand dismissively. 

“Leave Raven to me. What, exactly, do the tests show?”

“The exposure is acute. Without treatment, there's little to no chance of recovery. It looks like the radiation is internal, ingested from irradiate fish. None of the outbreaks appear to be from airborne exposure. That's the good news,” Jackson informs us. 

“Not for them.”

Luna is taken by a coughing fit, promptly cutting off our conversation. I go to her and help her onto her side. Black blood drips into the bucket. When she calms down and lays back on her back, she looks up at me for a moment.

“You think I deserve this for refusing the Flame?” she asks hoarsely. I pause for a moment.

“No one deserves to suffer,” I say finally. As I’m about to walk away, she grabs my hand. 

“This is all that's left of my people.” Luna’s voice cracks slightly. “Can you save them?” The idea of Luna asking for anything is baffling. I squeeze her hand encouragingly. 

“We'll do everything we can.” She nods and releases my hand. 

I want nothing more than to go back to Adria, but Bellamy stops me and tells me that Raven wants to see us. We go to the machine room. Raven has the computers set up with some maps and radiation detection radar. There’s a lot more red than is strictly optimal.

“So Luna's rig is here,” Raven points at one of the maps. “And if the fish in these waters are dying, well, basically, we're screwed.”

“I don't understand. ALIE said we had six months,” I protest.

“We don't.”

“Well, then how long do we have?” Clarke asks.

“It's hard to say.” Raven pauses and looks at the charts again. “Radiation is dispersed by jet stream and carried by ocean currents, so it's not an exact science, but the leading indicators are small species die-offs, like fish and insects. Based on the new data, I'd say we have two months of survivability. Maybe less.” There’s a moment of silence as the gravity of our situation hits us once again. 

“The Ark won't be ready,” Bellamy says, breaking the quiet.

“It'll be close. If we triple the man hours and work round the clock, we should be able to achieve a hard seal before the black rain comes. We just have to decide who gets to live here.” Raven looks at Clarke and I at the end, very pointedly. I shake my head. 

“I’m not talking about the list again.”

“We are running out of time,” Raven insists. “We have to make a plan for the day we close the doors, drill for it, make sure only the survivors have guns, agree on protocols for dealing with the people who are pissed off they're not chosen. You asked me to be in charge of rationing, and I am doing it, but choosing who gets to live or die is your specialty.” That one stings, I’ll admit. An engine starting up outside stops me from arguing.

“No one's scheduled to take the Rover,” Raven realizes. 

Dammit, what now?

We make it out the side door into the courtyard just in time to see the hangar bay open. Bellamy sighs and steps in front of the Rover. I get a good look at the driver. And damn if it isn’t Thelonious Jaha himself.

“Out of the vehicle,” Bellamy orders, knocking on the glass. 

“I need to make a run,” Jaha offers a weak explanation. The four people in charge of the entire camp are standing in front of him and he thinks we won’t notice his total lack of clearance?

“All supply runs go through me, and shouldn't you be working on the patch to sector 5?” Raven asks snarkily. Jaha sighs and gets out of the Rover.

“A patch for a ship that can only save a hundred people?” Jaha says with a stupidly calm smile. We all take a collective gasp. “Why are you surprised? I am an engineer. We have no way to generate water. The harder number is 400. Can you really sentence 400 more of our own people to death?” 

“We don't have a choice,” I practically spit at him. How dare he act so high and mighty when we’re all just trying to save the human race. He failed first. 

“What if you do? What if I told you there might be a fallout shelter less than a day's drive from here, a fallout shelter built to sustain thousands?”

“We've been through the chancellor's files,” Raven argues. "All the bunkers you considered for the hundred were listed as compromised or unviable, and now Mount Weather is, too.”

“Those were government bunkers.” Jaha hands Bellamy a tablet with an article pulled up. It shows a picture of a man on a stage, a screen behind him showing the world burning.

“A doomsday cult?” Bellamy asks incredulously. “They built a bunker?”

“That's right. The Second Dawn. Their whole theology was based on riding out the end of the world.” 

“And why didn't you consider it?” Raven asks, suspicious.

“We couldn't prove it existed.”

“So why are you considering it now?” I say through gritted teeth. Why won’t he just get to the point? 

“Because before now, we didn't need it. We can't be sure of anything unless we check it out.”

“No,” Raven says immediately. “No way. We need that rover for hauling pieces of a 3-ton patch we're build-”

“Yeah, but if he's right we don't need a patch,” Clarke interrupts. If steam could really blow out of someone’s ear, Raven would practically be a teapot by now. 

“Can I talk to you guys for a second?” she snaps. We walk a few feet away, Jaha still smiling at us like a crazy person. 

“Can you please remind Clarke what happened the last time Jaha went looking for salvation?” Raven looks directly at me, hoping I’m a good target. She’s wrong.

“Raven, if that bunker is real, we can save a lot more than a hundred people,” I reason.

“If it's not, we've lost another day.”

“ If it's not, Clarke and I will make the list.” Clarke looks at me sharply but doesn’t argue. It’s a good bargaining piece. We’ve won over Raven, though she’s not happy about it. 

“Do what you want. I've got a ship to seal.” With that and one last glare, she turns on her heel and storms into the ship. 

“I'll drive,” Bellamy volunteers. Clarke nods and heads to the Rover, but I hold back for a minute. 

“Bellamy, I-” I start. He smirks and cuts me off with a quick kiss.

“You’re staying with Adria and the other sick people?” he guesses. “I knew you would, princess. I’ll fill you in on the bunker when we get back, okay?” I smile and wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him down for another, longer kiss.

“You’re the best,” I tell him. 

“Yeah, I know.” He kisses me again before I can laugh at his teasing. 

“Be safe,” I say softly. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

He jumps into the Rover and pulls away. I stand and watch until the dust clouds the vehicle from view before I head back into the ship, all the while thinking about how I got so damn lucky. 

Adria’s sleeping when I make it back to medbay. I busy myself with emptying the buckets and helping to clean up some of the blood. Abby and Jackson seem grateful for the help. The thing they really need is medicine, but only Raven can give them that. 

“Cam, are you okay to help Jackson while I go see Raven?” Abby asks me as I’m scrubbing the blood out of a blanket.

“Whatever you need,” I tell her sincerely. She smiles and leaves the room. I finish cleaning up the blanket. What now? The room is as clean as it gets, most of the Grounders are asleep. Jackson waves at me to get my attention. It’s almost a relief.

“We need to start lowering infection in the lesions,” he says, showing me a syringe. “I think you should treat Adria. You’re the best bet at keeping her still.” 

“Whatever you need,” I echo my earlier statement. Jackson launches into an explanation of how to properly inject amoxicillin. It’s not too complicated, mostly just making sure not to move too fast or accidentally push air bubbles into the bloodstream. Still, I’m jittery when he hands me the needle.

I sit down by Adria’s bed side. Her eyes flick open slightly when I take her hand. 

“Ha yu lin?” I ask her.  _ How do you feel? _ She doesn’t speak at first, gathering her strength. Her voice is raspy when she finally forms words.

“Ai melon laksen.”  _ My head hurts.  _

“Ai’s na sis au, sef em na laksen kom liwa, ku?” I say gently.  _ I’m going to try to help you, but it will hurt a little, okay?  _ Adria straightens her back and nods, showing me how brave she is. I can’t help a smile, but it quickly fades when I shift her arm slightly and position the needle. Jackson is watching me intently from the other side of the room. Slowly, carefully, I slide the needle into her skin. Adria winces but doesn’t cry out, to her eternal credit. 

“Yu dulam os,” I murmur absently, just trying to fill the silence. “Mous odon.”  _ You’re doing great. Almost done.  _ Finally, the syringe is empty and I pull it out of her arm, quickly pressing a small cotton swab in its place. Jackson takes the needle and disposes of it, giving me a reassuring smile as he does. 

Abby comes back a few minute later, empty-handed. Apparently, Raven is ruling over the medicine cabinet with an iron fist. I know she’s trying to do what’s best, but boy, she’s been getting on my nerves lately.

“So what then?” I ask, trying to control my tone. “We just don’t do anything?”

“We don’t have a choice,” Abby says gravely. I look back at Adria, her blistered skin, the blood staining her teeth. We can’t just let her die.

“I’m going to go talk to her,” I say determinedly. Abby sighs but doesn’t try to stop me. 

I don’t make it a foot down the hallway before crashing into someone. Stumbling back, I start to apologize until I recognize him.

“Murphy?” I ask incredulously. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Nice to see you too,” he grumbles. “You looking for these?” He holds out a bottle of pills and shakes it slightly, rattling them at me. I snatch it out of his hand and inspect the label. Delactivene. The medicine that Jackson was talking about. Murphy smirks at my shocked expression.

“I didn't know how many you needed, so I took it all.” When I still don’t move, he shoves my shoulder lightly. “What are you waiting for? Go.” 

Before I fully make the decision to do it, I’m pulling Murphy into a hug. He freezes for a second before returning it hesitantly, like he’s not sure what to do. Fun and unexpected fact: John Murphy gives very good hugs. 

“Thank you,” I say softly as I release him. He nods awkwardly.

I run back into the infirmary, brandishing the pills. Abby and Jackson come over to find out what’s happening. When they see the pill bottle, they mimic my surprised expression from earlier. 

“Where did you-” Abby starts.

“Murphy’s back,” I say impatiently. It’s all I have to say. Abby gets out a single dosage of the precious pills and hands it to me.

“Give it to the child first, and if it works, we’ll give it to the others.”

I grab a cup of water and go to Adria’s bed. Jackson comes too, helping her sit up. She looks at me nervously when I show her the pills.

“Adria, it's ok,” Luna rasps from her bed. “You can trust them.” I guess I’ve been using Trig for no reason this whole time. Oh, well. More important matters are at hand.

“It's like food. Just put it in your mouth and take it down with the water,” Jackson explains. I gently give Adria the pills and tilt the cup to her lips. A few sips of water and it’s down. 

“What about the others?” Nyko asks.

“We'll monitor Adria closely for the next few hours. If her symptoms improve, then we'll treat the adults,” Jackson says. He looks over at Murphy, sitting by the door. “His father got floated for stealing medicine to save him. Who knew he had it in him?”

I think about Murphy saving our lives in Polis, cutting Abby down from the noose, pumping Ontari’s heart to keep me from dying in the City of Light. Whoever Emori is, she must have had a bigger impact than I thought. Or maybe Murphy’s always been good at heart and Emori simply brought it out of him.

We all wait, tense and anxious, to see if Adria begins to feel better. She doesn’t. If anything, she gets worse. Coughing fits seize her more often, she shakes and shivers, blood spatters out of her mouth. Eventually, when we realize her time is coming fast, Jackson and I move her to Luna’s bed. At least she can die in the arms of her mother. Luna murmurs soft nothings in Trig. The rest of us sit in silence as we prepare for the end.

Adria’s breaths become rattling and hoarse. Her pulse is weak. I look sadly at Luna. In between our eyes, everything is communicated perfectly. Luna takes a deep, shaky breath and begins to whisper something to Adria. I can’t hear every word, but every now and then I’ll catch something. She’s speaking of the waves, the lull of the water. Adria’s rattling breaths quiet, and finally go still. The tears that I had been fighting back push their way down my face, splattering the bed.

“Yu gonplei ste odon, strikon,” I say with as much strength as I can. My voice cracks anyway.  _ Your fight is over, little one.  _ Luna lets out a sob and grasps for Nyko’s hand. I drop my head into my hands, taking a shuddering breath to collect myself. 

And then I remember. The little fish.

I reach into my pocket with shaking hands and pull out the toy.

“Luna,” I say softly. She looks up at me. “Adria left me a gift when we were on your rig. I think it belongs to you now.” I open my hand and show it to her. The metal catches some of the dim light in the room. Slowly, Luna reaches out and takes it. She examines it for a second before another round of sobs wracks her body. I stand up. This is not my place anymore. Luna will grieve among her people.

I go back to Bellamy’s and my room for a shower, to wash the blood from my skin and my clothes. There, with the cool water rushing over me, I allow myself to cry more than just a few tears. The water washes away an evidence of my breakdown. With six months to survive and me as a leader, I can’t allow myself to appear weak. The people look to me for strength. So I cry alone in the shower. As soon as I step out of the icy stream, I force the tears to stop.

I am strong again.

The sound of an engine outside startles me. Bellamy’s back. I throw on some clothes and run outside just in time to see the Rover pull into the hangar bay. A second later, Bellamy jumps out and jogs over to me, catching me in a hug. I wrap my arms tightly around his shoulders and bury my face, enjoying the simple pleasure of being with him. He loosens his hold on me just enough to make room for a kiss.

“Well?” I ask, slightly breathless. He shakes his head silently. Just like that, any hope I had is stomped out. Because now I know what I have to do.

We have to make the list.

Clarke’s already in the office when we arrive. Files and tablets are scattered around on the desk. Wordlessly, I sit down across from her and start numbering a piece of paper. One hundred spaces.

“Let’s start with the obvious,” I say. Abby Griffin and Eric Jackson take up the first two spaces. Thelonious Jaha, Raven Reyes. One look at Bellamy and I pen in Octavia’s name. After that it gets more difficult as we deliberate between job importance, health issues, age, every factor we can think of. Doctors, engineers, soldiers, we have to find a perfect balance. It’s gruelling. As the paper gets more and more filled, all I can think of is the 400 people we’re leaving out. People I grew up with, my friends, my  _ people.  _

Night falls and we’re still working on the list. Bellamy falls asleep on the couch. Clarke and I still work, lowering our voices so Bellamy can get the rest he needs. The paper is a mismatched mess of Clarke’s and my different handwriting, hers neat and mine more scribbled and messy. Every decision laid bare. 

Hours pass. Three spaces remain. Clarke silently takes the paper and adds in two names.

_ Camellia Lane _

_ Bellamy Blake _

And then she stops.

“Now yours,” I urge. She looks at me with eyes filled with tears. “Clarke, you have to be on this list. These people need you. Bellamy and I need you.”

“I can’t,” she says weakly. I grab the paper from her and write the final name.

_ Clarke Griffin _

“Now what?” she asks.

“Now we put it away and hope we never have to use it,” Bellamy says, startling me. I didn’t notice him wake up, but now he stands and walks over to us, taking the paper and putting in a desk drawer. I stand to meet him.

“Get some sleep,” I tell Clarke. She nods a little bit. It’s the best we’ll get from her.

Bellamy and I go to our room. We don’t speak as we change into sleeping clothes and slip into bed together, wrapped in each other’s arms. I break the silence with a simple question. 

“Do you still have hope?” I ask softly. 

“As long as you’re still breathing.”


	49. Season 4, Episode 4: A Lie Guarded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: blood, stabbing, death, angst
> 
> word count: 1874

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> small chapter, big emotions

Clarke comes pounding on the door the next morning and orders us to come to medbay as soon as possible. Still half-asleep, I clumsily pull on pants and shoes, Bellamy in a similar state next to me. We stumble out the door to medbay.

Abby, Jackson, and Clarke are waiting for us. As soon as we step into the room, Clarke impatiently ushers us forward. I look around. All the Grounders are wrapped in blankets, faces covered.

All except one. 

Luna’s blisters are healing, she isn’t coughing, there’s no blood dried on her lips.

“Did you treat her?” I ask, confused. 

“No,” Clarke says simply, excitement in her voice. “She processed and rejected the radiation on her own. What’s the only thing separating her from the others?” I feel like a kid in a classroom, being prompted for the correct answer.

“Nightblood,” I realize. “It’s a cure?” Clarke nods excitedly.

“My mom, Jackson, and Raven are going to Becca’s lab with Luna to figure out how to produce it artificially. This is the way we all survive.” I can’t help matching her mood, beginning to smile myself. After the long night creating the list, we might have a cure for everyone. 

“So what are we supposed to do while they’re on the island? How do we help?” I ask.

“Raven told us to continue prepping the ship, just in case. Based on the schedule, that puts you two on a hunting party with Stephens today.”

“Sounds good,” Bellamy says. He takes my hand easily. “Let us know if you hear anything from the island?”

“You’ll be the first,” Clarke promises.

Bellamy and I go to prep for hunting after that. In the interest of saving bullets, I discard my usual rifle and sidearms for a sword and a few throwing knives. We’ve hunted with Stephens a few time before. He and Bellamy are both gun guys through and through, which means they’ll probably be on lookout instead of actually hunting. All the grunt work goes to lucky me. I insist that Bellamy take a spear along with his guns too, just as a precaution. He teasingly rolls his eyes but doesn’t argue.

“You know it’s a good idea,” I tell him as we head to meet Stephens by the front gate.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” he feigns exasperation. 

As we walk away from the weapons room, Bellamy bumps me gently, making me laugh. I elbow him back and jog in front of him, daring him to chase me. He does. Very quickly, might I add. We end up sprinting through the hallways and bursting through into the courtyard. I almost knock over an innocent pedestrian who just happened walk in front of me. While Bellamy laughs his ass off, I apologize profusely. 

“Very smooth, princess,” he teases. I punch him in the shoulder. Or at least, I try to. He catches my arm and pulls me to him, kissing me sweetly before I can say anything. I sigh lightly and lean into him. He smiles smugly against my lips. 

Stephens greets us at the gate and we leave without much small talk. The radiation will still kill a lot of the animals, if not all of them, so we need enough rations to make it until the ecosystem gets back on its feet. I grip a knife in each hand as we slip into the woods. 

The hunting grounds have been thinning lately. According to Raven, the radiation shouldn’t have reached us yet, so I’m not sure why. Maybe we’ve exhausted the land with no many hunting parties. Maybe the Earth itself is challenging us. Fight harder, earn your survival. As if we haven’t fought hard enough.

A small movement catches my eye. I scan the area and the surrounding bushes. A boar! I signal Bellamy and Stephens. They’re alert immediately, ready to cover me. I slide my knife into position slowly and methodically. We can’t afford to miss this catch. It’s too many rations to let slip through our fingers. 

I take aim.

Something smashes into me, throwing me to the ground. I scream, surprised, and then pained when he punches me hard, throwing my head to the side. A man is trying to pin me down. He grasps at my flailing arms, puts his weight on my torso. White face paint and white furs. He’s Azgeda. I don’t have a lot of time to contemplate what that means, but I know it’s bad. Oh, well. A problem for later. I kick my legs as hard as I can, throwing the man off balance. He loosens his grip on my hand for a second. That’s all I need. Twisting hard, I wrench my hand free and sink the knife into the warrior’s neck. His eyes widen in shock. Blood splatters, covering my face, coating my hair, some of it falling into my mouth. I shove the man off and scramble to my feet, looking around wildly.

Bellamy and Stephens are on their knees, bound and gagged. 5 warriors stand in a half-circle. They all look at me with a mixture of cruelty and surprise on their faces. The other knife weighs heavy in my hand. I can’t take all these people. A split-second decision later, I slip the knife up my sleeve and raise my hands in surrender.

“Jusplana,” one of the men mutters. That word again. I’m getting awful curious. “Tagon teik trutha.”  _ The name makes sense.  _ So it’s a name. I wonder what the Grounder think suits me.

An Azgeda woman wearing a mask roughly takes my wrists and pins them behind my back. I close my eyes, sending a prayer to anyone that might be listening that she doesn’t notice the knife. Apparently someone answers. The woman simply ties my hand and puts me on my knees next to Bellamy. He looks at me with concern and I realize I’m covered in blood. 

“I’m fine,” I tell him quietly. As discreetly as possible, I slide the knife out of my sleeve. It nicks my palm as it goes. When I have a solid grip on it, I flash it to Bellamy. His eyes widen in realization. 

As it turns out, cutting ropes off your hands while they’re bound behind your back is difficult. My wrist is bent at an angle that I didn’t know was possible. I’m at risk of dropping the knife at any second as it moves against the rope. Sweat forms on my skin, making my grip slick. The woman wrapped the rope three times. Three layers of rope to cut through. 

One layer splits. It’s so sudden that the knife almost slips out of my hand, but I recover at the last second. Okay, that’s progress. Two more layers. The Ice Nation soldiers won’t stand around forever, I need to move faster.

The second layer falls to the ground. Almost there, just one more. Please, please let me get this one more. I re-adjust my grip on the knife. The rope scrapes as I move my wrist. I’m probably bleeding at this point, but I barely feel it. Just a little more. 

The last layer splits and my wrists break free. I exhale shakily and tuck the knife back up my sleeve. Shifting slightly, I manage to brush my shoulder against Bellamy’s and get his attention. He scans me up and down, looking for injuries, before his eyes land on the pile of rope on the ground and my freed hands. I expected relief, maybe a smile, but instead he looks up at me seriously.

“No matter what, you get out of here,” he whispers fiercely. I’m taken aback by his tone. He doesn’t give me a chance to ask what he means before he rolls to the side and stands up. With one last look at me, he lets out a yell and runs forward, slamming into an Azgeda man and taking him down. 

He’s using himself as a distraction. He’ll get himself killed.

“Go!” he yells over the noise of the warriors. They’re all looking at him, fighting with his hands bound. I scramble to my feet and stumble backward. If I leave him, I can’t guarantee he’ll live. If I stay, we might all die. 

God, these choices. No matter what, someone’s in danger. 

Hating myself with every step, I run away. 

I don’t really know how long I run for. It couldn’t be very long, we weren’t that far from Arkadia, but it feels like forever. When I catch a glimpse of Arkadia over the trees, it always looks the same distance away. I’m getting no closer. My legs burn and my lungs struggle for air, but I don’t slow down. I have to get back, I have to get help. 

I have to save him.

I left him behind.

Bellamy, who never left me behind, who always came back for me. I abandoned him in Azgeda territory. A sob builds up in my chest. I press a hand to my gut, feeling the pressure there, and keep running. My steps start getting more and more uneven, my breaths more ragged. I don’t realize that I’m falling until I hit the ground. Drop of blood pattern the leaves where I land. Both mine and the warrior’s. That bastard probably re-opened the stitches on my face. I drag a hand across my cheekbone. It comes down stained a sticky red. 

It would be so easy to rest here for a little bit, to take a moment to breathe. But every second I don’t spend on Bellamy is another second where he could die. So instead of collapsing onto the leaves, I drag myself into a sitting position, then onto my knees, then stand up. I stagger for a moment, dizzy from breathlessness and blood loss. 

And I take a step. Then another one. And then I’m running again, hand still pressed to my stomach, steps uneven, but I’m running. I will save him.

The gates of Arkadia appear in the distance. Before I know it, I pushing through them. The guards try to help me, ask me if I’m okay. The amount of blood I’m covered with is probably disturbing. I brush past them. I need to find Clarke.

Luckily enough, she’s in medbay. I slam through the doors and stagger over to her. She looks up and her face immediately falls to concern and fear.

“Cam? What happened? Are you okay?” she says, running forward to catch me. 

“Azgeda took Bellamy.” My words come out slightly slurred but clear enough to hear. “They found us hunting and attacked us. Bellamy caused a distraction so I could escape. We have to find him, Clarke, we have to save him. I abandoned him.” A sob takes over me. Clarke rubs my back and tries to calm me as she maneuvers me over to a bed.

“Okay,” she murmurs. “Okay, we’ll find him. It’s okay, you did the right thing. You said he caused a distraction for you, right? This is what he wanted you to do. You didn’t abandon him, okay? You didn’t do anything wrong.” She pulls me into a hug, letting me rest my head on her shoulder. 

I will find him.


	50. Season 4, Episode 5: Tinder Box

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: blood and injuries, explosions, fire, arson? is that a necessary warning?
> 
> word count: 3147

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so we're on chapter 50??? i can't believe we're halfway through this series! that is absolutely insane and i want to thank everyone who has read and supported camellia's story, which i often affectionately refer to as "post-apocalyptic idiots in love." i hope to see you all for another 50 chapters!! i love you all <3

I gather myself in medbay. My sadness has turned into anger, which is infinitely more useful. I would march against the entire Azgeda army right now if it meant I could see Bellamy alive. Unfortunately, Clarke has taken it upon herself to keep me stable and in check, starting with re-stitching the cut on my face. I kick my feet and fiddle with my hands impatiently. My face is fine. This is a waste of time. We could be looking for Bellamy right now.

Only when I’ve been cleaned, stitched, and bandaged does Clarke allow me to leave medbay. She decides that we should go to the hangar bay to convene the guard and make a plan. While I wish we could go faster, she’s right. Bellamy has a better chance if we come armed and ready.

The yelling starts when we’re almost to the hangar bay. One look at each other and we both break into a run. My heart leaps as we do. Maybe it’s Bellamy. He could have escaped, he could be right down this hallway. The thought makes me run faster. We burst through the doors and assess the situation. One scan of the room reveals that Bellamy isn’t here. The other Blake is, however. A Grounder man holds her unconscious form in his arms. Harper stands next to them, looking frantic. 

“Octavia!” I cry breathlessly. “Get her on the table.” Clarke and I clear off a table messily, flinging things to the floor. The Grounder lays her down gently. 

“She just stopped breathing,” Harper informs us in an understandably panicked tone. “There's a stab wound in her belly. She's soaked in blood.” 

Clarke examines Octavia quickly before starting quick compressions. I feel helpless as I watch, unsure of what to do. The Grounder catches my attention.

“Who are you?” I ask him.

“Ilian kom Trishanakru. I was on my way home from Polis when I found her.” I have several more questions, but a weak cough distracts me. Octavia’s breaths are coming in rasping gasps. At least she’s breathing. I let out a relieved laugh.

“Octavia, you've lost a lot of blood, but you're home now,” Clarke tells her reassuringly. “I'm gonna help you.” 

Octavia tries to sit up and says something urgently in a low, scratchy voice. I shoot a confused glance at Clarke. 

“Azgeda is coming,” Octavia whispers, just loud enough for me to hear. “Army… marching. War is here.” With that cheerful message, she falls back onto the table. 

“Take her to medical,” Clarke orders. “Go. Start an IV, blood and fluids, and get a suture kit ready.” She turns to Monty. “Hey, I have to do this, but get Kane on the radio. Find out exactly what's going on.”

“On it.” Monty runs off somewhere. I grab Harper, who’s shaking and looks pale as a ghost. 

“Harper,” I say sharply. She looks at me finally. “Convene the guard. Miller's dad is ranking officer. Clarke and I will be there soon.” Harper nods and goes to (presumably) do what I told her. 

Clarke and I go back to medbay, where Octavia is laying on a bed, unconscious. The things that Clarke requested are on a table next to her. 

“Are you good to help me?” Clarke asks.

“I’m good,” I reply. Clarke smiles a little bit and goes to work.

The next 15 minutes are some of the most stressful and bloody minutes of my life. Clarke does most of the work, seeing as she’s actually had training, but that doesn’t mean I’m not very hands-on with the experience. Literally. Clarke has me hold the wound together while she stitches. My hands are dripping blood by the time she’s done. Clarke exhales deeply and sits back.

“Okay, she’s stable for now. I’ll get Niylah to keep an eye on her. Go to the guard meeting, I’ll be right there.” 

I wash the blood off myself before I go to the meeting. When I arrive, they’re gathered in a circle around a replica of the camp. Sergeant Miller is leading the meeting.

“We station gunners along the wall,” he’s saying when I slip into the circle. “That way, we can thin their numbers before they get a chance to close the distance.”

“And when they get close?” Harper asks. 

“Hydrazine. We buried what was left in the engines when we landed. It's being dug up right now. We're gonna pour it into the trenches. All we have to do is spread it in front of the outer wall. Then when the army gets close-”

“We light them up,” Riley interrupts excitedly. 

“That's right.”

“You want to light a fire outside the ship we just spent the last month getting ready?” I ask incredulously.

“That's not happening,” Clarke says. I didn’t notice her come in. “Any word from Kane?”

“No,” Monty replies grimly. 

“I have to speak to Roan. Something happened, some sort of misunderstanding.” 

“Clarke, if he wanted to talk, he wouldn't be coming with his army,” Harper reasons.

“Right, but there's only one way to get here from Polis,” I catch onto Clarke’s plan. “We'll ride out and meet him.”

“No, absolutely not,” Sergeant Miller argues immediately. 

“Actually, that might work,” Monty says. Okay, we’ve got the smartest guy in the room. That’s a good sign.

“Monty, what are you talking about?” Harper asks. 

“The Ice Nation thinks they have the element of surprise, but, thanks to Octavia, we do. Pike showed us how valuable that can be.”

Harper pulls a face. “You're citing Pike?”

“As awful as that sounds, yes.”

The plan unfolds easily after that. Clarke and I will talk to Roan. Why will he talk to us? Good question. You see, he doesn’t have a choice. Our snipers will be covering us the whole time. Roan can talk or die. I know what I’d do. We’ll figure out what happened, re-establish the truce, and get Bellamy back. Easy peasy. 

Monty drives the Rover. I volunteered to, but Clarke shut that idea down very quickly, saying something along the lines of “You would crash the thing and kill us all if you thought it would get you to Bellamy faster.” Or something like that. Can’t say she’s wrong though, so Monty’s at the wheel. 

I get more and more jittery as we approach the cliffs. Clarke and I don’t have weapons, in the interest of negotiation, and my hands feel very empty without a rifle. I don’t like Roan, I don’t like Azgeda, I don’t like people who take Bellamy away from me, and I don’t even get a gun? This mission sucks. 

The second Monty stops the Rover, I leap out and run to the ridge, hoping for a look at the army. A mass of soldiers far enough away that I can’t make out their faces greets me. With that reassuring imagery, I head back to Clarke. Our soldiers position themselves up on the cliffs. 

Now we play the waiting game.

I hate that game. 

Finally, after a million years, Roan appears over the ridge. Echo is on his right-hand side. The faceless army now has faces, and they’re all glaring at us. I try to look back intimidatingly. It probably doesn’t work.

Roan holds up a fist and the army stops. He and Echo have a low conversation that I can’t hear. I force myself not to fidget while they do. 

“We need to talk,” Clarke calls to Roan when his conversation appears to be over.

“Little late for that,” he calls back. The next sentence is a barked order. “ Reinja! Lok Wanheda en Jusplana in!”  _ Archers! Target Wanheda and Jusplana!  _ Goddamn, the stupid nickname again. I don’t have much time to think about it. 

At least 20 archers step forward and train their bows on us, sharp steel ready to fly at any moment. I glance up at the cliff tops. A second later, green lights dot Roan’s chest. He looks down at them, then up at the cliffs where our snipers are targeting him. The archers spin around in a panic, trying to find our people. 

Roan nods slightly to Echo. She turns and orders something I don’t quite catch. Movement stirs behind her as she steps her horse to the side slightly, revealing two people being led forward with bags over their heads. One of them wears a very familiar jacket and has a very familiar frame. My breath catches. The two prisoners are forced to their knees. Only then are the bags taken off.

“Bellamy.” It comes out as barely more than a whisper, though I’d almost call it a prayer. There’s a cut on his face, his hands are bound, he’s a prisoner on his knees, but he’s alive. Unconsciously, I take a step forward. Clarke grabs my hand and pulls me back.

“You can’t,” she says softly. I look at Bellamy again. He’s looking at me too, and I want nothing more than to run to him and hug him and kiss him and tell him I love him. But like Clarke said, I can’t. 

“Your move,” Roan calls to us. I glance at Clarke. She takes a deep breath.

“10 minutes,” she says. “That’s all I ask.” The moment of truth. We need him to talk to us.

Roan gets off his horse. Clarke and I breathe a collective sigh of relief right before she turns and starts to walk away. 

“Clarke,” I say quietly. “I don’t want to leave him.” It’s a moment of weakness, a show of emotion we can’t afford during a negotiation this important. Clarke looks at me with sympathy anyway.

“They won’t hurt him without Roan’s order, and Roan will be with us. Bellamy is safe for now.” A bold statement to make when Bellamy is chained in enemy hands, but she’s right. I nod a little bit and follow Clarke to the cave.

The cave is a smart tactical location. Yes, being out of our snipers’ sight is a risk, but we’re also out of Azgeda sight. It evens the playing field. Well, except for Roan’s weapons and our lack thereof.

Roan starts talking almost before we’re in the cave.

“I suppose you think you've got us right where you want us,” he says snarkily. Yeah, actually, I do, but that’s not the point. 

“Roan, we're allies. What are we doing?” Clarke asks. 

“We had a deal. You broke it.”

“I broke it? You nearly killed Octavia. You're holding Bellamy and our Chancellor hostage. You marched an army here to do what, exactly? Why would you kill us when you know we're all gonna die soon, anyway?”

“We're not here to kill you,” Roan says exasperatedly, like a parent to an unruly child. “We're here to take your ship, a ship you restored to save your people, not mine.”

Oh. That’s what this is about. 

“That ship is a backup plan. It'll hold 100 people tops,” Clarke explains. 

“Then you won't mind if we take it.” He walks leisurely to the other side of the cave. 

“Hey!” Clarke says sharply. “Before you took him hostage, did Kane tell you about the Nightblood solution?”

“He tried. Sounds to me like you're making the next Commander, also a violation of our deal.”

“I am doing everything I can to save everyone!” Clarke explodes. 

“No, you're not,” Roan yells back. “You grieve for Lexa, yet you've learned nothing from her. She was Trikru, but she rose above loyalty to clan. You tell yourself you have, too. The great Wanheda, the Commander of Death, who says she wants to save everyone yet builds a ship for herself, for her people.”

“The Nightblood solution will save everyone,” I cut in, attempting to keep some semblance of a peaceful negotiation.

“I don't believe in miracles,” Roan sneers, turning away again. 

“It doesn't have to be like this,” Clarke says desperately. 

“Yes, it does,” Roan shoots back. “The way I see it, you have two choices: tell your shooters to stand down, give us your ship, and use whatever time we have left to find your Nightblood solution, or tell them to open fire.”

“We have more bullets than you have men. You'll lose.”

“Maybe.” He looks pointedly at me. “We'll both take losses, Kane and Bellamy among them.” 

He’s trying to play me. To weaken me. 

Not a chance. 

“You think you can scare me?” I say fiercely, stepping up to Roan. “I left Bellamy in your hands once, what makes you think I won’t do it again? I was willing to sacrifice him to save my people.” The words burn in my throat. It was one thing to leave Bellamy, but to say I’d do it again, even though I’m lying, is another thing entirely. 

“And I was willing to sacrifice my mother to help you. Ain't we a pair?” Roan replies calmly. “Fight it is.” He turns to walk out of the cave. 

“Wait.” Clarke stops him. “What if we share it?” I look sharply at her. That’s not smart, and it definitely isn’t the plan. Roan stops and sits down heavily on a rock. Clarke sits down on another one across from him. After a moment of hesitation, I join her. 

“I’m listening,” he says simply. Clarke leans forward, elbows resting on her knees. 

“If we don’t solve the Nightblood problem, we’ll share the ship. Split the spots evenly between your people and mine.”

“50 spots apiece. I can live with that,” Roan agrees. Well, that was easier than expected. Except for the fact that 450 of our people could die because of this little agreement. 

“Can your people?” Clarke asks. “They wanted war.” 

“I'm a king, Clarke.” Roan chuckles and leans back. “I don't have to ask my people what they want. The real question is, how are you gonna sell this to your people? They won't be happy about losing half their seats in the lifeboat.”

“We don't need to be happy. We need to survive,” Clarke says coolly. Roan stands up, towering over us.

“If Skaikru won't follow you when the time comes to close the door, Azgeda will see that it gets done.” Clarke stands up too. I jump up after her, trying to look cool. 

“Let's hope it never comes to that.” Clarke extends her hand. Roan shakes his head and pulls out a knife. 

“Oso tai choda op kom jus.”  _ We bind ourselves with blood _ . He grips the knife and slides it down his palm, cutting deeply. Okay, so Lincoln neglected to tell me about blood oaths being a tradition. Clarke seems unfazed. She takes the knife and cuts her hand too. 

“Oso tai choda op kom jus.” They shake hands. I’m very pleased that they didn’t expect me to be in on their little pact. 

Roan starts to walk out of the cave, but something pops into my head.

“Wait, Roan,” I say, catching up to him. “Jusplana. What does it mean?” He actually smiles at me.

“It means ‘bloody queen.’ And as I’m sure you can guess, Bellamy is Jushefa, the ‘bloody king.’ You two are quite the legendary duo.” 

Huh.  _ Bloody queen _ . I think I can work with that. 

We leave the cave and head back to our people to tell them the new agreement. They won’t be happy, but at least they’ll live through the day. As we turn a corner onto a path, two figures approach us, a man and a woman. 

“Bellamy!” I cry, breaking into a run. He catches me easily as I launch myself into his arms. Emotions well up in me, regret and guilt and happiness and a million other things. A few tears drop down onto his shoulder. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” I say over and over. “I left you, I left you, I’m so sorry.” I’m shaking from adrenaline and emotion. Bellamy rubs my back gently and presses kisses to my hair.

“It’s okay,” he soothes. “I told you to go, you did the right thing. You saved us both, Camellia.” The words reach me slowly. He’s not angry. He says I did the right thing. He’s okay. After another moment, I release my embrace but still lean close to him. He slides an arm across my shoulders.

“So I take it we're not at war?” he asks. 

“Not today,” Roan tells him.

“And the ship?”

“If we can't crack Nightblood, we'll share Arkadia, find a way for us to survive together,” Clarke explains. As if on cue, a large explosion sounds from behind her, followed by a mushroom cloud. I flinch despite myself.

“It came from Arkadia,” Clarke realizes frantically. Those words alone send us all into action. We sprint back to our people, who are also scattered and confused from the explosion, and tell them it’s time to go.

“I’ll drive,” I volunteer. Monty is a cautious driver. I’ll get us there faster, though not quite as calmly. Bellamy nods and jumps into shotgun while the rest of our people load into the back, Kane among them. I barely noticed that he was a hostage too. I’m glad he’s okay. Once everyone’s loaded up, I hit the gas, and we’re on our way. Roan and Echo are on horseback behind us. 

The smell of smoke becomes thicker and thicker as we approach Arkadia. The fiery Alpha station appears over tree tops occasionally, but mostly we see smoke. Only when we break the tree line do I understand how bad the situation is. Alpha station is a shell of what it once was, consumed by fire and explosions, raining pieces of metal onto the terrified people below. As soon as I stop the Rover, I leap out and run straight towards it. Because I know there’s someone in there who I need to get out.

Octavia.

“She was in medbay,” I call to Bellamy as we run. People are pouring out of the ship still. I scan their faces, looking for Niylah and Octavia. The orange light and waves of heat don’t help at all.

“There!” Clarke points. A man is carrying the two women out. Bellamy and I run towards them. I grab Niylah and he grabs Octavia, and together we pull them away from the flames. Clarke takes Niylah from me to check her for injuries. After pausing a second to make sure she’s okay, I go back to Bellamy. Octavia grabs my hand. She’s shaking, crying, coughing.

“It was Ilian,” she rasps out. “I tried to stop him.” I look up at the man who dragged her out. Ilian. Why did he burn Alpha station, and why did he save Octavia? Tears gather in my eyes, and not just from the smoke. A loud explosion gets my attention. It seems to shake the very ground beneath my feet.

Alpha station breaks in half. 

This ship will save no one. Our lifeboat is gone. 


	51. Season 4, Episode 6: We Will Rise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: dead bodies, stabbing, blood, angst, smut!
> 
> word count: 5946

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me appearing after a week: you want some smut???

The hours following the explosion are hectic and action-filled. We’re up until the break of dawn assessing damage and trying to get people to the intact rooms. Medbay is filled with coughing and burned people. Luckily, it rains that night. All the fires are out. Half the rooms are burned or utterly destroyed though, and getting people re-situated is a nightmare. When it’s finally done, it’s all I can do to pull off my boots before falling into bed. 

Kane calls an emergency meeting the next morning, just Bellamy, Clarke and I. He tells us that Monty and some other engineers are continuing on damage assessment, but we know enough to tell that Alpha station isn’t a viable option for Praimfaya. Everything is going into the Nightblood solution. 

“You three, along with King Roan, will be taking the hydrazine we have to Raven tomorrow. She says they need to go to space to make Nightblood, I’m not entirely sure why. They’re very close to a solution. You just need to get the fuel there, unharmed. Understood?”

“Yes, sir,” we all echo. Kane nods at us.

“Dismissed.” 

We spend the rest of the day helping around the ship. Clarke goes to medbay, since she’s the best doctor we’ve got left, while Bellamy and I are on clean-up crew. As it turns out, “clean-up crew” is mostly picking up charred pieces of metal and trying to clear out some of the rooms that survived by were filled with debris. It’s rough, physical labor, but it keeps my hands busy and for that I’m grateful. Plus, I’m with Bellamy, which always helps. Every time I glance up from my work, he’s there with a smile. 

The day is long but rewarding. We cleared out three rooms and moved people into them. Three people with a restored sense of normalcy. And at the end of the day, I get to go back to my room with Bellamy, who is safe. Pretty good day, if you ask me. Except for the crushing guilt about leaving him. 

“So are you gonna tell me what’s happening in that head of yours or do I have to guess?” Bellamy asks out of the blue as we walk to our room. I glance up at him.

“It’s nothing,” I say quickly. Bellamy opens the door for me and follows me in. As soon as the door’s closed, he tugs my wrist and pulls me to him, arms around my waist, looking directly into my eyes. There’s nowhere to look other than him, and that means I can’t hide anything.

“Tell me,” he says quietly. “Please?” His voice is so soft, so tender, that any resolve I had melts away.

“I left you.” Tears prick at my eyes, there’s sandpaper in my throat. “I left you behind, Bellamy. I know it was the smart thing to do, but god, I can’t get it out of my head.” It’s all coming up now, all the guilt I’ve been suppressing.

“Hey, hey,” Bellamy soothes, cupping my face in his hands. “It’s okay, Camellia. I’m safe, and you’re safe, and you’re right. You did the smart thing. That’s all I’ll ever ask of you, to be smart, and to be safe.” There are a few tears in his eyes too. I give a small nod and a small smile to match. Bellamy presses a kiss to my lips. I sigh as I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him farther down to deepen the kiss. 

Bellamy walks me back towards the bed and sits me down, kneeling in front of me. When we break away, he sits back on his heels, hands running down my sides to my waist. The brush of his fingertips makes me shiver. He drops a kiss to my knee, then trails more kisses up my thighs. I instinctively thread my fingers through his hair. His resultant soft, throaty moan is definitely one of my favorite sounds. Bellamy picks his head up to kiss me fully on the lips, slipping his tongue easily into my mouth as he lays us both back, his body over mine. I tug on the hem of his shirt a little frantically. He chuckles and pulls it off. Cue the instant gratification. I sit up a little and pull of my own shirt, my bra in quick succession. Bellamy pauses.

“God, you’re beautiful,” he praises. His hands come to my waistband, and after a look up to ask for permission that I grant very willingly, he pulls off the rest of my clothes and tosses them to the side. After taking a moment to appreciate his work, he dives back down into another kiss. It’s warm and soft and filled with passion, passion that is magnified by Bellamy’s hands traveling down my stomach to my thighs. I gasp into his mouth when his thumb brushes my clit lightly. He smiles and pulls away slightly, studying my reactions as his fingers move. My nails dig into his back as he slips a finger into me and crooks it slightly. 

“Bellamy,” I breathe out. His mouth drops to my neck, kissing and biting there, leaving marks on my skin. A few more minutes of his wonderfully sinful hands and I’m done, crashing over the edge in a series of moans and cries of his name. 

Bellamy holds me while I calm down and catch my breath. I tangle my hands in his hair and tug his face down to mine for a kiss. It’s messy and full of teeth and tongue but it lights the sparks in me that only Bellamy can light. He tugs my hair back gently, tilting my head up so he can kiss underneath my jaw. I let out a soft whine at the sensation and fumble at his belt buckle. Bellamy pulls back for a moment, concern in his eyes. 

“Are you sure?” he asks. “You don’t have to-” I cut him off with another kiss.

“I’m sure,” I promise him. His face softens and he smiles lovingly at me. I smile back and run my hands over his shoulders, down his chest, over his abs, back to his waistband, where I quickly unbuckle his belt. He catches my hands then and places them firmly back in his hair before pulling off his pants on his own. Understanding immediately, I tug on his curls, grinning to myself when he lets out a breathy moan. 

“Ready?” he asks hoarsely. 

“Please.” It comes out more like a gasp than anything else. Obligingly, Bellamy pushes into me, eliciting a moan from us both. My fingers tighten in his hair. He hits a spot inside me that makes me arch my back, pressing my chest to his. Bellamy’s soft noises are punctuated by praise, telling me how good I feel, how gorgeous I am, how much he loves me. I’m mostly incapable of speech, but every now and then I manage a response, a  _ please  _ or a whine of his name and after a while I stutter out a  _ Bell, I’m close _ . Without skipping a beat, Bellamy kisses me, though it’s more of a collision than a kiss, and God, he tastes like sweat and he smells like sex but underneath it all is  _ Bellamy _ and for a moment I’m drowning in it, in him, from his hands on my skin to his hair laced through my fingers, every part of him and suddenly, with that kiss, it all comes crashing down and there is nothing except warmth shooting across my body and Bellamy and I. 

Slightly unwillingly, I come back to reality after a little while. Bellamy has shifted so that he’s no longer on top of me, but rather by my side with his arms around me, gently stroking my back. He’s stunning like this, face flushed and pupils dilated and chest heaving. I close my eyes with a happy sigh when he presses his lips to my forehead. We just lay like that for a few blissful minutes. Eventually, though, the sheen of sweat on both of us begins to get uncomfortable, and a shower is in order. Bellamy slides an arm under my legs and keeps the other on my back, scooping me up easily and carrying me to the shower. I’m a little unsteady on my feet when he sets me down on the bathroom tiles. Everything feels a bit fuzzy, but in a good, warm way. The cool water clears my mind a little. Bellamy deftly untangles my hair, working shampoo into the knots until it falls down my back, smooth and clean. I hum contentedly as we bathe, happy to be close to him and to feel safe in his arms. 

Once we’re both clean and dry, Bellamy gets one of his shirts and slips it over my head, giving me a quick kiss on the nose afterward. The hem brushes my thighs as I slip back into the bed, patiently waiting for Bellamy to get dressed too and come hold me. He does so quickly, laying next to me and immediately opening his arms. I situate myself at his side, tucked into his arm, one of my legs between his, and tug the blankets up over my shoulders. When I’m settled, he leans down and kisses me gently. 

“I love you, you know that?” I whisper. Bellamy smiles and kisses me again.

“I love you too, princess.” 

We fall asleep like that, tangled in each others arms, happy in our little bubble of blankets and warmth and love. 

The next morning, we’re up before the lights have come on in the Ark. I’m very reluctant, for obvious reasons, but we both know the importance of this mission. Our people come first, like always. So I leave the comfort of last night behind and take on the weight of a new day. 

Monty, Roan, and Kane are gathered in the Chancellor’s office already when we arrive. I glance around for Clarke, but she’s not here yet. Kane nods in greeting as we join the circle around the table.

“Sectors, 3, 4, and 5 sustained the worst damage,” Monty says grimly. “We lost the server room, all of our processors, and life support systems, and half of our living quarters. Now, backup power will keep the lights on at night in the rooms that survived, but we'll have no heat or running water. And no way to restore it or reseal the ship before the radiation gets here.” 

“Is there any good news?” Bellamy mutters. 

“Well, no one died,” Kane says with forced brightness. Ever the optimist. 

“Forget the Ark.” Clarke joins the meeting with her usual air of command. “It was never gonna save us all anyway. We need to focus our resources on the Nightblood solution. Is the fuel loaded?”

“It's in process, but it isn't gonna be an easy ride,” Bellamy tells her. She glances around the table, looking for answers.

“What don't I know?” We all look at Roan. His people are the issue, so he can explain it. 

“With the secret of Praimfaya out, I sent Echo and my army back to Polis to keep the peace,” he starts.

“That's good. We need peace to distribute the cure.”

“More than half of them deserted on the way. With the end coming, they want to be home. I don't blame them.”

“Do you blame them for burning Trikru villages as they go?” Bellamy asks moodily. 

“That's funny coming from you,” Roan shoots back. Bellamy and Kane both tense and look at me, knowing I’m most likely to react.

“Enough,” Kane says quickly after assessing my murderous glare. “We know the woods are a war zone. After what happened with Ilian, I can't spare many of the guard to protect you.” Oh, right. The riot. I can’t exactly blame the people for wanting to kill him, but that’s not how we do things.

“My security detail can protect us,” Roan offers.

“Thank you. That's very generous,” Kane replies, always the diplomat. Roan looks visibly uncomfortable. 

“We are all in this together now,” he says weakly. I resist an eye roll. Bellamy tugs my hand slightly to get my attention.

“I'm gonna check on Octavia before we go.” 

“Want me to come or no?” I ask.

“It’s okay, I’ll meet you by the Rover.” He gives me a short kiss and leaves. I sigh. Octavia is killing him. She doesn’t understand how much he loves her, and how much he regrets following Pike. I hope she comes around soon.

Clarke stays to talk to Kane for a little while, so I decide to go help load the fuel. As I walk through the courtyard, the bustling of a working community surrounds me. Even with the Ark destroyed, our people work as hard as ever, and for the most part, they work peacefully. We underestimated them when we chose not to tell them about Praimfaya. 

Monty’s already by the Rover when I arrive. I shove his shoulder playfully in greeting, to which he responds with an exaggerated eye roll. 

“Make yourself useful and load the last barrel,” he teases. 

“Fine, I suppose,” I say with mock frustration before turning to help heave the barrel into the truck bed. It takes two other people to get it in place. The grease on the rim of it doesn’t help. I make a face and wipe my hands on my pant legs.

Clarke and Bellamy walks up a few moments later. I smile at him, but it turns to a concerned frown at his expression. The talk with Octavia must not have gone well.

“Bellamy and I will lead the way in the Rover. You and your men will ride in back with the fuel,” Clarke tells Roan. He starts to nod, but a one of his guards steps in. 

“The king of Azgeda follows no one,” he spits in a thick Azgeda accent. 

“It's all right, Seiku. Best we stay out of sight for now,” Roan says. Seiku doesn’t look happy, but he doesn’t argue. 

“All set?” Clarke asks Monty and I.

“Locked and loaded,” Monty affirms. “I do, however, feel the need to reiterate: you're about to drive the last 10 barrels of hydrazine known to man, a cargo which Raven needs every last drop of, through hostile territory packed with warring clans, over uneven roads where one serious bump could cause an explosion that would not only kill all of you but would wipe out mankind's only remaining chance for survival.” 

Great. No pressure or anything. 

“What could possibly go wrong?” Roan mutters.

The drive is tense and silent. I sit in shotgun while Bellamy drives, and Clarke is the back. The gravity of our mission, combined with Bellamy’s mood, creates a stifling atmosphere. Eventually, I can’t take it anymore.

“I’m sorry about Octavia,” I say softly.

“I’m fine,” Bellamy replies quickly, his voice blank. I’m not giving up that easily.

“Forgiveness takes time, Bell.” 

“We don't have much of that left now, do we?” I’m surprised by his tone, but I’m saved from having to respond. “Hang on. We got a situation.” Bellamy stops the Rover. A group of Trikru stands in the road, staring at us. Clarke pokes her head between the seats and looks out the windshield.

“Looks like a Trikru checkpoint,” she informs us. Bellamy grabs his radio and starts giving instructions to the truck behind us. 

“Wait,” I say suddenly, looking closer at the group. “It's not a checkpoint. They have wounded.” I push the door open and jog over to the group, hearing Bellamy’s protests behind me followed by the door opening and closing. He catches up to me and puts an arm around me protectively. A Trikru man comes to greet us.

“Jusplana, Jushefa,” he nods at each of us in greeting. Bellamy looks at me, confused. I shoot him a look that says  _ I’ll tell you later.  _

“What happened here?” I ask the man. 

“Azgeda burned our village to the ground. My father caught an ax with his leg and we can't stop the bleeding.” He gestures to a man leaning on a tree, groaning in pain. At this point, Clarke has caught up to us, and she runs over to the man. For a few moments, she just examines him. I look around the little group, and a straggler catches my eye. A little boy walking around the truck. I jerk my head towards him, alerting Bellamy. 

“There's nothing we can do,” I tell the man, grabbing Clarke’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. Could you clear the road, please?” Disappointed, the man nods.

“Everyone, move!” he calls to his people. They begin to disperse and we head back to the Rover. The man follows. “If you're headed to Polis, we could use a ride.”

“We're not headed to Polis,” Bellamy says shortly. 

“Broadleaf and Plains Riders are moving against Azgeda. We want in.” The man keeps pushing forward. I glance back to find him very, very close to me, close enough to smell his breath

“Azgeda! Azgeda!” the little boy screams, running away from the truck. Shit. We’ve gotta go. I move to jump into the Rover. The man grabs my shoulder, getting just enough of a grip to pull me back. Something sinks into my side. The bastard stabbed me. 

How rude.

I let out a strangled cry and wrench away from him, elbowing him hard in the gut. He stumbles back and I scramble into the Rover. 

“Go!” I yell. Bellamy floors it, and we’re off again.

I manage to keep my injury quiet for a while longer. We just need to make it to the island and Abby can fix me up, there’s no need to worry. Soon, though, my hand is covered in a glove of sticky crimson and I’m light-headed. At this rate, I’ll pass out soon. 

“Hey, Bellamy,” I say timidly. “Promise not to freak out?” He looks at me sharply.

“What the hell did you do?” he demands, more concern than anger in his voice.

“Okay, so the Trikru guy stabbed me a little bit.” The end of my statement is cut off when Bellamy slams on the brakes and I lurch forward. Next thing I know, he clambers into the back and carries me with him, sitting me down on a seat and kneeling in front of me. 

“Why are we stopped?” the radio crackles. Clarke slides into the front seat to explain that Bellamy is simply having a minor heart attack over the amount of blood on me. 

“Bellamy, I’m fine,” I protest. “We need to keep moving.” 

“Clarke can drive,” he says without looking up. “And you’re definitely not fine. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” The Rover lurches forward. I look up to see that Clarke is indeed driving. God help us.

“I didn’t think it was that bad,” I offer a weak excuse. Bellamy slides off my jacket and pulls the hem of my shirt up, sucking in a breath when he sees the wound.

“Jesus Christ, princess,” he says hoarsely. I immediately feel bad. I would want him to tell me if he was hurt, but I kept it from him.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. Bellamy’s hands, that were working on first aid, come to a halt. He looks up at me sadly. 

“I’m not mad, Camellia, I’m just worried. You got stabbed, for Christ’s sake, and you didn’t say anything. It could have been so much worse than this. If I lost you…” He takes a deep breath, the kind you take to clear your thoughts, then continues. “I need you to promise you’ll tell me thing like this right away. Please promise me that.”

“I promise,” I say quickly. Bellamy manages a smile as he goes back to getting me bandaged up. When he’s done, he presses a kiss to my forehead.

“You’ll probably need real stitches later, but for now this should work.” 

“Thank you,” I tell him sincerely. It’s thanks for so much more than just a bandage, and I know the Bellamy understands that. He gives me a real smile. 

“Anytime, princess.” 

Bellamy sits in the back with me for the rest of the ride, an arm around me and a hand carding through my hair. Any worry I had about him being angry at me has dissipated. He’s not angry. He is rarely truly angry, to be honest, which is one of the reasons I love him. I’m angry a lot, and it sort of balances out.

The Rover slides to a halt again. For a moment I think we’ve arrived, but then I look through the windshield and see light reflected off of water. A river. Dammit. Cautiously, Bellamy helps me to my feet and opens the door for me. I roll my eyes at his pampering at first. Then I jump out of the Rover and nearly black out from the jolt of pain that goes through me. Bellamy catches me before my knees hit the ground and leans me against the Rover door.

“Take it easy, got it?” he says sternly. I smile and give him a mock salute.

“Yes, sir.” He shakes his head exasperatedly but grins anyway.

Roan comes around from the truck and takes in our new predicament.

“Ice melt. I'll find us a place to cross upstream.” He starts to walk off. 

“Wait,” Clarke stops him. “Take the Rover. You'll cover more ground and it'll be safer.” The last part is said to me and Bellamy. Right. We’ll have to drive.

“With him?” Bellamy asks incredulously. Clarke shrugs. 

“We have to get across the river. The rest of us will stay here and guard the fuel,” she says. Bellamy sighs.

“We won't be long,” he says finally. “Eyes sharp.” With that, he carefully wraps his arm around my waist and half-walks, half-carries me into the shotgun seat of the Rover. I guess Roan will be sitting in the back. After checking that I’m not going to bleed to death through my bandages, Bellamy closes the door and walks around to the driver’s seat. 

It doesn’t take long to find a crossing place. The river isn’t moving very quickly, the water is low, and the ground is high. We find a place where the water is basically just a puddle. Bellamy and Roan get out to investigate, but it’s pretty clear that this place is going to work. 

“Clarke, come in. We found a crossing. Over,” Bellamy radios. He pauses, waiting for a response, but none comes. “Cargo One, do you read me? Over.” Still nothing. “Clarke, come in.”

“Something’s wrong,” Roan realizes. Bellamy moves first, opening my door and helping me out.

“What’s happening?” I ask, confused. 

“You’re going in the back. You can’t fight and we don’t know what’s happening out there.” I start to protest, but think better of it. If we’re attacked, Roan has a better chance of surviving than I do right now, and there’s no windows in the back. Instead of arguing, I allow Bellamy to help me into the back seats. He presses a gun into my hand.

“Just in case.” 

The drive back is hell. Bellamy’s going fast, obviously, but that means a bumpier ride. Every single jolt goes straight to the stab sound. I know that if I show any pain, he’ll slow down, so I keep my mouth shut. He can’t slow down. It could kill Clarke and the guards. We go over a particularly large rock and I nearly bite through my lip. 

Finally, the Rover slides to a halt. I drop my hand from where I had it pressed to the wound without realizing and take a deep, shuddering breath. Bellamy glances back to check on me, and after I give him a reassuring smile, jumps out of the Rover to look around. I give myself ten seconds to sit still and let the pain subside before banging open the Rover’s back door and jumping out. Yes, I know, bad idea. I nearly crumple to the ground from pain but catch myself at the last moment. When the spots clear from my vision, I get my balance again and walk out to where Bellamy and Roan are standing.

“Over here!” Roan calls, running into the water and dragging something back.

A body bag.

My breath catches. It could be Clarke. 

Bellamy leans over, hesitates, then pulls it open in one quick motion. Decidedly not Clarke. It’s the Azgeda guard, the outspoken one.

“Seiku,” Roan confirms. “We both know who did this. Trikru.”

“Where the hell are the others?” I ask. My voice is surprisingly weak. Both men look up like they just noticed me, and Bellamy rushes to my side and gets an arm around me, steadying me. I lean on him gratefully.

“They took the truck to go to Polis. That means at least one of yours is still alive,” Roan realizes. That’s all it takes to send us all running back into the Rover. 

Bellamy backtracks the Rover into the trees. The plan is to get back to the Trikru “checkpoint” and go from there. Roan says he can track, and truck wheel imprints should be pretty easy to follow. I’ve been confined to the back again. It’s the safest option, but the two alpha males are in close quarters and I can practically feel the testosterone in the Rover.

“We have to get to them before they get to Polis with that fuel. They'll use it to make bombs. They'll kill everyone,” Roan says grimly. 

“You mean they'll use it to kill Ice Nation,” Bellamy corrects snarkily. “All you care about is your own people.”

“Yeah, like you're any better. That's all anyone cares about.” Roan pauses, then glances back at me for a moment. When he speaks again, though, it’s undoubtedly to Bellamy. “Except maybe your girl back there and Clarke.”

“His girl has a name, thank you,” I snap. Bellamy chuckles. 

“Wait,” Roan says suddenly, pointing at something. The Rover comes to a halt. 

“They left a body,” Bellamy informs me. “We need to see if we can pick up their trail.” He turns to Roan expectantly, but the other man doesn’t move.

“Trikru burn their dead. They're still here.” Roan looks around the woods. “Back up now.”

“There is no one here,” Bellamy argues frustratedly. “They've taken the truck and the fuel. If you're such a good tracker, go track.” I’ve been glancing back and forth between them like a tennis match, but a loud thud draws my attention upwards. 

Trikru. They’re swarming us from all sides. Banging on the doors, trying to break the windows. I grasp at my gun and point it at the back door. If they’re getting through, it’s gonna be through there.

“You were saying?” Roan growls over the noise. A warrior reaches through the window bars and tries to grab at Bellamy, but his gun stops the attempt. 

“I don't want to shoot you,” Bellamy yells. “Where's the truck, and what have you done with it?”

“Give us the king,” the man yells back. A particularly loud banging sounds from the back door and I steel myself, gun raised. 

“Bellamy,” Roan says suddenly. 

“What?” Bellamy demands. 

“Truck's not here.” 

“How the hell do you know?” I yell. 

“Because everyone does what's best for their own people. It was my men who took it.” I start to scoff, but then what he’s saying hits me. That makes sense. His men don’t trust us, and we’re carrying rocket fuel to make Nightblood. I’d steal it too. 

“Hold on,” Bellamy calls, throwing the gear into reverse. The force of the movement throws me against the seats. Ouch. The seat’s edge digs into my stab wound. I bite my tongue hard enough to taste blood to keep from crying out.

Roan is silent as we search for the truck. His people have betrayed him because they didn’t trust his judgement. There is no greater way to fail as a king. I almost feel bad for him. 

Almost.

“There it is!” Bellamy says suddenly. Sure enough, the truck is a spot in the distance up ahead. We accelerate quickly. I’m ready this time, bracing myself on the seats. After a moment, if I lean forward, I can make out a figure on the truck, guarding the fuel. He catches a glimpse of us and his face contorts into rage.

“What’s he doing?” Roan asks. I squint. The man is shoving the barrel forward, nearer and nearer to the edge. 

“Weaponizing the fuel,” I realize, panicking. 

“You said we need every drop,” he protests. 

“We do!” Bellamy yells. 

“So get me as close as you can.” With that, Roan climbs into the back and stands up through the turret, pulling himself out of the Rover and onto the roof. 

“You gotta be kidding me,” Bellamy mutters. He shifts gears again and we accelerate even more, bringing us right next to the bed of the truck. 

“Now!” I call up to Roan. A muffled yell and a heavy  _ thud  _ comes from outside, which I take to mean he made it onto the truck. Very reassuring. I grab my handgun and clamber into the front seat, trying to hide a wince when I twist and the stab wound pulls painfully, and plop into shotgun. From here, I can see Clarke, driving the truck with a knife to her throat. She glances down and makes direct eye contact with me.

“Give me a clean shot!” I holler before turning to Bellamy. “Get in front of the truck and pull to the side.” He looks at me like I’m crazy but doesn’t argue. I probably am crazy, to be honest. Hopefully it’s the kind of crazy that works instead of getting us all killed. 

The tires slide through the grass as Bellamy pulls the Rover to the side, my side facing the truck. I push the door open as far as possible and lean out, gun aimed at the truck’s windshield. The man forcing Clarke to drive is too close to her though. Maybe I could make this with a rifle, but with a handgun, I’d kill her too. 

“Come on,” I mutter. “Come on, Clarke.” 

Clarke jams her elbow into the man’s neck and throws him off her. I adjust my aim ever so slightly and fire. Blood spatter the windshield. Clarke smiles at me. 

“Brake!” I yell. Clarke’s smile fades to panic as she slams on the brakes. The truck keeps sliding, coming in hot towards the Rover. Bellamy’s arm come around my shoulders and he pulls me back, half in my seat and half in his lap. The truck comes to a halt about two feet away from where my head just was. 

We made it. 

Bellamy starts chuckling first. I give him an odd look, but after a moment I break too and start laughing with him. We made it. 

Roan and Clarke take the fuel truck, and Bellamy insists that I ride in the Rover with him, not that I was arguing. With the amount of people who’ve wanted to kill us in the past day, I’m not real eager to be separated from him. His free hand is on my thigh while he drives, and we are safe. 

The water appears, reflecting the dim light, and we’ve arrived. It’s beautiful, calm and lightly lapping at the beach. I’m almost reluctant to get out of the Rover and disturb the serenity.

“We’re here,” Bellamy radios. He gets out on his side and comes around to mine. I take his hand gratefully and step out as gingerly as possible. My wound has been hurting more and more and I imagine I’ve bled through my bandages at this point. Bellamy keeps an arm around my waist as we stop at the water’s edge.

“I'm gonna take the Rover back to camp,” he says quietly. I glance up at him, curious at first, but then I realize. 

“Octavia?” Of course he needs to go back to her. I don’t know why I didn’t think about it sooner. Bellamy nods a little bit.

“It's pathetic, right? She hates me but I keep coming back for more.” The pain in his voice twinges at my heart.

“Octavia doesn’t hate you. She hates her circumstances, and she hates herself for losing Lincoln, and I think she’d like to hate you, but she doesn’t.” I reach a hand up to Bellamy’s face, tilting his head down to look at me. “She loves you. She’ll come around and see how special you are.” Bellamy smiles gratefully and tilts his head to place a kiss on my hand. 

“We've got a problem,” Roan calls. What now? Bellamy and I head over to the truck. Roan stands on the bed of it, gesturing at one of the barrels. An arrow sticks out of the base. 

“Trikru arrow.” Roan kicks the barrel onto the ground. It’s lid falls off, rolling to the side. And it’s empty. The weight of this hits me physically. I lean on Bellamy, seeking support. 

“I’ll radio the island,” Clarke says, visibly steeling herself.

Bellamy helps me lean against the Rover and goes to help Roan unload the rest of the fuel. The rest of the barrels are intact, but we all know it won’t be enough. Almost all of my hope is gone. The key word here is  _ almost.  _ Hope is the human condition.

Jackson comes on the boat, appearing on the horizon. It’s time. The fuel is loaded, Clarke and Roan get on, and then it’s just me and Bellamy on the shore. I have to go. I want to stay.

“I could come back with you,” I say softly. Bellamy smiles sadly and shakes his head.

“Our two best doctors are going to be on that island. You need their help.”

“I know, I just had to try.” There’s a ghost of a joke there. Neither of us laugh. Instead, Bellamy takes my face in his hands and kisses me. It’s long and slow and sweet. I lift my arms and wrap them around his shoulders, pulling him farther down to me. His hands leave my face and travel down to my hips to draw me ever nearer. We’re as close as we can be and it still feels too far. 

When we break away, he leans his forehead down to mine. I cup my hand on the back of his neck, my thumb brushing the curls of his hair. Tears prick at my eyes. I swallow hard.

“Don’t go soft on me, princess,” Bellamy teases, his voice soft. I manage a teary laugh. For a moment, we stand there in quiet, preparing to part. 

“I love you.” My voice comes out as a whisper. It’s all I can manage. “Forever,” I add fervently.

“I love you forever,” Bellamy echoes before kissing me again.

He walks me onto the boat, making sure not to strain my wound, and gives me one last quick kiss before releasing me. There’s something psychological about the last brush of our hands as the boat departs. As soon as there isn’t anymore physical contact, the dull ache of his loss sets in, even when I can still see him. The ache is still there when he shrinks and finally disappears from my view, when the island appears on the horizon, when I step onto the shore. It will be there with me until I see him again. 

“Forever,” I whisper to myself. 

Across the water, Bellamy Blake is getting into the Rover and going back to his sister. 

“Forever,” he says.


	52. Season 4, Episode 7: Gimme Shelter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: stitches, fighting, blood, angst, human experimentation
> 
> word count: 3113

Jackson escorts Clarke and I into the lab while everyone else unloads the fuel. I give myself a pass for helping because of the whole stab wound thing, and Clarke wants to check on her mom. 

The lab is, in short, awesome. It’s a bright, sterile white with enough tools and gadgets that Raven could probably spend her entire life here without getting bored. There’s a radio set up off to the right, but I won’t use it very much. Jackson took one look at our boat, notably lacking Bellamy, and gave me the portable walkie. It’s set to a private channel that Kane apparently granted to us when Bellamy got back to camp. I’ve clipped it to my belt securely and intend to keep it in my sight always. 

“This is Becca's main research lab, but there are 5 other levels,” Jackson tells us as we approach the top of a flight of stairs. 

“Incredible,” Clarke says reverently. Down at the bottom of the stairs, Abby turns around at the sound of her daughter’s voice. She grins widely. Clarke and I make our way down, me much slower and leaning heavily on the railing. 

“I'll go check on Raven and Luna.” Jackson gives us another reassuring smile and walks away. 

“Where's Roan?” Abby asks.

“He's unloading the fuel with the others. I just needed to see my mom,” Clarke tells her.

“And I need stitches,” I attempt to joke. Abby looks over, apparently just noticing the blood stain on my shirt, and immediately goes into doctor mode. She goes to grab a suture kit while Clarke sits me down firmly on a table.

“We don’t have any numbing meds,” Abby says apologetically, threading the needle. I shrug. I’ve been through worse. 

Then the needle goes into my skin.

“Motherf-” I start to say before Clarke cuts me off loudly.

“Is that Raven?” she asks, pointing at a brain scan on a screen next to us. I look at it, grateful for the distraction, as Abby pulls another stitch through. 

“She's sedated in the bio lab,” Abby affirms with a nod. “She had another seizure.”

“Is that...?” Clarke gestures at a pulsing point in the scan. 

“An ischemic stroke.”

“Well, that means it can heal, right?”

“Yes. As long as she takes it easy, she'll recover.” Abby ties off the thread and puts another bandage on the wound before looking up with a smile. “She's almost as stubborn as you are.”

“And you? How are you feeling?” Clarke pushes. 

“I'm fine,” Abby says with a dismissive wave of her hand. 

“Mom, I spoke to Jackson. He doesn't think you're fine. When was the last time you slept?”

“Oh, I'll sleep soon enough, one way or another.” Abby fiddles with a microscope and puts another slide under it. 

“What is that?” I ask curiously, my voice hoarse from holding back cries of pain.

“It's bone marrow. Luna's. A theory that Jackson and I agreed should remain untested.”

“What theory?” Clarke asks. 

“We can't create Nightblood unless we go to space. But Luna can. Theoretically, we can inject ourselves with her bone marrow.”

“Then we become Nightbloods.” Clarke nods in understanding. “Will it work?”

“I think so.”

“Then why'd you take it off the table?”

“Because the only way to know if it works is to test it, and that would mean…” Abby trails off. 

“Exposing someone to radiation,” Clarke realizes a second before I do. “Can we do that here?”

“Wait, Clarke, you can’t seriously be thinking about doing this,” I cut in incredulously. They both ignore me. 

“Yes. Becca was trying to find a cure for cancer using this radiation chamber.” Abby points out a large white chamber with a glass top. “We would have to expose a human being to enough radiation that would implode every single cell in their body. That's what's coming for us.”

“I know that, but you just said it. We have no choice,” Clarke says grimly. 

“No. We have to make a choice,” Abby whispers. 

“Who do we test?” 

“No one,” I interrupt again, more forcefully this time, staggering to my feet. Clarke opens her mouth to argue. 

“Emori, hey,” Jackson says from up the stairs. A girl I saw when we first got here but didn’t formally meet is on the platform above us. Emori, Murphy’s girlfriend. She’s pretty, long dark hair and an interesting tattoo on her face. 

“I'm heading up to the house,” Emori tells us. “Does anyone want anything while I'm up there?”

“Clarke, you and Cam should go with her,” Abby says, looking back at us. 

“No,” Clarke protests immediately. “I just got here. I want to be here with you and help.”

“There is nothing for you to help me with right now. It'll be 5 hours before the samples are even ready to be tested. Go, take a shower, and we'll figure this out when you get back.” 

“Come on, Clarke, a shower sounds pretty great,” I add. Finally, Clarke nods a little bit.

“Okay,” she says simply.

Emori is mostly silent as she takes us through the woods, glancing back every now and then to make sure we’re still there. She seems very guarded. I can see why Murphy likes her. Plus, it doesn’t hurt that she looks like she knows more ways to kill me than I can even imagine. That’s right up Murphy’s alley.

“Raven says the black rain will be here soon,” she says with forced casualness. 

“Raven's right,” Clarke answers. “I used to love the rain. Now it terrifies me.”

“I would have thought nothing terrified you,” Emori mutters. Clarke visibly draws back from her. 

“Did I say something wrong?” she asks timidly. 

“No. I just hate this island, that's all.”

“Murphy said you used to work here. Is that right?” Clarke pushes forward. I roll my eyes. The girl doesn’t want to talk. 

“Something like that.”

“Scavenging tech for ALIE?” Clarke asks. Emori shoots her a nasty glare. “I'm sorry. Too many questions.”

“Ignore me. I'm just upset that our mission here has failed. Hopefully your mother will come up with another way.” Emori looks Clarke up and down. “You're just like her. Willing to do anything to save your people. Skaikru's lucky to have you.”

“We're not just doing this for Skaikru.”

Emori doesn’t say anything else to us. She simply grabs her radio and checks in with Jackson before approaching the house. I can see Murphy through the glass door and hear the loud music from inside. 

As it turns out, Murphy is cooking. It’s a shocking visual, especially combined with the cookbook on the counter and his bad dance moves. He grins when we come in.

“You can cook?” I ask incredulously. 

“Why are all the good ones taken, right?” he responds with an over-exaggerated wink. I snort and shake my head. 

“A good randzi is rare. John would be celebrated by any clan,” Emori teases. She calls him John. Another weird thing. I’d almost forgotten his first name. 

“Yeah, he's a real catch,” I quip. Murphy grabs a spoon of whatever he’s cooking and offers it to me. It’s amazing. He’s just full of surprises today. Murphy laughs at my expression. 

“Uh-huh,” he says, clearly very proud of himself. 

“I'm gonna go get cleaned up,” Clarke says behind us. Right, the aforementioned shower. I’m suddenly hyper-aware of all the dirt and grime on me. 

“Yeah, let me show you where to go.” Murphy starts to head towards us, but Emori grabs him and pulls him back. 

“Upstairs. Down the hall,” she informs us curtly. Clarke and I share a glance. Dear God, I hope Emori doesn’t think I’m after her man. 

“Thanks,” Clarke says politely before walking away. I follow her quickly.

The house is no less fancy than the lab. Everything looks more luxurious than the entire Ark’s furnishings combined. Clarke finds an empty bedroom and bathroom and steps into them with a parting smile to me, leaving me on my own. Luckily there’s another room down the hall. Full-length mirrors line the walls, surrounding a lush white bed. The bathroom is off to the side. 

I set down my gun and pack and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. It’s startling, at the very least. My hair is messy and falling out of its braid, whisps and flyaways abundant, dirt and grease turning it shades darker than usual. The rest of me is in a similar state. It’s been a long time since I really saw myself. I’m undoubtedly myself, I look like Camellia, but there are differences. Any softness my body had is gone, replaced with the hard outlines of muscle. Someone took a knife to my face, carving away under my cheekbones, slimming my nose, sharpening my jaw. I used to have my father’s features. Now I have a warrior’s face, strong and sharp and hard. I’m not sure how I feel about that. 

I shake my head and go to the shower. My appearance should be the least of my worries. The bathroom is clean and white and bright. I look in the cabinets at first, grinning to myself when I see the sweet-smelling soaps, soft washcloths and towels, and best of all, a comb. Picking over the products, I greedily grab the ones that smell and look and feel the best.

The shower water comes out hot without even having to warm up first. A screen in the wall controls the whole thing. There’s about ten different faucets and shower heads. It takes a second to get the hang of it, in which I blast myself with all the faucets at once and then somehow manage to activate a steambath. Eventually, I manage to get three shower heads with gentle streams pouring over me. I sigh happily and bask in it for a moment before I actually get around to bathing.

Taking out my braid makes me a little sad, because I know Bellamy isn’t here to do it again, but the amount of grime in my hair overpowers my sentimentality. Working the comb through my hair is a hell of a process, but when it’s done I feel much better. 

Once I’ve cleaned myself thoroughly and sat in the warm water for a while just because I can, I finally exit the shower and wrap myself in the fluffy towel. Becca’s closets are well-stocked. I peruse the shelves for a moment before grabbing some soft pants, a t-shirt, and a sweater that looks like the comfiest fabric I’ve ever seen. When I’m dressed, the beautiful white bed is looking awfully inviting. Just as I’m about to lay down, Clarke comes running in.

“What the hell?” I ask, surprised. Clarke holds a finger to her lips. 

“There’s someone here,” she whispers. I immediately grab my gun and nod for her to show me. 

Murphy’s waiting just outside my door. He jerks his head down the staircase. Faint, muffled sounds of a fight get louder as we approach. I push in front of Clarke and Murphy, since I’m the one with a gun, and run into the kitchen.

The blood spattered on white tiles is the first thing I see. Emori is on the floor, fighting a large Grounder man on top of her. I try to line up a shot. It’s hard, considering the chances that I’d hit Emori are too high for comfort. Murphy makes a frustrated noise behind me and grabs a cutting board, slamming the Grounder upside the head. That works too, I guess. Clarke goes straight to Emori and helps her up. 

“Are you okay? Can you stand?” she asks worriedly. Emori looks right past her, where Murphy has the cutting board raised, poised to deliver the deadly blow. 

“Wait!” Emori yells. “He's mine.” She lunges forward to attack the man. Murphy catches her and holds her back.

“Get off of me,” she orders. “If we don't kill him now, he will kill us.”

“You know him?” I ask. She nods. Murphy releases her now that she’s calmed down a bit. She glares at the Grounder with a frightening intensity. 

“Baylis.”

“She's lying. You don't know me,” the Grounder spits. Emori gets in his face, hissing her words at him.

“You said you'd kill me. Well, guess what, planhaka, I'm gonna kill you,” she growls. The man moves to crawl away. I aim my gun at his forehead. 

“Don’t move,” I order icily. 

“Just let me go,” Baylis pleads. “I'll leave the food, and you never have to see me again.” I glance at Emori for a moment, gun still trained on the man.

“Is he alone?”

“Not usually. Where are the others?” she demands. 

“I don't know who the hell you think—” Baylis starts. Emori backhands him, sending more blood onto the kitchen floor. 

“Emori!” Clarke reprimands. Emori turns her glare onto Clarke. 

“You don't know what he did to me.”

“No, and you can tell me about it, but please, Emori, if he's not alone, we need to know now.” Clarke is in full planning mode now. “Cam, give Murphy your gun and tie Baylis him up. There's a medicine cabinet upstairs. Can I fix this? Murphy won't let him go anywhere. Will you, Murphy?” 

“Not a chance,” Murphy agrees, pulling a cord out of the wall and tying the man’s hands. “We're gonna have some fun.”

“Fine. Tie him up. But when he's done talking, the kill is mine.” With that, Emori stalks past Clarke upstairs. 

Murphy and I get the man tied to a chair in the living room. He doesn’t speak to us, but there’s a permanent sneer on his face. Probably think he’s better than us, stronger than us. Little does he know what we’ve done, and God help us for what we will continue to do to survive. For a moment, I’m looking forward to Emori getting back. To seeing his blood paint the floor once again. The thought startles me. Maybe I really am Jusplana, the bloody queen. 

My walkie crackles from my belt. I grab it immediately.

“Camellia?” Bellamy’s voice asks. “Camellia, come in.” I glance at Murphy and the bound prisoner.

“Go,” Murphy says before I can even ask. “I got this.” I nod my thanks and head to an empty bedroom to talk.

“Hey, Bellamy, I’m here,” I say, sitting down on the bed.

“Camellia,” he says again. It’s the only word he manages to get out before I hear a broken sob. Panic starts to rise up in me.

“Bellamy?” I ask frantically. “What’s wrong? Talk to me, Bell, what’s going on?” 

“The black rain’s here,” he manages to say. I gasp sharply. “It’s bad. It burns your skin. It killed people at Arkadia.” At Arkadia? He’s not there?

“Where are you?” 

“Rover. Do you remember Peter, one of the kids?” 

“I think so.” Peter. He was a non-violent offender. Not a big troublemaker. I can pin a face to the name, but it’s a little blurry.

“He and his dad were on patrol. They got stuck in the rain. I was trying to get to them but-” Bellamy pauses. I hear another soft sob. “Got stuck in the mud. The suit’s wrecked from fire damage, I wouldn’t survive the trip to dig out. I radioed, told them I couldn’t get to them, and they went silent a little after that. They’re dead. I couldn’t save them.” He breaks down fully after that. I hear a banging sound, he must be hitting the dashboard. I choke back a sob of my own and lift the radio again. 

“Bellamy, please listen to me,” I plead. The banging sound stops. “This isn’t your fault. You did your best. You went out into radioactive rain, in a damaged suit, to save two lives. You’re so brave, Bellamy, and you’re so good, and I’m so proud of you.” My voice is breaking along with him, and a few tears have escaped my eyes. 

“Octavia left,” he says dully. “I left you there for nothing. I can’t protect anyone.” I squeeze my eyes shut and try to hold back more tears. My Bellamy, my love, is in pain and I don’t know how to help him.

“You’ve protected me. You protected the kids before the Ark came down, and even after that. You protect our people. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you, Bellamy.” There’s a long pause before he speaks again.

“What do you see?” he ask softly. 

“I see a boy who came to the ground to protect his sister. I see a leader who kept us safe at the risk of his own life. I see a hero who went into Mt. Weather to help his people. I see a guard who did his best to do what was right for his people. I see a man who means the world to me. I see  _ you _ , Bellamy, and I’m so sorry that you feel like you’ve failed, but you haven’t.” The last part is spoken with a ferocity I didn’t intend. Bellamy is silent for a moment.

“It’s all you, you know that?” he says finally. “I’m better than what I used to be, and it’s all because of you. All to be enough for you.” The words pull at my heart.

“You were always enough for me,” I whisper. “I love you. No matter what, forever, I’ll love you.”

“I love you more than anything,” Bellamy replies. “Forever.” 

Clarke appears in the doorway. Her expression becomes concerned when she sees the tears on my face, which I hastily wipe away. 

“Bellamy, I, uh, I have to go. Are you- are you going to be alright?” 

“Don’t worry, princess, I’m much better now.” I can hear a small smile in his voice, which is a welcome relief. 

Clarke takes me back to the lab. Emori, Murphy, and Roan are there, along with Abby and Jackson. And on the table…

“Baylis?” I realize. “What the hell is happening?” 

In answer, Abby holds up a syringe of black fluid. Luna’s bone marrow. They’re testing Baylis.

“No,” I say immediately. “We aren’t doing this.”

“We have to,” Clarke says softly. “If this works, we survive. Simple as that.”

“It could also kill a man painfully,” I snap. “Are we really experimenting on a human being?” 

“We have to,” Clarke says again. I step away from her, from the table, from the syringe.

“I can’t stop you from doing this, but I’m not taking part in it.” With that, I push past the crowd of onlookers and out of the lab. 

How the hell did we get here?

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and Comments are appreciated <3


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